Nice work, it's looking good. Thanks for following the outline notes, and kudos on all the nice moments and jokes and story tweaks added. Specific notes below. Thanks! "Line Count - 111 Elinor - 31 Olive - 23 Ari - 19 Koa - 32" 1. Ext. Forest -- day really cute first draft I think this will be a very high interest show and many parents/ families might appreciate the learning. Most of my notes just piggy back off of what J and D had already said. Nice work ELINOR and ARI carry a picnic basket and a picnic blanket as they look on, hopeful. "Paint us a picture of the scene at the top here. Where are we? What kind of day is it? Who's there? What are they doing and looking at? Add ""Hmm"" to the beginning of this line" Elinor Although we may not see them in the opening shot - we should still mention that olive and koa are in the group. We will stage at boards to not show olive until she runs to the spot and takes a seat How about here? We then see OLIVE sitting on the ground, testing it out. Olive It’s a little rocky. Not bad, but we can do better. Elinor and Ari <SIGH> as they move on. As they start to walk, we see that KOA is with them and stands by admiring. Koa has a bit of a “surfer dude” vibe to him. Nice Koa Whoa, you guys are some serious picnickers. I like it. "Let's give this line to Ari, and change it as below, then add a line for Elinor below: ARI: Well, it is your first picnic with us, Koa. We want everything to be just right. ELINOR: Yeah, we want to find the perfect picnic spot for you." Olive Suggest koa has picniced before - especially since he points out that they are serious picnickers in line 3 . She can comment how its special due to be the first one with them Well, it is your first picnic, Koa. Everything has to be just right. Elinor carries the picnic basket over by the river. As she walks, her feet begin to SFX: SPLOOSH in puddles. Then give this line to Olive (and change the description above this line to Olive). Elinor How about... no, too wet. Ari finds a nearby spot that is out in the sun, then wipes some sweat off of his brow. We're missing a bit of fun in this opening scene. How about in the description above this line, give Ari some physical humor: He sits down, lounges, tries different funny poses, then concludes it's too hot. Ari Nah , too hot. This and line 8 feel a little contrived. Also, I don't think we want to give a metric or characteristics to the "perfect" spot. They're just looking for a spot that feels right. Let's delete this line… Koa So, what are we looking for exactly? …and delete this line. Olive The nicest spot to set up our picnic. It has to be shady, comfy and most of all, beautiful. Change to "How about that spot?" Koa Oh, you mean like that spot? Koa points O.S. and the kids turn to see a beautiful shady spot in the grass surrounded by flowers. "Delete the first sentence. Then add ""That's a perfect spot for a picnic"" after ""…pretty flowers!"" Then delete the last sentence, and add a line for Elinor after this line: ELINOR: Koa, you're really good at finding picnic spots." olive Exactly like that! Comfy, shady and surrounded by pretty flowers! Koa, you’re a genius! KOA (matter-of-fact) Totally. Ari Alright ! I’m hungry! Let’s set this picnic up! Ari unfolds the blanket and whips it through the air, covering the screen as we use the blanket to: Wipe to: 2. Ext. Field -- day The kids are now enjoying their picnic, which has lots of yummy snacks that the kids are enjoying. Just as Koa takes a big bite from his honey and jam sandwich, Elinor asks: ELINOR So what do you think of the picnic, Koa? Koa responds, but his mouth is full and Elinor and Olive have no idea what he’s saying. Koa (unintelligible) Suddenly, Ari pops into frame. This is a clever bit, but "I speak mouthful" might work as well spoken as it does on the page. Try just, "(shrugs) I can understand him." Ari He said he loves it. (off their look, shrugs) I speak mouth full. Koa continues to speak and Ari acts as his interpreter. KOA (unintelligible) Ari And he also loves his sandwich because it tastes... Koa then finishes up his bite with a <GULP> and talks. Koa Awesome! As Elinor and Olive talk, a few honeybees start to fly around Koa, which makes him very nervous. He quickly gets up. "Change to ""delicious""? Also, I think we want to introduce the swatting here early. First gently, then building up to the big freak out. We want to show that the bee is also getting increasingly agitated. In the description below this line, add that Koa waves his arms to try to shoo the bee away as he gets up." Elinor That’s great, Koa! action - inbetween them squishing them - squishing them because hes landed on top of them or because they were seated close to one another and he's wdged himself inbetween them? Olive It looks like our picnic is a-- Suddenly, Koa plops down right in between Olive and Elinor, squishing them. Olive (CONT’D) Success? You okay, Koa? "The friendship line feels a bit odd, like he's invading their personal space without permission. Maybe just have him say ""I'm just trying to find a comfy spot on the blanket"" On description below, add that he swings his arms at them again before he gets up." Koa agree with J and D. this line is not likely to come from a preschoolers mouth. could say he thought he was sitting on a pointy rock or something Yeah, totally. I’m just feeling a lot of friendship on this blanket right now. As Elinor speaks, the honeybees come back and SFX: BUZZ around Koa, who gets nervous again. "Change this to something like, ""Ok. Here, I'll move over-"" And in description below, note that Koa waves his arms at the bee." Elinor Aww , me too. I’m so-- Koa once again gets up and moves away quickly. Elinor and Olive just look at each other, confused. The next few beats is silent, except for the SFX: BUZZ of the bees as the kids follow Koa around the blanket with their eyes as he gets up, moves, sits down, then immediately repeats that action several times as the bees chase him. All the while, Elinor, Olive and Ari follow his movements, their heads moving side to side. OLIVE Are you sure you’re okay? Koa Oh, yeah. I’m just, you know, trying to get comfy. Koa looks around and sees no bees, <SIGHING> in relief. Koa (CONT’D) Ah, that’s better. Suddenly, a bee lands on Koa’s arm and he FREAKS OUT, jumping up and swatting at the bee! <SFX: ALARMED WALLA WAAAH> this will be fun visually - we've all been there - running and swatting like crazy ElinoR Koa! It’s okay! It’s just a... KOA Bee! Bee! Bee! Koa runs around the blanket, swatting like crazy at the bees, who then in turn start to SFX: BUZZ around all the kids. Not sure Ari can say the bee is after him. Change to "Yow! Now they're buzzing around me!" Ari Now it’s after me! OLIVE Me too! Not sure Ari can say that the bees want to sting them. Change to something like, "Why are the bees being so… buzzy!?" ARI this seq is cute - i think he should just ask the question without siingling out elinor Elinor, why do the bees want to sting us? By now, all of the kids have gotten up off the blanket. Elinor I don’t know. Let’s just move our blanket to a new, bee-free spot! i think we just have koa say this line and w follow him out - there would be a basket and some food etc on the blanket so he can run through carrying it - and the action is upbeat moving quickly. it'll slow down the pace too much to have them picking up everything and then the blanket Koa Good idea! Koa runs through screen, carrying the blanket as Ari points to a shady spot under a tree. Give this line to Olive Ari There’s a good spot. Under that tree. Dissolve to: 3. Ext. FOREST -- DAY The kids are once again enjoying their snacks under the shady tree as a relaxed Koa pops another big bite of his sandwich. Give this line to Ari, and start it with an, "Ahhh…" Olive This is better. No bees here. "Lines 36-39: These lines feel a little like Elinor and Olive know too much, or are not invested in the story as much. Try something like: KOA: Phew OLIVE: I wonder why those bees started to buzz around us like that? ELINOR: Yeah, bees don't usually bother us like that. KOA: mmmh mmph Ari snaps into action as described. ARI: He says bees make him nervous. ELINOR: But bees are good for nature. KOA: But they also sting! OLIVE: That's true. Koa: I don't want to get stung. Bee stings.. sting! Then continue with line 40" Elinor like j d suggestion Yep, but bees usually just fly around doing bee stuff. What were you so worried about, Koa? Koa gets very animated at that question, but once again, his mouth is full and his words are <UNINTELLIGIBLE>. Elinor and Olive look to Ari, who snaps into action. Ari Oh. He’s saying, “Bees sting you!” OliVE Sometimes I guess, but not very often. As Koa speaks, he hears an SFX: BUZZ and pauses to look around, but there’s nothing there. italicize the second "sting" so it reads as different. Koa But they could. I don’t want to get stung! I mean bee stings... sting! Ari Oh, that must be where they get their name. "This is a long line for Elinor. Try to simplify and split: E: My cousin gets really sick if he's stung by a bee. He has to carry around special medicine. O: He's probably allergic to them. Are you allergic too, Koa?" Elinor I know my cousin can get really sick if he gets stung by a bee. He has to carry around special medicine because he’s... allergic to them. Are you allergic too, Koa? Koa hears the SFX: BUZZ again, but still nothing. Koa Uh... no. I’m not allergic. I just don’t like... A bee lands on Koa and he jumps up again, just as before. Let's build it up a little more here, rather than jump straight into the chaos. Just to set it up better and also give Elinor more clues she will use later. The bee comes by, and Koa once again nervously waves his hands at it. Ari goes, "uh oh." Another bee buzzes by and Koa freaks out a little more, waving his arm. The bees start buzzing more and one of them lands on Koa. Then he freaks out and the bees start buzzzing all of them. Koa (CONT’D) BEES!!! As Koa yells and swats his arms, several more bees come and buzz around the other kids, causing them to get up and move. Ari runs through with a sandwich in his hand. Nice line :) Ari Let’s take this picnic to go! The kids grab what they can and run off behind a nearby clearing. Once the bees have dissipated, they look back at their abandoned picnic site. "Let's add a line before this one for Ari, then let's change line 45: ARI: Those bees got all buzzy on us again. I wonder what happened? (at this point, it's ok if the kids at home are starting to figure out what's going on) OLIVE: Yeah, we've never had bees do that to us before. Where did they all come from, anyway?" Olive I don’t know what happened. We’ve never had so many bees at our picnic before. Where did they all come from? Then delete this line. Ari Yeah, and why do these bees want to sting us? Elinor watches as the bees fly up above their picnic site, near the tree branches. Add a "C'mon!" to the beginning of last sentence. Elinor I’m not sure, but I think the answer might be in that tree. We need more observations! 4. Ext. FOREST -- moments later We are close on the tree at their picnic site as a few bees buzz around. A beat later, Elinor head pokes out from behind a tree, followed by Olive, then Ari. ELINOR Where’s Koa? They all look back to reveal Koa hiding behind a bush quite far away. He waves to the group. Haha Koa (yelling out) ha - cute It’s all good. I can see from here. At that moment, a bee SFX: BUZZES right by the kids and they watch it fly up towards the top of the tree. A beat later, another bee flies up, then another. ARI Where are all these bees going? Ari looks up, only to get SFX: SPLATTED by a big goop of honey, right on his face. A startled Ari licks the goop and smiles. Maybe add "goopy sweetness" and change last sentence to "My dream has come true!" to make it clearer Ari (CONT’D) Honey fell out of the sky! It’s raining sweetness! Dreams can come true! Olive and Elinor look up at the top of the tree. Elinor Honey fell, all right, but not out of the sky. It fell out of that bee hive. Add a beat after this line of the kids looking at the bee hive. OLIVE That’s why there’s so many bees around. They live here! Let's not change scenes here, and let's not introduce the magnifying glass yet. Delete the scene heading and two paragraphs below, and replace with something like: (in same scene) Elinor scans over to their first picnic spot. She notices the flowers and sees some bees landing on them. ELINOR That explains why there were so many bees in this place, but what about our first picnic. Hmm... 5. Ext. Field - momENTS LATER ECU on a beautiful flower as a bee lands on it. As we pull back, we see a GIANT EYEBALL watching the bee. As we pull out even further, we see it’s Elinor eye, made bigger by her magnifying glass, which she uses to watch the bee. As the kids back away, we see several more bees flying around the flowers as well, going to and fro. Change this line to something like: "It was the flowers. The first place we sat for our picnic was near those flowers where the bees are going" (little awkward, fix?) Elinor It was the flowers. Bees love flowers. Then, change to: "Oh yeah, bees love flowers. They like to drink that sweet, sweet nectar that's inside the flowers." Ari They gotta drink that sweet, sweet nectar. Change to "Ohhh, that's why the bees were there, but… why were buzzing around us so much today? Olive had simlar thought to J and d - relate the idea of 'wanting to be near flowers' to why did they want to be near us? Sure, the bees were here for the flowers, but why were they acting so funny around us today? "Instead of ""kookoo"" let's use ""…get a little too excited"" or something Then add another hypothesis below this line. Maybe something like, ""Or maybe they go crazy over peanut and jam sandwiches""" Ari great line! again agree to no-Kookoo Maybe they drank too much nectar. Mom says I go a little kookoo if I drink too much juice. Change to "Maybe. Let's go take a closer look at the bees." ELINOR Maybe, but I think we need more observations! (then, calling out) Come on, Koa. Koa’s head peeks out from a bush very far away. note that he's projecting his voice to yell being so far away Koa No, I’m cool right here, thanks Change "join our picnic" to "come to a picnic with us" OLIVE Uh-oh. If we don’t figure out what’s going on with these bees, Koa may never join our picnic again. Another bee SFX: BUZZES by the kids and they run after it. Change to "Then let's get observing!" ELINOR Then let’s get to work! 6. EXT. FOREST - DAY We are once again very close on a bee through Elinor’s magnifying glass as it pollinates a flower. "In description above this line, you can use the extreme close up gag that was above line 55 before. Again, I'm not sure the kids can speculate about what the bees want. Change this to something like, ""The bee seems much calmer now.""" Elinor (O.S.) (whispers) I don’t think this bee wants to sting us. We when see Elinor and Olive laying down on their stomachs on the ground, looking at the bee, as they <WHISPER>. OliVE Yeah. It just looks like a normal bee doing... bee stuff. "Let's change this line to something like, ""It's not buzzing all around us any more. That is SO interesting! Then, let's add the beat where Olive checks her book to this moment. We need to plant the clue that bees react to being afraid, otherwise it seems like a leap that Elinor figured that out by herself. Add a beat something like: OLIVE: Maybe there's something about it in my Nature Book. She takes out the book and finds the section on bees. ""It says here that honeybees usually only sting animals when they feel scared of it."" She flips the page. ""Ohhh... it says that stinging actually hurts the bees more than it hurts us, so they only do it when they feel they have no other choice."" (in both cases, describe what the page should show: a bee buzzing around looking nervous; a bee not looking good after it has stung). Then have Elinor go back to observing the bee and continue to the description above line 66." ELINOR Whatever was making the bees act so funny before, they aren’t doing it now. Suddenly, an excited Ari jumps into frame, looming big and tall over Elinor, Olive and the Bee like a giant monster. Not expecting this, Elinor and Olive <GASP>, then <LAUGH>! Ari Soo, what did you find? Elinor Ari, you scared us! Olive Yeah! From down here you almost look like a big, giant monster. ARI A giant monster? Cool! (then, as a monster) I am the unstoppable Ari! Rarr ! Ari stomps around like Godzilla as he, Olive and Elinor <LAUGH>. Hearing all of the excitement, Koa then runs over. action after 70 - we'll need to set up their location as a field of flowers so koa is surrounded by them - otherwise its a bit odd that he'd be swatting at flowers on a bush -examle- all the while elinor can see this all taking place through her magnifying glass - Koa Hey, what are you-- (then, seeing the bee) Ahh ! More bees!!! A nervous Koa swats at the bee. Elinor has a front row seat as the bee quickly BUZZES around the flower. We then see from Elinor’s magnifying glass POV as the little bee is in the foreground and a seemingly giant Koa is in the background, swatting at the bee, who BUZZES for his life! As Koa swings, he knocks some petals off the flower like Godzilla destroying a building. At this point, the frantic bee even starts buzzing around Elinor and a lightbulb goes off for her. I'm not sure little kids necessarily know "swat" so let's introduce it carefully. In this line, replace "swat at the bee" with "wave your arms" Elinor That’s it! (to Koa) Koa, wait! Don’t swat at the bee! KOA But... I want it to go away. ELINOR And it will, if you stay calm. Just watch. Koa finally stops and, a beat later, the bee BUZZES away, no harm done. Give this line to Elinor Olive See? Everything’s fine. Give this line to Olive. Koa Whoa! Elinor, how did you figure that out? Elinor stands up triumphantly. Elinor I just tried to think like a bee. Suddenly, a thought bubble appears above Elinor, putting a visual to her explanation. Change "swatting" to "waving his arms at them" Elinor (CONT’D) At our picnic, the bees were just buzzing around like always until Koa started swatting at them. After that... Ari They started to fly at us. The thought bubble continues. ELINOR That’s right, Ari. Which is just like what happened right now. That bee on the flower was just fine... OLIVE (getting it) Until Koa started swatting at it. Then it started flying at him. The thought bubble pops as we’re back on just the kids. Koa Totally! Because the bees want to sting me! Elinor Yes, but only because they’re afraid of you. KOA Afraid of me? Why? I don’t sting! They sting! ELINOR You don’t sting, but bees are really tiny and to them, you’re like a super giant monster! Getting it, Ari starts to impersonate a monster again, stomping around. Nice. Ari Just like me! Rarr ! (off Koa’s confused look) You had to be there. Curious, Olive pulls out her nature book and flips through the pages until she stops on a page with a bee on it. "Then delete the description above this line (since we used the book earlier) and use these lines to repeat the lesson for the kids at home. Change this line to: OLIVE: ""It's like my Nature Book says. Honeybees usually only sting animals when they feel scared of them." Olive I see J and D suggested changes to this sequence which makes my comment about Olive not opening her book and 'knowing' what it will say as the same time. She needs to go into the book with curiousity and deliberation and then discover something. I think you’re right, Elinor. It says in my nature book that honeybees usually only sting people when they are scared of something. Elinor and Ari slap high five. Then change this line to something like, "And unless you're allergic, the sting hurts them more than it hurts us." ELINOR I knew it! Change this line to : "Ohhh… I didn't know bees were scared of me…" Then let's go straight to Koa connecting with the bee. Koa The bees are scared of me? But... I’m scared of them. Delete this line. OLIVE This could be a bigger conversation or a stand alone ep - but do we want to have her read the importance of bees to our ecosystem? You know what else, it says that stinging actually hurts the bees more than it hurts you, so they only do it when they feel like they have no other choice. Delete this line. Elinor Like when a big, giant monster is swatting at them! Suddenly, Koa is lost in thought, looking off at something in the distance. As we pull back, we see he’s staring at a bee. He then approaches the bee on a nearby flower. We go close as Koa’s (comparatively) huge head enters frame next to a tiny bee on a flower. At this point, they’re both calm. Koa Love this moment I’m sorry for scaring you, little bee bro. I just didn’t want to get stung, just like you don’t want to get swatted. I totally get it now. Suddenly, the bee SFX: BUZZES off the flower... and right onto Koa’s nose! The kids all <GASP>, but this time, Koa remains calm. Koa (CONT’D) Whoa, I got a bee... on my nose... ElinoR Remember, bees don’t want to sting you unless you scare them. sugges chnging 'relax' to 'chill' which is how koa would express himself KOA (deep breath) Right, so I’m just gonna ... relax ? I guess? The kids all watch with baited breath as the bees walks around a bit, checking out Koa, then just BUZZES away with no sting. As the bees flies off, Koa exhales in relief. KOA (CONT’D) Phew! Elinor Koa, that was great. You kept calm and the bee left you alone. Olive And the most important thing is, you didn’t get scared. Koa No, I was super scared, but I stayed chill becuase I didn’t want to scare the bee! Ok, can't help it, let's add a pun here: "Whoa. Now that's what I call BEE-ing cool. Get it? Bee-ing?" Then to <GIGGLES> we go to the song… Ari Whoa. Cool. Very cool. The music rises begins to sing. "Song is nice, but I feel like the last two lines in the chorus can be better. Not sure we want to evoke the idea of kids squishing bees? Try something like, But just think like a bee And wonder how they must feel I think we can simplify the second verse too: Bees can help pollinate flowers And make honey, which takes hours and hours! Also, the last verse feels a little awkward with the ""probably"". Try something like, If we remember just one thing. Think about how others must feel And you might not get a sting! (or maybe try to find a more general statement about empathy and thinking about others)" ELINOR/Olive/ari ELINOR: Sometimes bees can give you a sting, And that is not a very fun thing But just think how they must feel, Bees are so tiny, you could squish ‘em with your heel! OLIVE: Bees can sure be helpful And pollinate the flowers. ARI: And don’t forget that they make honey Which takes them hours and hours! ELINOR Sometimes bees can give you a sting And that is not a very fun thing But just think how they must feel Bees are so tiny, you could squish ‘em with your heel! ELINOR/OLIVE/ARI: But... We can live together If we remember just one thing. When a bee is around, just stay calm And you probably won’t get a sting! As the music fades and the song ends, we: Cut to: 7. EXT. FOREST -- DAY The kids are once again on their picnic blanket, finishing up their lunch. Hmm, not sure we want Elinor celebrating no bees after all that. Delete the second sentence. elinor Now this is what I call a picnic! Yummy food and not a bee in sight. Koa Yeah, thanks everybody. Not only for the tasty honey and jam sandwich, but also for helping me not be scared of... Suddenly, two bees fly in. Ari Bees! The kids all watch, worried, as both bees land right on Koa’s honey and jam sandwich and inspect it. However, rather than be scared, Koa watches them calmly. OLIVE You okay, Koa? Koa Totally. These bees made this yummy honey, so they should get to have some too. We then super close on the bees, with Koa’s giant head behind them, once again emphasizing their difference in size. Koa (CONT’D) Eat up, little bee bros ! This is a safe place for munching. Some for you... After a beat, the bees fly away and Koa eats the rest of his sandwich in one bite, then says something <UNINTELLIGIBLE>. playing this several times throughout is a cute - nice way to end it here KOA (CONT’D) (unintelligible) Ari He said, ‘and some for me.’ Cute ending. The line feels odd though, try "I think we got that one, Ari." Elinor That one we could understand. The kids <LAUGH> as they continue to enjoy their picnic, and we: FADE OUT.

EWW 150 To Bee or Not to Bee D1 September 27, 2019 .

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EP 150 To Bee or Not to Bee By: Michael Foulke Elinor’s Question: Why do bees want to sting me? Logline: While on a picnic, Elinor tries to help her friend Koa get over his fear of bees. Curriculum Goals: LS2 . Understand that animals have different body parts that are used in different ways to meet their needs, and that plants have different parts that help them survive and grow: a. Identify body parts of animals and their function LS8: Begin to understand that there are many different kinds of living things and how they may be the same or different: a. Observe and describe similarities and differences across different types of plants and animals SEP4: Analyzing and interpreting data a. Collect, describe, and record observations in greater detail and in various ways b. Use the 5 senses and simple tools to gather and record data c. Record observations to describe patterns and/or relationships in the natural and designed world(s) in order to answer scientific questions and solve problems. d. Talk about and reflect on what happened during an investigation or when solving a problem, and why it might have happened MAINS: Elinor, Ari, Olive, Koa LOCATIONS: Forest PROPS: Magnifying Glass, Picnic Basket, Picnic Blanket, Food Outline: August 27, 2019 First Draft: September 27, 2019 Elinor Olive Koa Ari (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E 1 EXT. FOREST -- DAY FIELD DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY MAGIC HOUR DAWN DUSK SAME SAME TIME CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. SMASH CUT TO: CUT TO BLACK. TIME CUT: Order Title Location CHARACTER CHARACTER'S ARC