a good first draft. The fun family moments at the top of the story is really engaging. My main note is to have Elinor's dialogue feel a bit more natural especially when she's talking by herself. we dont want the seq to be silent but its tricky as we dont want her having to describe all of her actions since she doesnt have anyone to banter with. I've made some suggestions below. Her dialogue aslo felt a bit older for her age. 1. EXT./INT. RABBIt’s house/Ranger and mr rabbit’s room -- early morning A agree this is a great draft. I'm not really making the connections to ND2. The idea of systems (parts working together toward one goal) needs to be mroe literal for preschoolers. We see the sun rise over Animal Town on a clear morning. CU: On a ROBIN sitting on a branch outside of ELINOR’S window. Through the window, we see Elinor sleeping peacefully. The Robin jumps from branch to branch and lands on one very close to her parents’ bedroom window. (NOTE: although we can hear and possibly see all kinds of birds in the trees, all the “main birds” are American Robins. https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/American_Robin/id THROUGH THE WINDOW: we see MR. RABBIT sleeping, snoring quietly. The robin gathers itself and then belts out a loud and proud <SFX: BIRD SONG>, musical but with exaggerated pretension. INSIDE: Mr. Rabbit wakes up. He stirs, somewhat confused, looking around. MR RABBIT (Mumbling) Wha..? The <SFX: BIRD SONG> stops. Mr. Rabbit lays back down, snuggles back into his pillow and tries to go back to sleep. BACK ON THE TREE: The bird takes a deep breath and starts again, with great gusto. BACK ON: Mr Rabbit’s eyes open again. He groans sleepily. MR RABBIT (partially mumbled) (CONT’D) WHAT is that? The <SFX: BIRD SONG> pauses again. MR RABBIT (CONT’D) Ahhh, that’s better... He curls back up with his pillow. BACK ON THE TREE: The bird gathers itself for the pièce de résistance, and starts belting out in song again, even louder this time. It LOVES to sing. BACK ON: Mr. Rabbit jumps out of his sheets, startled. nice physical comedy - perhaps we give this trait to Mr.Rabbit - offering physical action when needed MR RABBIT (CONT’D) Wha? Who? (adlib startled nonsense) He falls accidentally on the floor. MR RABBIT (CONT’D) <groans> 2. INT. ELINOR’S ROOM Elinor wakes up slowly. She rubs her eyes and yawns contentedly. She hears some <SFX: BIRD SONG> in the distance and her ears turn and react. Elinor is awake here - Our Elinor is a bright girl so its a bit odd to have her not know what bird whistling is. Maybe instead, just 'Hmm..' as she's curious to get a closer look. ELINOR Hmmm. What’s that? Elinor hops out of bed and goes to the window. ZOOM IN on the window, revealing the Robin outside. ELINOR (CONT’D) Oh, good morning, little bird! The bird <SFX: BIRD CHIRPS>, seemingly in response. ELINOR (CONT’D) Thank you for the nice wake-up song! I’ll be outside soon. Maybe we can play! 3. INT. KITCHEN -- DAY, A SHORT TIME LATER Elinor comes down for her breakfast, which Ranger Rabbit has just served on the table. RANGER RABBIT Good morning, Elinor! How are you this morning? Mr. Rabbit slouches down the stairs like a sleep-deprived zombie. He comes into the kitchen. maybe she should describe the song as 'pretty' here since she does so at line 14. She'd probably have the same thought/feeling about it ELINOR I’m great, mom! I just heard a cute little bird singing a really nice wake-up song. RANGER RABBIT That’s wonderful, dear. Mr. Rabbit pours himself a coffee and slumps into his chair. Maybe -"Morning, Dad! Did you hear that sweet bird singing this morning? - so she isnt describing the bird as pretty and then her next line , the song is pretty ELINOR Pretty bird or pretty song? - Ha ha just say Kevins comment. Morning, Dad! Did you hear that pretty bird singing this morning? MR RABBIT (UNENTHUSIASTIC) Mmmm hmmm . I sure did, Elinor. ELINOR Wasn’t it pretty? MR RABBIT Yes. <pause> Pretty LOUD. ELINOR/ranger rabbit (laugh) RANGER RABBIT Did it wake you up, dear? I know you wanted to sleep in today. MR RABBIT Well, I tried to go back to sleep but I couldn’t. Why do birds have to sing RIGHT outside my window? Love this- calling out the questioning and the modeling between parent/ child ELINOR (intrigued) Good question, Dad! And why do birds sing anyway? Mr. Rabbit shrugs sleepily. nice showing her line of thought ELINOR (CONT’D) (excited by the mystery) Lizards don’t sing. Bugs don’t sing. Plants don’t sing. love Dad's attitude and sarcasm MR RABBIT Thank goodness for that! ELINOR So why do BIRDS sing? Ranger rabbit puts down a plate of food for herself and Mr. Rabbit and joins the family at the table. RANGER RABBIT That IS a good question, Elinor! Why do YOU think birds sing? ELINOR (excited to share) Hmmm... Maybe they are practicing to give a big singing concert somewhere? RANGER RABBIT That’s a fun idea. Have you ever heard of birds giving a concert? ELINOR No, you’re right. Birds don’t give concerts. So why do they sing? MR RABBIT Maybe they just like waking up sleeping bunnies? ELINOR/RANGER RABBIT (laugh) sounds a bit old coming from Elinor ELINOR Agreed...could go straight to 31 without the 'BUT' But Dad, birds sing in LOTS of places, not just outside your window. MR RABBIT Hmph. Could have fooled me! The But feels a bit confusing here. Better to start with IF to create and if/then statement ELINOR But if I figure out WHY birds sing, then maybe I can figure out why that bird is waking you up! MR RABBIT Thank you, Elinor. That’s the best idea I’ve heard all morning. RaNGER RABBIT How are you going to figure it out, Elinor? ELINOR Hmm... I need MORE OBSERVATIONS! Ranger Rabbit gets up and pulls a pair of binoculars off a hook on the wall RANGER RABBIT Then you might want to use these binoculars. They’re good for watching birds. ELINOR Oh, thanks mom! RANGER RABBIT You’re welcome. Do you remember how to use them? ELINOR (slightly offended) Of course! Ranger Rabbit smiles. "we'll need to be sure she's eating her breakfast throughout the seq. we dont want her sitting in front of her food and then leaving it untouched. maybe when she first sits down, she can take a bite and tell her mom its yummy! " ELINOR (CONT’D) OK, I’m going to figure out this mystery! Thanks for breakfast, mom! See you later, Dad! Dad? Elinor hops by her father, who is now fast asleep, head on the table. Mr RABBIT <Snores...> very cute ELINOR (STAGE WHISPER) Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll figure this out for you. 4. EXT. FOREST NEAR ELINOR’S HOUSE - A SHORT WHILE LATER Elinor is hopping around the woods near her house with the binoculars around her neck. ELINOR OK, let’s find some birds and make some observations! She lifts the binoculars to her face -- the wrong way. BINOCULARS POV: We see two small overlapping circles with far away trees. "we want to be carfeul not to have her saying things too on the nose, especially as she's just talking to herself. perhaps instead 'hmmm, whats wrong with these?'" ELINOR (O.S) (CONT’D) Hmm, am I doing this right? BACK TO ELINOR: Elinor keeps the binoculars at her face and waves one hand in front of the binoculars. BINOCULARS POV: We see a small Elinor’s hand waving. ELINOR (O.S.) (CONT’D) These are supposed to make things look CLOSER, not FARTHER AWAY! BACK TO ELINOR: She lowers the binoculars and realizes that she’s had them backwards. may not need her to say 'I had them backwards' - she can just giggle <oops> and then we will visually see her turn them around ELINOR (CONT’D) Oh. <giggles> I had them backwards. She turns them around. BINOCULARS POV: We see two large overlapping circles that come into focus. Awesome! sounds a bit old - maybe "thats better!" - Plus i think 'Now I can see things that are far away!' may be a bit confusing because she just said 'These are supposed to make things look CLOSER, not FARTHER AWAY!' the repeating 'far(ther) away but using it two different ways may be confusing ELINOR (O.S.) (CONT’D) agree- There we go! Now I can see things that are far away! Elinor scans around, we see the POV sliding, until she passes a bird and then comes back to look at it. sounds a bit old ...'hear its song' - maybe instead 'Ooh! There's a cute little bird. Are you going to sing for me?' this also allows her to be speaking to the bird and not just to herself throughout this whole sequence. ELINOR (CONT’D) Ooh! There’s a cute little bird. I can’t wait to hear its song! Something brown, fuzzy and blurry blocks her view. "feels unantural to have her describing all she's doing - I suggest we have it flow a bit better maybe just 'Huh!?' as we then see the image come into focus. Ari could move back from the binoculars a bit to justify this as well. then line 49. " ELINOR (CONT’D) Huh? What’s that? Let’s make it clearer. BACK ON ELINOR: We see her adjusting the focus knob on the binoculars. BINOCULARS POV: The picture comes into focus and... we see part of ARI’s face. BACK TO ELINOR: We see Ari looking through the big end of the binoculars. OLIVE is standing behind him. ARI Hi, Elinor! Whatcha doing? She lowers the binoculars. Light comment: Solving problem and answering questions go with curriculum tighter then solving a mystery. ELINOR Oh, hi Ari, hi Olive! I’m using these binoculars to look for birds. I’m trying to solve a mystery! OLIVE Cool! <beat> Uh, what’s the mystery? ELINOR I want to know why birds sing! Plants don’t sing, lizards don’t sing. Why do birds sing? ARI Uh, of course birds sing! They are birds! OLIVE But WHY do they sing, Ari? ARI Oh. Hmm. I never thought about it before. You’re right, I don’t know! maybe she asks instead "can we help Elinor? We can all solve the mystery together!" OLIVE We’ll help you, Elinor. Let’s all solve the mystery together! ELINOR OK! We’ll all watch the birds and try to figure out what makes them sing. The kids look around for birds. We hear <SFX: TRILLING AND CHIRPING OF VARIOUS BIRDS> from different directions. why is line 58 and 59 said in a (stage whisper)? - yet the rest of the dialogue is said normal volume. ARI (STAGE WHISPER) There’s some that way! He points in one direction. OLIVE (STAGE WHISPER) I heard one this way! She points in a totally different direction. ELINOR I think there’s one over there. She points to a nearby tree. ELINOR (CONT’D) Hmm. There are a lot of birds in the forest. OlIVE Let’s split up! I’ll look for birds over here... Ari And I’ll look over there! suggest "Great idea! Now we can get even MORE OBSERVATIONS!" EliNOR Great idea! Now we can get MORE OBSERVATIONS! Ari and Olive and Elinor tiptoe off screen in the direction of the birds they heard. 5. EXT FOREST -- VARIOUS LOCATIONS -- DAY Elinor finds a good spot. She sits among some short bushes (so she’s slightly hidden) in the center of the scene and cocks her head to listen for the <SFX: FOREST NOISES>. thank you for the references - lets be sure to include them in each draft through to final record ELINOR OK birds, I’m ready, let’s hear some songs! There are faint <SFX: BIRD SONGS> from many directions, but nothing close. Suddenly she hears <SFX: ROBIN CHIRPING> in a tree to her left. She picks up her binoculars and puts them to her face, turning to her left. BINOCULARS POV: We see through her binoculars an American Robin mama bird. [AR adult design reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-LbyrrJzrM]. The robin is looking left and right, up and down, <SFX: CHIRPING> each time. We get the sense that it’s looking for something. [ AR Adult sound reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZl2X4zjejA ] BACK ON ELINOR: We see Elinor looking through her binoculars. ELINOR (CONT’D) Hmm, you look like you’re looking for something. Elinor hears another <SFX: CHIRP>, this time to her right. It sounds similar, but like an baby.[AR Chick sound reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycgqNNL10yI] Elinor lowers her binoculars and turns to the right. "again, we'd want to be careful she isnt describing too much that makes it feel unnatural. perhaps eliminate ""do they kow each other?"" - we'll find out over the next 2 lines " ELINOR (CONT’D) Ooh, another bird. They sound kind of the same. Do they know each other? She looks through her binoculars again. BINOCULARS POV: We see a baby American Robin in the tree. It is looking around, <SFX: CHIRPING> constantly. [AR chick Design reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-LbyrrJzrM]. ELINOR (CONT’D) Hi cute little bird! You look like a baby version of the other bird! We hear the mama bird <SFX: CHIRP> again (offscreen) and see the baby respond <SFX: CHIRP>. BIN POV: swishes left to where the mama bird is. ELINOR (CONT’D) Hey, you must be the mama bird! Are you looking for your baby? We hear the mama bird <SFX: CALL> , and the baby <SFX: REPLY>. The mama bird flits over to the tree on the right near where the baby bird sits. BACK ON: Elinor lowers her binoculars and tries to show the Mamma where to go. ELINOR (CONT’D) Yes, your baby is over there! Elinor lifts her binoculars again. BIN POV: We see the Mama and baby near each other but not next to each other. The mama calls and the baby replies. The mama moves over to the baby and they have a happy reunion. BACK ON ELINOR: She’s looking through the binoculars. ELINOR (CONT’D) Yay! You found each other! (putting down the bins) Hmmmm. Elinor looks like she’s about to have an idea, when suddenly we hear Ari calling out to Olive. ARI (O.S.) OLIVE! Where are you?! Elinor puts down the binoculars and listens. OLIVE (O.S.) I’m over here! Who is calling me? The voices come from the left and the right. Elinor turns her head each time to follow the voices. ARI (O.S.) It’s me Ari! OLIVE (O.S. ) Ari? ARI (O.S.) Yes! OLIVE Where are you? ARI I’m right next to a tree! OLIVE Which tree? Ari emerges from the left-hand side of the screen, standing next to the tree the mama bird was spotted on earlier. ARI Uh, it’s tall, with a bunch of leaves? OLIVE emerges from the right-hand side of the screen, standing next to the tree that has the mama and baby bird. after 81 - suggest we dont see the birds fly off if we're having her take a look and have line 87 OLIVE That sounds just like the tree I’m standing next to. The mama and baby bird fly off. ARI Oh, I see you! OLIVE I see you too! ELINOR Did you guys see any birds? ARI No! Not yet! does she need to shake her head? Is she dissapointed? OLIVE Me either! Still looking! Elinor shakes her head as Ari and Olive walk out of the scene in opposite directions. She resumes looking at the spot where the birds were sitting. BIN POV: The birds are gone. ELINOR Hmm, I guess they left. BACK ON ELINOR: She lowers the binoculars and looks around. She cocks her head, listening. She hears a bird <SFX: FLUTTER> in a tree in front of her, near the center of the scene. The bird is on a branch on the left side of the tree. ELINOR (CONT’D) Ooh, there’s a pretty one. Sing for me, birdie! She puts up her binoculars. BIN POV: The bird is an American Robin adult. It <SFX: CHIRPS> to the right, looking annoyed, and flaps its wings. ELINOR (CONT’D) You don’t seem very happy. What’s making you upset? Are you looking for your baby too? We hear an <SFX: AGITATED CHIRPING> response. ELINOR (CONT’D) There’s another one! The view slides over to the right, showing another bird. This one is <SFX: AGITATED CHIRPING> back to the first bird, also waving its wings. Ari and Olive's modeling of an argument doesn't feel right and I think it will be distracting for preschoolers understanding about why birds sing. Could the observation be of a hungry bird calling for dinner and then Ari's mom/dad calls them for dinner? As far as preschoolers understanding why birds sing all we need to show is that they sing to talk with one another. ELINOR (CONT’D) Uh oh, you two are not getting along! The first bird enters the BIN POV. The two flutter at each other, <SFX: CHIRPING> back and forth. The first bird gets up close to the second bird. [Fighting Robins reference: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4x8O9VJaH4] ELINOR (CONT’D) What are you arguing about? The second bird flies off to the right. BACK ON ELINOR: Elinor lowers her binoculars. We can see the second bird has moved to a different tree. The two birds <SFX: CHIRP BACK AND FORTH MORE HAPPILY>. ELINOR (CONT’D) Ooooh. I guess those two birds didn’t want to share that tree. Hmm... Suddenly, we hear Ari again. ARI (O.S.) Olive! You’re too close, I’m looking for birds over here! Elinor looks surprised. Her ears react. OLIVE No, you’re supposed to be over there! This is my spot! ARI Really? Wait, I thought this was MY spot! Ari and Olive emerge in the center of the frame, next to the tree the birds were fighting over. OLIVE No, this is my spot! <TRUMPET> The two birds from earlier fly away. ARI Hmm, maybe you’re right! I’ll go over here and look. Ari goes to the tree on the right. being loud isnt really a cbaracter trait of Ari's. should we not just keep it to crowding her and space? OLIVE Thank you. I just need some space. Sometimes you’re SO LOUD. <TRUMPET> During this exchange, Elinor is watching, fascinated. ARI Well, I need some space too. Elinor looks like she’s had a realization. ELINOR Guys! I think I figured it out! I think I know why birds sing! ARI What? Already? We haven’t even seen a single bird yet! OLIVE Yeah, we’re still looking. ELINOR You two helped me figure it out! Ari and Olive look at each other. ARI and OLIVE We did? ELINOR First, I saw a mama bird trying to find her baby bird. Next to Elinor, we see a THOUGHT BUBBLE recalling the scene from earlier. OLIVE Awww! 108-113 - i feel we arent as clear as we can be on this first example. we dont clarify it was the example of when they were first looking for one another until line 113. the audience may only be thinking of their arguement that just happened. maybe we make sure Elinor mentions it earlier - the mama bird and baby bird sang to find one another just like you both did when you called out to one another ELINOR Both birds were singing, and then I realized they were doing the same thing you and Ari were doing! ARI They were? ELINOR Yes! They were singing to find each other! ARI Wait, am I supposed to be a baby bird? OLIVE (laughing) Noooo, Elinor means the birds called to each other with their singing the way we did with our words. ARI Oh, right! When we couldn’t find each other! ELINOR Yes! Then, I saw two birds in the same tree singing to each other really loudly. Another THOUGHT BUBBLE forms, showing the earlier scene. ELINOR (CONT’D) Then I realized they were telling each other they needed more space! Just like you and Ari were doing! Olive Like an argument, but a...song-ument? ElINOR and Ari (laugh) ELINOR (giggle) Uh-huh. They used their song to talk about it, and then one of them found a different tree. OLIVE (gets it) Oh! Just like when Ari and I were talking about our bird-watching spots. ARI (good natured) That WAS my spot. OLIVE (good natured) No, that was MY spot. ELINOR Birds use singing to TALK to each other! That’s why they sing! ARI AND OLIVE Ohhh... Ari It’s bird talk! ELINOR Yes! That is SO INTERESTING! <MFX> MONTAGE: of the kids watching birds as they sing ElINOR/olive/ari We know it’s true, Birds like to sing, But why do they sing? It’s for lots of things. A singing bird can say How do you do! Or This is MY tree, Or even I love you, Birds love to sing, And now we can see! They’re talking to each other, Just like you and me! END MONTAGE - back where we started. ARI We solved the mystery! OLIVE We know why birds sing! ELINOR Hmmm... and that gives me an idea... PULL OUT: As the kids run off screen, we PAN UP to the sky. 6. EXT ANIMAL TOWN - WIDE The sun sets, the night passes, the sun rises again. 7. EXT. ELINOR’S HOUSE -- MORNING It’s early morning and through the window we see Elinor’s father sleeping happily. Suddenly the same bird from yesterday lands on the branch outside his window. ON: Just as the Bird opens its mouth and prepares to belt out a good morning song, it’s interrupted by an off-screen <SFX: WHISTLE>. ON: Elinor whistling to the bird. She smiles. WIDEN The bird looks interested in Elinor’s whistle. Elinor backs away <SFX: WHISTLES> more, then she beckons (so it’s clear to the audience) and the bird follows. It flits from tree to tree, <SFX: CHIRPING> as Elinor leads it away. ELINOR Sleep well, Dad! PAN back to show Elinor’s father sleeping happily. THE END.

EWW113 Bird Song D1 28-Jan-19 .

<SFX: AMERICAN_ROBIN Ahhh CU: HTTPS: Hmmm Mmmm WWW.ALLABOUTBIRDS.ORG Wha adlib

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ELINOR Wonders why EP 113 Bird Song By: Jorge Cham and Daniel Whiteson Elinor’s Question: Why do birds sing? Logline: Elinor and friends figure out that birds use songs to talk to each other. Curriculum Goals: LS 3a . Observe ways that animals and plants get what they need to live and grow. [Elinor will observe the ways the birds use songs to communicate in order to get what they need.] ND2 . ( RTL Crosscutting concept ‘Systems’): Begin to understand that systems developed in our world often work in similar ways to systems found in the natural world. [Elinor understands that birds use song the way we use words. She uses the bird song to communicate with the birds and help her father sleep in.] SEP1 Ask and/or identify cause and effect questions that can be answered by an investigation [Elinor asks why birds sing and does an investigation] SEP3 . a. Identify and use a greater variety of tools to extend the senses for observing, measuring, and recording data about objects and events [Elinor uses binoculars] SEP4 . b. Use the 5 senses and simple tools to gather and record data [Elinor listens to as well as watches the birds] SEP6 b Look for and describe patterns and relationships in natural phenomena [Elinor watches the birds to get a clue about why they sing] SEP7 . Engaging in argument from evidence a. Engage in discussions before, during, and after investigations. [Elinor speculates about why birds sing, observes and updates her thoughts] b. Support thinking and argue ideas with evidence [ Elinor uses her observations to support her idea for why bird sing] ET2 . b. Use a variety of low-tech tools including binoculars. FIRST DRAFT: 28-Jan-19 ARI ARI and OLIVE ELINOR MR RABBIT OLIVE RANGER RABBIT ELINOR/ranger rabbit ElINOR and olive (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (STAGE WHISPER) INT EXT I/E 1.EXT./INT 1 RABBIT'S HOUSE/RANGER AND MR. RABBIT'S ROOM – EARLY MORNING EXT./INT. RABBIT'S HOUSE/RANGER AND MR RABBIT'S ROOM -- EARLY MORNING DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. Order Title Location ARI ARI