"Great work! Lots of great moments added and good characterization. Overall notes: - Let's consult an Ant expert to make sure that we are portraying ant behavior correctly. - It's a bit heavy on the thought bubbles, we think that can be trimmed a bit - Let's be clearer about what the lessons are and how they match to the problems they are having" 1. EXT. elinor’s windowsill (TIGHT) – DAY A really Fun episode! I really like the focus on teamwork. I've been reading the apendix of the national standards for both science and computing and the idea that engineering needs to be a collaboritive process is highlighted in both. "Really useful to see everyone's notes here. All of the edits/restructuring make a lot of sense to us, and look like they'll help address our main concern -- which is that it was a bit difficult to figure out exactly which problems the kids are encountering, how they'll solve them, and how that connects to the ants' behaviors. Following along with what everyone's written, we didn't make any comments on the parts that involve strength under the assumption that all of that would get cut in the next draft. Was that the right assumption? If we keep it in, we may want to revisit how it threads throughout the story. Last general comment is that some of the dialogue felt a bit long and/or stiff at points. J&D's line edits should help quite a lot. We noted one or two other moments that stood out to us." Open on an extremely close view of scurrying ANTS, carrying twigs, leaf bits, and dirt in a long line. We hear ELINOR narrating what she thinks the ants are saying, using a different cute voice for each ant. realy cute opening with Elinor VO playing with different voices. Elinor (V.O.) (a cute ant’s voice)) I can’t wait to build this anthill! Come on, you guys! Another ant scurries into view, following the first. ELINOR (V.O.) (another ant’s voice) Stay in line, everyone! As the first two ants crawl off-screen, a third appears, lugging a giant leaf piece with some difficulty. ELINOR (v.O.) (third ant’s voice) (grunting) This leaf is too heavy for me. Another ant enters and grabs the other side of the leaf. ELINOR (V.O.) (a low cute ant’s voice) Then I’ll help you carry it! The two ants begin to carry the leaf. 2. INT. elinor’s living room - conTINUOUS The camera pulls back to reveal that the ants are on the outside of the windowsill, and then we see Elinor, resting on her elbows and staring at the ants. She has been narrating their thoughts all along, and she giggles at the silliness of it. ANGLE ON: HAZEL and ARI enter the room, each carrying a comically tall stack of pillows and cushions. Elinor is so absorbed in the ants that she doesn’t notice. Hazel drops her cushions in a pile in front of her. <SFX: Plop!> Let's have Ari come in and bump into Hazel (or Hazel's pile) as the cause of falling. Also, do we need a "Whoa!" dialogue line from Ari? hazel a bit of an odd visual to fall back for no reason - jorge and Daniels suggestion works Here they are, Elinor! Every cushion and pillow in your house! Ari, nearly invisible behind his tall stack, falls and drops everything onto his head. He pops up from inside the pile. If possible, let's find a natural way to name each of the three main characters within the first page and a half of dialogue. Just so someone who is watching this for the first time knows what the characters are called. For example, between lines 5 and 6, Elinor could have a line greeting Ari and Hazel, "Hi, Ari! Hi, Hazel!" Or after line 7, Elinor could say, "Are you ok, Ari and Hazel?" ari Not to mention most of the blankets. ELINOR, HAZEL, ARI (Laugh) correction: 'Is this is enough to build our couch cushion castle?" ArI Is this is enough to build our couch cushion castle? I don't think Elinor needs to spell out what she was doing. This line can simply be "Yes!" ELINOR Whoops! I was so busy watching the ants out the window that I almost forgot about our castle. ANGLE ON: During the next lines of dialogue, ELINOR removes the cushions from the living room couch and stacks them next to Hazel’s. I like this line...maybe it would be good to say different ideas...reallly implying their is more then one way to build a castle. Elinor (CONT’D) I have SO many ideas! The view of the living room widens to make room for ELINOR’s THOUGHT BUBBLE, which appears next to her, filled with drawings of her plans in red crayon as she describes them. should we be specific? 