"Overall, a good first draft, nice work, Mike! Storywise, the structure is mostly all there. Main notes on story are: - The tone in some scenes feels a little off. Remember we want to tone down the prosecutorial aspects and emphasize that the kids just want to find out where the litter is coming from (except maybe for Ari, who does think there's a litterbug). Suggestions below. - I'd say cut about 0.5 page from the Mrs. Llama interaction, and add about 0.5 page to the Mr. Raccoon interaction, to balance it out more. Suggestions below. - Mrs. Hippo should be a little more active at the beginning, and also, who is she? Can you give her more character, something interesting or fun about her? Style-wise, the dialogue feels a little plain, and often the kids speak in a voice and with knowledge that seems a little too adult. Do a pass to: - Make it more kid-like and more kid-appropriate - Add more spark and more character to the dialogue - Find more places for humor Specific notes below. Looking forward to the next draft. Thanks! " 1. EXT. Animal town park -- day Line Count - 117 Elinor - 35 Ari - 27 Olive - 27 Mrs. Hippo - 14 Ms. Llama - 9 Mr. Raccoon - 5 We see the lovely Animal Town Park on a beautiful spring Day. All is quiet, until the voices of ELINOR and ARI can be heard in the distance. Lines 1-5: This frisbee scene is cute (action is always good), but I feel like it could do more to a) reveal who the characters are and b) end in a funny moment. Can you take another crack at it? Elinor (O.S.) Here it comes! ARI (O.S.) I got it... I got it... nice first draft . a wonderful message A Frisbee disc then floats through the frame as Ari jumps up to catch it, but fumbles <SFX: WHOOPS>. At the last second, though, OLIVE jumps up from the bottom of frame to save it from hitting the ground. Olive should use her trunk OLIVE (giggling) Looks like I got it. Go long! Elinor and Ari run away from Olive as she hurls the Frisbee with all her might, sending the disc across the park! Elinor and Ari race each other to catch up to the Frisbee. Elinor I got this one! Ari Oh, no! Not this time! Ari races ahead of Elinor as both kids <GIGGLE> back and forth at each other. Despite their best efforts, they can’t quite catch up to the Frisbee. As the Frisbee starts to descend, MRS. HIPPO suddenly rides into frame on a golf cart and catches the disc, then comes to a stop right in front of the kids, who are amazed not only by Mrs. Hippo’s great catch, but also by this golf cart! description reads that they are also amazed by the golf cart. perhaps between 6-7 ari can say something about it. then elinor asks if she wants to play ELINOR Amazing catch, Mrs. Hippo! Do you want to play with us? "Do little kids know what the word ""litter"" means? How can we explain it, in dialogue and/or by their actions? Maybe ask Sara how to describe it, and or whether we can associate it with the word ""trash""? Also, who is Mrs. Hippo? Her personality seems a little bland right now. What kind of personality does she have? Think about a positive character trait that would play well in the following scenes and at the end with the reveal." Mrs. HIPPO Oh, I’d love to, kids, but I’m cleaning up litter around the park today. Confused, the kids look around and the park looks great. Ari But... there’s no litter in the park. This sentence is important and slightly complex. I would consider breaking it up and remove the "I'm afraid" from the end. MRS. HIPPO That’s because I already cleaned up this part of the park, but I still have lots more to do. Keeping Animal Town healthy and beautiful is a big job, I’m afraid. Lines 10-11: These are an example of lines that feels a little too knowing and adult. What's a more kid-like way to react to Mrs. Hippo's line, and for them to wonder how they can help? Elinor lines 10-13 reads a bit like an info-mercial. can we make it a bit more natural. even elinors 'an important one' line 10 is a bit old sounding And an important one. I wish we could help. Olive Me too, but we’re just kids. What could we do? As Elinor and Olive think, Mrs. Hippo steps up with some garbage bags for the kids. Suggest replace Animal Town with "their" to make it a general lesson. Mrs. HIPPO Plenty! Anyone can pitch in to keep Animal Town clean. Even the smallest things help! This cross-dissolve feels a little odd, almost like it's a joke about child labor :) Suggest we play it a little more straight: before the cross dissolve, have the kids themselves come up with the idea to help her pick up the litter. Then maybe Mrs. Hippo says something like, oh no, that's ok kids, but the kids insist and so Mrs. Hippo hands them bags. Then they go off excited and then you cross dissolve. Elinor Really? Like what? Off Elinor’s curious expression, we: Dissolve to: 2. EXT. aNIMAL TOWN PARK -- DAY Now holding litter bags, the kids walk around the park with Mrs. Hippo, picking up any litter they find on the ground and putting it in big, paper bags. (NOTE: The litter is colourful and not gross). Should kids be picking up litter with their hands? Maybe consult with Anne or Sara. They could also use those claw sticks to pick up the litter, and maybe Ari can have some fun with them. Ari Got one! Ari picks up a paper cup and throws it in his bag. As they walk, they find random candy wrappers or cans around. Elinor Where did all this litter come from? cut "want to" OLive Yeah? Everyone loves Animal Town. Why would they want to leave litter around like this? "Second sentence feels odd grammatically. Also, suggest ""by accident"" instead of ""accidentally"" Also, is ""litter cans"" a phrase? ""Trash bins""? ""Litter bins""?" Mrs. HIPPO suggestion 'Even towns as wonderful as Animal Town have litter. Sometimes, people drop litter accidentally or it falls out of litter cans or may even get blown around by the wind...' Even towns as wonderful as Animal Town have litter. Sometimes, people drop litter accidentally or it falls out of litter cans or even get blown around by the wind... Suddenly, a paper bag blows through frame and Olive catches it with her trunk. Olive (O.S.) I see what you mean. As Elinor picks up a candy wrapper off the ground and puts it in her bag, she looks around and doesn’t see any more litter. Elinor It looks good around here, Mrs. Hippo. Where to next? MrS. HIPPO Actually, Elinor, we’re all done cleaning up the park! You kids were such a huge help, we finished much earlier than I planned. Ari Aww ... but I really liked helping clean up Animal Town. MRS. HIPPO Don’t worry, Ari. There’s always plenty to do. But for now, since we finished so early, I thought I might take my helpers on a ride around town on the cart! What do you think? The kids all celebrate! Elinor/olive/ari end of seq 2. reads that the cart is there with them. in seq 1 ari noted that there isnt any litter around. end of seq one they are walking in a different part of the park picking litter. fo the cart to be there at end of seq, they muct have had a ride in it. therefore we should see it close by at the top of this seq. so we can assume they all drove to this new area but now shes offering a ride through animal town which still works. Yeah! / Woo hoo ! / Helping is awesome! As everyone puts their bags on the back of the golf cart and then hops on, we: Cut to: 3. EXT. Animal town - various (MONTAGE) We see a musical montage of the ecstatic kids (with seat-belts) riding around Animal Town with Mrs. Hippo. - They zig-zag through trees in the park. - Drive down the sidewalks in town, past Mr. Raccoon, who waves to the excited kids, who wave right back. - They go past the soccer field, where kids play in the BG . - Finally, they are back in the park, <LAUGHING> as they zoom around the paths of the park, leaning into each other with every turn! "To help make this more sense, maybe one of the kids should compliment her cart earlier, like around line 6. Also, don't think they should see Mr. Raccoon on their joy ride. He would have seen the litter falling off the cart." Olive (joyful) montage. the downtown and the soccer field are on opposite ends of animal town (map) perhaps they go by their clibhouse where a few kids are playing. or by the grandstand where tapir is playing the guitar for a few spectators Whoa! Ari Whooooaaaaa ! Finally, Mrs. Hippo stops the cart, they all stare in disbelief. Elinor (shocked) Whoa. 4. EXT. Animal town park -- day As the music fades, we see what the kids see: the park now has more litter than ever, with pieces of litter here and there all around the park! Let's do a slower reveal here of the litter, it feels too abrupt of a shift. Have them stop and get off the cart in a good mood (that was awesome! Yeah, thanks Mrs. Hippo!) and then one of the kids notices the litter, and then everyone joins in. Elinor What happened? Let's tone it down a little. Maybe it's not "more litter than ever" but just "more litter". In the description above, and in the line below. Olive I don’t know, but there’s more litter here than there was before. Lines 28-35: let's have Mrs. Hippo be a little more active here, and assess the situation with the kids, rather than keep her in the background until later. How she reacts reveals who her character is. I don't think she's someone who would sit in the car and feel sad. Have her be part of this conversation about the litterbug. eLINOR instead she can say that they havent been gone very long. the montage and action, especially to be able to get to town and then back to the park would take a bit of time. But we were only gone for a few minutes. Where did it all come from? CU a piece of litter on the ground as Ari steps into frame and picks it up, examining it closely. He seems very serious all of the sudden. Ari There’s only one explanation for how all this litter got here so fast... (dramatic pose) Animal Town has a litterbug. Elinor After 31 note that elinor and olive step out of cart. A litterbug? But... who would do such a thing? Olive then steps up in dramatic fashion. "At some point, we need to explain what a litterbug is. Little kids might be confused (is it a bug??). Suggest replace line 31 with something like, Olive: a litterbug? Ari: Yeah, someone who leaves litter on the ground. Elinor: But who would do that?" Olive Dun, dun, duuuun ... it’s a MYSTERY! Elinor shakes her head, refusing to believe that. "By accident" and "on purpose" is a VERY challenging concept for preschoolers (and the bain of a preschool teachers work). I'm not sure lines 33 and 34 are really needed, especially because they discover this is the case in the story...they don't need to know it here. Elinor No. I don’t think so. Everyone loves Animal Town. Whoever did this must’ve done it by accident. This is another line that feels a little too adult for Elinor. Instead, follow note from 31, and then have Mrs. Hippo jump in: Well, hold on, maybe whoever left this litter did by accident, and doesn't know they did it. Ari Maybe, but if that’s true, they might still be doing it and not know. Also a bit too adult. Instead, suggest after the dialogue in the note for line 33 that the kids have a "I know!" moment where they get the idea to solve the mystery. Then they wonder, but how? And follow the trail. Olive ms.hippo steps out of cart to look around Ari’s right. We need to figure out where all this litter came from, fast. Meanwhile, a sad Mrs. Hippo looks over the park as a lizard walks by, inspecting a piece of litter, then moving on. Also a bit too adult. See note below Elinor Are you okay, Mrs. Hippo? Not sure this sad moment for Mrs. Hippo is working, it feels too heavy, especially because it turns out to be her at the end. Delete lines 36-38? Mrs. HIPPO Yeah, I just wish that whoever did this knew that they aren’t just leaving some litter on the ground. This park is a home to lots of creatures like this little guy. Maybe this lizard moment can play earlier when the kids are helping to pick the litter. Olive Don’t worry, Mrs. Hippo. We’ll help you clean up again. Suggest ‘would you mind trying to find them and make sure they know that they’re harming Animal Town.’ Mrs. HIPPO maybe "Let's work as a team. I'll pick up the litter and you look around town for who is helping and who might not be helping keep our town clean" No, I can clean this up, it won’t take long. But I think you kids are right. Whoever did this couldn’t have done it on purpose. You need to go find them and make sure they know that they’re harming Animal Town. This ("You need to go find them and make sure…") feels a little too much for Mrs. Hippo to ask little kids to do. Let's have a more kid-friendly dynamic. "If you can help me find out where this litter is coming from, that would be great." or maybe she goes to clean the litter, and the kids decide on their own to go find where the litter is coming from. ElinoR You got it, Mrs. Hippo. We’ll find out where this litter is coming from. (then, to Olive) So... where should we start? They look around and see a trail of litter leading to town. Olive If you wanna find out where the litter is coming from, follow the litter. Let’s go! As the kids follow the trail of litter, they pick up each piece and put it in a bag as they head to town. Dissolve to: 5. ANIMAL TOWN MAIN STREET -- DAY As the kids arrive on Main Street in town, they continue to pick up litter, which still lines the sidewalk. Ari Looks like the litterbug definitely came this way. Lines 42-44: this feels like too much logic for the kids at home to parse. Just keep them focused on the mystery of where the litter is coming from, and add a fun moment or dialogue moment here. ELINOR We just rode through here with Mrs. Hippo and the streets were clean! Let’s keep an eye out.' sounds a bit old Olive That means that the litter might be coming from somewhere close. Let’s keep an eye out. Suddenly, the kids stop as Mz . Llama walks out of her shop with a big bag of litter and dumps it right into her garden! Ari Look, Mz . Llama has litter. "Lines 45-49: These lines feel like they are jumping to conclusions too quickly, and that all of them are jumping to conclusions, when I think we want their intentions to be more innocent, and maybe only Ari is the suspicious one. Something like, Have them spot Mrs. Llama from a distance. ""Look, there's Mrs. Llama"" ""What is she doing?"" ""Is she... she looks like she's putting her litter on the ground."" ""Gasp! Could Mrs. Llama be the litter bug?"" Then they run over to her." OLIVE And she’s dumping her litter... in her garden? You don’t think...? "It's a bit confusing what's in the bags and what kind of bin it is they are talking about, and what her actions are. Suggest we only have one kind of bag (where she puts her old food that will go to compost), and that there's no bin, but rather more like an area that looks like a open compost pile (no bin, maybe some small walls on three sides?). Leaf it to Ari has something similar. Then the action that the kids see is her dumping her old food into the pile (she has two bags of old food she is dumping)." Elinor No, Mz . Llama would never dump litter on the ground. Come on. 6. EXT. BACK OF MZ . LLAMA’S RESTAURANT -- DAY As Mz . Llama grabs another bag of litter, she dumps three old, half-eaten tomatoes into a bin. As each tomato hits the bin with an SFX: PLOP, PLOP, PLOP, our three kids’ heads each pop up nearby, one by one in unison with the PLOPS. a bit unclear. top of seq 6 she grabs anither bag of litter. then put tomatoes into a bin. is she grabbing the tomatoes from the litter bag? is the bin shes dropping the tomatoes into, the compost bin? she then grabs another bag in the next line and thats the compost soil she shows the kids and dumps in the garden. pls carify so i understand visually what props go where and action needed Olive What is she doing? Is that a litter can? Elinor I don’t know. As the curious kids watch nearby, Mz . Llama grabs another bag of litter and goes to dump it on the ground in her garden again, but the kids jump up. Elinor (CONT’D) Whatcha doing, Mz . Llama? "Lines 50-51: In these lines, the kids should be more curious, rather than accusatory. They should greet her first, then: Hi, Mrs. Llama Uh, may we ask what you're doing? It looks like you're putting litter on the ground. Oh, goodness gracious, no… etc." ARI Yeah, just, I don’t know... dumping some litter on the ground? Mz . Llama turns and smiles at the kids. Mz . Llama Oh, goodness gracious, no. This isn’t litter, it’s compost. See? Mz . Llama shows the kids the bag, which is filled with rich, dark soil looking material. "Lines 52- 64: this order is a little confusing to me. The order should be a little similar to the end scene in Leaf it to Ari: let's follow the old food as it goes in to the pile, and then the compost as it's used in the garden. Right now it's a little backwards: we go to compost, then rewind to talk about what she was putting on it. So, on line 52, have her say, ""This isn't litter, it's for composting. See?"" Then the kids ask what composting is, and Mrs. Llama launches into a mini lecture: I take old food like these apple cores and add them to my compost pile. (then mixes it). after a while, it turns into soil for my garden, etc. Ohhh, we thought you were littering. Oh no, then line 60: Whenever I have leftover fruits or... etc. Then after 60, have her ask the kids to help her, and they help her put the rest of the old food in the compost pile and help her shovel some into her garden. Then continue to line 61 and beyond." Olive That kinda looks like dirt. perhaps she doesnt ask them to help, otherwise we have the kids bent down in the soil spreading it around with their bare hands. ms.llama cab have a tool to spread it and in doing so olive spots an apple core and picks it up. the rest play out as is MZ . LLAMA Well, that’s where it’s going, Olive. I use compost in my garden to help all my fruits and vegetables grow. You kids wanna help spread it around? Mz . Llama dumps the bag of compost into the robust garden. ari Hmm... sounds messy. I’m in. eLINOR Every little bit helps, right? As the kids get down in the garden and spread the compost around on the soil. Suddenly, Olive feels something and picks it out, holding up an apple core. olive Uh, Mz . Llama... I think there’s an old apple in your compost. Mz . Llama grabs the apple from Olive as she and the kids walk over to her compost bin. MZ . LLAMA Actually, Olive, that old apple core is a part of the compost. The kids look into the compost bin to see lots of old fruit and vegetables in various stages of decomposition. Elinor So that compost is just old food? MZ . LLAMA That’s right, Elinor. Whenever I have leftover fruits or vegetables or bread from my restaurant, I always compost it rather than throw it away. Over time, all this food will break down and turn into... Mz . Llama opens the bottom of her compost bin and more dark, rich compost comes out. There's some confusion here about whether "compost" refers to the stuff you put in (old food) or the dirt that comes out. Needs to be consistent and clear. Ari Compost! Whoa, that’s like magic. let's remove the word "magic" since it is really science MZ . LLAMA (laughing) Yep, compost magic is a great way to reuse old scraps of food and help grow new food. ARI So... does composting mean you make less litter? MZ . LLAMA It sure does. ARI Phew... And here, I thought you might be the litterbug. MZ . LLAMA The what? Elinor Litterbug. Someone is dumping litter on the ground all over town. Remember, the kids just want to find out where the litter is coming from. Here, Elinor should explain, but not reference the litterbug. Something like, "It looks like someone is leaving a lot of litter in Animal Town, Mrs. Llama." OlIVE We want to find out who it is and let them know how bad that is for Animal Town. Then Olive says, "Yeah, we want to find out where all the litter is coming from." MZ . LLAMA Oh, no. Well, I’m sure whoever did that just made a mistake, but it certainly wasn’t me. I always reduce, reuse and recycle. After all, we all have to do our part. She sounds a bit too sure here. Replace "I'm sure" with something like, "Well, maybe whoever is doing it, doesn't know that they're leaving litter on the ground. It isn't me though, I always reduce… etc." OLIVE It’s up to all of us to take care of Animal Town. Add a "yup" here at the beginning? ElINOR maybe make the statement that Mrs. Llama is looking out for Animal town not hurting it. We should get back to finding out where this litter is coming from. Bye, Mz . Llama. This feels a little adult. Find a better transition? Mz . Llama Bye, kids! The kids walk out and Mz . Llama kneels in her garden as we: Dissolve to: 7. EXT. ANIMAL TOWN MAIN STREET -- DAY As the kids walk away, they spot more litter down the street a bit, leading away from Mz . Llama’s shop. "Have the kids thank Mrs. Llama before leaving. Overall, this interaction with Mrs. Llama should be about 0.5 page shorter." Elinor There’s more litter on the ground. Ari Let’s go! The kids pick up the remaining litter and look around, but that’s everything. The street is once again clean. Olive picks up the last piece of litter and holds it up. Olive Well, it looks like we got it all. This is the last piece of litter. The kids look up and they are standing in front of Mr. Raccoon’s shop. olive (CONT’D) The trail ended at Mr. Raccoon’s shop. Maybe he saw something? I think we want the Mr. Raccoon interaction to play out very similarly to the Mrs. Llama interaction: the kids see Mr. Raccoon from a ways off, see him doing something and observe him, then go in to talk to him. In this line, change it to "Look, there's Mr. Raccoon." Ari this is a bit tricky due to location design and character placement. there isnt a lot of room between the buildings. also it would be impossible for the kids to be at the front door about to enter and then see mr.raccon out the back. we coukd possibly have him whistling to get there attention, they peak down the side of the bakery and see him in the distance. then they head down to the back by walking between the two buildings Wait... look. As the kids go to enter the shop, Mr. Raccoon exits out the back of the shop, carrying a bag of litter! "Change to ""What's he going?"" Mr. Raccoon should be standing near the front of his shop with a bag of litter near him (you can tell because it's almost overflowing), as he hoses down the sidewalk in front of his shop. The hose should lead into his bakery, to make it work with the architecture?" Olive (gasp) He’s got a bag of litter. A BIG bag of litter! Elinor No... Mr. Raccoon couldn’t be the litterbug! He loves Animal Town more than just about anybody I know. There must be a reason he has all that litter. "This is a bit too accusatory. Suggest something instead like this: Elinor: It also looks like he's pouring water on the sidewalk. Ari: Gasp! Could Mr. Raccoon be the litterbug? Elinor: (not convinced) Hmmm… Olive: Let's go ask him. " Ari Let’s go ask him. As Ari turns the corner, he is suddenly sprayed with water, causing him to turn around as water drips off of him. Ari (CONT’D) He’s also wasting water. A very apologetic Mr. Raccoon then runs over to the kids. Change to Ari greeting Mr. Raccoon: "Mr. Raccoo…" then gets wet. Mr. Raccoon I am so sorry, Ari! I didn’t even see you kids there! What can I do for you? After he apologizes, have him give Ari a towel to dry off. Elinor We wanted to ask you about that big bag of litter you were carrying. Have her explain what they are doing instead of interrogating him. Change to something like: "We're trying to figure out who is leaving litter around Animal Town, Mr. Raccoon." MR. RACCOON Oh, you mean this? Can you believe someone left all this litter on the sidewalks? It took me quite a while to pick all this up. This line may not be super clear to little kids. Make it more explicit? Something like: "Ah yes, I saw a lot of litter here on the street earlier, so I picked it all up. That's what this bag is." (not great, but you get the idea to make it clearer) Olive Well, that explains why the trail ends at Mr. Raccoon’s shop. this line and accusation seems a bit strong. they only just saw him spray some water. they dont know he was using a lot. and seems a bit too much especially since theyre speaking with an adult. can we soften abit. make it more of a question Ari Hold on, what about your hose? Isn’t using all that water bad for Animal Town? "Also, a bit too accusatory. Change this to: ""Ohhh, we thought maybe you were the litterbug, Mr. Raccoon."" and then add a response from Mr. Raccoon: ""Oh no, I always try to keep everything clean."" then Olive asks, ""Mr. Raccoon, why are you spraying water on the sidewalk?"" and Mr. Raccoon explains: ""Oh, I'm just cleaning up where the litter used to be. But don't worry, I'm using rain water."" ""What?/Rain water??"" ""Yes, it's usually bad to use too much water, but this comes from my rain barrel."" Then continue to 88" MR. RACCOON It’s usually bad to use too much water. But this water comes from my rain barrel. Mr. Raccoon gestures to a rain barrel that the hose is connected to. ELINOR A rain barrel? MR. RACCOON Yes, it collects water every time it rains and I use that water to wash my sidewalks or water my grass so that I’m not wasting any water. After all, we all have to do our part to keep Animal Town healthy. Meanwhile, Ari is relieved that Mr. Raccoon is clearly not the litterbug. "Let's add a bit more learning for the kids at home. Change the last line to something like, ""Would you like to go see it?"" Then, ""Yeah, sure!"" from the kids And they go see the rain barrel (in the back? on the roof?), and Mr. Raccoon gives a quick explanation (with thought bubbles) about how it works. Overall, try to add about 0.5 pages to this whole Mr. Raccoon interaction. Then they go outside, and Mr. Raccoon recaps that we all have to do our part to keep animal town clean. and continue to 90." Ari We sure do. Suddenly, Olive spots another piece of litter on the sidewalk. This line could be better. Olive again, their geography, they are now in the back of the store, the sidwealk is at the front. it maybe tough for her to see this from back there. Unless we again have her see it at the front from between the two buildings. Hey, there’s a new piece of litter. Ari But the sidewalk was just clean. That means it must be... Elinor The litterbug! See you later, Mr. Raccoon! We have to figure out where all this litter is coming from. "I think the key is that Elinor never uses the word Litterbug, as it conveys a sense of culpability. Ari can use it, but not Elinor or Olive. Have her say instead something like, ""Whoever is leaving litter around must be nearby!"" Then Olive says, ""C'mon let's go!"" and Ari thanks Mr. Raccoon as they run off." MR. RACCOON Good luck, kids. Great job keeping Animal Town clean. As the kids run off, they pick up the litter from in front of Mr. Raccoon’s store, then see a few more up the street. ELINOR The litter is coming from that way! Suddenly, another piece of litter flutters down the street from around the corner. The kids follow it around the corner just in time to see another piece fall off of something and onto the ground. Ari Oh, we’re so close! Come on. We’re about to find out that the litterbug is... As the kids come around the next corner they see Mrs. Hippo driving the cart, then see a piece of litter fall off the back of the cart. ELINOR (confused) Mrs. Hippo? Mrs. Hippo turns to see the kids and stops the cart. When she stops, another piece of litter falls off because the litter bags aren’t closed up properly, but Mrs. Hippo has no idea. Mrs. HIPPO Oh, hey kids! I’ve been looking for you. Did you figure out where all that litter is coming from? ELINOR I think we did, Mrs. Hippo. It’s coming from... you. Mrs. Hippo is in disbelief. MRS. HIPPO Me? But, what do you mean?! Olive walks to the cart to show Mrs. Hippo the opened bags. Olive It looks like we didn’t close the litter bags properly, so when we drove around town, the litter fell out and went everywhere. This line is also a bit too knowing. Instead, have all of them go to the back of the cart and figure out together what's happening. MRS. HIPPO Oh, and here I thought I was helping Animal Town when really I was spreading more litter around. This feels a bit harsh on Mrs H. Maybe "Oh, I didn't know I was spreading litter around!" Ari I love that Ari proclaims he makes mistakes...This is a very appropriate place and time to share the difference of "on purpose" and "by acident" It’s okay, Mrs. Hippo. You’re no litterbug. You just made a mistake, that’s all. I make ‘em all the time. This also feels too knowing. These are all lessons the kids learned in this episode, yet this sounds like they are the ones who knew it. Can you make it sound more kid like, and more like they are processing the lessons they've just learned. MRS. HIPPO Thanks, Ari. I certainly won’t let this happen again, though. From now on, these litter bags will be tied up tight! can 105-105 be simplified a bit, sounds too old and we want our audience to understand the point being made here Elinor Way to go, Mrs. Hippo! We may not always realize that the things we do can affect our world in a bad way. Same here, too knowing. These are all lessons they just learned, so make it sound that way. Olive Yeah, but once we know the right way to do things, we can all pitch in to make our world cleaner. Same here. Mrs. HIPPO Oh, you can say that again. ELINOR We will! Elinor smiles as the music fades up and the ditty begins. During the song, the kids demonstrate the various ways they saw in the episode to help the environment. "Song tweaks: verse 1: Change ""doing your part"" to ""helping""? Verse 2: change the last ""and"" to ""'cause""" Elinor/ari/olive ELINOR: To keep your world nice and green, You just have to keep it clean, Follow these steps and you will see Doing your part is easy as can be. OLIVE: When you’re done with fruit don’t throw it away, Compost that all night and day, It makes less litter and that doesn’t hurt, And compost really helps the dirt! ARI: When watering plants don’t use a hose, There’s a better way that everyone knows, Catch some rain as it falls from the sky, And use that water when your plants get dry! ELINOR: Here’s one more thing that you can do, To keep the world looking good as new. When you see litter laying on the ground, Throw it in the cans that are all around! ALL: To keep your world nice and green You just have to keep it clean Follow these steps and you will see Doing your part is easy as can be! 8. EXT. ANIMAL TOWN PARK -- DAY As the song ends, the kids walk back through the very clean park with Mrs. Hippo. MRS. HIPPO Thanks again, kids. You helped me clean up, and reminded me to keep my litter in the trash bag. Olive No problem, Mrs. Hippo. We love to keep Animal Town clean. elinor this last beat. will it look like he dropped it on purpose? for him to not be in the scene, and yet the bottle is by ms.hippos feet, it will need to be a few feet away from him. so it make not look like he dropped it. maybe instead ari hangs upside down. a few wrappers falls out of his pocket and the rest plays out as is Yeah, because no matter how old you are, EVERYONE can do their part to keep Animal Town beautiful! Just as Mrs. Hippo says that, a plastic milk bottle falls onto the ground right near Mrs. Hippo and the kids. As they look over, they see standing next to the milk bottle with a milk mustache. A sheepish Ari picks up the bottle and puts it in a nearby recycling bin. Again, can you make it sound like this is the lesson they learned today? Also suggest changing "animal town" to "their" Ari Don’t worry, I’m doing my part too. Not quite clear what happened here. Did he drop it by accident? Where did he get the bottle of milk? Maybe make it a snack bag? And add to this line, "Whoops, sorry, I dropped it." As the kids laugh, we: "No more notes after this line, thanks! PS: I just read your note about line counts. Hopefully, you can make it work? I think the paired episode only has Mr. Lion as a secondary." FADE OUT.

EWW156 "The Litterbug" D1 11/28/19 .

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EP 156 The Litterbug By: Michael Foulke Elinor’s Question: Who is the Animal Town litterbug? Logline: Elinor and her friends help Mrs. Hippo, the Animal Town custodian try to find a litter bug, who is leaving trash all over Animal Town. Curriculum Goals: ES3: Understand that things people do to live comfortably can affect the world around them, but they can make choices that reduce their impacts on the land, water, air, and other living things: b. Demonstrate an awareness of and the ability to discuss in simple terms the need for conservation, recycling, and respect for the environment c. Participate in simple activities to care for the environment (Elinor and her friends pick up the litter in Animal town and the determine to find the source.) SEP4: Analyzing and interpreting data a. Collect, describe, and record observations in greater detail and in various ways b. Use the 5 senses and simple tools to gather and record data c. Record observations to describe patterns and/or relationships in the natural and designed world(s) in order to answer scientific questions and solve problems. d. Talk about and reflect on what happened during an investigation or when solving a problem, and why it might have happened MAINS: Elinor, Ari, Olive SECONDARY: Mrs. Hippo, Mrs. Llama, Mr. Raccoon LOCATIONS: Animal Town Main Street, Park, Mrs. Llama's Restaurant PROPS: Golf Cart, Trash, Trash Bags, Old Food, Compost, Hose Outline: October 31, 2019 First Draft: November 28, 2019 Olive Elinor Ari Mrs. Hippo ELINORE Mrs. Llama Air Mr. Raccoon (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E 1 3 4 7 EXT. ANIMAL TOWN PARK -- DAY ANIMAL TOWN MAIN STREET -- DAY EXT. ANIMAL TOWN MAIN STREET -- DAY DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY MAGIC HOUR DAWN DUSK SAME SAME TIME CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. SMASH CUT TO: CUT TO BLACK. TIME CUT: Order Page Intro Location Time Color Scene #