"A good start, nice work. Top notes are: - It seems about 1.5-2 pages short. Suggest we fill out Olive's storyline a little more. - Dialogue tweaks. Some stretches feel too short on dialogue, some stretches feel too long on dialogue. Specific notes below. Thanks!" 1. EXT. PARK -- DAY Great first draft - cute story overall I think the story flows really well. I had a few minor thoughts while I was reading that are listed below. I thought the opening was great. Parents will be happy for the reinforcement right of the bat. I was looking to insert a content punch such as ‘many skills are learned over life, some like laughing and blinking we just know how to do. But I don’t want to complicate the story...that is lovely. "Line Count - 104 Ari - 40 Elinor - 35 Olive - 18 Ari's Mom - 10 Lola - 2 OLIVE (all suited up with helmet and pads)unsteadily roller-skates past ELINOR and ARI. The three friends are making their way through the park with MRS. BAT and Ari’s baby sister MIRI (in a stroller). OLIVE basically step-skates along the path. Olive I’m doing it, I’m doing it, I’m doing it! ElINOR Wow, way to go Olive! Ari Who-hoo!! It’s Olive the awesome roller-skating elephant. do we want a reaction from Mrs.Bat? as a parent responsible for the kids, feels a bit empty to not have her say something - even a reaction to Olive falling 'Oh my!' and then elinor has line 5 OLIVE Look at me…whoooaaa! Olive loses her footing and comically lands in a heap. Ari and Elinor rush to her. ELinor Are you all right, Olive? They help their friend to stand. OLIVE Yeah I’m fine. Thanks to my gear. Olive shows off her pads proudly, even <SFX: KNOCKING> on her helmet. ArI Whoooa. Very cool. OLIVE Uh-huh. The pads protect me while I get the hang of these roller skates. Olive skates off unsteadily. Elinor (calling) You’re doing great! OLIVE (calling back) Thanks, Elinor. Elinor and Ari continue walking beside Ari’s Mom and Miri in the stroller as Olive step-skates on ahead. "A bit cumbersome. Maybe ""Those pads could have helped you when you were a baby Ari. You fell down all the time"" Let's finish the joke (""…all the time."") and then have Ari reply ARI: What, me? But I never fall do-" Ari’s Mom "suggest removing 'olive's' - and just have her say ....We could have used protective gear for you when you were Miri’s age, Ari. You fell down all the...' - otherwise Olive's would have been too large for when Ari was a baby " We could have used Olive’s protective gear for you when you were Miri’s age, Ari. You fell down all the... At that moment Ari trips on a twig <SFX: WHOOA> , does a flip in the air and lands on his feet. Miri laughs her head off! <SFX: BABY GIGGLES> ArI (covering) I MEANT to do that! (to Miri) Yeah, I know. I’m the best big brother ever... Ari basks in the <SFX: BABY GIGGLES>. (NOTE: Miri is about 10 months old, a real little rug rat, she does lots of cooing, babbling and has a crazy baby-laugh). 2. EXT. GRASSY NOOK - PARK Ari points to a nice grassy spot. "Seems more natural for the mom to steer the outing. Something like: The group walks up to a nice grassy spot. ARI’S MOM Let’s settle down here, kids. ARI Good idea, Mom. Miri can crawl around here all she likes. ARI’S MOM I’m glad you’re always thinking about what your sister needs, Ari." ArI How about here, Mom? Miri can crawl around all she likes. "Let's make it a roller skating area? Something like: ANGLE ON: a flat dirt area (designed to be very compact so the surface is solid). There are a few small wooden ramps and some older kids skating there. OLIVE Look, it’s the park roller skating area. (to Mrs. Bat) Mrs. Bat, can I go practice my skating over there? ARI’S MOM Of course, Olive. Go ahead. Olive skates off (it’s not far)." Ari’s mom suggest 'Thats the perfect spot Ari, you know exactly what your sister needs.' Good work, Ari, you know what your sister needs. Mrs. Bat gets the kids settled on a blanket, Miri included (out of her stroller). Meanwhile, Olive sees something interesting in the near distance. <SFX: Ohhh> ANGLE ON: a flat dirt area (designed to be very compact so the surface is solid). OLIVE Look at that nice, flat place. Perfect for practicing my roller-skating... She skates off (it’s not far). OLIVE (CONT’D) Be back soon! ElINOR Have fun, Olive! Meanwhile Mrs. Bat takes out her book and eyes a peaceful nearby park bench. "Mmm, doesn't seem super responsible of Mrs. Bat to leave the baby with the kids. Seems more plausible if she only does it at Ari's suggestion (also reinforces that Ari wants to play with her sister). Something like: Ari looks at Mrs. Bat as she takes out toys for Miri. ARI: Mom, we’ll watch Miri and play with her. You can go take a rest. ARI’S MOM: Oh, are you sure, Ari? ELINOR: Yeah, Mrs. Bat, we love playing with Miri. ARI’S MOM: Ok, I’ll right over here reading my book. Mrs. Bat sits down at an adjacent park bench and takes out her book. Ari and Elinor sit down next to Miri on the blanket. ARI: (to Elinor) B1There’s nothing more fun than making Miri laugh - WATCH. ANGLE ON: Ari who makes a silly face. Miri laughs with delight <SFX: BABY GIGGLES> " Ari’s Mom You kids feel like entertaining Miri while I read my book? is this statement too old sounding? ElINOR Do we EVER. visuals - Miri is out of her stroller - at 10 months old - we can her her sitting up on her own Ari (to Elinor) There’s nothing more fun than making Miri laugh - WATCH. Mom goes off to read (bliss!) while we ANGLE ON: Ari who makes a silly face. Miri laughs with delight <SFX: BABY GIGGLES> ElINOR Oh yeah, I can beat THAT, Hey Miri... (covers her face with her ears, then peeks out) PEEK-A-BOO! Miri thinks this is hilarious!! <SFX: BIGGER BABY GIGGLES> ARI Niiice. But laughing isn’t the only thing Miri can do - Watch this! Miri... Ari waves at Miri - she waves back. <SFX: BABY COOS> ELINOR Whu? I didn’t know Miri could wave. ARI I taught her, I teach her lots of things. Like... Ari blows a raspberry <SFX: BRRR> , Miri does too <SFX: BRRR> . They all <SFX: LAUGH> perhaps Ari responds with 'ummm..oh, watch this!' then proceeds to pick up the rattle ELINOR (giggling) AMAZING! What else can she do? Ari shakes Miri’s rattle like a mariachi dancer <SFX: SHUCK, SHUCKA, SHUKA>, then he gives it to Miri shakes who it like a pro, <SFX: SHUCKA, SHUCKA, SHUKA> laughing <SFX: BABY GIGGLES> all the way. where did the ball come from? suggest Mrs.bat had put a bag down onto the blanket when they first arrived. Elinor, thinking of what to teach miri, notices the ball - reach in and takes it out. (as if ari brought it along to play with) ElINOR (CONT’D) What a smart baby. Let me try to teach her something. (to Miri) Hey Miri, can you catch the ball? Elinor sits in front of Miri and rolls her a ball. She stops it, <SFX: COOING> proudly. ElINOR (CONT’D) Way to go Miri! Then she rolls it back! ELINOR (CONT’D) WHOO-HOO! Did you see that? She rolled it back! ArI (proudly) Yep, my little sister is GREAT at learning things. 3. EXT. SKATING AREA - DAY Meanwhile Olive is diligently practicing her roller-skating when THREE BIG KIDS zip by, also on skates. <SFX: Whooooaaa!> ANGLE ON: The big kids start doing tricks a little way off https: // www.youtube.com / watch?v = ZwQnfKxJ2X8 , then one in particular (LOLA, KOA’S SISTER) does a truly amazing twirl. Olive is gob-smacked. "Let’s try stretching the Olive sections out more. Aim for about a page or 1.3 pages or so each one. In this first one, make more of: - She’s step skating at first, but after some practice she gets better at going a little faster. (Let’s show an early success, so that it’s more puzzling when she can’t do the twirl) - After she feels more confident and skates around a bit and enjoys it, she sees/meet Lola (maybe some short dialogue exchange, nothing too involved). - She sees Lola doing the twirl, and Olive is amazed and asks her how she did it. Lola said she just practiced until she got it. - Olive decides she wants to do it too. " OlIVE <GASP!> THAT is the BEST TRICK EVER!! (determined) Silas cheetah can be one of the other big kids. I just have to do that twirl. 4. EXT. BLANKET – DAY Elinor is sitting on the blanket, rolling the ball to Miri. NOTE: All through this scene we can catch small glimpses of Olive in the background practicing her roller-skating (she’s getting better), and trying to twirl (which she can’t do). ElINOR Here ya go, Miri, catch the bally, bally, ball. Miri misses the ball, it rolls away. <SF: BABY UH-OH WALLA> So she turns over and she goes crawling after it. Try "Whoops, there goes the ball." ARI That’s it, go get it. Miri reaches the ball, picks it up immediately starts chewing it. Ari gets up and walks after Miri, picking her up (or gently guiding her) back to the centre of the blanket. "33-35 feels artificial to set up the question. Maybe something like: Miri reaches the ball, picks it up and immediately starts chewing it. Ari gets up and walks after Miri, picking her up (or gently guiding her) back to the centre of the blanket. ARI: Come on back, Miri. Elinor looks at her curiously. ELINOR: Hmmm, I wonder why babies crawl. ARI: Uhh, to get to places? ELINOR: No I mean, why do they crawl instead of walk? Ari looks puzzled. ARI: Huh. I never thought about it before. " ElinOR Hmmm, why did Miri crawl like that? ARI Uhh, to get the ball? ELINOR No I mean, why does she crawl instead of walk? Ari shrugs. ARI I dunno. I never thought about it before. Miri tries to crawl away, but Ari stops her. <She SFX: GIGGLES>. "Lines 37-41: These lines feel odd. Try something like: ELINOR Look at Miri. She has two legs just like we do. But instead of walking, she crawls. ARI Hmm, maybe she hasn’t learned how to walk yet. Elinor has an idea. ELINOR I know, let’s teach Miri how to walk. She’s really good at learning things. ARI Yeah, we taught her how to make funny faces, how to play the maracas and throw a ball. I’m sure we can teach her how to walk. ELINOR Come on Miri, let’s try it. " Elinor She has two legs just like we do, and she sure can move. ARI And she’s really good at learning things. ELINOR Sooo maybe all we have to do is teach her to walk. Ari It’s worth a try. sound too old? maybe 'come on Miri, can you stand up?' EliNOR Come on Miri, up you get. The baby holds onto Elinor’s fingers as Elinor gently lifts her into a standing position. ElINOR (CONT’D) You did it, Miri, you’re standing. Now all you have to do is WALK. Miri wobbles unsteadily as Elinor holds her up and Ari demonstrates. ARI It’s not hard at all, you just put one foot in front of the other like this, see? Step. Step...whoooaa! Ari trips over the picnic basket, does his famous flip and lands on his feet. should we at some point show Mrs.Bat - viewing whats going on - give a little smile - just so we're reminded that theres an adult present and the kids arent doing anything they shouldnt be ARI (CONT’D) I meant to do that. Miri <SFX: BABY GIGGLES> as she loses her balance and sits down. ELINOR (giggling) You sure do make your sister laugh, Ari. "This line feels odd. Try something like: ARI I know, I’ll show her by moving our feet together." ARI It’s not hard, she’s a laughing machine. Now to make her a walking machine. Ari lifts up his sister from behind and puts her feet on his feet as he demonstrates. ArI (CONT’D) This is how you do it, Miri, step, step. Now you try! Ari lets her go, she steps off his feet, and takes one...two steps... ARI (CONT’D) She’s doing it she’s doing it she’s... Miri balances for half a second and then lands on her bottom again, <SFX: GIGGLING>. "Have the kids ponder the question more here? Something like: ELINOR Aww, Miri can't seem to walk like she learned to throw the ball or play the maracas. I wonder why not? ARI Yeah, she has two legs like you and me. Why can’t Miri walk? ELINOR HMM... We need more observations! " ARI (CONT’D) ...not doing it. Why not? perhaps they can still recognize how great it was - suggest 'Hmmm. But it was still good. we just need more observations!' ELINOR Hmmmm. I’m not sure. We need more observations. 4. EXT. SKATING AREA – DAY Olive is practicing, determined. "Again, let’s try stretching this Olive section out to 1-1.3 Pages. See if you can make more of: - Olive watches Lola do the twirl again. - Olive thinks about what she needs to do (in her head, it shouldn’t be so hard). - She tries it but falls. Ok, no problem, I just have to practice. - She tries again and falls again. - She’s puzzled: why can’t she do it?" OlIVE (to herself) I know you can do this twirl, Olive, just try. She starts skating more steadily than before, then she tries to turn. OlIVE (CONT’D) Skate, skate, skate, turn...whooop. Olive loses her balance and falls. <SFX: SIGH> Then she looks over. ANGLE ON: She sees Lola doing a perfect twirl. BACK ON: Determined, she gets up and tries again. 5. EXT. BLANKET -- DAY Ari is holding a happy Miri up by the hands <SFX: BABY COOS> and as she wobbily stands. This scene has some nice observations and science, , but dialogue lines 53-82 feel a little bit stiff and a bit long. 2.5 pages of dialogue seem like a lot. Do a loosening/editing pass? Try to cut half a page or more? ArI See. She’s kinda standing when I hold her up, but when I let go of her... Miri sits on her bum and <SFX: BABY GIGGLES>. ElINOR That is soo interesting. Can you stand her up again, Ari? Ari does. ARI Up you get Miri. Elinor looks closely. <SFX: HMMMM> ANGLE ON: Ari’s solid kid legs, beside Miri’s wobbly rug-rat legs. ELINOR Her legs are really wobbly and wiggly compared to yours, Ari. Haha ARI Maybe she ate too much spaghetti and now she has spaghetti legs. THOUGHT BUBBLE: shows Miri with spaghetti legs. Cute idea, but it might be weird to show Miri with spaghetti or pudding for legs. Maybe the bubble should show her eating the spaghetti/pudding, then flopping down normally? Ari (CONT’D)pudding turning her legs to pudding is an odd visual - pudding would be a thick liquid thats dripping .. can we try something else Or maybe pudding legs? Miri does love pudding. Miri’s spaghetti turns to pudding. Nice use of language to identify what is not the problem. EliNOR I’m not sure that’s the problem. THOUGHT BUBBLE BURSTS. Miri sits down. ArI So what do you think it is? Elinor looks back and between Ari’s legs and Miri’s legs. ELINOR It looks like Miri’s legs just aren’t as strong as yours, Ari. Ari looks down. Ari Well, I do have super-strong legs. "This line is confusing. Maybe ""Maybe Miri's legs aren't strong enough to walk."" After this line, have Ari agree and process the conclusion himself here. Maybe something like, ""Yeah, you need strong legs to walk. And Miri's are still kind of small.""" ELINOR Maybe Miri’s legs aren’t strong enough to stand ON, and that’s why she can’t walk. At this moment Ari’s Mom comes over. "Change ""Elinor"" to ""kids. You're right."" Then consider adding a beat to break it up: ARI’S MOM: Nice observing, kids. You’re right. ELINOR: We are? ARI'S MOM: Yes, Miri’s still a baby and her body’s just not ready…etc." ArI’S MOM Nice observing, Elinor. Miri’s still a baby and her body’s just not ready. (to Ari) You couldn't walk when you were Miri’s age either, Ari, that’s why you fell down so much. ANGLE ON: Ari - MIND BLOWN. Love this ARI Whuuuut? Ari’s mom Or talk, or run, or fly. Draw out his surprise a bit more. "Or FLY? I don't remember that." ARI You’re kidding! I don’t remember that. "Lines 68-69 feel a little odd. Try instead something like: ARI’S MOM But your legs grew stronger, and when you body was ready, you were able to do all those things." ElINOR So you mean, Ari had to learn to do all those things? delete line ARI’S MOM Yep. Babies learn a lot. Give this line to Elinor. ArI So when will Miri learn to walk? ARI’S MOM Very soon. She’ll get bigger and her legs will get strong enough to hold her up. Then she’ll start walking, and even running. ARI Really? As fast as me? Typo ARI's MOM Ar’s mom Maybe faster, who knows? In the meantime you kids have an important job to do. ElINOR What’s that? Can we consult with a baby expert on this? I remember hearing that if you stand babies up too early, and for too long, it negatively impacts how their legs grow? Ari’s mom Encourage her! Help Miri practice standing and taking little baby steps so when her body IS ready, she’ll know what to do. At this moment Olive skates back, defeated. NOTE: She's definitely skating better than she was before. "Not sure, but I wonder if we want to cut back to Olive, catch her flopping one last time, and then showing her walk back towards the blanket, then show her showing up at the blanket. Just maybe something to merge the two stories better and maybe cut the long stretch of dialogue here. Consider once you add in more to the Olive story lines and see if it helps. Thanks " ElINOR Hey, Olive. How’s the roller skating going? OLIVE Not good. Olive sits down, dejected. ARI Well, I think you’re skating great. Miri makes a happy <COO> Ari (CONT’D) So does Miri. OlIVE Yeah, well, I guess I can roller-skate a little, but I wanted to do a twirl, like that big kid over there. ANGLE ON: Lola, twirling again. ElINOR Wow, that’s amazing. "Try expanding this line a bit, so it's easier for them to draw the conclusion that her body isn't ready: OLIVE I know. But when I tried to do a twirl like that, I just couldn’t. I knew what I had to do to twirl, but just couldn’t get my body to do it. [Or something like this]" OlIVE Does she fall down? I know. But when I tried to do a twirl like that, I just couldn’t. "Have the kids ponder Olive’s problem here a little longer. Then have Elinor make the connection to Miri’s situation, not the Mom. Something like: Elinor looks at Olive and back at Miri. <SFX: HMMM>. ELINOR: Maybe twirling is something you’ll have to get a little bigger to do, Olive. ARI: (catching on) Yeah, like walking." ArI’S MOM do we want this to be about size? 'get a little bigger' - maybe 'older' or about more practice? I understand we're using 'bigger' in this ep as in growing up in age for describing Miri - just wanted to throw it out there Twirling looks like something you’ll have to get a little bigger to do, Olive. ArI Yeah, like walking. OlIVE Walking? Missing "because" between bigger and "her body" Ari Not us walking -- Miri. We’ve been trying to teach her to walk, but mom says we have to wait until she’s a little bigger - her body’s just not ready. ElINOR But we can encourage her to keep trying baby steps. That way, when her body IS ready... ARI She’ll be able to do it. ELINOR Hmmm. Maybe that can work for your roller skating too, Olive. OlIVE Really? You think so? ELINOR Sure! We’re not as big as those big kids, but we’re growing. ArI And in the meantime you can keep on trying, just like Miri. "Add some sort of beat for Mrs. Bat: ELINOR And we can ENCOURAGE you. Right, Mrs. Bat? ARI’S MOM That’s right, kids." ElINOR And we can ENCOURAGE you. OlIVE Encourage. I like that word. SONG MONTAGE: Olive keeps skating as Ari, Elinor and Baby Miri watch and applaud INTERCUT WITH the kids helping Miri to stand but also getting her to wave, play peek-a-boo, and play with her rattle and ball. Elinor, Ari, Olive ELINOR: Keep on trying, It’s part of the fun. And while you’re smiling Soon you’ll get it done. ARI: If you’re not quite ready You can still try now OLIVE: Soon you’ll be good to go And this is how... ALL: Baby steps, baby steps, Just take your time with baby steps. It might seem it’s taking long, But your body’s getting strong, So practice as you sing this song, And take your time with baby steps. ELINOR: You can do it, Even if it seems you can’t. You want to walk or twirl, But you fall down on your pants. ARI: You don’t have to worry, You always have a friend. OLIVE: So if you fall down, I’ll help you up again. ALL: Baby steps, baby steps, Just take your time with baby steps. It might seem it’s taking long, But your body’s getting strong, So practice as you sing this song, And take your time with baby steps. END SONG: Olive is skating gracefully around. OLIVE Okay, maybe I’m ready to twirl Olive tries, but falls. OlIVE (CONT’D) (laughing) Or not. Ari and Olive are helping Olive up, when who skates up but Lola. Lola Keep on trying, kid. You’re doing great. Then Lola skates by. LOLa (CONT’D) You’ll be twirling in no time! The kids all watch as Lola twirls off into the sunset <SFX: WOOOW WALLA>. Then Olives gets up and starts practicing again as her friends run along beside her, encouraging her.. ElINOR You can do it, Olive. ARI You’ll be twirling before you --whoooaa ! Ari trips again, the lands on his feet. Cute ending. No more notes after this line. Thanks! ArI (CONT’D) I meant to do that. Everyone <SFX: LAUGHS> especially Miri. MOVE in on her cute little face and finish with a <SFX: BABY GIGGLE AND AHHH> . FADE OUT, THE END

EWW151 Baby Steps FIRST DRAFT 09Oct19 .

<SFX: BRRR> HMMMM> Hmmm Miri Niiice Ohhh> SFX: SHUCKA SHUKA> Sooo Step...whoooaa Uhh Whu dunno one...two turn...whooop wobbily

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EP 151 Baby Steps By Katherine Sandford Elinor’s Question: Why can’t we teach baby Miri to walk? Logline: Elinor and Ari are taking care of Ari’s sister Miri but they start to wonder why she can’t walk yet, meanwhile Olive gets frustrated when she can’t do her roller-skating trick. Curriculum Goals : LS4 . Understand that all animals and plants have a life cycle, can reproduce, and change and grow over time: b. Observe the growth in animals and plants c. Understand that living things grow and change over time (Elinor and her friend observe baby Miri is just still a baby, but she will grow into a big kid like them) SEP1 . Asking questions (science) and defining problems (engineering) b. Ask more complex questions about observable phenomena c. Ask and/or identify cause and effect questions that can be answered by an investigation (Elinor and Ari observe Miri’s behavior and ask why she can’t walk), SEP3 . Planning and carrying out investigations b. Compare and contrast objects and events by describing similarities and differences in detail c. Demonstrate an ability to make and test predictions based on background knowledge and experiences (Elinor and Ari contrast their abilities with Miri’s and predict that she might not be able to stand) SEP6 . Constructing explanations (science) and Designing Solutions (engineering) a. Use background knowledge experiences, and data to construct reasonable explanations and theories of natural phenomena (science) b. Look for and describe patterns and relationships in natural phenomena (science) (Elinor and her friends realize that you need to get bigger and stronger before you learn many skills). MAIN CHARACTER: Elinor, Olive, Ari, Ari's Mom. SECONDARY: Miri, Lola LOCATION: Park, Grassy Nook, Skating Area PROPS: Roller skates, stroller, blanket, book, rattle, ball. OUTLINE: Aug. 30, 2019 FIRST DRAFT: Oct. 9, 2019 SONG Olive Ari E Art Elinor M Ari’s mom Lol Lola (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E ELINOR WONDERS WHY OUTLINE – AUGUST 30, 2019 ] PARK -- DAY GRASSY NOOK SKATEPARK BLANKET – DAY BLANKET -- DAY SKATE SURFACE – DAY SKATEPARK -- DAY DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY PARK CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. [ J&D NOTES: