"Cute first draft. Cute moments, especially the end. The overall notes are: - A lot of the dialogue feels too adult. On the next pass, try to find their kid voices and think about language and vocabulary. - The script is almost two pages short. That's a lot! Specific notes below, thanks!" 1. EXT. CLUBHOUSE - DAY very cute - really clear message - In regards to page count - it is about a page short - Kathy expressed how we'll have quiet moments throughout as they try to listen/see animals which will add time. I have suggested adding a few lines so we can try to lengthen it a bit - I would rather have the flexibilty to trim in leica as i often do, rather than having to write dialogue/story at animatic stage I like the script and don't really have anything beyond the great suggestions from Kevin. "Line Count - 88 (this seems quite low) Ari - 20 Elinor - 30 Olive - 21 Hazel - 17" Most of the members of the Explorers’ Club (ELINOR, OLIVE, SALLY and HAZEL) have gathered outside their clubhouse. Each one has an open BACKPACK or BAG. As Elinor runs through a pictogram CHECKLIST, they hold up the relevant items. "This opening scene is cute, but let's build it up more. Suggestions: talk about their plans more and their rationale; instead of trying to be mysterious, be more upfront about their plans and even have a sequence where each kid takes out and plays their instrument, culminating in Ari and the cymbals. Also remember it's Exploring Club, NOT Explorer's Club." ELINOR Okay, Explorers Club - does everybody have a water bottle? They each hold up a REUSABLE BOTTLE. Olive / sally / hazel (unison) Check! ELINOR Snacks? They hold up healthy SNACK BAGS. Olive / sALLY / HAZEL (unison) Check! Just then, ARI bursts into the clearing, panting. aRI (breathless) Sorry I’m late. I had trouble zipping my backpack. He drops his straining pack - it <CLASHES> softly. Olive and Elinor share a grin. we should have Ari respond to the assumption 'what? I like to come prepared! you never know what you'll need. especially SNACKS!' OLIVE I bet I know why... ELINOR Did everyone bring a musical instrument? we've had Olive use her trunk as a replacement to a trumpet in the past - but i assume we'd want her to have a physical trumpet here Olive / sally / hazel / ari Check! Everyone raises a MUSICAL INSTRUMENT. Hazel has a UKULELE, Olive has a TRUMPET, Sally has a XYLOPHONE with a neck strap, and Ari (with difficulty) pulls out a big pair of CYMBALS. Elinor holds up her own instrument, a DRUM on a strap. "Have Ari say ""Check"" separately after he takes out the cymbals. Add more attention to this instrument. Also, call it a Exploring walk instead of nature hike? Might be easier for kids to grasp what they are trying to do." ELINOR Me too. So let’s get going on our nature hike! They all start shouldering their bags and backpacks, and getting instruments ready to play. Elinor is stoked. Exploring walk with music, instead of musical hike. ELINOR (CONT’D) This is going to be great. Why didn’t we ever do a musical hike before? "can we soften? 'I guess its Because we didn’t know we all had instruments.' " sally Because we didn’t know we all had instruments . Olive shows them her notebook, before putting it in her bag. "Too adult. Also, references to ""animals"" are a little odd in our world because the kids are animals. Whenever you can, try to use ""birds and lizards and bugs"" or something like that instead of animals, which might confuse kids at home. Also, the notebooks feels like a side quest for Olive. Instead, try making it a club-wide goal they all have (maybe for their club log or journal?). Then everyone is invested." OLIVE (EXCITED) I brought my notebook, to keep track of all the animals we’re going to see. "Too adult. Daniel: I don't think this is emphasized enough. We need to build the anticipation that the kids expect to see a LOT of animals. Draw that out and build it up more, so their disappointment is more obvious." "this is tricky - reads like we're treating our characters as 'human'? i think we should tweak ""Great! We might see a lot more than usual. I mean, we like music, so all the animals must like it too."" " ELINOR Great! We might see a lot more than usual. I mean, we like music, so the animals must like it too. Too adult. hazel (confident) Definitely. They’ll come from all over the forest to hear us play. WIDE - everyone now has packs on, and instruments in hand. ELINOR Are we ready? OlIVE Wait! First we have to do our Exploring Club pledge. ON: Elinor. ELINOR Oh, right! Good thinking, Olive. BACK ON: The kids all have put down their instruments. They do their pledge with hand gestures. OLIVE / ARI / HAZEL / SALLY/ Elinor An Explorer is Brave, and Explorer is kind, an Explorer is CURIOUS, who knows what we’ll find! ON: Elinor’s happy face. ELINOR Now are we ready? BACK ON:: The kids have their instruments in hand. Olive / ari / hazel / sally Ready! Elinor hurries to the head of the group, wearing her drum on a neck strap. She raises her drumsticks. ELINOR Instruments up... and MARCH! Two, three, four! With Elinor <DRUMMING> in the lead, the kids all march off down the trail. 2. EXT. FOREST TRAIL - DAY As the 'Band of Explorers' parades along, they play an energetic marching song. (Think ‘76 Trombones’) THE EXPLORERS’ MARCHING SONG: (NOTE: as they march down the trail, we see creatures in the foreground sense them coming, and depart before the kids can spot them. BUTTERFLIES perched on a tree flutter OS. An OWL swivels its head to note their approach - and flies away. ) "The words ""appear"" and ""grand"" feel a little adult. Again, see if you can avoid using ""animals""" ELINOR/OLIVE/ARI/HAZEL/SALLY (SING) We're off to play for the animals, Because the animals will think it’s grand They'll all appear Because they want to hear The Explorers’ Marching Band (Elinor drums) <BOOMPA-BOOM , BOOMPA-BOOM , BOOMPA-BOOM!> Elinor stops marching to look around. The others ‘boxcar’ into her. <SFX: IMPACT WALLA WHOOP< OOF> Same "animals" Elinor (hopeful) Do you see any animals? They look around - but nothing stirs. The forest is quiet. Ari / olive / sally (ad lib ‘No. Not yet.) But Hazel is confident. I know it's "the" Hazel, but if it's ok, I'm not sure she really fits in our regular show dynamic. She basically steals moments that could go to Elinor and Ari and Olive, without a good reason for her to be there. Her personality just isn't distinctive or contrastive enough, and since she's not a regular, it's a bit confusing. It'd be like having Ziggy in this episode: he'd steal too much attention without good reason. Suggest giving this line to Elinor, and maybe replacing her overall with Tito. "perhaps 'We will. I think we just need a little more showmanship, You know, sing louder! Knees up high! to get the animals attention. ' just so she's explaining 'showmanship' immediatly after the word" HAZEL We will. I think we just need a little more showmanship , to get the animals attention. You know, sing louder! Knees up high! She demonstrates, marching proudly on the spot. eLINOR Sure! We can do that. "Ari can suggest eating 'Is it time for a snack!?' olive ' Ari! we just started' ari 'Oh, right. ok Yeah, let’s try again." ARI Yeah, let’s try again. They all line up again, and set off down the trail, singing and playing louder than ever. SONG We're off to play for the animals, Because the animals Will think it’s grand They'll all appear Because they want to hear The Explorers’ Marching Band (Feature Olive on TRUMPET) <BRAP-A-BAP , BRAP-A-BAP , BRAP-A-BAP!> Suddenly Olive spots something OS. She stops in her tracks. POV - down a side trail, up in a tree, we just glimpse the flash of a BIRD’S WING in the foliage. OLIVE (parT OS) Wait! I see a bird! (pointing) This way. Excited, the band pivots and marches off in the direction Olive indicated. it might be a bit confusing - Olive spots a bird's wing - they head in that direction but as they are heading that way we see doves fly away. it may be assumed these were the same birds since we dont actually see the first bird fly off. we can certainly use a colourful bird to make the distinction but curious if thats enough to clarify Song We're off to play for the animals, Because the animals, will think it’s grand They'll all appear ‘cause they want to hear The Explorers’ Marching Band Ari rhythmically <CRASHES> his BIG CYMBALS as we CUT TO: 3. EXT. A HIGH TREE BRANCH A PAIR OF DOVES are sitting on a high branch. As the band approaches, with Ari crashing his noisy CYMBALS - OS <CRASH! CRASH! CRASH!> The doves startle and fly OS, before the kids can see them. CUT TO: 4. EXT. trail - BELOW THE TREE The marchers halt below the tree and look up, but - LOW ANGLE POV - the tree is deserted. ELINOR Hm . Are you sure you saw a bird? OLIVE Positive! sally Then why didn’t it stay to hear us play? arI Yeah. Birds ‘sing’, so they should love our music... right? Too adult. hazel (shrugs) Makes sense to me. Olive shakes her head, still looking up. OLIVE Well, I don’t see any birds now. Ari elbows her - but he’s looking OFF, not up. ARI I see something! Olive (excited looking up) Where? Where? Ari points them in the right direction. Ari Not in the tree - over there, on top of the log. They all turn to look at a CLEARING up ahead, dominated by a big LOG. On top of the log, a LIZARD basks in the sun. Elinor (os, delighted) I see it! I think it’s a lizard! Too adult. HAZEL Finally, an audience. Excited, Elinor beckons to her friends. Too adult. ELINOR Come on, let’s go play for it! They all happily fall into formation and strike up their marching song again, as they head towards the sunny clearing. I love how they each get their solo! Song We're off to play for the animals, Because the animals Will think it’s grand They'll all appear Because they want to hear The Explorers’ Marching Band (feature Hazel on UKULELE) <STRUMMA-STRUM , STRUMMA-STRUM , STRUMMA-STRUMMMM!> 5. EXT. FOREST CLEARING As they arrive, Hazel <STRUMS> a big finish like a rock star. This flourish could go to Ari or Olive. HAZEL Woo-hoo ! Yeah! But when they turn to the log, they react with SFX: <DISMAY.> ANGLE ON THE LOG - the lizard is gone! Give to Sally HAZEL (CONT’D) Heyyy . Where’s the lizard? ARI It left! Too adult. eliNOR Wow. Tough audience. Olive pulls out her notebook to show the day’s blank page. OLIVE (dismayed) I didn’t even get a chance to draw it. The kids slump. Sally shakes her head, puzzled. SALLY This is weird. On our last nature hike, we saw all kinds of animals. HAZEL But today, we’re hardly seeing any. Too adult. ARI And when we do, they take off. ANGLE ON Elinor, looking thoughtful. ELINOR That’s SO interesting! Why aren't we seeing any animals? (resolved) We need more observations. Try to make this more of a moment. We've only been looking for bugs and birds and lizards with our eyes. Maybe we can listen with our ears. Then they hear. ARI Observe what? That’s the problem. There’s nothing to see! Just then, we hear a <CROAK>. Elinor’s ears prick up. ELINOR Maybe, but I can hear something. Listen - The <RHYTHMIC CROAKING> continues. Curious, Elinor leads her friends across the clearing, to… 6. EXT. A MARSHY AREA Following the <CROAKS>, they come upon a large BULLFROG, sitting on a rock at the edge of a puddle. OLIVE Finally! Olive eagerly tallies the sighting in their notebook. OLIVE (CONT’D) ‘One bullfrog’. (to the frog) Hold still, so I can draw you. CLOSE ON the BULLFROG, puffing up his throat with each rhythmic <CROAK>. Elinor and the others watch from nearby, delighted. ELINOR What a great sound. My mom says frogs ‘sing’ like that, to talk to other frogs. ARI They sing? Then maybe he’d like to sing with our band? SaLLY That’s a great idea. We can ‘jam!’ Everyone (except for Olive, who’s sketching) raises his or her instruments to play. ELINOR (playful) Count us in, Mister Bullfrog. <CROAK. CROAK. CROAK. CROAK.> Taking their tempo from the frog’s croak, the kids launch into their noisy song again - Song We’re off to play for - <SPLASH!> The frog hops into the puddle, and swims away. Olive droops, her frog half-drawn. Feels adult. oLIVE (groans) Aw , come on! Ari Maybe we’re playing the wrong song. Ari puts his cymbals down (precariously) on a TREE STUMP. Feels adult. Also, change it something like, "Maybe it didn't want to sing with us." HAZEL (PART OS) No, our song is great! I think the frog just didn’t want to share the spotlight. SaLLY You think it wanted to sing alone? ANGLE ON Elinor, looking thoughtful. She nods. Too adult. "drowning out the conversation" is not preschool friendly..."maybe they could not hear eachother?" ELINOR "will this be understood ' were drowning out the conversation.'? perhaps simplify " You may be right. If the frog was talking to other frogs, then I guess we were drowning out the conversation. Ari spreads his wings in a gesture - Have cymbals teeter so Ari can be surprised too? ARI We’re not that loud - - and accidentally knocks his cymbals off the stump. They land with a loud <CRASH!> They all jump, startled. <SFX: AHH WALLA> SALLY stumbles backwards into the pond, getting a ‘soaker’. CUT TO ARI, now dangling from a tree overhead. He sheepishly glides down again. ARI (CONT’D) Ooh . I guess we are loud. Sally shakes off her muddy, wet foot. Startled instead of scared. SALLY That scared me. Hazel clutches her chest rather dramatically. olive appears up from behind a bush - then elinor HaZEL Me too! "This feels like they got here too fast. Pace it out more. Play off the cymbal crash startling them and build from there. Also, I don't remember what the other reason was, and I imagine kids at home won’t either?" ELINOR Maybe that’s another reason we’re not seeing animals. Our noise might be scaring them away? Lines 72-73: Maybe there's a larger lesson to be had here that we can add (since we are short on pages)? Why don't the animals like the music? Maybe it scares them? Why would music scare them? These seem like natural kid questions we could explore here a little with simple answers or conclusions. Then at the end they have the idea to be quiet. OLIVE You think so? But how can we find out for sure? ELINOR Well, the whole time we’ve been in the forest, we’ve been pretty loud. And we haven’t seen any animals. But I wonder what would happen if we stayed quiet? ARI Quiet? Let’s try it! Ari picks up his fallen cymbals, accidentally <CRASHING> them together again. They all cringe. ARI (CONT’D) Oops. Sorry! Sorry. The kids all <SFX: GIGGLE> Elinor gestures to the clearing with the log. ELINOR Let’s go sit over there for a while. Shh! She puts a finger to her lips. The others nod and ‘shh’ too, and they all tiptoe OS, back the way they came. DISSOLVE TO: 7. EXT. FOREST CLEARING - MOMENTS LATER WIDE on the clearing, as they all perch on the log in expectant silence. Their instruments have been packed away. The forest is silent. ON Hazel, getting restless. Again, this could just as easily be an Ari moment, and the audience would enjoy it more because they know Ari, but they don't know Hazel (we don't even mention her name in the entire episode, so the audience really has no idea who she is). HAZEL (normal volume) How long do we have to be quiet? The other kids gently <SFX: SHHHHH> her. HaZEL (CONT’D) (normal volume) I’m not talking , I’m just asking. The others give her a meaningful look, fingers to their lips. "-we could add a bit here - after Olives line - wait a beat and we hear crunching - Elinor 'gasp! i hear something!' Olive 'where is it? i cant see it' Hazel 'Its sitting right next to me' they look and Ari is crunching on some snacks - they give a stern look-finger to lips Ari 'oops, sorry...sorry.' then wait a beat and resume with doves landing Olive can just reach into her satchel to grab her notebook when she sees the doves. they were expecting to see animals so no reason for her to have had it out " HAZEL (CONT’D) (whispers) Okay, okay. But being quiet is hard. Just then, with a <FLUTTER>, the TWO DOVES fly down and start pecking at the ground in front of them. SFX: <SOFT COOING>. The kids’ faces light up with silent delight! Olive remembers her notebook, sitting on the log beside her. She quietly picks it up, and starts sketching. CUT TO: a ROBIN appears, landing on a tree branch. <CHIRP!> CUT TO: the BULLFROG reappears, at the edge of the clearing. He <CROAKS>. The LIZARD clambers onto a sunny rock. ANGLE ON Sally - two BUTTERFLIES dance right past her face. sallY (whispers) It’s working. Now that we’re quiet, the animals are coming out! CLOSE ON Olive’s notebook page, which is filling up with childlike DRAWINGS of the animals they’re seeing. Lines 81-85: This is really nice. OLIVE (whispers) I never really listened to the forest before. It sounds nice. ELINOR (nods, whispering) I know! We were so busy playing our music, we didn’t notice that the forest already has beautiful music. CUT TO the trees, <RUSTLING> in the breeze. No more notes after this line. Thanks ELINOR (CONT’D) (whispers) Like the sound of the trees... CUT TO the robin, <SINGING> joyfully. ELINOR (CONT’D) (whispers) ...and the birds... Ari beams as the bullfrog hops closer, <CROAKING>. ARI (whispers) ...and the animals! WIDE to include all of the quiet, patient Explorers. In her quietest voice, Elinor sings a gentle REPRISE: ELINOR (SINGS QUIETLY) We came to play for the animals And the animals all stayed away But when we all agree, to listen quietly We hear the forest music play They all pause to listen for a quiet BEAT - and are rewarded when a FUZZY BUMBLEBEE flies by, <BUZZING GENTLY>. <SFX: quiet ooohs of appreciation> After the bee departs, the whole group joins in Elinor’s song, singing in their most quiet voices; Song (SING QUIETLY) We came to play for the animals And the animals all stayed away But when we all agree, to listen quietly We hear the forest music play. As they all pause to listen to the beautiful forest music of <BUZZES, CROAKS and BIRDSONG> , we PULL BACK and... FADE OUT. REFERENCE: BULLFROG CALL - (around the 8 minute mark) https: // ca.video.search.yahoo.com /search/ video?fr = yfp-t &p=frog+calls#id=1& vid = 51481521f73c4968564c422b9882cafd &action=view

EWW170 "The Band of Explorers" D1 06-APR-20

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EP . 170 “The Band of Explorers” By: Karen Moonah Elinor's Question: Why aren't we seeing any wildlife, on our nature hike? Logline: When Elinor and her friends bring musical instruments on a hike, they don't understand why they aren't seeing any creatures - until they realize that wildlife needs quiet. ES3 . Understand that things people do to live comfortably can affect the world around them, but they can make choices that reduce their impacts on the land, water, air, and other living things. c. Participate in simple activities to care for the environment (When Elinor and her friends realize their music is disturbing the forest animals, they decide not to play their instruments) SEP1 . Asking questions (science) and defining questions. ( engineering ) c) Ask and/or identify cause and effect questions that can be answered by an investigation. SEP4 . Analysing and Interpreting Data: b) use the five senses and simple tools to gather and record data. SEP7 . Engaging in Argument from Evidence: b) support thinking and argue ideas with evidence. Through observation and investigation, Elinor and her friends decide their music is having the unintentional effect of disturbing the animals. OUTLINE: Mar. 16, 2020 FIRST DRAFT: April 06, 2020 Ari Ari / Olive / elinor Crowd elinor Elinor / Olive ELINOR / Olive / ari ELINOR / Olive / ARI / farmer bear / lambs Elinor / Olive / ari / others eLINOR / Olive /a FARMER BEAR G L Lamb 1, 2, 3 / beaver LamB 1, 2, 3 / BEAVER / farmer bear / Olive / ari / elinor Mrs. Mrs. Gorilla Ms. Mole Olive Olive / ARI Olive / elinor Olive. Other students ROLLIE ROLLIE’S SISTER Sr Students Tomato mascot VARIOUS STUDENTS All kids ELINOR/ari MRS. Gorilla/elinor/olive/ari Mz. Mole Ranger rabbit Mr. Hippo Mr. Beaver ARI / OLIVE / MR. BEAVER Philbert O\ PHILBERT / OLIVE / ARI! Audience Dad Ms. llama Elinor / dad dad / elinor Joe mouse Elinor / dad / ms. Llama Elinor’s dad Ms. LLAMA / joe / olive / ari / elinor Elinor / ari / olive Joe mouse / elinor’s dad / ms. Llama / elinor / ari / Olive Dad / ranger rabbit / ms. Llama / joe Mr. Rabbit Deputy DePUTY mouse Mz. Llama OLIVE / ARI / MR. RABBIT Olive / sally / hazel Olive / sally / hazel / ari hazel Olive / ari / hazel / sally Sally Ari / olive / slaly Ari / olive / sally Elinor/olive/arI/sally/hazel Elinor / olive / ari / sally / hazel ELINOR / OLIVE / ARI / HAZEL / SALLY ELINOR/OLIVE/ARI/HAZEL/SALLY Elinor / olive / sally / hazel ELINOR / oLIVE / ARI / SALLY Song OLIVE / ARI / HAZEL / SALLY/ Elinor (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (to herself) (muffled) (os) (thoughtful) (grins) (sings) (CALLS) (SHEEPISH) (cheery) (part os) INT EXT I/E 6. EXT 1 2 7 A SOUVENIR STAND DROP LADDER BEAVERS' PRACTICE AREA SCHOOLYARD CLASSROOM MRS. GORILLA'S JUICE CART INT. CLASSROOM ANIMAL TOWN EXT. ELINOR'S HOUSE INT. ELINOR'S HOUSE MR. HIPPO'S STORE MR. BEAVER'S WORKSHOP FARMER BEAR'S TREE FARM ELINOR'S HOUSE INT. A 'BIG TOP' CIRCUS (FANTASY) SCHOOL PLAYGROUND PLAYGROUND EXT. FOREST CLEARING DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY MINUTES LATER ESTABLISHING KITCHEN DAY MONTAGE CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. ‘fluff’ wipe to: ‘wheel’ wipe to: