Overall, lots of improvement over D1. Nice job. It seems to have gone astray a little in certain places, though. Suggestions below, some larger than others. On next pass, make sure fun, natural kid dialogue and clarity comes through. Thanks!
Hi everyone! This story made me look forward to the summer and our farmer's market where they sell some amazing peaches. One overall note regarding the sharing and eating of peaches. Not sure how to do this, but we really should be modeling washing the fruit before sharing and eating it. Or at least acknowledging that has happened in dialogue. And we definitely don't want them sharing a single peach. Each kid should have their own piece of fruit to eat. Let us know if you have any questions about this. More specific notes below.
1. Ext. Elinor’s backyard - daytime
Notes are below...nicejob trying to keep the cycle of seasons in the story as it evolves.
It’s a late summer afternoon and ELINOR, OLIVE, and ARI are
playing FRISBEE in the backyard. Elinor gets ready to throw.
"Lines 1-8:
I think we were better off starting the episode with the kids picking peaches and having fun with that activity with visual action, and then eating some and deciding to share them. Somewhere in the middle of that activity, do the note about the weather and seasons. That will make the episode more focused. Not sure where the frisbee scene came from, or why we need it."
Elinor
Olive, catch! (
then
) Oops!
Elinor misfires and it flies towards Olive, but too high. Olive holds her arms up as the frisbee approaches.
Olive
It’s too high, I can’t reach it! (
realizing
) Unless...
"Line Count - 121 (cut one line)
Elinor - 40
Ari - 37
Olive - 24
Farmer Bear - 14
Deputy Mouse - 3
Koa- 3"
CU:
The frisbee gets nabbed out of the air by Olive’s trunk. REVEAL: Olive holds the disk proudly in her trunk.
Ari
Great catch Olive! (
looking
at his nose) I wish my nose could do that.
Olive tosses the frisbee towards Ari with her trunk, right on target. Ari shuffles back and forth, ready to catch it.
Ari
(CONT’D)
I’ve got it, I’ve got it!
But as Ari is about to catch it, a COOL BREEZE blows through the yard and lifts the frisbee over Ari’s head and into the nearby PEACH TREE. The kids <SHIVER> against the breeze.
Lines 5-6: This is a good way to introduce the topic, but Olive's line feels too long. Suggest break it up and add one or two more lines of dialogue to this exchange.
Elinor
Brrr
! Why is that breeze so cool? It should be
hot
in the summer.
Olive
Summer’s almost over. Fall will be here soon, that’s why it’s getting cooler. And then after that - winter!
Ari
Then we better play all the frisbee we can...
while
we can!
Ari flies up into the tree and lands next to the frisbee and SEVERAL PEACHES (10). Elinor and Olive run to the base of the tree. Ari retrieves and tosses the frisbee down. He’s about to hop down when he notices the peaches and smacks his lips.
It seemed odd that Ari would just assume he can pick and eat Elinor’s peaches. He really should ask Elinor who in turn should probably be asking her parents if they can pick and eat the fruit.
Ari
(CONT’D)
Mmmm
... Who’s hungry for a snack?
Would be great if we heard some “pleases” and “thank yous” in this dialogue.
Elinor
A fresh peach? I’d love one!
Ari tosses two peaches to Olive, then a third to Elinor. He flies down and Olive gives him a peach. They dig in!
Lines 10-12: A little more back and forth on the yumminess like in D1 would be good. They don't have to compete, but some fun back and forth in the same style would be good to motivate the episode more.
Elinor
(CONT’D)
Mmm
! Peaches are so
good
!
I like the word "juicy" instead of yummy because "yummy" is opinion and Juicy is a descriptive word that helps givet he meaning of "ripe". I think it is OK to say yummy some but consider substituting it with Juicy sometimes.
Olive
Yeah! Mine is super yummy too!
Ari nods in agreement, mouth too full to say anything. As the kids finish their snack, Ari looks at the remaining peaches in the tree (around 10 peaches).
Ari
That was so yummy, I wish I could eat more. But I’m way too stuffed.
Elinor brightens with an idea!
Again, seems like they should be asking parents about picking all the peaches and sharing them with others around town.
Elinor
I know! Let’s share some of these peaches with our friends.
Olive
Yeah, then everyone in Animal Town will know how yummy they are.
Ari (nodding)
If you can’t eat it, share it.
Elinor and Olive reach up (Olive with her trunk) and each grab a peach. As they place them in a nearby PEACH BASKET, Ari flies into the tree to get more.
CU:
2 peaches in the basket. MATCH WIPE TO REVEAL: 10 peaches in the basket. PULL OUT: Elinor places two more peaches in the basket (12 total). The gang doesn’t notice the tree is BARE behind them.
Maybe here they note that the basket is full, and that's why they stop picking peaches.
OLIVE
We’re ready for a peachy delivery!
They should probably carry the basket between two of them. 12-14 peaches is a lot for one kid.
Elinor
Let’s hop to it!
Ari grabs the basket and the gang runs off.
2. ext. Animal town - downtown
The gang arrives on the MAIN STREET and Ari places their basket down. JOE MOUSE and GEE
RAFFE
approach.
Elinor
Deputy Mouse, would you like a fresh peach?
This cynicism doesn't quite fit our show. Make this fun and right for the character, but lighter and not cynical.
The concept that they would be free if they were bad is above preschool level. It might be nice if be just comments on how thoughtful they are.
Joe mouse (unsure)
Hmm, you’re giving away peaches? For free? What’s wrong with them?
Elinor
(
giggles
) Nothing’s
wrong
with them. They’re fresh from the tree in my yard.
Olive
Yeah, we ate some and they were
so yummy
we wanted to share them.
Joe Mouse peeks into the basket.
Joe mouse (warming up)
Well, they certainly do
look
yummy.
Ari
Wait until you
taste
one.
Ari tosses Joe a peach. Joe looks at it curiously for a half beat then takes a bite. His eyes light up! Olive tosses a peach up to Gee
Raffe
who takes a bite and smiles brightly!
Joe mouse (brightly)
You’re right, kids... this
is
one delicious peach, thank you. Please proceed with your peachy keen deeds.
Gee
Raffe
and Joe continue on, clearly enjoying the snack.
Elinor
(
giggle
) I can’t wait until
everyone
gets to try a peach!
Ari sees MZ. MOLE and MR. RACCOON walking towards them.
Don't park them in one spot to hand out peaches, have them go around the town. Otherwise it's odd that they are parked, and then they go around?
Ari
Then let’s get peaching!
PLAYFUL INSTRUMENTAL MONTAGE MUSIC starts as...
3
. Ext. Animal town - various locations - montage
DOWNTOWN (same location as above):
The gang hands out more peaches to TOWNSFOLK as they pass: MZ. MOLE, MR. RACCOON, MR. PIG, MR. MOOSE. Everyone looks extremely happy and grateful for the snacks. The gang share a high five and run off with the basket. WIPE.
CLUBHOUSE -
The kids approach and knock on the clubhouse door. MARY pokes her head out of a window and Ari gives her a peach.
LIZZIE
pokes her head out of
the front door and Elinor gives her a peach. After a beat
MIRO
appears above
Lizzie
and
TITO
appears below her. The gang give them peaches as well. The kids look delighted and wave their thanks as the gang runs off.
WIPE
.
SALLY’S HOUSE -
MRS. BEAVER is building a BIRDHOUSE with SALLY.
The kids
sneak in and
place
two
peach
es
in her TOOLBOX.
MRS. BEAVER
reaches for a
tool
and grabs
the
peach
es
instead. Briefly confused, she spots the
gang
and
smiles as she hands a peach to Sally
.
Sally takes a bite and offers her friends a big smile as they run off.
WIPE
. END MONTAGE.
4. Ext. soccer field - continuous
The gang arrives at the soccer field where KOA,
SILAS
, ASHLEY, and
BODIE
are kicking a BALL around.
ari (calling)
Who wants a peach?!
The kids put a stop to their game and run over.
KOA
Peaches?
Yum
! I sure need a snack after all that running.
Silas
, Ashley, and
Bodie
nod in agreement.
Why would they come to the field with an empty basket? Have them come to the field with 2 or 3 peaches, and give to some kids (ashley, silas, maybe also bodie) and then they run out for Koa and another friend.
ELInor
Then get ready to enjoy a fresh...
Elinor reaches into the basket, but...
CU
REVEAL: it’s empty! Elinor, Olive and Ari share a <GASP>!
Olive
Oh no! The basket’s empty.
We thought that Ari's line, "Peach pits!", seems a little clever for his age and this show.
Ari
Peach pits! We ran out of peaches before we ran out of friends.
(to
their friends
)
Sorry
everyone
.
The friends slump
.
Koa
Aw
, I was really looking forward to a fruity treat.
the word "always" feels too strong. Delete
Elinor
(brightly)
Don’t worry, we can
always
get more
peaches
from
my
peach tree.
We’ll be right back..
.
c’mon
gang!
K
oa
and
friends
perk up as
the gang
bounds off.
5
. Ext. Elinor’s backyard - conTINUOUS
The kids run into the backyard and, seeing something O.S.
(
the
EMPTY PEACH TREE),
Elinor skids to a stop with a <GASP>! Her friends stop next to her and look to see... the peach tree is completely bare!
The basket drops from Ari’s hand.
This surprise is too sudden. Have them come back, look for peaches all over the tree, but not find any. They figure out there aren't any more.
Ari
Huh? Where did all the peaches go?
Elinor
Oh... w
e must have picked them all and not noticed.
This feels like the wrong motivation. Try, "Uh oh, but we still have lots of friends that wanted to try the peaches!"
Olive
H
ow are we going to deliver peaches
if there aren’t any peaches left on the peach tree
?
Add to the beginning, "How can the tree run out of fruit??"
Ari
Yeah, I thought fruit trees
always
have fruit... that’s why they’re called
fruit
trees!
After this line, have Elinor and Ari join her for a beat while they wait for peaches to grow. This is kind of a funny opportunity.
This is cute.
Olive
Hmmm
... I bet more peaches will start growing soon.
(she sits under the tree)
Maybe we should just wait for more.
Elinor
But who knows how long that will take? It could be
hours
! Koa and the rest of our friends are waiting for peaches
right now
.
Don't feel this is the right response. Try more like, "How long is it going to take?" "Yeah, it could take days!"
Ari
We must be able to get fresh peaches somewhere... but where?
The gang considers, Elinor has an idea.
the word "always" feels too strong. Delete
Elinor (brightly)
I know where we can
always
get fresh peaches
-
Farmer Bear’s farm!
Ari palms his forehead in realization.
Delete second sentence.
ARI
Of course! Farmer Bear has
loads
of peaches.
This feels too ambitious. Try, "Yeah, she probably has lots of peaches in her farm."
olive
She’ll have so many peaches, I bet we’ll have enough to bring them to
everyone in town
.
Ari scoops up the basket, eager to go.
Ari
Then what are we waiting for? Peaches here we come!
Ari runs off with Olive and Elinor hot on his heels.
6
. Ext. Farmer bear’s farm - entrance - a little later
FARMER BEAR loads PRODUCE into her TRUCK as the kids arrive.
This is a bit too urgent. There's no REAL emergency, and the kids at home will know that. Delete the third sentence.
Elinor
Farmer Bear! Farmer Bear! We have a peachy emergency!
Spell out their motivation, something like, "We wanted to share the peaches from Elinor's peachtree, but we ran out."
Ari
We were delivering peaches to our friends when we ran out.
Then, "Yeah, and the tree doesn't have any more peaches."
Olive
Yeah, so we went back to Elinor’s peach tree to get more, but there wasn’t a single one left on it!
Change to something like, "But we remembered that you have peaches here in your farm. May we see your peach trees?"
So, may we please see your peach trees?
Elinor
But we remembered that there are
always
fresh peaches at your farm. So, may we see your peach trees?
Farmer bear
Certainly. (
pointing
) They’re just over there, but-
After this line, Farmer Bear should just look confused, speechless, not chuckle.
Elinor
/ ari / olive
Thanks Farmer Bear!
The kids run off eagerly before Farmer Bear can finish. She <CHUCKLES> to herself and resumes loading.
7
. Ext. Farmer bear’s farm - orchard - contINUOUS
The gang arrives at
a PEACH ORCHARD. T
he PEACH TREES are bare except for ONE PEACH on a lone branch.
In disbelief, t
he kids
walk
towards the peach
.
Ari puts down the basket.
This happened too fast. Have the kids arrive, check that the trees are peachtrees, but… they don't see any peaches.
Elinor
Huh?
Even at the farm, a
ll of the
peach
trees are
peach-less!
E
xcept for this one.
Olive
Oh no
!
Is this the last peach
ever?
A
ri hops into a defensive stance: arms out, back to the peach. His eyes dart right and left protectively.
Ari
If it is, we can’t let anything happen to it!
Ari looks behind the tree suspiciously, then dive rolls back to the peach and hops up in a kung-fu stance.
Ari
(to peach)
(CONT’D)
Don’t worry, I’ll protect the peach...
Hiya
!
Elinor and Olive <GIGGLE>.
Elinor doesn’t know this (how can she?). Instead, move the breeze and the falling of the peach (line 57) to here (after hiya!), THEN have Elinor wonder: "This can't be the last peach ever. But then, why don't any of the trees have peaches growing on them?"
Elinor
It’s okay, Ari, I’m
sure
that’s not the last peach
ever
.
Ari
<PHEWS>
and relaxes.
Elinor
(CONT’D)
But we need to figure out
why
more peaches aren’t growing.
Suddenly, a COOL BREEZE blows through again, strong enough to shake the peach free from the tree. Ari springs into action! He dives and catches the peach before it hits the ground. He hops up and holds the peach proudly.
Ari
Told you I’m a peachy protector.
Elinor and Olive <GIGGLE> when a second breeze makes them all <SHIVER> against the cool air.
"Lines 58-60: This transition feels forced. Once we engage Elinor's curiosity back in line 55, we have to follow through. This makes it feel like a distraction. Not sure starting with one recollection, then embarking on the investigation and then doing the other two recollections is working. Suggest they embark on the investigation, and then do the three recollections in a row.
From line 55 and after ""Why don't any of the peachtrees have peaches in them"", have Olive say: It's a peachy mystery.
Then Ari says a funny comment.
Then Elinor has an idea: let's see if we can figure it out. We need more observations!
But how? There aren't any peaches to observe.
Hmm... She looks at the trees, then ""I know, let's think about other times we've had peaches.
Ah, we can observe by remembering.
Elinor says ""I'll go first..."" and then continue to line 60-63."
Elinor
Brr
! These breezes are really chilly.
59 & 60 seem really old sounding.
olive
Yeah, it’s too bad that the warm summer days are almost over.
Elinor
(
sigh
) I miss the warm weather already. I remember just the other day...
As Elinor recalls, PAN UP to a THOUGHT BUBBLE.
THOUGHT BUBBLE: Elinor is playing with a HULA HOOP in her backyard while her PARENTS work in the GARDEN. The peach tree is FULL of peaches.
Elinor
(CONT’D)
...it
was so hot that I could barely even hula hoop!
Elinor, clearly hot, drops the hula hoop and wipes her brow. RANGER RABBIT notices and walks to a SMALL TABLE holding a plate with TWO PEACHES and SEVERAL PEACH SLICES. She picks up a slice and brings it to Elinor.
Maybe add “juicy peaches”?
Elinor
(CONT’D)
But that’s when my mom gave me a peach from the tree, which was
full
of peaches.
Elinor eats the peach slice and feels rejuvenated! She picks up her hula hoop and resumes playing.
PAN DOWN to the gang.
ElinoR (CONT’D)
It was a great way to cool down so I could keep
hula-ing
and hooping!
Olive (considering)
Hmmm
... Did you say your tree was
full
of peaches?
Elinor nods and realizes.
Change to something like, "Yeah, it was hot and the tree was full of peaches."
Elinor
You’re right, I
did
say that
.
Hmmm
... I wonder why the tree had peaches
then
but not
now?
(
then
, brightly) We need more observations!
Lines 66-68: Can delete these lines.
Ari
But what can we observe? There aren’t any peaches left.
He holds up his peach protectively.
Ari
(CONT’D)
Except this one.
This could be clearer. Maybe “That’s true, but maybe it would help if you think about the last time you at peaches.”
Elinor
That’s true, but if you two
remember
the last time you ate peaches, I think that can help us.
Change to, "My turn! Let's see, one time I remember eating a peach was…"
Olive
Good idea. Let’s see, the last time I remember eating a peach was...
As Olive recalls, PAN UP to a THOUGHT BUBBLE.
In THOUGHT BUBBLE, Olive sits in her front yard, looking up at the STARRY NIGHT SKY.
Change nights to weeks, and "warm out" to "summer"
Olive
(CONT’D)
...a few nights ago. It was warm out, so I was looking up at the evening stars without being cold.
OLIVE’S MOM exits the door with TWO PIECES OF PEACH PIE. She sits next to Olive and gives her a slice.
OlivE
(CONT’D)
My mom made a pie with fresh peaches she got that day, and when we were just about to dig in ...
Above them, a SHOOTING STAR zips through the sky. Olive and her mom see it together and <GASP> and point! Olive’s mom puts her arm around Olive and pulls her close.
Olive
(CONT’D)
We saw a shooting star!
Olive and her mom share a smile and each have a bite of pie.
PAN DOWN to the gang. Olive is beaming.
Olive
(CONT’D)
I’ll never forget
that
peach pie.
Change second sentence to, "Hmm, one time I remember having a fresh peach was…"
ari
That sounds amazing, Olive! (
then
, thinking) Hmm, the last time I had a fresh peach was...
As Ari recalls, PAN UP to a THOUGHT BUBBLE.
In THOUGHT BUBBLE, Ari (wearing a SWIMSUIT), runs out of the SHALLOW LAKE to join his PARENTS for a PICNIC on a TOWEL.
Change "weekend" to "month" and add "…for our summer vacation" to the end of the first sentence.
Ari
(CONT’D)
...last
weekend when I was at the lake with my Mom and Dad. It was so hot, I spent the whole morning swimming.
ARI’S MOM hands him a peach slice from a PICNIC BASKET.
Ari
(CONT’D)
My hands were so slippery from the water, that I dropped my lunch!
Ari can’t keep hold of the peach slice. He juggles it a few times before it drops into the sand. He looks at it sadly. Ari’s mom hands him another slice from the basket.
Ari
(CONT’D)
Good thing my mom brought
lots
of fresh peach slices.
Ari brightens and happily chomps the new peach slice.
PAN DOWN to the gang.
Ari (matter of factly)
(CONT’D)
I spent the whole afternoon swimming, too.
Elinor and Olive <GIGGLE>. Elinor considers and realizes...
Probably would be good to say, “We all remember eating fresh peaches when it was warm in the summer.” (Helps with later realization about warm weather)
Elinor
That’s
soo
interesting! We all remember eating fresh peaches
in the summer
. Does anyone remember eating fresh peaches any other time of year? In the winter maybe?
Ari (thinking)
Um
...
fresh
peaches in the winter? I don’t think so.
Change "I've never" with "now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever had a fresh peach in the fall or the spring, either."
Olive (thinking)
Yeah, I’ve never had a fresh peach in the fall or the spring, either.
Too definitive. Change to something like, "Maybe peaches only grow in the summer."
Elinor
Then that’s it! Peaches must
only grow in the summer
.
"Add ""that's why"" after ""and""
Then add a line for Elinor after this one: ""ELINOR: But Why do peaches only grow in the summer?"""
Olive (realizing)
And they’re not growing anymore because summer’s almost over!
Ari brightens with an idea!
Ari
Oh!
Maybe peaches only grow in the summer because it’s
warm
.
So, i
f we warm up the trees, they’ll grow more peaches
!
Ari runs over to a peach tree and wraps it in a hug.
Ari (CONT’D)
Hugs
always
warm me up.
Elinor and Olive share a shrug.
Elinor
It’s worth a try.
Elinor and Olive join Ari and wrap the tree in a hug. Farmer Bear approaches
with a BASKET she places on the ground
.
Farmer bear
Ahhh
, you love the tree so much you’re hugging it - that’s
soo
nice
.
Ari
We do love the tree, Farmer Bear, but we’re not just hugging it
, we’re trying to warm it.
Farmer bear (confused)
Warm
the tree? Why?
Too definitive. Change to something like, "We think peaches only grow in the summer when it's warm. So we're trying to warm up the tree."
Elinor
Peaches only grow in the summer when it’s warm.
Farmer BEAR
(Chuckles) That’s a great idea. I’m afraid it doesn’t work
quite
like that
, though
.
Elinor and Olive r
elease the tree
, Ari keeps hugging it
.
Change "in the summer" to "certain times of the year."
Farmer bear (CONT’D)
But y
ou’re absolutely right
that peaches only grow in the summer
. It’s called being “in season.”
Might be better if says, “Oh, so peaches are in season in the summer?”
Elinor
Oh, like peaches are “in season” in the summer
?
Change to, "Exactly! Lots of fruits and vegetables have special seasons they like to grow in. For example, strawberries, corn and melons only like to grow in the summer.
Farmer BEAR
Exactly! Lots of fruits and vegetables, like strawberries, corn, and melons, are in season only during the summer too.
Pan up to THOUGHT BUBBLE. SIMPLE ANIMATION shows an ILLUSTRATED ELINOR in an ILLUSTRATED SUMMER GARDEN surrounded by PEACH TREES.
"General note: don't focus on Seasons with in season fruits. That's confusing. Instead, focuse on different fruits and veggies having special times they like to grow. E.g. Change this line to ""Other fruits like X, Y and Z like to grow in the spring.""
Then add line for one of the kids, ""Do any veggies or fruits like to grow in the winter?"""
I know I encouraged you to focus on fruits in different seasons but now with the story changes I feel like it might be goodforFramer Bear toshare what happens to the peach tree in different seasons. Fall the pits fall on the ground and some new peach trees will begin to grow. Winter the trees loose leaves and rest.In the spring flowers bloom and then turn to fruit for next summer! This would support lines 99-100 which I think are lovely
Farmer bear
(CONT’D)
All seasons have
“in season” fruits and vegetables
. For example...
As Farmer Bear speaks, the ILLUSTRATED ELINOR walks through the garden, which transitions through the seasons (SUMMER, FALL, WINTER, SPRING) which feature the produce
FB
mentions.
Then change this line to, "Why yes, A, B and C like to grow when it's cold out. And D, E and F like to grow in the spring."
Farmer bear
(CONT’D)
Peaches in the summer... apples in the fall... cabbage in the winter... and radishes in the spring!
Now in SPRING, the illustrated Elinor plucks a RADISH from the ground and smiles. PAN DOWN to the gang.
Elinor
I love fresh radishes in the spring!
Delete the word "fresh" in first sentence and add it at the end after "something": "something fresh and delicious"
Consider making a straight forward statement rather then a If/then statement
Farmer bear
Me too! If you eat fresh fruits and vegetables when they’re in season, there’s always something delicious to eat.
Ari
So, even if I hug the tree... it won’t grow more peaches right now?
Change to, "Sorry, Ari. Once summer is over, peaches won't grow anymore."
Farmer bear (shaking her head)
Sorry, Ari. Once summer is over, peaches aren’t in season anymore.
Ari releases the tree and looks at it sadly. Farmer Bear cheers him up!
Farmer BEAR
(brightly)
(CONT’D)
But don’t worry
,
the trees will be full of
peaches
again next summer. And every summer after that.
Ari brightens! He holds up the peach.
Ari (relieved)
(Gasp!) That means this
isn’t
the last peach ever!
FB
nods. Elinor looks at the peach and realizes.
Change to "Oh no… we were going to give fresh peaches to Koa and our friends, but now we have to tell them to wait until next year!"
The “oh no” feels a bit out of place after Ari’s positive line. Maybe “But we were going to give fresh peaches to Koa and all our friends. What do we do if we have to wait until next year?”
Elinor
Oh no
.
..
we were going to give fresh peaches to
Koa and
all our friends, but if we have to wait until next year, what do we do now?
Maybe add “And some ripened early and are ready to eat!” to make clearer
Farmer BEAR
Well,
you’re in luck!
It’s almost fall, so a
pples are nearly
in season
.
And some ripened early!
Farmer Bear shows them her BASKET, which is full of APPLES.
Farmer bear
(CONT’D)
Think your friends would enjoy fresh apples instead?
She unloads apples from her basket into the kids’ basket.
Elinor / ari / olive
That’s perfect! / Apples?
Yum
! / Thanks Farmer Bear!
Elinor scoops up the full basket and the kids run off.
8. Ext. SoccER FIELD - A LITTLE later
Koa and friends all stop playing and run to the gang as they arrive.
Elinor
Who wants a snack?
They toss apples to Koa,
Silas
, Ashley, and
Bodie
. Koa beams.
Koa
Apples? Awesome! I like peaches, but I
love
apples. Thanks!
The kids take a happy <CRUNCH> from their apples. Elinor and her friends beam with happiness.
Elinor (to ari and olive)
We’ve still got lots of fresh apples to deliver, let’s go!
MUSIC STARTS as the gang runs off, waving to their friends.
9
. Ext. Animal TOWN -
VARIOUS
- continuous
The gang delivers apples all over Animal Town as they sing.
Repeat the full chorus at the end of the song.
It’s confusing to say “Each season has fresh fruit” when winter does not. Cabbage is not a fruit.
Elinor / olive / ari
Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall
Each season has
fresh
fruit for all,
If you don’t eat them when they’re here,
Don’t you worry - they’ll be back next year.
They give
apples to MS. LLAMA, MR. CAT and MR. ELEPHANT.
ELINOR: Peaches are ripe and ready to eat,
When it’s summer and there’s lots of heat.
Elinor tosses an apple to SENOR TAPIR
and MR. HAMSTER
sitting on a bench.
Senor Tapir
strums a few chords on his GUITAR.
OLIVE: In the fall, the leaves turn red,
And apples keep us all well fed.
They see
SEKU
and SHEILA
and Ari motions to “go long.” Ari
and Olive
lob
them
apple
s
like a football.
ARI: In the winter, the trees are bare,
But cabbages grow most anywhere.
Elinor
tosses
apples
to
PHILBERT
and
JAVIER
who bounces it with his antlers before catching it.
ELINOR: When the flowers bloom in spring,
Radishes are here to do their thing!
T
he gang bounds off with their basket.
10
. Ext. Elinor’s house - continuous
The kids finish the song and place their basket down.
ALL: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall
.
Each season has
fresh
fruit for all!
The gang looks into the basket and sees
it’s empty!
Elinor
Oh no, we didn’t leave any apples for us.
Ari
(o.s.)
That’s okay...
REVEAL Ari is holding the peach from earlier.
Ari
(CONT’D)
There’s still one last peach for us to share, remember?
Nice ending! No more notes after this line. Thanks!
I think it might be a little confusing to go back to having a peach.
It seems mean that they didn’t give the peach to one of their friends and instead kept it for themselves? They could have given it to Koa. And we'd prefer they aren't all sharing the same peach anyway.
Elinor
Ari that is
... just peachy!
T
he kids
share a
<LAUGH>.
THE END.
EWW167 "Just Peachy" D2
.
Elinor wonders why
EP
#167 Just Peachy
Written by Tom Berger
Elinor's Question: Where did all the peaches go?
Logline:
When Elinor and her friends run out of peaches, they learn that fruits are seasonal and only available at certain times of the year.
Curriculum Goals:
LS4:
Understand that all plants have a life cycle and can change and grow over time (Elinor and her friends learn that different fruits grow in different seasons).
SEP1:
Demonstrate curiosity about the greater world outside of their local environment (Elinor's question leads them to discover an answer at the farm).
Outline: Feb. 24, 2020
First Draft: March 17, 2020
Second Draft: April 05, 2020
Mr. Rabbit
Elinor
Ari
Olive
Elint
Ms. Llama
Mz. Llama
Farmer bear
Elinpr
Elinot
Elinor / olive / ari
Ari / olive
Joe mouse
Kai
Koa
(V.O.)
(O.S.)
(O.C.)
(CONT'D)
(SUBTITLE)
(brightly)
(to ms. Llama)
(to mz. Llama)
(worried)
(in close up)
(considering)
(confused)
(v.0.)
(relieved)
(mock disappointed)
(warming up)
(calling)
(realizing)
(to ari and olive)
(matter of factly)
INT
EXT
I/E
ELINOR'S BACKYARD
ANIMAL TOWN - VARIOUS LOCATIONS
ANIMAL TOWN - MS. LLAMA'S FRUITSTAND
FARMER BEAR'S FARM - ENTRANCE
FARMER BEAR'S FARM - ORCHARD
THOUGHT BUBBLE - FARMER BEAR'S FARM - ORCHARD
THOUGHT BUBBLE - ARI'S YARD
ELINOR'S HOUSE
ELINOR'S FRONTYARD
ANIMAL TOWN
SOCCER FIELD
DAY
NIGHT
AFTERNOON
MORNING
EVENING
LATER
MOMENTS LATER
CONTINUOUS
THE NEXT DAY
DAYTIME
MONTAGE
A LITTLE LATER
SUMMER
FALL
WINTER
PRESENT
SPRING
DOWNTOWN
CUT TO:
FADE IN:
FADE OUT.
FADE TO:
DISSOLVE TO:
BACK TO:
MATCH CUT TO:
JUMP CUT TO:
FADE TO BLACK.