'for antwatching' or 'to be able to look outside at nature' ELINOR (CONT’D) It’s going to have a slide, and a telescope, and a big window for ant-watching! Hazel walks by balancing a pillow on her head. HAZEL I’ve got some ideas, too! HAZEL’S THOUGHT BUBBLE appears, crowding out ELINOR’s. It fills with drawings of what HAZEL describes, this time outlined in green crayon. Same here, add ellipses after each feature. HAZEL (CONT’D) I want a room for my crayons, a room for my sparkles, and a GIANT BOOK ROOM! ELINOR You mean a library? hAZEL (excited) Yes! My very own LIBRARY! The excitement is building for all of them, and ARI starts jumping from cushion to cushion. Suggest instead, "Ooh! I have ideas, too!" aRI My turn! My turn! ARI’S THOUGHT BUBBLE appears and crowds out HAZEL’s, with his favorite design choices appearing in blue crayon. aRI (CONT’D) I want a drawbridge! A racetrack! And a BUBBLE FOUNTAIN! He says this last line with such gusto that he loses his balance on the cushion on which he’s standing, and topples off, landing on a pile of more cushions. All three THOUGHT BUBBLE BURST! Suggest adding, "Ok!" at the beginning of this line. ELINOR "suggets Elinor giggles at Ari's stumble and then says her line 'Ari drapes a blanket between two end tables and smiles at his new cave.' - VISUAL - we will drape the blanket between two peices of furniture once we've finalized the interior of Elinor's Home (we may not have 2 end tables)" Let’s! Start! Building! We see a series of shots of the three kids building their castles; <MFX: FORT BUILDING MUSIC>. ANGLE ON: Elinor balances cushions by the window, then peeks to confirm she can still see the ants from the cozy nook she’s created. ANGLE ON: Ari drapes a blanket between two end tables and smiles at his new cave. ANGLE ON: Hazel lines up books on top of a cushion to make a bookshelf, then holds them in place with her hands while adding another cushion to the top with her trunk. ANGLE ON: Ari stands up a cushion to make a wall next to his table-cave. But when he turns his back to grab another pillow, Elinor takes the pillow he had just stood up. "Lines 19-24: Let's decide whether this a silent (dialogue free, only music) sequence here or whether there is dialogue. We think a silent montage could be more interesting. Here, we should deliberately show the kids having THREE PROBLEMS: - Problem 1: They are not doing things in an orderly fashion. Here you can show two of the kids trying to do the same thing at the same time, for example: Ari and Hazel are both trying to carry a big pile of cushions at the same time but they are going in opposite directions in a narrow path, so they do a little dance as they try to walk around each other but ultimately bump into each other and drop all the cushions. - Problem 2: They are not helping each other. Here you can show one or two or three of the kids struggling to do something on their own, like carrying the big cushion or trying to stand up two cushions except as soon as they let go of one to put the other, the first one falls down. - Problem 3: Each of them is working on their own thing. Here you can show the kids each working on different parts (not really talking to each other) and show mishaps of not coordinating, like accidentally taking each other cushions or maybe kid 1 needs a cushion verticaly, but kid 2 needs it horizontally." ari "RE Jorge and Daniel's suggestions for the problems: we wondered if Problem 1 might better focus around the concept of planning (which aligns with engineering) as opposed to “doing things in an orderly fashion”. We definitely like pulling in collaboration and team work." Uh, Elinor? You just took my wall. so where did this huge cushion come from thats too heavy for Ari to pick up? Is it one of the sofa cushions? Elinor would only pull them off the couch, as they drop to the floor and not lift them. ELINOR Oh! Sorry! She returns the pillow, somewhat regretfully. Ari smiles at his restored wall, then turns to pick up a cushion triple the size of all the others. (It had been in the living room the whole time and was not one of the ones that he and Hazel carried earlier.) ARI And now to use the biggest cushion of all: the drawbridge for Castle Ari! Ari struggles to lift the cushion, but he can’t, and he loses his grip and falls backwards. Ari falls back several times in the openeing Seq- when he dropped the cushions onto his head, here and again when the girls are tugging the pillows and it bumps into him. I suggest maybe he just struggles to lift it - efforts as he keeps trying to bend at the knees and really get into it - until "Augh! Its too heavy!" ARI (CONT’D) (disappointed) Uh-oh! It’s too heavy. ANGLE ON: Elinor balances a cushion to make a slide, but the moment her back is turned, Hazel takes it. Elinor notices. ELINOR Hazel, that’s supposed to be my slide. Elinor puts her hands on the cushion, but Hazel keeps holding it. perhaps we have Elinor respond before Ari's line 25 - maybe just 'Hazel!" HAZEL But it’s the perfect shape for the wall of my crayon room. Hazel gives the pillow a small tug, not mean-spiritedly, but she’s clearly disappointed that she can’t build her castle as planned. But Elinor doesn’t let go. Ari pops up in the middle of his friends. aRI You guys, let’s not fight over the pillows. Just then ELINOR loses her grip, and the pillow hits ARI in gently in the chest and knocks him into a pillow. would rather have the actor record and effort sound here as he falls back ARI (CONT’D) Whoops! Elinor and Hazel look concerned for a beat, Ari jumps smiling. Not sure we need this second "let's fight over the pillows." We don't mind the pillow fight but would prefer not to talk about fighting quite so much. ARI (CONT’D) I’m okay, and I’ve changed my mind! Let’s fight over the pillows!!! Elinor/hazel/Ari PILLOW FIGHT! The three kids playfully (and safely) bonk each other with pillows, giggling all the while. ElINOR, HAZEL, ARI (giggling wildly, ad lib) Gotcha / Whoo-hoo / Take that! This continues for a few seconds, and no one is hit in the head. However, some of the pillows they grab for the fight had been support structures for their castles. When the fight is over, the kids collapse, laughing, with HAZEL and ARI on the floor and Elinor atop a pile of pillows. ElINOR, HAZEL, ARI (CONT’D) (laughter winds down) HAZEL That was fun! Ari sits up and looks around - their castle is now just a pile of pillows. Change to: "Yeah, but we haven't finished building our castle!" ARI Yeah. But we totally knocked down our castles! Change to: Well, you were using the cushions I needed! haZEL I couldn’t finish mine anyway. You two were using the cushions I needed. "Change to: Me? You were using the cushions I needed! Also, in the paragraph after this line, let's describe more naturally how Elinor ended up looking at the ants again. Suggestion: you can say she ended up near the window after the pilllow fight, and after the giggling she notices the ants again and gets drawn in." aRI "line seems aggressive - reads too much like an arguement - especially after they just made light of the pillows with a play fight. " Neither could I! YOU two were using the cushions I needed. PAN OUT TO: ELINOR isn’t listening. She’s back in her original pose, gazing at the ants out the window. HAZEL and ARI notice. Change to: That;s because Elinor was using my cushions! Right, Elinor? Elinor? What are you doing, Elinor? HAZEL we need a natural way for her to look to Elinor. maybe Elinor has a little reaction to what she's seeing - Elinor? What are you doing? Change to: "Whoa, are those ants?" ari Are you looking at the ants again? ANGLE ON: Elinor stares at the ants as before, with Hazel and ARI in the background. Change to: "Yes. Look! They're all carrying something" (at this point, none of them should know what the ants are building) eLINOR Yes. They’re building. ari Huh? Ari and Hazel come closer to the windowsill. Give this line to Hazel, and change it to: "They're carrying things just like we were carrying the cushions." eLINOR "does this comparison come in too soon. For them to make the connection so quickly feels rushed. Maybe instead Elinor just says something about the ants but maybe not about building yet. 40: Hazel: Cool! I wonder why 41: Elinor: Me too! Its SO INTERESTING! then once outside and conversong while they observe, they can share that they are building it without having any of the problems they had while they tried to build their castles" They’re carrying things to build an anthill. Just like we tried to build our castles. Give this line to Elinor, and change to: "I wonder where they're going?" HAZEL Maybe spell out the problem for our young learners....yes but they have what they need and are able to build what they want...together.. Yeah, but they’re not having problems like we did. CLOSE UP: Elinor’s face, staring in fascination at the ants. Change to: "Where are they carrying all this stuff?" eLINOR You’re right! That is SO INTERESTING. I wonder why. Suddenly she springs up and runs toward the back door, grabbing a magnifying glass on the way out. "Change to: ""Let's follow them outside. C'mon!"" Nice detail to add: have Ari bounce off the cushions on the way out." ELINOR (CONT’D) Or she can grab her satchel which contains the notebook and crayon We need more observations. Come on! Ari and Hazel share a shrug, then follow Elinor out the door. Hazel grabs a note pad and pencil on her way out. (This isn’t the first time she’s followed an excited Elinor into the woods, and she knows it’s useful to have these.) 3. EXT. ELINOR’S YARD - CONTINUOUS CU: The ants busily transport useful bits down their line. Behind them, we see ELINOR running up, her face peering over their ranks. ARI and HAZEL soon join her. ANGLE ON: The three kids studying the line of ants. It’s a long, long line! You could make more out of the kids following the ant trail. The kids curiously follow the ants from the windowsill down through the garden, past some trees (maybe some funny visuals happen along the way), and finally to the ant hill. ELINOR, HAZEL, ARI (ad lib) I agree with Jorge and daniels suggestions thoughout this conversation Whoa!/Wow!/There are so many! They look down the line of ants until they see the nest, which is huge: a conical anthill made of bits of dirt, with occasional leaf litter and twigs. This may require a camera angle from an ant’s viewpoint to convey the relative hugeness. Change to: "Wow, look at that!" At this point, the audience still has no way of knowing about anthills. HaZEL Look at the size of that anthill! I still don't think "huge" is meaningful in this scenerio. Viewer will compare huge to their house not an ant hill. ARI It’s huge! Change this line to something like: "This is what the ants were carrying all those bits of dirt and leaves for. They're building a… big hill? [ALTHOUGH, IS THIS TRUE?] eLINOR How can those tiny ants build such a big hill? Delete this line and the angle on. ARI Yeah, and why do they even need one? ANGLE ON: Ari examines the anthill with the magnifying glass. Delete this line. ARI (CONT’D) I mean, what’s going on in there? BACK TO the view of all three kids. Change to: "It's an ant-hill! I read about it in one of my books! I'll go get it! " hAZEL Wait! That’s what one of my books was about! Hazel runs back into the house to retrieve the book. CU: While they wait, Elinor and Ari study the ants entering and leaving the anthill. Elinor resumes her ant-narration voice. Change to: "It looks like the ants are going in the little hole at the top." eLINOR (ant voice) i like that Elinor and Ari play with their voices here Will this shot be a cu of the ant as we hear Elinor doing the voice os, similar to how the opening scene was treated? I don’t even know what a book is! I’m just a tiny ant. Having heard her ant voice for the first time, Ari giggles. Expand this little play by Ari a bit more. aRI We had the same reaction as Sara with this joke. (trying out his own ant voice) I would take the word tiny out of both the ant uncle comparison. The joke got lost on me until I re-read. Hello, tiny ant! That must make me a tiny uncle. They laugh, while Hazel returns behind them with the book. Change to: "I got it! It's here in my Nature Book!" (Let's make the Nature book a recurring object) hAZEL i dont think the audience will connect that she's talking about the castle bookshelf she built earlier Got it! Look what was on my bookshelf! Well, what’s left of my bookshelf after it collapsed. HAZEL holds up a book with BIG PICTURE OF AN ANTHILL "Change to: ""There's a part here that's all about ants!"" Also, the Nature Book illustrations should be cartoony, but not anthropomorphic. We want the kids watching at home to feel like this is something that is true, so make it fun but naturalistic too." Hazel (CONT’D) Agree with the note to keep the book naturalistic-looking It’s a book about life inside an anthill! ANIMATED STORYBOOK ILLUSTRATION: We pan around a simply animated cutaway of an anthill, showing the various chambers as Hazel narrates. The illustrations are deliberately anthropomorphic and cute: nurse ants tending little pupae, ants snoozing in tiny ant beds, ants removing foods from an ant pantry. Need to define what an "Ant Hill" is. Suggest something like: Most ants live in big places they build called "Ant hills." HAZEL (V.O.) Not sure how much this section will be rewritten per the notes, but if we're keeping the bulk of the anthill facts, can we try to make this less lecturey? It sounds like Hazel is reading the information out loud rather than talking about it in a kid's voice. The Anthill is a big place! Ants have rooms for storing their eggs, raising their babies, sleeping, storing their food, and even special places for dumping garbage. And it’s all connected by tunnels! BACK TO the three kids staring at the anthill. Change to: "Wow! Is that all happening INSIDE?" ELINOR Wow! But I can’t see any of those things. The impressive part of the ant hill is this...not really how big the hill is. An ant hill is consider small in 'language' (as small as an ant hill) but what they are able to accomplish inside the hill is amazing. hAZEL Agree with Sara's note -- the big and complex part of the anthill is underground That’s because it’s all happening inside the anthill, underground. It’s kind of like we’re looking down at the roof. is this visually getting confusing for our audience? 'a roof with a door in it' aRI Yeah, but like a roof with a door in it. CU: The anthill, where an ant pokes itself out the top of the opening. Then a large stick (large to the ant) is placed gently next to the ant, which regards it curiously. Zoom out to see that Elinor is holding the stick, smiling, trying to entice the ant to crawl on it. The ant does, then runs off, which makes Elinor giggle. Change to something like: "That is SO Interesting! But… how can such tiny little ants make such a big house?" eLINOR see note on line 56 But I still don’t understand how an ant this small can make something so big as this anthill! aRI Yeah, especially when WE can’t even build a house out of pillows. And we’re BIG! HaZEL (flipping through the book) Hmm. I’m not sure. Do we want to talk about 'closer' observations...or is the tag line only 'more observations' eLINOR Then let’s see if we can figure it out! We need MORE OBSERVATIONS. They all lie down, elbows on the ground, to observe. ANGLE ON: the ant line in the foreground with the kids in the background. We see what Elinor was watching at the beginning: ants scurrying busily, many of them carrying bits of leaves, sticks, etc. Lines 62-65: These lines should make a little clearer what they are observing and how it leads to the first lesson, which should be something about how you should do things in an orderly way, not everyone trying to do everything all at once. eLINOR (CONT’D) Well, they’re all moving in a line toward the anthill. hAZEL Actually, some are moving toward the anthill, but others are walking away from it. ARI Oh! The ants are leaving to get things, and then they’re bringing them back. hAZEL Like when we got all the cushions from around Elinor’s house and brought them to one place. CU: An ant enters carrying a giant leaf. It’s larger than anything they’ve seen the ants moving so far. "The three observations should move one after the other with natural transitions between them. Maybe add ""And look!"" at the beginning of this line. Also, let's make sure that everything the kids are observing is scientifically accurate. How and why ants build ant hills, whether this species carries leaves, etc. For example, we are not sure ants collect materials to build the anthill. Online reading suggests most anthills are made from the soil that ants excavate when they dig the tunnels." eLINOR Whoa! That leaf is way bigger than the ant that’s carrying it! That must be the strongest ant ever! In the background, behind the ants, we see ARI lowering his face to provide a silly ant-narration. The lesson about how strong ants are seems tangential to the lesson of ants working together. We suggest deleting lines 67-74. ArI (macho ant voice) i agree with jorge and daniel - Strength isnt part of the science lesson. The voices they are putting on are cute. If we need to replace these lines perhaps the kids put on voices for the ants as they continue to observe. but instead of them arguing as they did when building- they can be 'working together' and through play it becomes even clearer to them what they need to do to succeed Hey, don’t worry about it, guys. I got this. ANGLE ON: The kids laugh. ELINOR/hazel (laugh) eLINOR Huh. So maybe THAT’s how they do it. The ants are super strong, so even though they’re little, they can build something big. Hazel opens her book. hAZEL (reading) You’re right! Ants are so strong that they can carry things that weigh ten times more than they do! Hazel looks up from the book. Her THOUGHT BUBBLE appears to illustrate the following. I like Ari's thought bubble because when Elinor says "ten times their weight" they can see the mass of what that means. The visualization is important to the concept because ten ants are not heavy. It would help the student conceptual understanding to have Elinor also hold up ten elephants. The cars weight is too abstract for understanding 10 times something. hAZEL (CONT’D) Whoa. That would be like me picking up a car! Ari’s THOUGHT BUBBLE appears next to hers. ArI Or me picking up ten Aris ! In Ari’s thought bubble, he muscularly holds up ten Aris. ArI (CONT’D) Just think of the castle I could make if there were TEN of me! Elinor’s THOUGHT BUBBLE appears next to the other two, showing their three previously imagined castles. I wonder if this might flow better and connect to the curriculum to say "Super strength might help a little but really the problem was... eLINOR But super strength won’t help us build our castles, Ari. The problem was that we kept taking pillows from each other. CU: The ants continue to carry the giant leaf, which suddenly rotates to reveal that it’s not just one ant doing the work--it’s three ants! ANGLE ON: Kids looking at ants. Lines 75-79: this is good. This is the second lesson: help each other. eLINOR, HAZEL, ARI Oh!/Look at that!/There are three of them! Maybe change this to share: The ants ARE super strong, but more ants means carrying more. aRI The ants ARE super strong, but I guess it takes more than one to move a leaf THAT big. a bit odd that they all stand up here. feels unnatural. maybe just Elinor since she is now thinking about their situation hAZEL Interesting. They’re helping each other. ANGLE ON: The three kids stand up and dust off their knees. eLINOR (disappointed) And we didn’t do that. here Hazel can now stand or at least gets up on her knees dusting off her hands hAZEL is the best wat...instead of the only way. 79-81: These lines feel a little too on-the-nose -- the kids have a mature level of understanding of what they did wrong. It feels a little canned. Is there any way to loosen this up a little? Helping each other is the only way these tiny ants can build this amazing anthill. Here let's add a whole observation section for the third lesson, which is something along the lines of: the ants are not each working on their own thing independently. aRI They also SHARE their building material. Suggest adding a moment right before this line where Elinor considers all the lessons they have observed (Hmmmm…..) and then changing this line to: "That's it! I know how we're going to build our castle!" eLINOR We didn’t do that, either. We tried to build too many things, and we ended up taking from each other instead of helping each other. Suggest changing this Hazel line to "What do we do?" and adding a line below where Elinor says something like, "We're going to WORK TOGETHER!" which segways into the song. hAZEL So what do we do? Elinor’s face suddenly lights up; she has an idea! Mirroring her sudden run out the door, she suddenly runs back inside. Ari and Hazel once again look at each other, smile, and shrug, then follow Elinor back inside. CROSSFADE TO: 4. INT. ELINOR’S LIVING ROOM - A BIT LATER ELINOR, HAZEL, and ARI once more stand in ELINOR’s living room, next to the pile of cushions. Lines 83-90: Suggest deleting these lines. Let's save the breakdown for AFTER the song. See below note. eLINOR "Jorge and Daniel - deleting these lines - what are you suggesting once we dissolve and reveal we're inside the house once again? In line 82 you suggest 'We're going to work TOGETHER' which segways into the song - howvere they exit scene and we cut to the interior. We'll need Elinor to say something to kick off the song should we not keep lines 83-85? " O-kay! A single THOUGHT BUBBLE appears, with trails to all three kids. Inside the thought bubble are Elinor’s original planned castle in red crayon, Hazel’s original planned castle in green crayon, and Ari’s original planned castle in blue crayon. The three drawings are in different parts of the thought bubble, not touching each other. eLINOR (CONT’D) This time, let’s work together. Just like the ants! We can’t all make exactly what we want because we don’t have enough pillows... As she says this, portions of each crayon drawing fade, leaving about a third of each. ELINOR (CONT’D) ...but if we change our plans, and help each other, we can make one amazingly awesome incredible mega-ANT HILL CASTLE! The remaining portions of the drawings slide together to make a multicolored, multifaceted castle that doesn’t look as stylistically coherent as before, and in fact looks a little like an anthill. Ari and Hazel are thrilled and high-five. Hazel/ari ANT HILL CASTLE WHOO-HOO!/ AMAZING PLAN! ELINOR First we’ll build your library, Hazel. HaZEL (jumping for joy) Yes! ari Ooh! Then can we make my drawbridge next? eLINOR Sure! And then we’ll make my slide! COOPERATIVE CASTLE BUILDING MONTAGE The kids sing as we show a montage of them working together on their castles: helping each other lift cushions, placing books in the library, getting ideas for the drawbridge, miming gentle suggestions about cushion placement, etc. At one point, Ari opens the door to grab a large leaf and stick from outside, then pretends to crawl like an ant, pretending to struggle to carry them with one hand, which makes the others giggle and then come pretend to help him lug them across the floor. It’s a fast-paced song, sort of doo-wop, maybe with “shoo-be-doo-be”-type syllables after the first two lines of each verse. "For the song montage, let's be explicit in showing the kids learning their lesson. These scenes should be a repeat of the earlier scenes where the kids had trouble, but this time they are working together. So for example, instead of all of them trying to carry cushions at the same time and bumping into each other, they do it in a more orderly way. Instead of each kid struggling with their own difficult task, we now show them helping each other at each of these tasks, and instead of all of them working on their own thing, we show them working on a common goal (maybe we show them around a common drawing on a paper?) Love the double rhymes within verses (tourist-forest, castle-hassle) but they seem like a bit of a stretch? E.g. would a kid know what a tourist is? Is the castle a hassle? Can we tweaks these lines to feel more natural?" ElINOR, HAZEL, ARI (singing) I suggest we remove the part where Ari is pretending to struggle carrying a leaf and twig. The song is a quick moment and we need the time to build the castle which is the main point of this sequence. IF we want to have the visual comparison - We could have Ari pick up a pillow, crawl like an ant showing he's struggling playfully. ELINOR: When your castle is a hassle, grass’ll be the place to go. HAZEL: Be a tourist in the forest, it’s the surest way to know. ARI: We see nature at a glance. HAZEL: And we decide to take a chance ELINOR: Because we learned a lesson from the ANTS! We like the second half of the song (starting with "Let's work together"), but the first half feels much too complicated. We agree with J&D that the word choice feels mature, and beyond that -- we had a hard time understanding what the lyrics are referencing. What does "Grass'll be the place to go" mean? Is this a reference to the ants outside? "It's the surest way to know"... know what? ALL: Let’s work together! Let’s work together! That’s the way do it better. Let’s work together! Let’s work together! ELINOR: To build the best hill ever known, HAZEL: A hill of dirt and twig and stone, ARI: An ant can’t do it all alone. (big finish) But we can do it if we work TOGETHER! END MONTAGE: When the song ends, the castle is nearly finished, and they look at it proudly, hands on hips. Here let's add the section where they break down the new castle and how they did it: they show off all of the different parts: Elinor got her slide, Hazel got her book room, and Ari got his drawbridge (or something). And they did it by [insert lessons 1-3] helping each other and working TOGETHER. ELINOR We're not sure it's clearly set up that Elinor et al are playing ants, and the cushions are leaves. This threw us a bit. Ants, we’ve got one more leaf to move! She indicates the largest pillow (the one ARI couldn’t lift before), and together the three of them hoist it on top of the castle: the roof! In removing the moment Ari carries in the twig and leaf - we cna then Have Elinor run out the door "One last thing!!' HAZEL Make that two more leaves! Hazel pulls out the leaf and twig ARI had been pretending to lug during the montage, ties the leaf stem to the twig, and attaches it to the castle as a flag. ELINOR Perfect! Good thing you carried in that leaf, Ari! 95-97 - They mention how perfect it is ArI Well, I had some help. HazeL From your ant-friends! ELINOR All ants into the castle! The kids laugh, then eagerly play in their new castle. ELINOR, HAZEL, ARI (ad lib sounds of playing) FADE OUT, THE END

ET 107 The House that Ants Built - D1V1 02Jan19 .

CONT’D Hoookey Loulou Louolou NORMAAAA Oooooh Tito WHOOOAAA WHOOOOAAAAA Wha-oh Whoooww aways squished whooooowwww whooowww

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ELINOR’S TOWN EP 107 The House that Ants Built By: Adam Ruben Elinor’s Question: How can tiny ants build such large anthills? Logline: Elinor, Hazel, and Ari disagree about the best way to build a couch cushion castle. Curriculum Goals: SEP1b . Ask more complex questions about observable phenomena. ENGINEERING STANDARD. Begin to understand that engineering is a collaborative process during which ideas can be exchanged and shared with others while defining a problem and working to design, test, and revise a solution. (Engineering standard from the PBS framework as suggested by Sara.) LS4 . Begin to understand that animals and plants depend on other living things and nonliving things in the environment to meet some of their needs. ND3 . ( RTL Crosscutting concept ‘Structure and Function’) Understand that structures and materials in the natural world can be used or can inspire the engineering of structures with similar function in the designed world Main Characters: Elinor, Hazel, Ari Secondary Characters: None Incidental Characters: Ants Backgrounds - Ant hill in Elinor's yard, Elinor's living room Props - couch cushions, blankets, magnifying glass, twigs and leaf bits, book, leaf-on-a-stick flag OUTLINE: December 13, 2018 FIRST DRAFT: January 4, 2019 ELINOR ARI HAZEL SALLY Kai Cam Camilla Al All Goat twins Elinor, Hazel, Ari HaZEL, Ari, ELINOR, hAZEL, aRI, sALLY SILAS ELINOR, HAZEL, ARI, sally, kai Hazel, ari, sallu, kai, Camilla, Goat Twins ELINOR AND hAZEL ELINOR/hazel Hazel/ari (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E 2 4 CLUBHOUSE ON A HILL (WIDE) – DAY CLUBHOUSE -- DAY SMALL HILL -- DAY BOTTOM OF THE HILL -- DAY CLUBOUSE – LATER IRIS OUT THE END. INT. ELINOR'S LIVING ROOM EXT. ELINOR'S YARD DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY A BIT LATER CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. CROSSFADE TO: