"Lots of cute moments (and fun peachy puns). I think we need to structure things better, though. Here are the general notes: - A lot of the dialogue doesn't feel preschool kid natural. E.g. in the first page alone: ""pro"" ""specialty"" ""harvest"" ""expert"". On the next pass, pay a little closer attention to vocabulary. - I don't feel the learning is coming through very well. It's all hanging on that long sequence of seasonal flashbacks right now, which a) slows the story down a lot, and b) involves a lot of non-linear time jumps which will be difficult for kids to care and piece together the logic. Suggest we limit the mystery to one thing (Why isn't the peach tree growing more peaches?) that the kids have to piece together, and then having Farmer Bear broaden their understanding about the general case of seasons for fruits. E.g. focus the kids' plot/actions on discovering that peaches only grow in summer, and then Farmer Bear confirms and explains and walks them through how the same concept applies to other fruits and seasons. - I don't feel the story is set up very well, or ramps up well, to feel the drama and stakes. Let's spend a little more time setting up the problem and the stakes. Specific suggestions for each section below. Thanks!" 1. Ext. Elinor’s backyard - daytime Nice and clear This is much more preschool straight forward. It touches on cycles and the kids learn the pattern of season/ fruit. It’s a late summer afternoon and ELINOR, OLIVE, and ARI are helping MR. RABBIT pick PEACHES from the PEACH TREE in their backyard. The tree only has ten or so peaches remaining. "Lines 1-15 (ACT I). Several notes in this section: - Start us off communicating a little better that it's the end of Summer. Right now it's just one throw away line by Mr. Rabbit, but it should be a little more. We should feel it, so that later on the kids at home can understand and connect it to the problem solving. For example, you could have one of the kids feel a little chill breeze and say they thought it was summer, they thought it was going to be hot! and then someone chimes in that it's almost the end of summer and Fall is going to start or is starting. - The central goal for the kids in this episode is that they want to share the peaches with other people. Let's make more of this and really set this up. This is the motivation that launches them into the second act and beyond. Have the kids be enjoying the peaches (hmmm, SO GOOD!) and then they have the idea to share it with others. Yeah, awesome idea! Then everyone can taste how good they are! Great! Let's put them in the basket and go around sharing! etc. (Right now, their motivation is that they have too many, which is kind of a non-emotional motivation, and they dart off too quickly). - Don't give away that it's the last of the peaches (as Mr. Rabbit says). Instead, just have the kids fill the basket and then later they realize they picked all the peaches. Between the added and expanded bits and the fun picking sequences and jokes you have, this Act I should take you to about page 3 or 4. One note about these beginning scenes: don't make it a competition to see who can pick the best, just have the kids have fun and show off or try things for fun. And don't make it a competition to see who has the best tasting peach, (and don't have the kids steal peach from each other either)." Mr. Rabbit Let's not make it a competition. Maybe rather-Let's see how we can work together to get as many as possible Now that summer is almost over, we need to harvest the last of these peaches. Who can get the most? Elinor I can, easy-peachy! I’m a peach plucking pro. Elinor deftly hops up and grabs a low-hanging peach and places it in a BASKET OF PEACHES. Mr. Rabbit is impressed. ari will be flapping his arms/wings to fly so he wont be able to grab the fruit - he can grab thm with each foot instead and fly down to drop them into the basket Ari I’m a peach-pro too. My specialty is getting the hard to reach ones. Ari flies up high in the tree and grabs a peach with each hand. He floats down and places them in the basket. Elinor Nice moves, Ari. Olive (O.S.) I have a specialty too... Ari and Elinor turn and REVEAL Olive is juggling FOUR PEACHES, using her trunk as well as her arms. Olive (CONT’D) I’m an expert peach juggler. Elinor and Ari share a <LAUGH> and applaud as Olive catches the peaches and takes a bow. She joins her friends and puts her peaches in the basket. They look at the full basket. Elinor Look at these delicious peaches. What do we do with them all? An OS <CRUNCH> gets their attention and they turn to see Mr. Rabbit eating a peach. Mr. RABBIT Have a snack, of course. The kids eagerly dig in, each grabbing a peach from the basket. They <CHOMP> into them happily. Elinor Mmmm ! I think this is the best peach I’ve ever had. Ari points to his peach. Ari I dunno , this one’s pretty good too. Are you sure yours is better? Elinor Only one way to find out. She takes a BITE out of Ari’s peach. Elinor (CONT’D) Mmmm ... they’re both amazing. The kids share a <LAUGH> and finish their snacks. It reads they look into the basket and there are lots left - however it read that there are 10 peaches on the tree- elinor grabbed one, ari grabbed 2, olive grabbed 4, and mr.rabbit appeared to grab one as a snack. There were 7 from the kids put into the basket and they ate 3 - so there would only be 4 left in the basket and 2 left on the tree - its a bit odd they say there are lots and they can share with friends. Should we not start with more on the tree and end the seq with them grabbing more from the tree to take with them to friends ? Olive So yummy... I’m stuffed. And look how many there are left. They look into the basket, still quite full of peaches. Elinor Hmm... maybe we should share the rest of these with our friends. after 15 - clubhouse - there is only the one window - lets have one open the door once he knocks, the other pocks their head out the window. Mr. RaBBIT Great idea, everyone loves peaches! The kids pick up the basket and bound off to deliver peaches. 2. Ext. Animal town - various locations - montage CLUBHOUSE - The kids approach and knock on the clubhouse door. MARY pokes her head out of a window and Ari gives her a peach. LIZZIE pokes her head out of another window and Elinor gives her a peach as well. WIPE SALLY’S HOUSE - Sally is working on a small project in her yard, cutting a BOARD. The kids arrive and place a peach in her TOOLBOX, unnoticed. She reaches for a hammer and grabs a peach instead. Briefly confused, she spots the waving kids and has a happy bite. WIPE DOWNTOWN: The gang hands out peaches to TOWNSFOLK as they pass: MZ. MOLE, MR. RACCOON, etc. They give a peach to JOE MOUSE. GEE RAFFE lowers her head into frame and they give her one too. As KAI and SILAS approach, the kids reach into the basket and discover... it’s empty! "Lines 16-22 (ACT II). Several notes in this section: - Don't launch straight into a peach sharing montage. Play out the first instance of peach sharing so we see what they kids are aiming for and what's at stake. Have the kids arrive at the first location, and recap what they are doing: we got these from Elinor's peach tree and they are so good we want to share them. Why, thank you! Mmmm, so yummy! That's amazing. The kids feel great about it. Add a funny moment with that character. Awesome, ok let's go share the rest of these peaches! Then you can go to the montage. - At the end of the montage, also play out the last instance a little more. Koa really wants some, but uh oh, they are out! Koa is bummed. The kids promise they'll get more for him. Now it's clearer what the kids want and what's at stake. - When they get back to the tree, they realize there are no more peaches. They look all around the tree, no peaches. We must have picked them all. The tree ran out?? How can that be? Play out the kid misconceptions and the central mystery a little more here. They thought tree always had fruit. Why isn't the peach three growing more peaches? Maybe they can just sit and wait for the tree to grow more. But Koa is waiting. I know, I bet Farmer Bear has peaches. She has lots of fruit trees in her farm, maybe she'll give us a few we can share with Koa. And off they go. I think with all these changes, Act II should take to you about page 8." As per note in 13 - we will need at least 7 peaches in the basket when they leave - they group ate 4 - so we need more than 10 on the tree to start Olive Oh no! The basket’s empty. Ari Peach pits! We ran out of peaches before we ran out of friends. (to Silas and Kai ) Sorry guys. Kai and Silas slump. After 18 reads they scoop up their basket - theyve been walking around town - no need to put the basket down as silas and koa approach. Elinor Don’t worry, we can always get more from the peach tree... c’mon . Kai and Silas perk up and lick their lips in anticipation as the gang scoops up their empty basket and bounds off. 3. Ext. Elinor’s backyard - conTINUOUS The kids run into the backyard and, seeing something O.S., Elinor skids to a stop with a <GASP>! Her friends stop next to her and look to see... the peach tree is completely bare! Before line 19 it reads that they see something o.s - what is it? The empty tree? Ari Huh? Where did all the peaches go? Elinor We must have picked them all off the tree and not noticed. Olive But how are we going to deliver peaches without peaches? Elinor considers for a second, then has an idea. Elinor (brightly) The tree might not have any, but I know where we can always get fresh peaches... Ms. Llama’s Fruit Stand. The gang runs off, eager to fill their basket. 4. Ext. Animal town - ms. Llama’s fruitstand - conTINUOUS The kids arrive at the Fruit Stand and start scanning. Lines 23-31: Mz. Llama feels a little bit like a red herring. Keep her only if after all these notes you are still short of pages, but I suspect we can just cut her out and this whole section. Ms. llama Hiya Elinor! How-do Olive! Howdy Ari! How can I help you today? Elinor Hi Ms. Llama. We’re looking for fresh peaches. Ms. Llama Oh sorry kids... I don’t have any. I’m completely peach-less. Ari But this is a fruit stand... there must be some around here somewhere. Ari gets down on all fours to look under the stand, while Olive looks behind it. Olive pops up. Olive (to mz. Llama) Are you sure you don’t have any peaches? Not a single one? Ms. Llama shakes her head and turns her pockets out. MS. Llama Sorry kids, Farmer Bear brings me fresh fruit every morning, but she didn’t bring me any peaches today. ari (worried) Gasp! If there aren’t any peaches on Elinor’s tree or at the fruit stand, does that mean there aren’t any at Farmer Bear’s farm either? olive But there’s always fresh fruit at the farm... isn’t there? Elinor We need more observations. Let’s go have a look. Thanks Ms. Llama! The kids bound off with their empty basket. 5. Ext. Farmer bear’s farm - entrance - a little later FARMER BEAR loads PRODUCE into her TRUCK as the kids arrive. "Lines 32 to 100 (ACT III): - As mentioned, I think we are getting bogged down trying to get the kids to solve the general case (different fruits have different seasons). Instead, let's try having the kids only solve the specific case (Why isn't the peach tree growing more peaches?), and then have Farmer Bear step them through the general idea. - Start off the farm visit as you have it, but maybe expand the intro a little more. Another small recap never hurts: have them explain briefly to Farmer Bear what they are doing. The way you have them run off before Farmer Bear can explain is nice. - After the kids arrive at the peach tree grove, and after they see that there are no peaches here either, have them restate the central mystery: Why aren't these trees growing more peaches? - I think a way for the kids to get to the solution is to have the kids realize that all their recollections of eating/picking peaches are in Summer. For example, the kids say they need more observations. What do we remember about eating or having peaches? Ari recalls being at the beach in the hot summer and eating peaches at a picnic on the sand. Olive recalls it was a hot summer night when her mom made peach pie, and Elinor recalls needing her summer hat in all the times she picked from the tree in her yard. Then they figure it out: we've only had peaches in summer. Maybe peaches only grow in the summer? Do you remember having peaches in winter? No. In Fall? No. That's it! Then Farmer Bears comes in and confirms and explains different fruits and plants all grow in different seasons (with examples). - then the kids are happy they solved the mystery, but they are sad that they can't give Koa a peach. Farmer Bear tells them not to worry, he can have more when they grow again next summer. In the meantime, you know what IS starting to be in season? Apples! Yay! They take apples to Koa and share them with all the kids that are hanging out with Koa, and then they sing the song, and then end. A few extra notes on this section: Don't have Ari act selfish with the peach." Elinor Farmer Bear! Farmer Bear! We have a peachy emergency! Ari We’ve been looking everywhere, but we can’t find them anywhere. Olive May we have a look at your peach trees? Farmer bear Certainly. ( pointing ) They’re just over there, but- Elinor Thanks Farmer Bear! The kids run off eagerly before Farmer Bear can finish. She <CHUCKLES> to herself and resumes loading. 6. Ext. Farmer bear’s farm - orchard - contINUOUS The gang arrives at TWO ADJACENT ORCHARDS. The first is marked by A SIGN WITH A PEACH on it, and the PEACH TREES are bare except for ONE PEACH on a lone branch. The second orchard is marked by A SIGN WITH AN APPLE ON IT. The APPLE TREES are just starting to bear SMALL, UNRIPE APPLES. The kids run into the peach orchard and gape at the lone peach. Elinor Huh? All of the trees are empty except for this one peach. Olive Gasp! What if this is the last one... ever? Elinor (in close up) Oh, I hope not. An OS <CRUNCH> reveals Ari eating the peach. Ari Ya, that would be terrible. after 41 reads that he finishes the peach - suggest waiting until his line 45 - otherwise he ate it super quick only just takingthe first bite Elinor / olive (mock chastising) Ari! Ari finishes the peach and offers an embarrassed smile. Ari It looked so yummy just hanging there... I couldn’t resist. Elinor and Olive <GIGGLE>. Elinor If there aren’t any peaches anywhere ... where did they all go? Olive Maybe the peach trees don’t want to be peach trees anymore? Ari Or maybe the peaches all fell off and rolled away? Elinor (considering) Hmmm ... maybe ... Elinor has a thoughtful look at the peach trees, then looks over to the apple trees, which are starting to bear fruit. elinor (CONT’D) Look! Apples are starting to grow on the apple trees, even though the peach trees are empty. olive Hmmm ... that’s weird. The last time I visited the farm, the apple trees were empty. Ari Huh? Did the apple trees and peach trees trade spots? after 50 - reads that her parents are with her - we've established that she only has a mom olive ( laughs ) I don’t think so... As Olive thinks back, a THOUGHT BUBBLE appears. PAN UP TO: THOUGHT BUBBLE: In the BUBBLE, Olive, wearing a SUN HAT, and her PARENTS bound into the peach orchard, now FULL OF FRUIT. Olive looks up at the BEAMING SUN and wipes her brow against the heat. olive (v.o.) It was a really hot summer day. It was so hot that I had to wear my big sun hat just to cool down. Olive plucks a peach with her trunk and takes a bite. olive (V.O.) I remember how nice it was to have a delicious peach right off the tree on such a hot day. Olive looks O.S. at the apple orchard. PULL OUT reveals the apple trees have no apples on them (unripe or otherwise). olive (v.o.) I also remember that the apple trees were empty, even though the peach trees were full of fruit. PAN DOWN to action. Elinor That’s so interesting! There weren’t any apples on the trees in the summer? But that’s the best time to be outside. olive Hmmm ... maybe apples don’t like being outside in the summer? Ari (considering) I think you’re right. I remember the last time I saw apples in a tree... PAN UP TO A THOUGHT BUBBLE grows as Ari recalls... ARI’S DAD is raking FALLEN LEAVES into a LEAF PILE. APPLES fill the nearby APPLE TREES in their yard. Ari (v.o.) It was last fall. I remember because my favorite chore is helping my dad rake the leaves. Ari runs in from OS and jumps, flips and lands in the leaf pile, showering LEAVES everywhere. Ari and his dad <LAUGH>. Olive (v.o.) ( laughs ) You call jumping in a leaf pile helping? Ari (v.o.) Well, someone has to do it. Why else would you make a pile? Ari climbs out of the leaf pile and shivers. His Dad pulls out a TOQUE and places it on Ari’s head. Ari picks up a SMALL RAKE and starts to collect leaves with his dad. Ari (v.o.) It might be cool outside, but raking leaves warms us up. They stop raking, satisfied with pile. Ari’s dad plucks TWO FRESH APPLES from a nearby TREE and hands one to Ari. Ari (v.o.) And we always celebrate a job well done with apples from our tree. Ari and his Dad “Cheers” their apples. PAN DOWN TO: Olive pulls out her notebook and draws a TABLE (with room for TWO MORE COLUMNS). The first has a SUN (Summer) at the top and the second has AN ORANGE LEAF (Fall) at the top. As she summarizes, Olive draws a PEACH in the summer column and an APPLE in the fall column. OLIVE So, I remember peaches growing in the summer when it was hot and Ari remembers apples growing in the fall when it was cool . Ari brightens with an idea! Ari Oh! Maybe peach trees like being warm? If we warm up the trees, maybe they’ll grow more peaches. Ari runs over to a peach tree and wraps it in a hug. Ari (CONT’D) Hugs always warm me up. Elinor and Olive share a shrug. Elinor It’s worth a try. Elinor and Olive join Ari and wrap the tree in a hug. Farmer Bear approaches. it seems a bit odd for her to think theyre climbing the tree - just visually it'll clearly look like theyre hugging it- wrapping their arm around the trunk. perhaps she instead said something about lovimg the trees for example Farmer bear Haha ... that sure is an odd way to climb a tree, kids. Ari We’re not trying to climb it, we’re trying to warm it. Farmer bear (confused) Warm the tree? Why? Shouldn't olive say this? She's the one who shared the story of seeing the peaches in the hot summer Elinor The last time I saw peaches on the trees it was hot out. We’re warming the tree so more peaches grow. Farmer BEAR (Chuckles) That’s a great idea. But I’m afraid it doesn’t work quite like that. The kids release the tree and join Farmer Bear. Olive shows her notebook to Farmer Bear. Olive But look... we know that peaches grow in the summer and that apples grow in the fall. Farmer bear You’re absolutely right. Different fruits and vegetables grow at different times of year. It’s called being “in season.” Elinor Oh, like peaches are “in season” in the summer, and apple are “in season” in the fall? Farmer BEAR That’s it. And it’s not only summer and fall... winter and spring have “in season” fruits and vegetables too. Ari Even winter? What grows in the winter? Farmer bear Well... PAN UP TO: A THOUGHT BUBBLE GROWS above them... With SNOW on the ground, Farmer Bear walks towards her truck with a BASKET OF CABBAGES. FaRMER BEAR (v.o.) Cabbage is in season through the winter. This hearty vegetable thrives in the cold. Farmer Bear suddenly slips on some ice! She fumbles, tossing cabbages into the air! She recovers, and deftly catches the cabbages one after the other back with her basket. Farmer BEAR (V.O.) Much better than I do, that’s for sure. She places the basket into her truck and promptly slips again, this time falling on her rump. PAN DOWN TO: Olive opens her book and the kids watch as she adds a THIRD COLUMN with a SNOWFLAKE (winter) at the top. She draws a CABBAGE in this column. olive So cabbages grow in the winter... Olive adds a fourth column with a FLOWER (Spring) at the top. olive (CONT’D) The last season is spring... what grows then? Everyone thinks for a beat. Elinor remembers something. Elinor Oh, I know! PAN UP TO: A THOUGHT BUBBLE GROWS above them... RANGER RABBIT and ELINOR tend to a garden full of SPRING FLOWERS as BIRDS and BEES flit about. Elinor (v.o.) After the snow melts in the spring, my Mom’s garden is full of beautiful flowers. Elinor grabs onto a RADISH STALK and PULLS! Elinor (V.O.) And one of my favorite vegetables grows then too. She can’t get it on her own, so Ranger Rabbit hangs onto Elinor and they pull together until.... A BIG RADISH <POPS> out of the ground, sending the pair back onto their rumps. They share a <LAUGH>. Elinor (v.0.) Radishes! PAN DOWN TO: Elinor (remembering) (CONT’D) Mmm .... I love fresh radishes in the spring. The kids and Farmer Bear watch as Olive adds a DRAWING OF A RADISH to the Spring column in her notebook. They step through the drawings as they review. olive So.. Peaches grow in the summer... Ari And apples grow in the fall... Farmer BEAR And cabbages grow in the winter... elinor And radishes grow in the spring! Elinor brightens as she puts it all together. Elinor (CONT’D) So that’s why there aren’t any peaches anymore. Summer is almost over so peaches are not “in season” anymore. Farmer Bear nods happily and leads the kids away from the orchard, back to the entrance. Farmer BEAR Exactly! But don’t worry... the peach trees will be full of fruit again next summer. And every summer after that. Ari (relieved) Phew! I was worried I ate the last peach ever. Elinor Hmmm ... we were going to give fresh peaches to all our friends, but if we have to wait until next year, what do we do now? FaRMER BEAR Come with me, I have something to show you. 7. Ext. Farmer BEAR’S FARM - ENTRANCE - continUOUS Back at the entrance, Farmer Bear offers a silver lining. the kids have been carrying their basket - prhaps she dumps a bunch of apples from her bushel and into their basket Farmer BEAR Well, luckily apples are nearly in season . I harvested the first bushel today. Think your friends would enjoy fresh apples instead? Farmer Bear takes a BUSHEL OF APPLES from the back of her produce truck and offers it to the kids. Elinor / ari / olive That’s perfect! / Apples? Yum ! / Thanks Farmer Bear! Music starts as the kids carry off the bushel, waving thanks to Farmer Bear as they leave. 8. Ext. Animal TOWN - DOWNTOWN - continuous The gang delivers apples all over Animal Town as they sing. They find Kai and Silas and toss them both apples. Elinor / olive / ari Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall Each season has different fruit for all, If you don’t eat them fresh when they’re here, Don’t you worry - they’ll be back next year. They give Ms. Llama an apple which she polishes proudly. ELINOR: Peaches are ripe and ready to eat, When it’s summer and there’s lots of heat. Elinor tosses an apple to SENOR TAPIR sitting on a bench. He nods thanks and strums a few chords on his GUITAR. OLIVE: In the fall, the leaves turn red, And apples keep us all well fed. They see SEKU and Ari motions to “go long.” Ari lobs him an apple like a football. ARI: In the winter, the trees are bare, But cabbages still grow most anywhere. Olive juggles an apple and tosses it to JAVIER who bounces it with his antlers before catching it. ELINOR: When the flowers bloom in spring, Radishes are here to do their thing! Having delivered apples to all their friends, the gang bounds off with their basket. 9. Ext. Elinor’s house - continuous The kids finish the song and place their basket down. ALL: Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall Each season has different fruit for all! The gang looks into the basket and sees THREE APPLES left. Elinor Mmm ... Who wants an apple? Ari I do... (then, sadly) But I do kind of miss fresh peaches already. Elinor Don’t worry, peaches will be back next summer and that’ll be... just peachy! Ari brightens as the kids <LAUGH> and each take an apple. THE END.

EWW167 "Just Peachy" D1 .

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Elinor wonders why EP #167 Just Peachy Written by Tom Berger Elinor's Question: Where did all the peaches go? Logline: When Elinor and her friends run out of peaches, they learn that fruits are seasonal and only available at certain times of the year. Curriculum Goals: LS4: Understand that all plants have a life cycle and can change and grow over time (Elinor and her friends learn that different fruits grow in different seasons). SEP1: Demonstrate curiosity about the greater world outside of their local environment (Elinor's question leads them to discover an answer at the farm). Outline: Feb. 24, 2020 First Draft: March 17, 2020 Mr. Rabbit Elinor Ari Olive Elint Ms. Llama Mz. Llama Farmer bear Elinpr Elinot Elinor / olive / ari (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (brightly) (to ms. Llama) (to mz. Llama) (worried) (in close up) (considering) (confused) (v.0.) (relieved) (mock disappointed) INT EXT I/E ELINOR'S BACKYARD ANIMAL TOWN - VARIOUS LOCATIONS ANIMAL TOWN - MS. LLAMA'S FRUITSTAND FARMER BEAR'S FARM - ENTRANCE FARMER BEAR'S FARM - ORCHARD THOUGHT BUBBLE - FARMER BEAR'S FARM - ORCHARD THOUGHT BUBBLE - ARI'S YARD ELINOR'S HOUSE DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY DAYTIME MONTAGE A LITTLE LATER SUMMER FALL WINTER PRESENT SPRING CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK.