"A nice first draft. The story structure is mostly all there and there are lots of good moments written in. The overall note is that it feels a bit lesson-ey, or not natural or exciting: - The dialogue is a bit on the nose. Try to make it looser and more natural on the next pass. Find opportunities to be silly and fun and make it more kid-like. - It's missing a modicum of drama or stakes, or at least something that propels or ties the story forward. What do the characters want? What do they learn in the process? What are the character dynamics here? You could play up the drama a little bit here (in a kid friendly way): Elinor really wants to go exploring, and in the process they inadvertedly impact the fish negatively so she feels a little bad; but the lesson is that if you keep trying, you will find a way, so they don't give up and they fix their problem. - It seems that the central lesson is ""if you're smart, you can always find a way"" but this feels a off? It's not about ""being smart"", it's more about ""keep trying, and you will find a way"". Find ways to tie all the elements to this lesson. This can be the lesson they learn from the ants, and also the lesson they use when they find out that their wall had unexpected consequences and they need to start over. Specific suggestions below. Thanks! " 1. EXT. THE FOREST - DAY "Line Count - 117 Elinor P - 49 Olive P - 31 Ari P - 36 " Really nice first draft OPEN ON: An extreme close up of Elinor, focussing very hard on something. Lines 1-17: This section feels like it needs to be better organized. They seem to jump from curiosity to playing a game to wanting to explore a little artificially. Suggest using the different characters to lead us from one element to the other. Something like the following: let's open the episode with the kids out and about, and it's clear Elinor is leading the charge to go exploring (What a great day to go exploring!). The others agree (adding in a joke or a funny moment) and it's clear to the audience what the characters want in this episode (to go exploring). Then Olive notices the ants. And maybe they don't just see that the ants go over a puddle on a leaf, but they notice the whole long path the ants make (over a puddle, over a branch, then on a log, over a rock, etc), i.e. the ants keep trying and find a way (that's our episode lesson). Then Ari gets the idea to play the game: Ooh, let's do like the ants! The kids play the game (which should be super relatable to the kids watching at home, so make it a fun moment) and it all ends in a big laugh moment. Then Elinor gets them (and the story back on track): let's continue exploring! I enjoyed this script. It is a good combo and engineering and science. ELINOR That’s SO interesting! ARI’s face comes in beside hers. ArI What’s so interesting, Elinor? Now we see that they’re looking at A TRAIL OF ANTS walking across a LEAF to get over a PUDDLE. OLIVE’S face comes into view as she joins Elinor and Ari. Olive Ooh ! Ants. I love ants. Elinor points at one side of the puddle, and then to the other side. ELINOR Look. They want to get from here to there. But there’s a puddle in the way. So instead of walking through the puddle, they’re walking on the leaf to get over the puddle. The others nod and then get up. Olive Ants are really, really smart. ELINOR That’s why exploring nature is so fun. There’s so much to learn. Ari looks puzzled. Ari So, what’d we learn from the ants? Elinor < giggles >. I like this line. I think it is OK without the last sentence. Even if there is something in the way sounds too pointed. ELINOR That if you’re smart, you can always find a way from here to there. Even if there’s something in the way. "corection: ""Hmmm. Like I said, ants are smart. So, where should we explore next?"" - and 'hmmm' doesnt seem like the correct response - instead ""yup! Like I said, ants are smart. So, where should we explore next?"" " Olive Hmmm . Like I said, ants are smart. So, here should we explore next? They look around. Elinor points in a direction. 9-11 feels like an awkward forced transition. ELINOR I feel like this line might work better to just say "let's pretend to be ants ...getting from here to there" Let’s go this way. But, wait! Let’s play a game. Ari Sure! What kind of game? Elinor sees a series of rocks, stumps and fallen logs ahead in the forest. ( NOTE : All of them are quite low to the ground, so they aren’t dangerous for the kids to walk on.) ELINOR An ANT game. We can be ants and find ways to get from here to there - without walking on the ground. Ari gets a sneaky smile. ArI Easy-peasy . He flaps his wings and lifts off the ground. Olive and Elinor < giggle >. Elinor (giggling) Not that way, Ari. Flying doesn’t count. Olive steps up on a fallen log and puts her arms out to balance. Olive You mean like walking on this log to get from here to there, right Elinor? Elinor smiles as Olive wobbles along the log. ElinOR Right. Let’s see how long we can go without touching the ground, by stepping on rocks or logs or tree stumps. Ari The way the ants walked on the leaf to cross over the puddle. Elinor nods, then hops onto the fallen log, following Olive. Then Ari does the same. They <GIGGLE> and make <WOAH> sounds etc, as they try to maintain their balance. When Olive gets to the end of the log, she looks around for what to walk on next. She spots a series of rocks and hops onto the first, then steps onto the next. Elinor gets to the end of the log and spots a small tree stump, then another log. Ari comes to the end of the log and looks both ways. He decides to follow Olive. 2. EXT. fishy pool - momENTS LATER Elinor hops from the log onto a rock near a small, shallow stream. A little jut has created a kind of a cove where the water eddies, creating a little pool. As she tries not to lose her balance, she notices something. ANGLE: A LITTLE FISH jumps out of the water and splashes back into it! Lines 18-30: This section could be a little better organized. Right now, the game sort of abruptly ends then the fish happen and then they remember to keep exploring. Suggest something like the following: If we continue from the note in line 1, the kids continue walking and they run into the stream and the pool. Uh oh, how are we going to keep exploring. As they think about it, they notice the fish and get to know the fish (as written). Then they remember, how are we going to keep exploring? They decide to go upstream to see if there's a spot they can cross. ELINOR Woah ! Did you see that? Olive and Ari stop and almost lose their balance as they look over toward Elinor. OliVE See what? Elinor steps down off the rock and goes to the edge of the stream, As she peers into the water, the fish jumps again, making a <SPLASH>. ELINOR There’s a little fishy here. Olive jumps down off the log to join Elinor. OLIVE Oooh ! Let’s see! Ari, still on the log, raises his arms in victory. "maybe ad a bit more to the fact that They dont realize Ari's win - after 22 Olive 'awe, cute"" Ari 'hello!? I'm the winner...'" ArI Haha ! I’m still off the ground. WINNER!! But Olive and Elinor aren’t paying attention to him, they’re intrigued with what they’re looking at, so Ari jumps off the rock and joins them at the edge of the stream. "need to correct ""Look. The fishy’s got its own little swimming pool."" yet its a stream and too far to jump across - so elinor shouldnt describe fish having her own little swimming pool " ELINOR Look. The fishy’s got its own little swimming pool. They peer into the water, and see the little fish, which is peering up at them, opening and closing its mouth. ARI Hello little fishy! They wave at the fishy. olive Nice to meet you. Elinor Have a great day in your pool! (she stands up and looks around) Now which way should we explore? They look across the stream. I wonder if they should have a reason to go over the stream that also brings them back? Maybe to ask something about the fish or to see if they can find more on the otherside? OLIVE I wonder what’s over on that side of the stream? ELINOR There’s only one way to find out. Ari Let’s go! Olive But how will we get over there? It’s too far to jump. Elinor points upstream. ElINOR I think it’s narrower up there. Maybe it’ll be easier to cross. They head upstream. Ari stops and calls back. Ari Bye little fishy! We’ll come back and tell you what we saw. 3. EXT. upstream narrows - moments later They arrive at a narrower part of the stream. ElinoR This is a nice narrow spot. Maybe we can get across. Ari flaps his wings and lifts off the ground a bit. Ari Well I know I can. Olive and Elinor <GIGGLE>. ELINOR You can, but we can’t fly. And it’s too far to jump. They look down at the water and see a LEAF being carried downstream by the current. We can't have a fast stream, it'd be too dangerous. Maybe Olive can just say they can't cross without getting wet. olive will this reasoning be clear to our audience? - explaining that its unsafe to try to walk across since the current is moving too quickly. Can we simplify it And the water’s moving pretty fast. Look at how that leaf is being moved by the stream. Ari gets a thought bubble over his head of Olive pole vaulting over the stream ! Pole vault seems too adulty. He could just say, "How about a long stick? You could use one to get across" (and the thought bubble shows Olive pole vaulting and doing an outrageous flip that she couldn't possibly do). ARI Have you ever seen anyone pole vault? It’s where you use a long stick to help you jump over something. Maybe you could try that? Olive looks at Ari with surprise as his THOUGHT BUBBLE POPS, and she opens her backpack. Olive (giggle) I don’t think so, Ari. Elinor We need more ideas. What do you think Olive? Olive gets out her notebook and pencil. She draws two lines for the stream, and an arrow showing the flow of the water. does the direction the water is going matter in their diagram? unless maybe they first try to put a broken branch in to walk across but the current pushes it downstream OLIVE <- great point. We always want Olive to record only the most useful information to teach children how to use a science notebook. Let’s see. This is the stream. The water is going this way. She draws stick figures of the three of them on one side. OLIVE (CONT’D) And this is us on one side. ELINOR But we want to be on the other side. Elinor and Ari look around. He’s standing on a rock. ELINOR (CONT’D) What else have we got here? Ari Just rocks. Elinor’s face lights up. ELINOR Rocks! That’s it! ARI What’s it? ELINOR Remember the game we were playing, where we walked on things instead of on the ground? What if we put some big rocks in the water? Olive draws two big rocks in the water, making a walkway. Olive Then we could walk on the rocks to get across. Ari Amazing! Let’s do it! The three of them gather around the rock Ari was on. Elinor Ready? Olive/ari Ready! They push the rock, <EFFORT SOUNDS>, causing it to roll toward the stream. Then <PLUNK> it drops into the stream and rolls once, so it’s touching the other bank. OlivE Perfect! Now, just one more rock like that, and we can walk across. They get behind another big rock, and roll it toward the stream. <EFFORT SOUNDS>. It drops <PLUNK> into the water. One side of the rock is touching the other rock and the other side of the rock is touching the bank in front of them. So they’ve effectively created a walkway (and a dam). They’re delighted with their work and high five each other. "rock walk" may sound a bit confusing to our audience ElinoR We did it! We built a rock walk. Ari Yay us! ealk -> walk Olive correction "Let’s walk across" Let’s ealk across. They hop across on the rocks and land on the other side. Now we can keep exploring! ElINOR Now we can explore this way. They all start walking downstream on the other side. As they leave, the camera moves to the spot where they put the rocks in the water. There’s a little water coming between the two rocks, but a significant amount of water is being diverted by the rocks, and is spilling onto to the other bank of the stream. Another LEAF floats downstream toward the rocks, but instead of continuing toward the fishy’s pool, it flows with the diverted water and lands on the other bank, where a puddle is forming. Time Transition. 4. EXT. THE other side of the stream – later on Elinor, Ari and Olive are walking on the far side of the stream, retracing the route they took earlier. Ari Wow! That was fun. i want to be sure we're clear with them returning on the new side of the stream - maybe olive says "i’m so glad we got across the stream. We saw so many cool things on this side!” Olive We saw so many cool things. ElinoR I liked the dragonfly best. OLIVE Hmmm ... I liked the hummingbird. What’d you like best Ari? Ari I liked ... everything ! Let’s go tell our fishy friend all about it. We can cross the stream again using our rock walk. ELINOR We can use our rock walk again to get from here to there. 5. EXT. upstream narrows - momENTS LATER The three arrive at their walkway, but as they get close to it, we hear <SQUISH> and Elinor makes a face. ELINOR That’s weird. ArI What is? ELINOR There’s a big puddle here. I don’t remember stepping in a puddle when we came across before. Olive Maybe we just stepped around it. ElinOR Maybe. ARI Come on! Let’s go see fishy. They hop across the rocks, not noticing the water. 6. EXT. FISHY POOL - momENTS LATER They run up to the fishy pool, Ari in the lead. Line 69-80: without getting too heavy, the kids should feel some concern for the fish. Oh no, their water looks low. That doesn't seem great for the fish. What are we going to do? Ari Hey little fishy. You’ll never guess what we ... Huh? Elinor and Olive join Ari at the edge of the pool. ELINOR What’s the matter, Ari? ANGLE ON: The water level is lower than it was earlier. The little fishy is still there. ARI There’s hardly any water in fishy’s pool now. OliVE There was lots of water before. Ari turns and addresses the fish. ArI Did you drink all that water, fishy? Elinor has a thought. Nice moment ELINOR Do fish drink water? Olive has her nature book out. She flips some pages, consults the book, then looks up at Elinor and shakes her head. Is it technically true that fish don't drink water? OlivE My nature book says no, fish don’t drink water. A beat as this sinks in <HMMMM> then Elinor smiles, as a THOUGHT BALLOON appears, showing a GIANT ALIEN WITH A STRAW, SUCKING UP WATER FROM THE STREAM. Woah, that's out there, but fun. Maybe "alien" is too weird, consider just making it a "giant" ELINOR this seems to be more of an Ari line - he tends to be the one to offer the silly suggestions Huh. Then ... Maybe a giant alien came and drank it all, with a huge straw! Ari and Olive < giggle > and shake their heads. There's gotta be an explanation! OlIVE 77-81. I'm a little confused by what they are seeing and talking about. I would stick to making observations about how low the water is now compared to when they were there before. They might notice that edges are wet but not filled in with water. I would avoid calling the "pool" something different...it's just a pool with less water. Puddles that are self-contained are a little bit confusing while looking at a river. Throughout this section I would say there was a pool here and now it has little water but there is a pool up there and before it didn't have any water. There must be some other reason. ELINOR We need more observations! 79 and 80 - it reads a bit odd. elinor looks up at the word? we arent going to have text - even if this is to be a thought bubble, we dont treat them as if the kids can look up above them to see what the others are thinking. And maybe instead he says that he observes that there is a lot less water here now. Then they compare that upstream there is water where there wasnt before Ari I think it might be a stretch to compare the more water upstream/ less water downstream unless it is a very simple observation. related to ....well if there is less water here it must have gone soemwhere...where is it? I like that you are having Ari say "I observe". After some play testing with kids it might be good to support this with "I observe with my eyes that..." I observe that there’s just a puddle here now. Elinor looks up at the word “puddle”. ELINOR Puddle! That’s SO interesting. Olive starts to get what Elinor’s thinking. Olive Right. There’s a puddle where fishy’s swimming pool used to be. And over near our rock walk, it used to be dry ... Now Ari gets it. ari And now there’s a puddle! Let's go back and take a closer look. ElINOR Let’s go look. 7. EXT. upstream narrows – MOMENTS LATER Elinor, Ari and Olive stand on their rock walk. Elinor points the puddle that’s formed on that side of the bank. ELINOR There’s the puddle. But where’s the water coming from? They look from the puddle to the water that’s flowing around the rocks. There’s another LEAF floating toward the rocks. i think they are jumping to find out the answer too quickly in knowing to watch the leaf - i suggest as they are looking to try and figure out where the puddle is coming from, a leaf floats downstream and into the bank. one of them witnesses it and points it out "did you see that!?" - "the leaf flowed down into the puddle. heres another one, watch!" and they all observe a second leaf doing the same thing. Olive There. Watch the leaf on the water. The leaf swings around the rocks and into the puddle. again - i think 'rock walk' wont be clear Ari It’s going around our rock walk and into the puddle, instead of down to fishy’s pool. Elinor points from one side of the stream to the other... Elinor So, when we put the rocks in the stream to get from here to there... Then she points from the walkway to downstream where fishy’s pool is. Line 88-91: without getting too heavy, the kids should realize that their actions had an unintended consequence. For them at this point, especially Elinor, their desire to go exploring impacted the fish, so in a kid-appropriate way they should feel a liiittle bad and feel a sense of urgency to correct their action. There's not much drama in this episode, so you can amp this up a bit more than in the current draft. ELINOR (CONT’D) ... we made the water stop going from here to there . Wow. That's not what we meant to do! OLIVE Wow. We never thought that would happen. ARI We have to fix it, or fishy might not have any water to swim in. ELINOR Okay. Let’s pull the rocks back, so the water can go through again. Ari and Olive agree <WALLA>. Ari and Elinor stand on one side of the stream and work together to pull one rock out. <EFFORT SOUNDS> . The water starts flowing through, but still moves around the other rock, which Olive is standing on. Ari It’s working. Can you move the other one away Olive? Olive nods and steps on the other side of the stream. Then she reaches down and pulls the other rock back. <EFFORT SOUNDS>. The water gushes straight through, like it did when they first got there. Elinor and Ari high five each other. ELINOR Yay! We did it! Ari Let’s go see if there’s more water in fishy’s pool. ElinOR Okay. Come on Olive. Olive (O.S.) Um ... That might be a problem. They look and see Olive on the other side of the stream. Olive (CONT’D) Now that the rock walk is gone, I can’t get across anymore. Elinor and Ari look at each other. There's got to be another way across. ElinOR I like this...back to re-design phase in engineering. There’s got to be a way to get you from there to here without blocking the water. Elinor looks at the water flowing through and sees another LEAF on the water. She smiles. ElinOR (CONT’D) And I think I know what it is. A THOUGHT BUBBLE appears of the ants they saw earlier crossing the puddle on the leaf. ElinOR (CONT’D) Remember the ants we saw crossing over the puddle on the leaf? Ari looks skeptical. Ari I don’t think Olive could walk on a leaf. Elinor <GIGGLES>. Did the leaf the ants were on go over the water or was it sitting on the water? It might be better to have this be a stick that is over the water and not touching it.This will make for a more direct tranfer of thinking. ELINOR No, but maybe we could make something that goes over the stream, without blocking it. Like the ants did. Olive gets out her notebook, which has the drawing from before. Olive I think I know what we could do. She points to the rocks on either side of the stream. Olive (CONT’D) We have the rocks on the side of the stream. Maybe we could put something on top of them to make a bridge. Like this. She draws a kind of plank across the stream, using the rocks as a base. She holds it up and shows it to them. Ari What about the logs we were walking on before? One of those might work. ELINOR Great idea Ari. Let’s go. Elinor and Ari work together to get the log. Then they bring it to their side of the stream. They stand it up and lower it down. On the other side of the stream, Olive takes the end. On both sides, they guide the log so that it sits securely on top of the rock. During all this, they sing their song: 8. SONG: here to there Let's make the song more in line with the lesson of the episode, which is "to find a way, you have to keep trying." (the episode is not just about going from here to there). Maybe replace "Here to there" as the main phrase with "Find a way" and tailor the verses to add more about "keep trying". Elinor/ARI/OLIVE I'd love to see if the words improved our design in the song Here to there, Here to there. We have to find a way to get From here to there. So we built a wall of rocks Because we didn’t know It would stop the stream from going Where it used to go. So we built a little bridge That lets the stream go through Now we go just where we want to And the stream can too! Here to there Here to there We found a better way to get From here to there. At the end of the song, the bridge is built and Olive is ready to cross. ELINOR Come on Olive. Cross the bridge. She steps tentatively, and then hops across. OlivE It works! Ari Yay us! Let’s go tell fishy. They hurry downstream to visit fishy. 9. EXT. fishy pool - momenTS LATER Fishy is happily swimming in his pool, which is up to the same level as it was before. Ari Hi fishy! We’re sorry we took water away from your pool. again 'rock walk' may not be clear Olive We didn’t know our rock walk would stop the water from going through. ELINOR But now we know: A bridge is better than a wall. Right fishy? Fishy jumps out of the water and splashes back in. End on the kids giggling. Ari The big picture meaning I would like to connect to at the end of this is that a design that makes less impact on the envirnoment is the best desgin or that when we are changing the environment we need to thinkj about how that canges everything around it. These are pretty grown up worries but if we can introduce that idea that we should think about the impact of our actions on nature that would be great for this new generation. Fishy says “Right!” FADE OUT.

EWW138 Water You Doing? D1 July 05, 2019

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EWW138 Water You Doing? by Kate Barris Elinor’s Question: Where did the pool of water go? Logline: Elinor discovers that putting some rocks into a stream can affect where the water flows. Curriculum Goals: • SEP1 . Asking questions a. Demonstrate curiosity about the greater world outside of their local environment b. Ask more complex questions about observable phenomena c. Ask and/or identify cause and effect questions that can be answered by an investigation d. Identify a problem that can be solved by the design of a new or improved object or tool (By asking questions, Elinor and her friends realize they have blocked the stream, and decide to make a small bridge instead). LS5 . Begin to understand that animals and plants depend on other living things and nonliving things in the environment to meet some of their needs. (Elinor and her friends realize the fish needs water in order to survive). ND1 . ( RTL Crosscutting concept ‘Patterns’): Understand that modes of life in the natural world and engineered solutions in the designed world have common patterns, and engineers often look to natural patterns for inspiration. (Elinor gets the idea for the bridge from the ants using the leaf to cross the puddle.) ND5 .( RTL Crosscutting concept ‘Cause and Effect’): Appreciate that events are connected to each other via cause and effect, and that similar links can be found in the natural and designed worlds. (Elinor and her friends learn that their actions have an effect on the stream, and on the fish) FIRST DRAFT July 5, 2019 Elinor Elinor/olive/ari Ari Olive Elion Mr. Dog Ari/olive Ari’s mom Ari’s little sister Air Ms. Mole Mr. Mole Art Olie Mr. Hamster Mary Lizzie Liszzie Mary & lizzie Mr. Hm Mr. N Kids Elinr Elinor/ari/Olive Senor tapir Oiive Olive/ari Eline (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (thing-ese)_ (thing-ESE) INT EXT I/E 7 1 6 3. EXT 1. EXT 8 TRANSITION CIRCLE TIME SCIENCE STATION ACTIVITY BOARD COMPUTER STATION OPIE MONOLOGUE OPENING TITLES SEQUENCE COLD OPENING OPENING TITLES BLOCK AREA CIRCLE TIME SONG DOORWAY TO KINDERGARTEN COATROOM COATROOM - CUBBIES SENSES TABLE BAHTROOM BATHROOM CIRCLE RUB OPIE FANTASY DRAMA CENTRE CREDITS. PLAYGROUND - CATERPILLAR PLAYGROUND - NEAR THE SLIDES PLAYGROUND - TEEPEE LARGE SHRUB CUBBY AREA CLASSROOM HOLEY WALL CREATIVITY CENTRE CLASS - BETWEEEN MATH AND SCIENCE CIRCLE TIME RUG MATH CENTRE INT. CLASSROOM ICY SNOWY EXPANSE OUTSIDE SALLY'S HOUSE THE THINGAMAJIGGER FRICTIONARIUM FRICTIONARIUM - RAMPS THINGAMAJIGGER THINGAMAJIGGER -HEADING HOME NICK'S BACKYARD NICK'S BACK DOOR SERENDIP PATH SERENDIP FIRST PATH INT. SERENDIP CLOSER TO SCHOOL – A LITTLE LATER THE PARK UPSTREAM NARROWS THE BANK OF A SMALL STREAM BANK OF THE STREAM FISHY POOL SONG: HERE TO THERE DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY CUBBIES SAME SAME TIME AERIAL ESTABLISHING SHOT CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK.