"Nice first draft, lots of fun. Overall notes are: - It's 1.5 pages short. Suggestions on where to expand below. - The dialogue overall feels a little rushed and dry (I know it's a first draft). Do a pass to add more personality, charm and pacing. - A few edits to the science moments. See below. Thanks!" 1. EXT. OLIVE’S HOUSE (FRONT DOOR) -- DAY Very cute first draft ELINOR hops up to Olive’s house, with ARI right behind her. Feels a little dry? Loosen this up, see if you can find a fun moment as they walk up to Olive's house. Maybe Elinor is following around a butterfly and Ari says, c'mon Elinor, we're almost at Olive's house. Or something like that. Or flip it and have Ari be doing some fun stunt, maybe chasing a butterfly? Elinor note beautiful summer day I hope Olive is ready for another great play day. Elinor knocks on the door and OLIVE’S MOM opens it. Olive’s Mom Well, hello kids. Ari Hi, Mz. Elephant. ElINOR Can Olive come out and... Suddenly OLIVE peeks out from behind her Mom with a big smile on her face. "This moment feels a little short. Play up the dynamic that Olive is trying not to clue the mom in: OLIVE Ari! Elinor! Come with me! (rushes off with them) Thanks Mom! MOM Oh! Haha, ok, have fun kids. Or something like that." Olive’S MOM I believe this needs to be said by Olive and not her mom Ari! Elinor! You’re just in time. She grabs her friends by the hands and pulls them inside. 2. INT. OLIVE’S LIVING ROOM - DAY Olive takes her friends to the side, away from her mother. Have them go to Olive's room, which is right next to the front door, then have Olive wait until the Mom goes to the living room/kitchen. ELINOR we could have olive pull the kids into her room which is opposite of the living room and feel more like what a kid would do What is it Olive? will be cute if olive outs her trunk onto ari;s mouth to shush him' - mom walks by - then she lowers her trunk and ari says ' ...excited' ArI Yeah, you sure seem.... Olive shushes him with a friendly <SFX: SHUSHHHH WALLA> as her mother walks by. Ari ( CONT’D ) (whispering) ...excited . Olive can’t wait to share her news. Expand this or break it up. Olive relays information that it's her mom's birthday. Other kids react. Then Olive says her idea. Have Olive explain her motivation more: she wants to do something really special for her mom. Like what? I was thinking we could throw her a birthday party! OlIVE (bubbling with joy) I AM excited! Guess what? Today is my Mom’s birthday! And I was thinking...let’s have a PARTY! Ari That’s a FANTASTIC idea, Olive. We could have a pirate party, like I had on my birthday - Arrrgh . He does a little pirate pretend-playing. ELINOR Or a bunny-hopping party, like the one I had. (Elinor starts hopping around) Now that was a HOPPY birthday! Olive smiles at her friend’s energy. OlivE (giggling) You sure do like to hop, Elinor. Ari jumps in front. suggest "and dont forget - I like Pirates! ARRGGHH!" ARI And I like PIRATES! ARRRGH ! Expand this a little bit. Mmm, I'm not sure my mom likes pirates or bunny hops. Elinor says, Yeah, we should make the party about something *she* likes. Ari says, Ok, what does your mom like? ELINOR suggest elinor realizes they are thinking of themselves , and we add 'But..maybe we should plan...." - or "well Pirates and Hopping are fun, but maybe we should ..." Maybe we should plan a party around something Mz. Elephant likes. What does your Mom like, Olive? Olive Good question. I’m not sure. Change to We need more observations! ELINOR 16 and 17 are very similar - repeating what they should do - it will sound odd as both her bedroom and living room are just outide the kitchen area so they will be able to just peak around the corner to see her mom - ex. line 16 - elinor says "lets find out. com'on' and then sneak to the corner to onbserve - then elinor can say line 17 Then let’s find out...with some observation! 3. INT. OLIVE’S KITCHEN – DAY Olive, Elinor and Ari poke their noses around the corner and watch Olive’s Mom closely, trying to keep quiet so she doesn’t see them (it’s not easy, much <SFX: GIGGLING WALLA>). ELINOR (whispering giggling) Let’s observe your mom and see what she likes. ANGLE ON: Olive’s Mom puts the last dish away, then settles at the kitchen table with a cup of tea and a magazine (with a butterfly on the cover). Feel like they got to the answer too quickly. Add a beat here before they land on the answer. Have Ari make a funny observation or hypothesis and have a funny response. Then give this line 18 (and the rest 20, 22) to Elinor: I think it's sweeter if Olive's friends help her realize what her mom likes. OlIVE Wait a minute....look at my Mom’s magazine. ANGLE ON: The cover of her Mom’s magazine. A butterfly. ElINOR There’s a picture of a butterfly. OLIVE And her apron. ANGLE ON: The butterfly apron. ArI Another butterfly. OLIVE And her mug... ANGLE ON: The butterfly mug. ElINOR I’m starting to see a pattern here. QUICK CU’s on various butterfly decorations all around the kitchen. BACK ON: Olive figures it out. Add a little bit of explanation: "…My mom loves butterflies. She has them on all her decorations and clothes." Or something like that. OLIVE Butterflies! My mom loves butterflies. Feels they got to this too quickly. Add a dialogue line, maybe for Ari? "Yeah, there's butterfly stuff everywhere." Then Elinor should have the idea "I know! Let's make it a butterfly party!" ELINOR Yes! Let’s have a butterfly party. ANGLE ON: At that moment Olive’s mom hears them. OlIVE’S MOM (calling) What are you kids up to? OlIVE (calling) Nothing, Mom! We’re just going to play outside, okay? Second sentence feels too on the nose? Delete? OLIVE’S MOM (calling) OK, have fun. And say hello to the butterflies... Off they go. 4. EXT. OLIVE’S BACK YARD – DAY The kids are in the back yard, near the flower garden. "Lines 29-31: Feels a little disjointed. Flip the order: have the kids come out continuing the conversation, then introduce the garden. Something like: I think your mom would love a butterfly party. We could have it right here in your yard. Your garden is so nice Thanks, my mom and I planted it. It's the perfect place for a butterfly party. Ok, so what do we need? (or something like that)" ElINOR Wow, your back yard is so nice Olive. Look at all the FLOWERS. ANGLE ON the beautiful flower garden, lots of pansies, lilies and roses. NOTE: It should NOT contain any of the flowers identified as “butterfly flowers” (i.e. Milkweed, marigolds, asters, phlox, sunflower, black-eyed susans) OlIVE Yep, my mom and I planted them -- this is my part of the garden. Olive points to a little section. ELINOR It’s the perfect place for a butterfly party. Ari So what do we need? Split off the second sentence, and give it to Ari. It seems like the kind of out of the box idea that he would have. OliVE Well my mom already has butterfly plates and napkins and decorations… So all we need are - BUTTERFLIES! Change this to something like, "I know! Maybe you can have… real butterflies!" or something like that. Ari You mean REAL butterflies? After this line, add a thought bubble to illustrate what the kids are envisioning: a medium shot of the mom with a birthday hat surrounded by butterflies around her. Olive YES! Then it’ll be a REAL butterfly party. Change this line to "Awesome! But, how do we get butterflies to come to the party?" ElinOR Shouldn’t be too hard. I’ve seen lots of butterflies fluttering around lately. They wait for a beat, looking around. Change to "Welp. I don't see any butterflies around here." ArI Welp . No butterflies yet. 38-40 is wonderful OlIVE Maybe we should try calling them. (calling) Butterflies! ARI (Calling) Oh, BUUUTERFLIES ! Change "a" to "Olive's Mom's" ElINOR (calling) We want you to come to a party! A beat. No butterflies. OlIVE STILL no butterflies. This line feels on the nose. Change to something like, "I know there are butterflies around here." "Yeah, we saw them earlier" (a reference to the opening scene) "Let's go find them. C'mon!" And they run off. ELINOR Don’t worry Olive, we’ll find some butterflies, and when we do I’m SURE they’ll want to come to our party. Let’s look over there. The kids run off-screen. 5. EXT. MEADOW BESIDE OLIVE’S HOUSE – DAY WIDE SHOT REVEALS: the kids running over to the field next door - part of it is just grass, but the farther part of the field has the flowers butterflies like (marigolds, milkweed, sunflowers, asters, black-eyed susans, phlox). OlIVE (calling) Butterflies! Butterflies! ARI (calling) Butter-butter-butter-FLIES!! Change to "I wonder where all the butterflies are." ElINOR (calling) Come out, come out wherever you aaaare ! The kids search around the grassy area for a beat or two, looking in the tall grass, behind a tree etc. Change to "I don't see any around here." ARI No butterflies around here. Suddenly Elinor notices something. Delete "But" ELINOR But look over THERE! ANGLE ON: The farther flowery part of the field, with lots of butterflies. OlIVE <GASP!> BUTTERFLIES!! ELINOR Come on! They run over to the part of the meadow that’s dotted with wildflowers - and butterflies. "Lines 50-53: Find a way to remind audience what the overall quest is? Try something like: O: Wow, look how many butterflies there are here. E: Butterflies, we're having a party for Olive's mom and we would love it if you came! A: Yeah, it's over… (etc. as you have it) then add ""C'mon!"" at the end" OLIVE (addressing the butterflies) Oh, butterflies... Change flutter to fly. ELINOR We want you to come to a party in Olive’s yard. ARI It’s over... (he antics, pointing comically with his whole body) ...THIS way. OlIVE Just flutter over to my house, butterflies. I have a really nice garden. Olive flutters along like a butterfly for a beat, then turns. OlIVE ( CONT’D ) (disappointed) They’re not coming. Change to "They're just staying in this field." ElINOR They just stay fluttering in the field. "I think we can expand a little here: A: I wonder why they like it here so much? E: Yeah, why are they all here, and not in Olive's garden?" ARI Why do they like it here so much? OlIVE Dun, dun, DUNNN – it’s a mystery, a butterfly mystery... ElINOR We need MORE observations. We can delete this line. Ari I know! Let’s watch the butterflies the same way we watched Olive’s mom. We can delete this line. Olive Good idea. That way we can see what they like about this field. Olive, Ari and Elinor crouch down behind some tall grass. The watch the pretty scene of the butterflies fluttering around the flowers for a beat or two. "Lines 61-64: These lines get a little complicated with the grassy area. Let's keep the mystery simple: just a comparison between A and B. Something like: Ok, what's different about this place and the garden at Olive's house. Both have a lot of sun… And both have lots of flowers... (continue in note for line 65)" ArI Maybe the butterflies are all in a club - like our EXPLORING Club. ELINOR And the long grass is their clubhouse. OlIVE Only...they didn’t like the grassy spot. They like it here, with the FLOWERS. Ari It’s true. The butterflies sure like these flowers. Especially that one. ANGLE ON - a Milkweed flower, with lots of butterflies fluttering around. "Lines 65-68: Then have Elinor and friends figure out the first part of the mystery here. Elinor looks closely, and we see several shots of the butterflies only hanging out near one type of flower (milk weed?). Hmmm, the butterflies only seem to fly near one kind of flower, and not the other kinds. Yeah, they seem to like that round flower. Olive, do you have that flower in your garden? I don't think so. Penny drops. That's it! Maybe that's why the butterflies like it here and not in your garden. They like this special kind of flower." ElINOR That’s just like the bees we saw before. They liked certain flowers too. ARI Do you have flowers like that in your garden, Olive? OLIVE No. I’ve never seen a round flower like that one before. It’s kind of weird, but pretty. Love that we have a running joke and sense of humor here. I'm not sure the alien humor is working that well here, though. Can you find a substitute source of humor or running joke? Ari Maybe it’s an ALIEN flower. A THOUGHT BUBBLE appears with the milkweed flowers coming out of a spaceship and greeting some other flowers. "Lines 69-72: Then this section should be about their new problem: (continuing from note in line 65) Cool, awesome. But… How can we get the butterflies to come to my garden, if we don't have these special flowers they like? (add Ari humor beat here). Hmmm... they are at peak conundrum. Then, they hear the humming from a distance. What's that? I don't know, let's go find out. And off they go." ArI ( CONT’D ) (alien voice) Beep-beep-boop . Take us to your flower leader. Elinor and Olive <SFX: LAUGH> Then suddenly the kids hear someone <SFX: HUMMING> ARI ( CONT’D ) <GASP!> It’s the aliens! The thought bubble BURSTS. OlIVE Aliens that hum? ElINOR And they’re humming over THERE. Come on! The kids run OS. 6. EXT. MZ. MOLE’S GARDEN – DAY The kids are following the <SFX: HUMMING> Lines 73-76: Cute, but find a different source of humor or running gag besides aliens? ArI Beep-boop-bop , I’ve never met a real alien before. I wonder what they look like. Elinor is the one who sees.... ELINOR Mz. MOLE? ANGLE ON: Mz. Mole who is transplanting some butterfly- friendly flowers into pots. Olive You’re not an alien! Mz. Mole I’m not? (she looks down at herself, confirming) You’re right, I’m NOT! Lines 77-83: Try to make these lines more natural/fun? Ari What are you doing here, Mz. Mole? This isn’t school. MZ. MOLE No, this is my house. Welcome! ARI (gob-smacked) Teachers have HOUSES? MZ. MOLE Yep, and gardens too. She gestures. OlIVE Wow you sure have a lot of nice flowers, Mz. Mole. ElINOR And LOTS of butterflies! ArI Just what we need! Mz. MOLE Butterflies? Why do you need butterflies? OlIVE For my mom’s birthday. She loves butterflies. So we want to surprise her with a BUTTERFLY party. Mz. MOLE Oh, what a wonderful idea. Let's have Elinor explain the whole situation here, to recap also for the kids at home: So we were looking for butterflies to come to the party, and then we observed they like a special kind of flower. This one! ELINOR And we’ve observed that the butterflies really like these ALIEN flowers. She points to the Milkweed, with butterflies hovering around. Have Mz. Mole confirm the larger lesson here, more than just name the other flowers. Something like: You're right! Butterflies do like certain flowers more than others. Lots of animals in Nature have special plants they like. That one is called a milkweed plant. Then ooh and ahh from the kids. Then she continues: But butterflies also like these other plants, like (name the other plants). Then have the kids respond: Wow! Awesome. Mz. MOLE (laughing) They do look like alien flowers. But they’re actually called milkweed. And you’re right, the butterflies like them. And they also like marigolds, sunflowers, asters, lavender, black-eyed susans and phlox. She points to each flower in turn. Lines 89-91: I think a better way into this idea is from Olive's point of view. Maybe replace these lines with something like: Then Olive chimes in: Wow, I wish MY garden had these plants that butterflies like. Then the butterflies would love to come to my mom's party. Then Elinor and Ari agree: yeah... ELINOR Wait a minute. Maybe if Olive had some of these flowers in her garden... Ari (realizing) ...then the butterflies would come, because they like the flowers... OlIVE ...and we’d have a REAL butterfly party! Then Mz. Mole says here: You could! You can have these plants in your garden too. Mz. MOLE That should work. What smart scientists you are! Why don’t you take some of my flowers to plant in Olive’s garden. I have plenty. Then give this to Elinor who asks, "But how? We don't have time to plant them and wait for them to grow." ArI Really? We can do that? Then have Mz. Mole say here, "You could take some of mine! I have extra and I was going to dig them out anyway" Then Olive says, "We could?" Then "Sure! In gardening, it's ok to move plants from one spot to another. It's called 'transplanting'. MZ. MOLE Sure. When you take a flower from one garden and plant it in another garden, that’s called transplanting. OLIVE Transplanting. I LIKE that word. Mz. MOLE I’ll show you how. 7. GARDEN PLANTING MONTAGE As they sing, Mz. Mole supervises the kids as they dig up some of the plants from her garden, put them in pots (in a wagon), then go and transplant them into Olive’s garden. "Repeat the first verse ""Butterflies love flowers, we all know…"" at the end of the song, and make it the chorus essentially. Also, add a description at the end of the song that after they plant the flowers in Olive's garden, we see one butterfly flutter in before the crossfade out." ElINOR, olive, ari OLIVE: Butterflies love flowers, We all know it’s true, ELINOR: And they have their favorites, Just like me and you. ARI: To have butterflies around, Just listen to our song, ELINOR: Plant the flowers that they like, And they will come along. OLIVE: Marigold and milkweed Lavender and phlox ELINOR: These are the flowers That butterflies like a lot ARI: Sunflowers and Asters Black-eyed Susans too ELINOR: When you plant the flowers that they like, ALL: The butterflies will come to youoooooo ! 8. EXT. OLIVE’S BACK YARD (with Butterfly Garden) -- DAY The back yard is decorated with the butterfly decorations from the house, and we see butterfly plates and napkins. There’s also a new butterfly garden (In Olive’s section) Olive leads her mother out of the house with her eyes closed. OlIVE Okay, Mom, you can open your eyes now. Olive, Ari, ELINOR, Mz. Mole SURPRISE! Ari Welcome to your butterfly party. ELINOR With real BUTTERFLIES! Olive’s Mom looks around in wonder. Add "This is wonderful!" at the end. OlIVE’S MOM Woooow . OlIVE Happy Butterfly Birthday, Mom. Olive gives her Mom a big hug. Change "What are you doing here" to "What a surprise to see you!"? OLIVE’S MOM Aww , thank you so much, kids. (then she notices) Mz. Mole? What are you doing here? Mz. MOLE Happy birthday, Mz. Elephant. I’m here as a butterfly garden helper. Change to "We wanted real butterflies for your party, Mz. Elephant, so we OBSERVED some. ELINOR We wanted butterflies for your party, Mz. Elephant, and we OBSERVED they liked certain flowers... Change to "And we learned that they like some kinds of flowers more than others." Olive ...that we didn’t have in our garden, but Mz. Mole DID! Change to "So Mz. Mole helped us bring some of her butterflies flowers and plant them here." ArI So Mz. Mole said we could take some of her flowers, because she has lots. OlIVE And we TRANSPLANTED them into our garden, to see if the butterflies would come. ELINOR And they DID!! OlIVE’S MOM Wow, did they ever!! Look at all these beautiful butterflies. ANGLE ON: The garden and the fluttering butterflies - beauty! replace "really know" with "figured out" and add question mark at the end. Olive’s mom ( CONT’D ) You kids really know what flowers the butterflies like. But how did you know that I love butterflies so much. I'm worried this might be too subtle for little kids. Maybe change this to, "Oh, it wasn't that hard, Mz. Elephant." ELINOR Oh, I don’t know. ANGLE ON: Olive’s Mom’s butterfly pendant, butterfly apron and butterfly decorations. WIDEN as Ari, Olive and Elinor share a smile. Then maybe the end can be, "You don't need to be a scientist to know you like butterflies." or "Everyone can tell you like butterflies." or find a funnier kicker. ElINOR ( CONT’D ) Just a lucky guess, I guess. Everyone <SFX: LAUGHS> as Olive hugs her Mom. THE END

EWW 164 Butterfly Party FIRST FRAFT .

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EP 164 Butterfly Party By: Katherine Sandford Elinor’s Question: How can we get the butterflies to come to Olive’s back yard? Logline: It’s Olive’s Mom’s birthday and the kids want to throw her a butterfly party, but they need REAL butterflies. Cirriculum Goals: LS5 . Begin to understand that animals depend on other living things in the environment to meet some of their needs: (Elinor observes that the butterflies prefer certain flowers that provide them with nectar). ND2 . ( RTL Crosscutting concept ‘Systems’): Begin to understand that systems developed in our world often work in similar ways to systems found in the natural world. (Elinor and her friends decide to plant a garden that includes flowers that the butterflies naturally prefer). SEP1 . Asking questions (science) and defining problems (engineering) b. Ask more complex questions about observable phenomena c. Ask and/or identify cause and effect questions that can be answered by an investigation d. Identify a problem that can be solved by the design of a new or improved object or tool (engineering) (Elinor and her friends question why there are no butterflies in Olive’s garden, and when they realize through investigation that it’s because there aren’t any of the flowers that butterflies prefer, they design a butterfly garden.) SEP3 . Planning and carrying out investigations b. Compare and contrast objects and events by describing similarities and differences in detail c. Demonstrate an ability to make and test predictions based on background knowledge and experiences e. Design and build a solution to a simple problem (Elinor and her friends compare and contrast the flowers to find the ones the butterflies prefer, they predict that if they plant those flowers in Olive’s yard, the butterflies will come. Then they make the butterfly garden, and it works!) OUTLINE: January 8, 2020 FIRST DRAFT: February 5, 2020 Elinor Ari Olive’s Mom ElINOR and Ari OLIVE Art Ai Mz. Mole Olive, Ari, ELINOR, Mz. Mole (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E THIS IKS IT ELINOR WONDERS WHY OLIVE'S HOUSE (FRONT DOOR) -- DAY OLIVE'S LIVING ROOM – DAY OLIVE'S KITCHEN – DAY OLIVE'S BACK YARD – DAY MEADOW – DAY MZ. MOLE'S GARDEN – DAY GARDEN PLANTING MONTAGE OLIVE'S LIVING ROOM DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK.