"This is feeling a lot better, thanks for the tweaks. The overall notes for this D2 are: - The dialogue feels a little expedient or short at times. On the next pass, find spots to have fun with the dialogue and the characters more. - Sr. Tapir basically disappears in the second half. Where is he? : ) Find a role for him and find ways to engage him more and be a fun part of the investigation and finding the solution. Try to set up the dynamic where he's in charge in the first half with the music, but then he lets the kids lead (because he truly doesn't know what's going on, but is still involved and engaged) in the second half with the science mystery. Notes below, thanks!" 1. EXT. MRs. Dromedary’s HOUSE (FRONT DOOR) - LATE AFTERNOOn "Line Count - 113 Ari - 23 Elinor - 36 Olive - 27 Senor Tapir - 17 Mr. Dog - 5 Mr. Bat - 4 Mrs. Dromedary - 1 (please cut and use a nod or SFX) " ANGLE ON Elinor’s finger pressing a doorbell. <SFX: DING DONG> Thanks everyone for sharing this one. We really like the focus on patterns - such an important crosscutting concept. One general note is to please remember our earlier notes on Mrs. Dromedary's house design. Additional notes for clarity below. A front door swings open to reveal MRS. DROMEDARY, who looks delightfully surprised. ELINOR, OLIVE , ARI and S eñor TAPIR stand on the front porch as a choir, each with a giant smile and wearing a sun hat and sunglasses. Señor Tapir strums his guitar with a flourish, pauses, then starts to play his guitar to accompany their summer song. SUNNY SUMMER SONG ELINOR, OLIVE, ARI, S eñor TAPIR SR TAPIR : We’re here to sing a sunny summer song KIDS: A sunny summer song, A summer sing-along SR TAPIR : We’re here to sing a sunny summer song ALL: To celebrate the summer sunshine! ELINOR: We jump really high. Elinor jumps high. ARI: We flap and fly. Ari flutters up in the air for a moment. OLIVE: We try to touch the sky Olive raises her trunk and arms up to the sky. SR TAPIR : And now you know why Elinor, Olive and Ari s preads their arms wide like shining suns. ALL: To celebrate the summer sunshine! The choir holds their last note while Mrs. Dromedary <SFX: CLAPS> in celebration. Señor Tapir and the kids take a bow. Lines 2-8: I think we need a little bit more exposition here, either before or after they say goodbye to Ms. Dromedary. Add like 2-3 more fun lines to give us more explanation about what they are doing and why. Make it so the caroling is Sr. Tapir's idea, I think that will give him stakes in what happens later. The kids' motivation is that they love to sing. Elinor Happy summer Mrs. Dromedary! MRS. DROMEDARY Happy summer to youuu ! Elinor, Olive and Ari wave goodbye, Mrs. Dromedary closes her door, and the gang hops off Mrs. Dromedary’s porch. SeÑOR TAPIR This was a great idea, amigos . Singing to the neighbors to spread good cheer. Thank you for inviting me. Elinor You’re welcome, Señor Tapir. I love to sing Olive Me too. Ari Me three. I love to sing (he pauses) and show off my dance moves. Ari does a back flip and then spreads his arms like a shining sun. Then he points off screen. ARI (CONT’D) To the next house! The trio and Señor Tapir hop OS. Crossfade to: 2. EXT. PORCH song MONTAGE (MRS. BEAVER’S FRONT DOOR, MR. RACCOON’s bakery, MZ . MOLE’s Front Door, The Ranger Station) -- MOMENTS LATER Note: This is a quick montage so that we hear the choir singing the summer song once through, while we see a montage of the choir visiting various neighbors. The sky is gradually getting darker as they go from house to house. ANGLE ON: a front door opening to reveal MRS. BEAVER who suddenly grins widely. A wide shot shows Mrs. Beaver enjoying the carolers’ music. ElinoR, OLIVE, ARI, SEÑOR TAPIR SEÑOR TAPIR : We’re here to sing a sunny summer song KIDS: A sunny summer song, A summer sing-along ANGLE ON: the bakery’s front door opening to reveal MR. RACCOON who grins widely. A wide shot shows the carolers on the sidewalk in front of Mr. Raccoon’s bakery as he enjoys the song. A couple Animal Town residents, MR. BUFFALO and MR. ANTELOPE, stand on the sidewalk holding their recently purchased baked goods and smile as they listen. SEÑOR TAPIR : We’re here to sing a sunny summer song ALL: To celebrate the summer sunshine! ANGLE ON: a front door in the ground, which opens to reveal MZ . MOLE. She pops her head up out of the ground to see Elinor’s feet as they jump high and back down. Mz . Mole watches the choir as they sing. ELINOR: We jump really high. ARI: We flap and fly. OLIVE: We try to touch the sky ANGLE ON: the door of the ranger station swinging open to reveal DEPUTY JACK MOUSE and MS GEE RAFFE (her body and tall neck but her head is OS). Jack Mouse looks grumpy but then (after a beat) gives a very tiny but still noticeable smile. SEÑOR TAPIR : And now you know why ALL: To celebrate the summer sunshine! END MONTAGE Crossfade to: 3. EXT. PATH - EVENING Señor Tapir walks with Elinor, Olive and Ari along a path back to Ari’s house. Ari’s house is visible in the distance. Lines 10-11: Add a line or two here to ease us more into the part of the episode. Maybe a little recap of what they are doing and why and how fun it is. Elinor We can see the sun lowering in the sky? That was so fun. SEÑOR TAPIR You are really good singers. ( looking up) Ah, t he sky is getting dark , amigos . I’d love to keep singing, but I think it’s about time to go home. The sun is now very low in the sky, almost about to sink below the horizon. We hear a <SFX: HOWL WALLA> from off screen. Elinor ( her ears perk up and turn toward the sound) What was that? ARI Mr. Dog. He lives next door... Wait, w e never sang for Mr. Dog. OLIVE Mr. Dog loves music. We have to sing for him. Feel we need a little button to close this scene. Even if it's just a simple, Awesome let's go! SeÑOR TAPIR I guess we have time for one more magnificent song! ( he strums his guitar with a flourish) Señor Tapir and the kids hop OS. 4. EXT. MR. DOG’S HOUSE - NIGHT ANGLE ON: The moon shining in the sky. Suddenly Mr. Dog’s mouth pops into the frame to <WALLA HOWL>. MR. DOG sits in a chair on his front porch, next to a vase of flowers, howling up at the moon. Elinor leads her friends up to the porch. They are still wearing their sun hats and sunglasses, even though Mr. Dog’s front porch is dark. Mr. Dog <WALLA HOWLS> and turns to his friends. MR. DOG H ell oooo o there. To what do I owe the pleasure? Add "Mr. Dog" at the end Elinor We’re here to sing you a summer song. Replace "some" with "my porch" Mr. DOG Well now, I love music . Let me turn on some light so I can see your faces. Mr. Dog flicks a light switch, and the porch light turns on (which is directly over the carolers) . The carolers are standing very close together on the narrow porch. Olive is standing right next to the vase of flowers and leans over to smell them with her trunk. The moon could have already been out but we couldn't see it in the daylight. We don't want the moon to rise because it gives the misconception many children's books show that as the sun sets the moon rises. Olive Oh these flowers smell good. ( she looks up when she hears the guitar strum) Señor Tapir strums his guitar with a flourish, pauses, then starts to play his guitar to accompany their summer song. Mr. Dog sits back to enjoy the music. Suddenly a single moth flutters in and lands on Señor Tapir’s right ear. Lines 20-24: feel like we can up the humor more a little bit in these lines. ElinoR Señor Tapir ? There’s a , (pausing for a better look) a MOTH on your ear. SEÑOR TAPIR ( intrigued ) Really? ( he lifts h is h and toward h is left ear) Where is it? Here? Elinor No, other side. SEÑOR TAPIR H ere? He lifts h is right h and toward h is right ear, but the moth flutters up and lands on his hat instead. OLIVE Now it’s on your hat. ( two more moths flutter in on his hat). Uh, now there are three moths on your hat. SEÑOR TAPIR Well, a few moths can’t stop us from making magnificent music, right? Señor Tapir strums his guitar with a flourish . He begins to play the guitar to accompany the song. SEÑOR TAPIR (CONT’D) We’re here to sing a, thp , a, thwpp thwppp ...” ( several new moths fly right by h is mouth) Sorry, let’s try that again. Señor Tapir strums his guitar and takes a deep breath, but just then a whole bunch of moths fly around h is face and he pauses to blow them away from h is mouth and nose . Elinor, Olive and Ari <SFX: LAUGH> as bunches of moths flutter around their faces too. <SFX: MOTH WINGS FLUTTERING> ElINOR Wow, that’s a lot of moths! A group of moths fly near the porch light and around Mr. Dog too. SEÑOR TAPIR Si. But moths can’t stop us from making, (blowing and brushing moths away from his face) magnificent (blowing and brushing moths away) OLIVE ( laughing ) Uhhaaaaack ! Olive uses her trunk to brush away some moths from her face. Elinor turns her head and flaps her ears to try and duck away from the moths flying around her face. ARi Aaaa ! Ari does hilarious karate-looking moves and spin moves to evade the moths around him, to no avail. We see a wide shot of the porch with dozens and dozens of moths around the choir and Mr. Dog, just fluttering around, but the densest bunch of moths are near the porch light. SEÑOR TAPIR Okay, maybe moths can stop us from making magnificent music . It sure is hard to concentrate. Señor Tapir looks at the kids, who are still awkwardly dealing with moths. Mr. Dog is trying to blow moths away from his face too. Lines 32-34: Can you make this exchange more natural and fun? Feels short. Elinor Lines 32-34 - Seems like they should say something to Mr. Dog here like, “Is it OK if we come back later, Mr. Dog?” (Otherwise they just decide in front of him and leave.) Can we come back later? not sure why he would suggest this since the moths have not yet gotten in the way. Maybe he suggests they came to hear the music. Maybe OK for foreshadowing SEÑOR TAPIR Si amigos . Hasta luego Mr. Dog. MR. DOG See you (howls) sooooon ! Elinor, Olive, Ari and Señor Tapir hurry OS . 5. EXT. PATH – NIGHT The kids and Señor Tapir walk back to Ari’s house. They are still wearing their hats but have taken off their sunglasses. The moon is bright enough to light up their path. Lines 35-39: Add or replace a line or two here and get Sr. Tapir in the mix. He basically disappears from here forward and it's gonna be super awkward on screen if he just hangs in the background the whole time. Think about what fun role he can play in the investigation and get him engaged and make him a natural part of how things develop. If it was his idea to do the caroling, he would talk more here and lead the initial conversation, and then you can shift things more (but not totally) to the kids as they investigate. Elinor Why are there so many moths around Mr. Dog’s porch? Ari I dunno . We didn’t see any moths at any of the other houses. Olive S ounds like a mystery, dun, dun, dunnnn , a moth mystery. This could be clearer… “What was different about Mr. Dog’s porch compared to the other porches where we sang?” (gets in the idea of comparing too) ELINOR Let’s figure it out! ( thinking ) What happened on Mr. Dog’s porch that was different than the other porches where we sang? Ari ( thinking ) I know. It was night time when we were at Mr. Dog’s porch but it was daytime at the other places. PAN UP In a THOUGHT BUBBLE, we see the kids and Señor Tapir standing on Mr. Dog’s porch (at night), compared to the kids and Señor Tapir standing on Mrs. Beaver’s porch (during the day). PAN DOWN Elinor Maybe moths only come out at night? Olive ( excited ) I think you're right. I remember reading that in my Nature Book. Olive pulls her nature book out of her backpack and opens it to a picture of moths by the moon . No need to go to the book, she can just recall (maybe with a thought bubble if necessary) OlIVE (CONT’D) Most moths only come out at night... ELINOR That’s SO interesting. Make this line clearer and give it to someone else? ElINOR (CONT’D) Could be clearer here around this. “Well, it’s still night. Let’s watch and wait to see if moths show up here!” Let’s watch and wait to see if moths show up. The trio and Señor Tapir all stand still and look around. Ari flutters up into the sky with the moon behind him and looks around from up high. Lines 45-47: You can probably condense this into one line. Ari ( he looks around) No moths here. Ari flies OS. Cut to Ari hanging upside down from a tree branch, looking around intently. Sara Ari (CONT’D) No moths here. Cut to Ari fluttering above Señor Tapir’s hat to inspect it. Someone clarify what they learned: it's night here, no moths here, so it can't just be night time. Ari (CONT’D) No moths here either. Clearer to say, “If we know moths are out at night, then there must be something that made them show up at Mr. Dog’s porch.” (We are dealing with the issue that they are saying they are out at night but then we don’t see them everywhere in the night. It’s a bit confusing.) ElinOR Huh, something must have made the moths show up at Mr. Dog's house. Señor Tapir, have you ever seen that many moths before? This is a fun line for Sr. Tapir. Find more places throughout the episode to fold in more of his character. SEÑOR TAPIR (looking around) You know, I’ve sat under the stars and played music on many moonlit nights, but I’ve never seen that many moths. Ari lands next to his friends. PBS Ari Maybe it’s because Mr. Dog was howling on his porch. Add "let's try it!" at the end. Elinor Right. Maybe moths like howling. The kids and Señor Tapir all look up at the moon and howl. EliNOR, OLIVE, ARI, SEÑOR TAPIR “ Arwwwwoooooooooooo ! Arw Arwwwoooohhhhooooo !” Mr. Dog (O.S.) ( after a beat, from far away) Nice howling! The kids and Señor Tapir stand still and look around intently. No moths show up. Elinor No moths. That’s not it either . Hmmm . 6. EXT. ARI’S HOUSE (FRONT PORCH)-- MOMENTS LATER The kids and Señor Tapir hop up to Ari’s front door. The porch light is off. Lines 55-62: The flowers beat feels like maybe one red herring too many in this episode. I'd trade this (i.e. delete and replace) for more fun dialogue and action and a more engaged Sr. Tapir sprinkled throughout the whole episode. OLIVE I remember something else. Mr. Dog had flowers on his front porch. Elinor Right. Maybe moths like flowers. SEÑOR TAPIR Where can we find some flowers? Ari thinks for a quick moment. We'd prefer that Ari not take the flower vase without permission which causes him to put water on the table. While it wasn't quite "fresh" it violates other preschool series' lessons we've tried to instill about "asking before you take." Ari I’ll be right back. CUT TO: 7. Int. ARI’S KITCHEN - NIGHT MR. BAT is holding a pitcher of water, about to pour some water into a vase full of flowers on the kitchen table, as Ari quickly runs into the room, grabs the vase of flowers and is gone in a flash. Note: Mr. Bat is not putting flowers in the vase, he is just topping it off with water. The flowers have been on the table, so Ari knows they are there. Ari ( quickly ) Hi dad. Bye dad. Mr. Bat is left holding the pitcher of water and briefly pours water on an empty table. Cut to: 8. EXT. ARI’S HOUSE (FRONT PORCH)-- MOMENTS LATER Ari comes back through the front door with the vase of flowers. He carefully sets the vase down on the porch. Elinor Let’s see if any moths show up. The kids and Señor Tapir hold still, watching the flowers intently, but no moths come. Olive No moths. Elinor Hmm. So why were there so many moths around Mr. Dog’s porch? Just then, Mr. Bat peeks his head outside the front door. Mr. Bat It’s pretty dark outside kids. Lemme give you some light. ANGLE ON: Mr. Bat’s finger flipping on the porch light switch. The porch light comes on and the kids and flowers are illuminated. Ari could say "Can I borrow these" Mr. Bat (CONT’D) ( noticing the flowers for a brief moment) Oh, t he flowers do look nice there. Mr. Bat goes back inside. After a moment, a few moths flutter up toward the porch light. Lines 65-93: There's zero Sr. Tapir for the next three pages. Where did he go? :) Find his voice and his role in the investigation so that it adds to the fun and to the mystery. He should be letting the kids drive, but not disappear, and maybe even stand for the audience? Maybe he's a musician and is not as familiar with moths or the type of investigation the kids usually do. Elinor ( pointing at the porch light) Look! Moths! The kids and Señor Tapir look at the light, while more moths flutter up toward the porch light. <SFX: MOTH WINGS FLUTTERING> Have them ask themselves what happened before reaching this conclusion. Let them make the observation. Ari ( flying up a bit toward the porch light because he’s excited) My dad turned on the porch light (pointing at the light) and then the moths showed up. Olive And... A THOUGHT BUBBLE appears as she remembers Mr. Dog turning on his porch light. Olive (CONT’D) Mr. Dog turned on his porch light and then the moths showed up. Elinor Right. Maybe moths like the porch light. ( looking at her friends) We need MORE observations! Quick, Ari, turn off the light. Ari turns the porch light off, so the kids and Señor Tapir are in the darkness. The moths flutter away. Connect this to observations by saying, “Look! The moths are flying away.” OLIVE Whoah , the moths are flying away. Elinor Okay Ari, turn the light back on. The kids and Señor Tapir watch and wait in anticipation. A moth flutters in, then another. Would love to have Elinor say "I wonder what would happen if we turned off thel light" . Then kids at home could think and shout out before it happens. Olive (pointing) There’s one! ( seeing another) There’s two! Then a lot of moths flutter in and fly up toward the porch light. OliVE (CONT’D) There’s uh, Elinor A lot of moths! Elinor, Olive and Ari watch the moths with wonder. <WALLA> Elinor (CONT’D) Okay, Ari turn off the light again. Ari turns off the porch light, and the moths flutter away. Lines 76-81: I think turning on/off the porch light a third time is not necessary. Suggest delete and they can just recap what they saw the first two times and then try the flashlight. Ari The moths flew away! Elinor, Olive, Ari and Señor Tapir stand in the moonlight on Ari’s porch. ELINOR Every time we turn on a light... OLIVE ( excited , because they are solving the mystery) ... the moths show up . Elinor Every time we turn off the light... Olive They fly away. Attracted---needs some support...you know they want to be near it...Maybe also add...scientists are still making observations and trying to solve that mystery. Elinor It’s a pattern! Lines 82-83: Make this more natural, involve another one of the kids, and have them call it an experiment (and help define that word) Olive I have an idea. Olive pulls a flashlight from her bag. Olive (CONT’D) I’m gonna turn on my flashlight. She shines the flashlight’s beam of light up toward her face. Lines 84-85: This joke is a little obscure. Try something else, but still funny? confuse the moths? I'm not sure that's the right word. Olive (CONT’D) What do you think will happen? Ari Uh, you’re going to tell a ghost story? Lines 86-89: Elinor is getting lost in this section. Keep her in the front of the investigation. Olive No. What will happen with the moths Ari? Line 87/88 - We need to articulate what happens between these lines so it’s clear for viewers. “Look! There they are! They showed up around our flashlight.” Ari Oh, right. ( thinking , excited) Moths will show up. Just then, moths fly right into the beam of the flashlight. Olive Yes! We finally solved the, dun, dun, dunn (beat) moth mystery. Mr. Bat comes out onto the porch and turns the light back on. Mr. Bat What moth mystery? ElinoR We wanted to know why so many moths were flying around Mr. Dog’s porch. This feels a little off, like they jump straight to the high level conclusion. Break it up and make it more kid friendly: one kid says we figured it out, moths only come out at night. Then another kid says, And they seem to come flying when we turn on a light. ari ( excited ) And we figured it out. Moths fly (Ari flutters up toward his porch light) toward the light. Would help to define “attracted”. Say something about they seem to like the light and fly towards it. Mr. Bat Oh I remember reading about this . Moths are attracted to light. Some scientists believe it’s because the moths think the lightbulb is the moon or the sun, but no one really knows why. Add a little more here. After the first sentence, have the kids make the point that they should turn off the light so the moths don't get confused (or maybe they ask the dad, should we..?), and the dad confirms. You're right, we should try not to affect nature any more than we have to, and he turns off the light. Then the kids say c'mon let's go to Mr. Dog. ElinOR It really is a moth mystery. ( to her friends) Hey, I know how we can finish singing our summer song for Mr. Dog. DisSOLVE TO: 10. EXT. MR. DOG’S HOUSE (FRONT PORCH) – NIGHT ANGLE ON Elinor’s finger pressing Mr. Dog’s doorbell. <SFX: DING DONG> The kids and Señor Tapir wait patiently on the porch, wearing their sun hats, underneath the bright porch light. Lots of moths flutter around them. Mr. Dog opens his front door. Mr. Dog ( smiling ) So glad you’re back. Delete last sentence. Elinor Maybe not say “confuse” since we don’t know what the light does to the moths. They can say “We don’t want to attract the moths.” And reinforce that vocabulary Mr. Dog, we’d love to sing for you, but first, would you turn off your porch light? We don’t want to confuse the moths. Again, too high level and not kid friendly enough. Try something like, We figured out that when we turn on a light, the moths come flying. Ari Moths like the light, and they’re making it hard for us to sing. Mr Dog turns off the porch light, so that the choir is standing in the dark, and the moths flutter away toward the moonlight. When the moths are gone, Señor Tapir strums his guitar with a flourish, then starts to play the song . SUNNY SUMMER SONG Have them comment something when the moths leave. ELINOR, OLIVE, ARI, SEÑOR TAPIR SEÑOR TAPIR : We’re here to sing a sunny summer song KIDS: A sunny summer song, A summer sing-along SEÑOR TAPIR : We’re here to sing a sunny summer song ALL: To celebrate the summer sunshine! ELINOR: We jump really high. Elinor jumps high. ARI: We flap and fly. Ari flutters up in the air for a moment. OLIVE: We try to touch the sky Olive raises her trunk and arms to the sky. SEÑOR TAPIR : And now you know why ALL: To celebrate the summer sunshine! Mr. Dog claps and tilts his head back to <WALLA HOWL>. Señor Tapir and the kids all join in, howling at the moon. Elinor, OLIVE, ARI, SEÑOR TAPIR (CONT’D) Arwwwwwoooooooooooooooooo ! A moth flies in front of the moon and then toward the camera until it fills the screen. BLACK OUT THE END

EWW168 A Moth Mystery D2 06April20 .

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EWW 168 A Moth Mystery By Laura Sams and Robert Sams Elinor’s Question: Why are there so many moths around Mr. Dog’s porch? Logline: The kids go summer caroling around the neighborhood, but when they get to Mr. Dog’s porch, there are so many moths flying around that they can’t finish singing their summer song. Curriculum Goals: ES2: Understand that plants and animals (including humans) can change their environment (Elinor and her friends realize they can turn off Mr. Dog’s porch light and the moths won’t gather around). SEP 4: Analyzing and Interpreting Data c: Record observations to describe patterns and/or relationships in the natural and designed world(s) in order to answer scientific questions and solve problems. (Elinor and her friends identify the pattern of moth behavior,that they cluster around lights, and solve the problem by turning off the porch light). FIRST DRAFT: March 23, 2020 SECOND DRAFT: April 06, 2020 POLISH DRAFT: FINAL DRAFT: All Ari Elinor ELINOR, OLIVE, ARI, MARTH ELINOR, OLIVE, ARI, SEÑOR TAPIR Mr. Bat Mr. Dog MRS. DROMEDARY Olive SEÑOR TAPIR ELINOR/OLIVE/ARI (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E EXTERIOR - MR MOOSE'S HOUSE (FRONT DOOR) MR. DOG'S HOUSE DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY MAGIC HOUR DAWN DUSK SAME SAME TIME LATE AFTERNOON CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. SMASH CUT TO: CUT TO BLACK. TIME CUT: Order Page Intro Location Time Color Scene #