"A fun and charming draft, nice work. The first scenes are very cute (and very relatable), though wonder if PBS has thoughts on stereotypes. Reading this in script form, the middle scenes feel a little undirected. It's not quite clear what the kids want, what they already know about strawberries, what exactly the mystery is from the beginning, and how they come to their conclusion at the end. It's also a bit weird that the mom seems to hover, and it doesn't feel like the kids get to discover on their own. I think there might be a way to make the episode more unified. Right now, it seems a bit split between the ripeness lesson and the how-to-make-jam lesson. I suggest we tweak the second act, and introduce the idea of making jam early, so that the kids are in the field to look for strawberries. This gives them a drive to help propel the story and it might make the episode feel more like a unified story instead of a story with an aside. See the notes starting at line 29 for details of how this can play out. Also, it's a cute pairing with Elinor and Olive, but I kind of miss Ari in this episode. The second and third acts don't have a lot of humor, and I wonder if having Ari there can add some extra energy or banter. Give it a think. Nice work, thanks!" 1. EXT. CAMPSITE – DAY Cute first draft. I only have a few minor comments below. The flow works well for the science. CU: On ELINOR and OLIVE’s happy little faces, <SFX: GIGGLING LIKE MAD> in anticipation. They are tucked in a pup-tent surrounded by tissue paper flowers. Cute opening scene. Question: how will kids at home know that the flowers are paper? Maybe we need to show them cutting the paper and gluing the flowers? ElINOR (whispering) Ready? Olive nods. The kids sneak out of the tent, Elinor has a nice big home-made card, Olive has the flowers. In the near-distance they see MR. RABBIT, sitting in a camping chair, enjoying the first coffee of the morning. With a <SFX: GIGGLE and a SHHHH> they sneak up to him and… ELINOR/OLIVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY/MR. RABBIT!! Dad JUMPS out of his chair, <SFX: WHOOOAAAA!!!> His cup goes (safely) flying, landing in the bushes behind him. He double-takes. Elinor Did we surprise you, Daddy? Dad regains his composure. we can push the physical comedy - especially since its an adult and have him not only throw his coffee backwards but also fall back tipping his chair over - then can say ‘what!? What happened? Whi’s there? Oh sweetie...you sure did’ as he stands to straighten his chair upright Mr. Rabbit You sure did, sweetie... RANGER RABBIT has retrieved the cup, she refills it and hands it to him with a smile. suggest delaying RR handing him a fresh coffee - she seems to have retrieved it and poured a new cup very quickly. plus dad needs his hands free to hold the flowers and car. perhaps after he reads the card she has a fresh cup, he can set the flowers and card down and take the cup from her 'thank you darling'. OR it can happen se2 when he is there for breakfast ELINOR Oh, GOOD. We wanted you to have a REALLY special birthday... Olive hands him the paper flowers. Olive We made them ourselves, just for you! Mr. Rabbit They’re beautiful, girls. Dad gives the paper flowers a big, comic <SFX:SNIFF> causing Olive and Elinor to <SFX: GIGGLE> even more. Nice moment. Should Mr. Rabbit have a line around here, "Ahh, they smell SO GOOD!" Elinor (giggling) Those flowers don’t smell, Daddy. Olive (giggling) They’re made of paper! MR. RABBIT Oh? Well they’re still very pretty. Elinor hands him a home-made card. ELINOR And here’s your birthday card I made. Mr. Rabbit admires the card as CU: Elinor points out the drawings. Can you break up this line into three separate lines? It's easier for the actor. Elinor (CONT’D) See, it’s you, doing all your favourite things. This is you sleeping in on Saturday morning. (Elinor points to her drawing - Dad in bed) And this is you taking a nap in your favourite chair. (another drawing- Dad in the chair) And THIS is you sleeping in the tent when we’re camping, see all the fireflies? Final image: A nighttime camping scene with a tent and fireflies - Mr. Rabbit’s feet are coming out of the flap. WIDEN: Ranger Rabbit smiles. RaNGER RABBIT Do I sense a pattern here? ELINOR Sleeping! MR. RABBIT What can I say? Elinor knows what her Dad likes. Best birthday card ever, hunny bunny. He gives her a big hug. Nice ElINOR if olive helped with the card then suppest changing line 11 to 'we made' Olive helped. MR. RABBIT Thanks, Olive. We’re so happy you came on our camping trip that just happens to be my birthday too. OlIVE Happy birthday, Mr. Rabbit. Olive gives Mr. Rabbit a hug. ELINOR I know something else you’d like on your birthday, Dad...BREAKFAST! MR. RABBIT Hmmm, that does sound nice. 2. EXT. Cooking area - moments later Over by the cooking area (camp fire, small camp stove) Ranger Rabbit has just finished toasting the toast. RANGER RABBIT You girls are in charge of the jam. ELINOR That’s the best part! As Ranger Rabbit hands Elinor the toast, Olive looks inside the jam jar. OLIVE Wha-oh, the jam jar is empty. ELINOR What? No strawberry jam? That’s Dad’s favourite ! (to her Mom) Mom, we have to go to the store right now and get more jam. RaNGER RABBIT Sorry sweetie, there’s no store out here in the forest. """jam-less"" might be hard to understand. Maybe ""I don’t need jam on my toast"" We should extend this dry-toast moment for a gag, and to hammer the point home since this is The Problem. Maybe after he takes a bite he has to chew … and chew… and chew…. And then drink a whole cup of coffee. "" I don't need jam, as long as we made enough coffee!""" MR. RABBIT Just the way we like it. Don’t worry, girls I don’t mind jam-less toast on my beautiful camping birthday. Elinor brings the toast to her Dad on a plate. But when he gamely <SFX: BITES> into his dry toast and <SFX: CHEWS> Elinor and Olive look at each other. <SFX: Hmmmm>. 3. EXT. CAMPSITE – LATER The kids are rinsing the dishes in a bucket with special, safe-for-living things soap and discussing the situation as Dad naps in his camp chair in the background <SFX: SNOOORE>. Small note- I perfer the word 'right' rather than 'perfect' ....I always try to avoid the word perfect with preschoolers. ELINOR Dad loves strawberry jam. His birthday just isn’t perfect without it. OlIVE I know, but what can we do? "Lines 29-31 - Changes to second act: In the scene where the kids are washing dishes, Mom hears the kids wondering what they can do, and she has an idea: why don't we make strawberry jam? Great idea! But where are we going to get the strawberries? I thought we couldn't go to the store. Mom says there's a strawberry patch right over there. Kids get super excited. Mom says, you kids go find them, and I'll join you as soon as I finish here." ELINOR I’m not sure, but I’m going to figure something out. (Elinor finishes the last dish and calls) We’re done, Mom. Can we go exploring? Ranger Rabbit inspects their work. RANGER RABBIT Nice job – off you go. There’s a field right beside us, why don’t you explore there? With a <SFX: YAY!!> The girls run off. RanGER RABBIT (CONT’D) Stick close by! good design note - pls keep it in through to polish (DESIGN NOTE: perhaps the campsite is on a little rise overlooking their field? And Ranger Rabbit is looking out? Whatever the design it should be clear that the kids remain within Elinor’s parent’s view.) 4. EXT. FOREST/STAWBERRY FIELD – DAY Elinor and Olive make their way through the trees and step out into the sunlight. Their faces light up with the glory of what they see before them. THEIR POV: The splendor of an early summer meadow of grasses, wildflowers, bees and butterflies all dappled in sweet morning sunshine. <SFX: Oooooh!>. Elinor smiles at Olive slyly, then... "Lines 32-45 - Changes to second act (cont'd): The kids go to the strawberry field to look for strawberries. Now the kids have something they want, and that helps propel the second act. Also, they are looking for strawberries, so when they find the green and white ones, the mystery is clearer. They look around and find the white strawberries first. I think I found strawberries? They have the same shape as strawberries, but they look white. Then another kid finds the green strawberries. I think these might be strawberries too, but they look smaller and green. Then they find the red strawberries. Now THESE are strawberries! They're big and red. But now Elinor gets curious. What are these other strawberry-looking fruits? They are on the same plant (they can tell because the leaves look the same), but they look so different. Are they different kinds of strawberries? We need more observations!" ElINOR 32-34 pacing feels a bit off. they get to this beauiful place - maybe elinor first says 'wow, what a cool place! and guess what?' Olive 'what?' elinor "tag! you're it!' then as you have it. i think i'll let them have a few beats of olive chasing her and elinor dodging. but when elinor see the white flowers, she stops running - olive should then comment 'hey why'd you stop running?' TAG! You’re it, Olive! As you have it - give chase OlIVE I’m gonna get you, Elinor! as i noted in 32. - elinor should then respond - ‘look at these tiny white flowers!’ ELINOR Olive! Come and see these. Olive joins Elinor. ANGLE ON: A patch of lovely little white flowers. Olive They’re sooo pretty. SCIENCE ECU but as Olive and Elinor are looking carefully at the flowers, they notice something strange. ELINOR Wait a minute, what are these? Elinor moves some of the leaves. ANGLE ON: tiny little green berries are revealed. OLIVE They kind of look like strawberries... ELINOR Only they’re really small and green. OLIVE Is there such a thing as green strawberries? Elinor moves another leaf revealing a white strawberry. ELINOR Here’s a bigger WHITE one. Could this be a strawberry too? OLIVE Aren’t strawberries supposed to be red? ELINOR You mean like THESE. (Elinor moves another leaf revealing a bunch of red wild strawberries) Whoa...my Dad would LOVE these. OLIVE Would he ever. Should we pick them? YES ELINOR Nope. Mom said NEVER pick berries you find in the wild unless a grown-up says it’s okay. OLIVE Then let’s go and ask her. The girls run OS 5. EXT. CAMPSITE – MiNUTES LATER Back at the campsite the girls describe what they saw to Ranger Rabbit. DESIGN NOTE: Dad is now napping in the pup-tent with his head out of the flap. <SNORE> "Lines 46-86 - Changes to second act (cont'd): Feel like we bring in the Mom too soon, and then she hovers in and out of the kids' investigation. Also, the progression of their investigation and how they come to a conclusion are not super clear. For example, in the current draft, the mom tells them they found a strawberry patch, yet on a following line, the kids wonder if they are strawberries. If the mom is there, why would they launch an investigation instead of asking? Continuing from the note on line 32: The kids decide they need more observations to solve the mystery. They decide to draw them so they can look at the differences. Olives draws a picture of each strawberry on a separate sheet of paper, and they lay out the drawings in front of them side by side in this order: the white, then green, then red. What's the pattern? After some thinking/hypothesis, Elinor gets a spark and realizes: if you put the drawings in the right order, they look like the strawberry is getting bigger. She switches the order of the first two drawings. Maybe the little green strawberries are tiny strawberries and they grow into the white ones and then into the big red ones. (cont'd below)" Elinor/olive (simultaneous) Mom, you have to come now!/We found some berry-things and we don’t know...! "Notes from 46 cont'd: At that moment, the mom arrives, and she confirms: fruits don't just appear on plants, they grow. Strawberries first come out of the flowers, and they are small and green, then they get bigger and turn white, and then they get red. The kids go, wow, that is so cool. Then they have a question: but which one should we use to make the jam? (now we have a new question to motivate us forward). Mom wants them to figure it out on their own, and gives them permission to try each strawberry. The kids try the strawberries one by one, with Olive drawing the smiley faces on the sheets of paper to denote the taste. The kids step back, and look at the pattern: the strawberries only taste good at the end. Mom confirms and explains that fruits taste different as they grow, usually ending sweeter. That's called ripeness. Ripeness, I like that word! Now that the kids found the strawberries, and know which ones to pick, they can go back and make the jam!! Woo hoo!" RANGER RABBIT perhaps she first says 'shhh-sh-shh' gestures to dad sleeping. the rest of the dialogue can be said in a loud whisper as they are very excited. As per Sara’s note - i agree that explorers fits better as the kids only commented on what the just found I like that we are calling them scientists but I wonder if it sounds out of place here or if "explorers" would work better? I'm ok with it as is though. Slow down, scientists. One at a time... love the back and forth 48-53 OlIVE (takes a breath) First we found these pretty white flowers. ELINOR And then we saw some little tiny berries. OLIVE There were green ones and white ones and red ones. ELINOR And they sure looked like strawberries! OliVE But Elinor said we shouldn’t touch them until we asked you. ElINOR So we’re ASKING! Ranger RABBIT Sounds like you’ve found a wild strawberry patch, but I’ll have to look at them close up to tell for sure - whooaaa! Elinor grabs her Mom’s hand and pulls her OS. 6. EXT. STRAWBERRY FIELD – DAY Ranger Rabbit closely examines the strawberry patch. SCIENCE ECU – the red strawberries. Can we remove "only" and have have her be more discriptive of the strawberry plant. i.e. Yep, these are strawberries all right. Strawberries grow on bushes with groups of three leaves with jagged edges and have these what flowers with 5 petals. ...I know that some websites say they are but sentences like this beg for a scientist parent watching with their child and getting huffy over the technical complexity that should be used to describe strawberry 'seeds'. RanGER RABBIT Yep, these are strawberries all right. I’m sure because strawberries are the only fruit that have seeds on the OUTSIDE, see. ELINOR That’s so interesting! WIDEN: to reveal the green and white berries and the white flowers. ELINOR (CONT’D) But what about the white and green ones. Are they strawberries too? RANGER RABBIT Well, what do you think? ELINOR Hmmm. I’m not sure. as i noted in the character doc - we can add olives' dun dun duunnn...sounds like a a mystery' here as we had her say this in the pilot episode and was really cute. could be another catch phrase of hers OLIVE maybe "about" instead of basically...it sounds more kid-like Me neither. It’s a mystery! ELINOR I know. Let’s solve the mystery of the many-coloured berries. We need MORE observations! OLIVE I’ll draw pictures of all the berries. Then we can observe and see how they’re different... ElINOR And the same. Olive takes the magnifying glass from her satchel and hands it to Elinor. Then she gets set up with her notebook and crayons. MAGNIFYING POV: All three berries. after getting all prepared - maybe a more natural start would be 'ok..so...' and then continue as you have it OlIVE They are all basically the same shape... ELINOR ...and their leaves are the same. suggest 'But they’re different sizes and colours...green, white and red' as red is the final colour - as she pulls a different colour out of her satchel and draws it OLIVE But they’re different sizes and colours...green, white, red... Olive draws three berries in her notebook and colours them with her crayons - a small green one, a larger white one and a big red one. ElINOR Let’s touch, smell and taste all three. Is that okay Mom? RANGER RABBIT Yep, good investigating, but it’s always important to ask first. Olive picks up the green strawberry. OlIVE The green ones don’t really have a smell. ELINOR They’re very hard, and they taste... (she tries to bite it but can’t) ...like not much! Olive draws a face emoji with a straight mouth under the green berry. Then she picks up a white berry. OLIVE (sniffing) The white ones smell a little like strawberries. She hands it to Elinor. boy are they sour' sound kid-like enough? - maybe 'oh, they are sour!' ELINOR They’re a little softer too, and... (she bites it) BOY are they sour! Elinor makes a funny sour face. Then she hands the berry to Olive who also takes a bite. OLIVE Are they EVER! Olive’s sour face is even funnier. The girls <SFX: GIGGLE>, then hand the berry to Mom. RANGER RABBIT Well, if I must, for science. Mom bites the berry, her Sour Face is hilarious! The girls <SFX: LAUGH LIKE MAD!> Olive makes a sour-face emoji under the white berry. Then Elinor picks up a red berry. ELINOR (sniffing) The red ones REALLY smell like strawberries. She hands it to Olive. OLIVE They are very soft and they taste? (she bites) Mmmmm. She hands the berry to Elinor who takes a bite too. ELINOR (mouth full) So yummy!! The red ones are definitely strawberries. OlIVE Definitely. Olive draws a happy face emoji under the red berry. perhaps she asks instead as shes thinking it through 'But are the green and white ones strawberries too? because they are the same shape.? ELINOR But I think the green and white ones could be strawberries too, because they are the same shape. OLIVE And they have the seeds on the outside and have the same leaves. RANGER RABBIT Nice work, scientists! They are ALL strawberries, and the white flowers are too! ElINOR Really? suggest adding 'As the strawberries grow they turn white, then they turn red when they get ripe' so it doesnt sound like shes still comparing them to little girls RANGER RABBIT Yes, strawberries start out as flowers which gradually turn into small, green strawberries which grow bigger - just like little girls! As they grow they turn white, then they turn red when they get ripe. OLIVE Uhh, what does RIPE mean? ELINOR Ripe means sweet and juicy and ready to eat, right Mom? it reads they grab a big basket and start picking strawberries but where did they get the basket from? they didnt have one with them. suggest RR says, why dont we go back to the campsite and grab a big basket to collect srawberries for dad's birthday. then we crossfade to next seq as you have it RANGER RABBIT You got it. All fruits go through a similar change as they ripen. And some of these strawberries are definitely ripe. So why don’t you girls pick a big basket and we can bring them back to Dad, for his birthday. The girls cheer <SFX: YAY!!> and start collecting a big basket of luscious, ripe, red strawberries. CROSSFADE TO: 7. EXT. CAMPSITE – DAY Mr. Rabbit is napping, now in a hammock <SFX: SNORE> as the girls enter with their basket full of strawberries. "Lines 87-100 - Changes (cont'd): In the suggested new version, the kids come back to specifically make the jam, not to give the dad strawberries. This makes this last act more streamlined. The kids come back first and start mashing the strawberries to make jam (mom lets them so they can figure it out on their own). The kids taste the mooshed strawberries, but they don't taste quite right. Mom tells them that to make jam, they have to cook the strawberries and add a little sugar (we don't want to encourage too much sugar to our audience). She explains that cooking makes the strawberries softer and even sweeter (I think that's true, better double check). (also, I guess we ignore the fact that making jam requires pectin?). Then the kids go into the song as they make the jam." OlIVE Let’s wake up your Dad and show him our strawberries. ELINOR No, wait, Olive. Dad doesn’t want JUST strawberries. He wants strawberry JAM! OlIVE Uhhh, riiight. But we don’t have any jam, Elinor. ElINOR I know, but maybe we can MAKE some. OLIVE Make jam? I thought you bought jam at the store. ELINOR Yeah, but stawberry jam is just squished up strawberries right? OLIVE I guess... suggest she grabs the strawberries, puts them into a sieve, pors water over them, then dumps them into a bowl ELINOR Sooo? She looks at her Mom for permission. Ranger Rabbit gets the hint. She pours some of the strawberries into a bowl, quickly washes them with water and hands the girls a potato masher. RaNGER RABBIT Squish away, girls. Olive and Elinor both grab hold of the potato masher handle and <SFX: SQUISH, SQUISH> together. Elinor takes a taste. olive wont be able to put her elephant hand into the jar - no fingers to scoop a bit out - this will have to be elinor ELINOR Hmmm these squished strawberries are yummy, but they just don’t taste like jam. Olive tastes a little bit too, then takes the last finger-full of jam from the jar. OlIVE The jam from the jar is jammier. RANGER RABBIT That’s because it’s sweeter. You make real strawberry jam by adding in some sugar and then cooking it on the stove.. ELINOR Ooooh. Mom, can we try to make some jam that way, on the camp stove? RANGER RABBIT I don’t see why not. We brought LOTS of sugar for Dad’s coffee. You girls be the squishers and sugar adders, and I’ll be the cooker! MONTAGE: Ranger Rabbit cuts the tops off the last few berries, puts them in a bowl and hands it to Olive and Elinor for squishing. Then the girls add the sugar and Ranger Rabbit cooks over the camps stove as they sing their song (NOTE: she can cook in a recycled can to match the lyrics) Song second verse: Not sure we can generalize the hard-green and then bigger process to all fruit, can we? Can you double check? If not, or to be safer, make this paragraph about strawberries. Also, maybe rhyme ripe with "white" instead of "right" (feels a little forced). Elinor/olive BOTH: Strawberry jam, strawberry jam We’re gonna make some strawberry jam We’ll squish up the berries and cook them in a can Dad’s gonna love our Strawberry Jam! OLIVE: Fruit starts out hard and green Then it gets softer all right ELINOR: When fruit gets bigger and juicy and sweet That’s when you know it’s ripe BOTH: Strawberry jam, strawberry jam, We’re gonna make some strawberry jam, We’ll squish up the berries and cook them in a can. Dad’s gonna love our Strawberry Jam! After the song, Ranger Rabbit lifts a spoon to her lips and blows to make sure it’s cool, then she tastes. RANGER RABBIT Mmmm, I think this is ready. What do you girls think? Elinor and Olive each take a taste. The rest is cute. Not sure the "Berry" joke will be immediately clear to kids. Maybe he can say, "it's the strawBERRY best jam ever. Get it? BERRY best?" ELINOR Now THAT is yummy strawberry jam. Olive nods. Olive and Elinor slather it on the toast, then they sneak up on Dad once again. ELINOR/OLIVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY/MR.RABBIT!! Dad JUMPS out of his hammock, <SFX: WHOOOAAAA!!!>. (Or maybe it can spin around, cartoon-style). Elinor Look! OLIVE We made you some JAM! Dad recovers. MR. RABBIT What? You made this? ELINOR Uh-huh. Olive and I found a wild strawberry patch. OlIVE And then we squished up the berries, and cooked it into jam. ELINOR What do you think? Dad takes a big bite <SFX: CRUNCH> then... MR. RABBIT (mouth full) I think it’s the BERRY best jam ever! (swallowing) Get it? BERRY best! Like strawberries. Olive, Elinor and Ranger Rabbit all <SFX: LAUGH and GROAN> ELINOR Oh, Dad. Happy Birthday. She gives her Dad a big jammy birthday hug. MR. RABBIT BERRY best birthday ever! Elinor, Olive and Ranger Rabbit <SFX: LAUGH A LITTLE LAMELY> RANGER RABBIT That’s enough, dear. IRIS OUT, THE END

EWW148 Strawberry Jam D1 04Sept19 .

<SFX <SFX: CONT’D Hmmm Hmmmm> Mmmm Mmmmm Oooooh!> POV: Wha-oh gonna riiight sooo

.

ELINOR WONDERS WHY EP 148 Strawberry Jam By Katherine Sandford Elinor’s Question: Where do strawberries come from? Logline: Elinor’s Dad’s perfect birthday camping breakfast is less-than-perfect when they run out of strawberry jam. Curriculum Goals; LS4 . Understand that all animals and plants have a life cycle, can reproduce, and change and grow over time: a. Observe the life cycle of familiar plants and animals b. Observe the growth in animals and plants c. Understand that living things grow and change over time. (Elinor and Olive observe the life cycle of the strawberry plant) SEP1 . Asking questions (science) and defining problems (engineering) a. Demonstrate curiosity about the greater world outside of their local environmentb . Ask more complex questions about observable phenomena (Elinor and Olive explore the strawberry field near their campground and ask questions about what they find.) SEP3 . Planning and carrying out investigations a. Identify and use a greater variety of tools to extend the senses for observing, measuring, and recording data about objects and events b. Compare and contrast objects and events by describing similarities and differences in detaild . With guidance, plan and conduct simple investigations using simple tools. e. Design and build a solution to a simple problem (engineering)(Elinor and Olive use the magnifying glass and notebook to examine the strawberries, then decide to make strawberry jam). SEP4 . Analyzing and interpreting data a. Collect, describe, and record observations in greater detail and in various ways b. Use the 5 senses and simple tools to gather and record data c. Record observations to describe patterns and/or relationships in the natural and designed world(s) in order to answer scientific questions and solve problems. (Elinor and Olive collect, observe, describe and record the various stages of strawberries.) MAINS: Elinor, Olive, Mr. Rabbit, Ranger Rabbit SETTINGS: Campsite, Cooking Area, Forest/Strawberry Field PROPS: Paper flower, birthday card, coffee cup, camping gear, strawberry blossoms, strawberries (green, white, red), magnifying glass, notebook and coloured crayons, bowl, potato masher, camp stove, can, toast. FIRST DRAFT: 04-Sept-19 Mr. Rabbit ELINOR OLIVE RANGER RABBIT Elinor/olive Dad Eln (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E ELINOR WONDERS WHY ] CAMPSITE – DAY CAMPSITE – LATER STAWBERRY FIELD – DAY DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK.