Overall nice and clear and funny. Great work. Just a few notes. Thanks! Ext. Forest - pirate ship log - daytime "Elinor 34 Olive 31 Ari 28 Philbert 20 Total Line Count 113" I think this look great. Only one small note from me. "There are a lot of cute moments in this story, but I found it confusing at times. First, I got tripped up by the setup. What's the purpose of the game, and what's their original plan for getting there? Need to establish how the map could help them with that task. Second, it seems like Ari tries to remember his actions as opposed to remembering each landmark. Let's reinforce the utility of the landmarks by having him try to remember THEM instead of what he was doing that led him to each one. Third, what's Philbert's role in the story? At the moment he seems to say ""what a great landmark"" a lot, but he doesn't bring much utility as a navigator. Suggest giving him more opportunities to shine as a guide through the forest. A few other general details: - We don't see Elinor's question for this story. Does she have one? Maybe it's Ari's question, since he's the one with the problem? - We're not sure LS1 is a good fit, currently. We don't really do much in the way of recording observations about a plant's physical appearance other than the moment with the bush with the yellow flowers. Maybe if the kids include more details about what the bush looks like, it would make more sense. Might also be good to add description about the tree where the treasure is hidden." A SERIES OF CLOSE UPS: CU: A BED SHEET SAIL drops from a BRANCH acting as a mast. CU: a PIRATE FLAG waves in the wind. CU: ELINOR adjusts her PAPER PIRATE HAT. CU: OLIVE moves an EYE-PATCH from one eye to the other. REVEAL: ELINOR and OLIVE are playing make-believe pirates on a FALLEN LOG that resembles a ship: TANGLED ROOTS create an elevated poop deck, a branch sticks up in the middle like a mast and a nother branch with the pirate flag grows off the bow like a bowsprit . Elinor , wearing a PAPER PIRATE HAT, steers a WHEEL MADE OF BENT STICKS at the stern, while Olive , wearing an EYE-PATCH, scans the horizon with her SPYGLASS MADE OF BARK. Elinor (pirate voice) Captain Elinor steers the pirate ship through the open seas, ready for adventure! Olive (pirate voice) First Mate Olive keeps an eye out for islands... Oooo ! And fish ! Arrr ! Elinor looks at her curiously. Elinor “ Arrr ?” What does that mean? Olive That’s how pirate’s talk . I don’t actually know what it means, but pirates say “ Arrr ” all the time. elinor Ok , got it... I mean... (Pirate voice) Arrr ! Got it! The girls <GIGGLE> and Olive raises her spyglass up to her patch-covered eye. She catches herself and switches her patch to the other eye and looks through her spyglass. 6-11: This setup is a little confusing -- it seems like Elinor packed up the treasure box and then sent Ari to hide it. Does Ari know what's in it? Why didn't Elinor hide it herself? Or, how come Ari didn't put together the treasure box and hide it himself? It seems odd that Olive is the only one who both doesn't know what's in the treasure box and where it's hidden -- right now, she's the only one for whom the treasure hunt is truly a surprise. Olive Still no sign of Ari... shouldn’t he be back already? Elinor is telling Olive something that she already knows ("He went to hide our treasure chest.") At least, it seems like Olive knows this because she knows he went off and should be back, so presumably she knows what he is off doing. This is helpful exposition for the audience, but it might flow more naturally for Olive to ask, "Where's Ari?" and for Elinor to reply, "He's hiding a treasure chest for our treasure hunt!" I might also suggest cutting lines 8-10 and going straight into the montage of Ari on his way to the tree -- that takes away the awkwardness of suggesting that Elinor and Ari know something about the treasure that Olive doesn't. Elinor I’m sure he’ll be back soon. He went to hide our treasure chest . Olive Oooo ... can you pleeeeease tell me what the treasure is, Elinor? Elinor (sing-song) It’s a surprise! You’ll have to wait until we find and open it. Olive (Gasp) A real pirate treasure hunt ... Now that’s an adventure! The girls <GIGGLE> and resume playing. Ext. Forest - various locations - contINUOUS CLEARING - CU: A LUNCH BOX WITH A HAND DRAWN PIRATE LOGO on it. REVEAL: ARI, wearing a BANDANA, bounds through a clearing, carrying the box. He notices a SHRUB WITH YELLOW FLOWERS surrounded by SEVERAL SHRUBS WITH RED FLOWERS. He stops to smell the yellow flowers and spots a path behind them. He heads off down it. PATH - Ari skips/ runs down a forest path towards a LARGE ROCK SHAPED LIKE A TURTLE WITH ITS HEAD RAISED (TURTLE ROCK). He climbs the rock to scan his surroundings. He sees the path opens into a field not far away, so he hovers down off the rock and continues along the path. (NOTE: Ari can’t fly with the lunch box in his hands) FIELD / STREAM - Ari runs across a field and stops at a shallow stream. He spots a PATH OF STONES across it and hops carefully over the stones. He almost loses his balance, catches himself, and keeps going. Ext. knoll - continuous Ari runs up a small knoll with a TREE on top. He stops to take in a beautiful view of the forest and Animal Town below. (NB: We can use the gorgeous wide shot from the Opening Title sequence) """What a view"" doesn't seem much like preschool language. How about, ""I can see all of Animal Town from here!"" Also, it's not clear from the directions that he hides the treasure inside the tree (the notes say he puts it at the base of the tree). Later, there are references to looking inside trees. Can we make this clearer?" Ari Woooah ! What a view! (noticing the tree) This is the perfect hiding spot for pirate treasure. He puts the lunch box at the base of the tree and bounds off. Ext. forest - pirate ship log - a little later Elinor steers the ship as Olive keeps look-out. 12 feels a bit repetitive with 6-7 ELINOR Any sign of Treasure-Keeper Ari? Olive scans. SPYGLASS POV moves across the forest before finding Ari bounding down the trail towards them. Olive Hmmm .... (spotting him) There he is! Ahoy! Arrr ! Ari arrives and looks up at his friends on the ship. Ari Hey, my name’s Arrr-i , not Arrr . Elinor (Giggle) Welcome back! (then, pirate voice) Treasure-Keeper Ari, did you hide the pirate treasure chest? If Ari is planning on leading the girls straight there, what makes this a treasure hunt? Maybe something like, "Now you just have to find it!" would be more in keeping with the spirit of it being a game. ARI You bet. I found a great place for it too. I can’t wait to show you. "Seems late in the game for Olive to suggest making a map, especially if she already knew that Ari was going to hide the treasure and that all pirates need a treasure map. Shouldn't she have told him to make a map when he set off on his way? Would suggest reframing 16 and on as: 16: Ari - You bet. I found a great place for it, too. Now you just have to find it! 17: Olive - Okay! Let's take a look at your map. 18: Ari - A map? Why would we need that? 19: Elinor - Maps show us where places and things are. If you had a map it could help us figure out how to get to the treasure. ADD LINE FOR ARI: Oh... I don't have one. Change 20 to: Olive - That's okay. We can make one now if you tell us where you went. Then we can follow it to find the treasure!" OLIVE First, we should make a map to get there. Ari A map? What do we need that for? Elinor Maps show us where places and things are. It can help us find our way to the treasure. Olive Besides, all pirates need a treasure map. Olive pulls a PIECE OF PAPER and CRAYONS out of her satchel. She lays the paper down and Ari and Elinor gather around. In the BOTTOM LEFT of the map, she draws the PIRATE SHIP LOG. OLIVE (CONT’D) Here’s where we are now... the Pirate Ship Log. Where did you hide the treasure , Ari ? This lines feels a bit flowery, please review. Maybe split it? ARI Do we want more description about the tree, or should it be intentionally vague? I hid it i n a tree on a hill not too far from here. In the TOP RIGHT of the map, Olive draws a LARGE TREE WITH A N “X” at its base. Elinor Great , “X” marks the spot! ( to Ari) How do we get there? Ari proudly points back down the path he came. ARI (confidently) We go that way! And then... (losing confidence) um ... down another path, I think... and, um ... And then I’m not sure... OLIVE Ari! Did you forget where you hid our treasure chest? "I just forgot which path I took to get there." ARI No! I remember exactly where I hid it... I just forgot how to get there. ( like a sigh) Arrr ... This line feels a little odd, please review. 27 and 29: By the tree, or in it? ELINOR Maybe we should start looking in trees until we find it? There are way too many Ari All the trees in the forest? There’s way too many. Elinor spots a CHICKADEE in the nearby TREE. ELINOR (to bird) Excuse me, have you seen a tree with a treasure chest in it? The bird looks at her blankly and flies off. OLIVE I guess not. Hmm... How are we going to find the treasure? As the kids stop and think, their friend PHILBERT THE SQUIRREL arrives at the pirate ship (NOTE: He has a KNAPSACK with him). . Philbert Ahoy! Permission to come aboard your pirate ship? Elinor Of course Philbert, c’mon up! Philbert scrambles up onto the log. He reaches into a HOLE on the side of the log and pulls out a JAR OF ACORNS. olive Woah ! Where did that come from? We squirrels PHILBERT These acorns? I hid them here awhile ago so my little brothers wouldn’t eat them. (proudly) Us squirrels are really good at hiding things and finding them later. Ari scrambles up the log and peers into the hole as Philbert places the jar in his KNAPSACK. ari But how did you remember you hid them right there ? Philbert Squirrels always hide things near landmarks so we know where to find them. Elinor What’s a landmark? The definition of a landmark doesn't feel exactly right -- something about the way "remembering" is introduced feels a little off. There are three key things about landmarks: they are easy to spot, easy to remember, and therefore they help establish location. So maybe something like, "A landmark is something that is easy to find and easy to remember. You can use a landmark to figure out where things are." (Or where YOU are.) Philbert A landmark is something in the area that’s different and easy to see. It helps you remember where things are. Olive gets it and flourishes to the log. Olive (excitedly) Like this giant log! Instead of "You can't miss it," how about, "You can't forget it." PHILBERT Yeah ! This is a great landmark because it’s huge and looks like a pirate ship. You can’t miss it. Ari is repeated twice. Elinor Ohh , that is so interesting. No need to have "Ari" twice in the line. Also think it would be okay to consolidate this to, "Ari... do you remember seeing any landmarks on your way to hide the treasure?" (she has an idea) Ari ... do you remember seeing anything different on your way to hide the treasure, Ari? Any landmarks? Ari considers. Here's where it would be good to have more description of the plant so that we could potentially tap into LS1. Green shrub? (Maybe "bush" is better for the age group?) Big leaves? Small yellow flowers? Or maybe we need to establish here that it's the only bush with yellow flowers in a patch of red. Something to actually establish it as a landmark. There's a conversation at 51 about how there are bushes with yellow flowers all over the forest, so it doesn't seem like a helpful landmark unless Ari is more specific about it at this point in the story. Ari Yeah I think I did... (remembering) ... when I left here to hide the treasure, I passed a shrub with yellow flowers! Maybe "Hey!" instead of "Ari!" "Hey! If we can find that landmark, maybe it will help us find the right path to the treasure!" Elinor Ari! If we can find the landmarks you saw, then we’ll find the path back to the treasure. "Great idea! I can add it to the map." Olive Great idea! I can add them to the map on the way so we don’t forget them. At some point (here?) we should have someone say that they know where the bush with the yellow flowers is -- so that it's clear they know which way they're headed. Philbert Can I join your pirate crew ? I’ m good at hiding and seeking. Elinor hops up and offers Philbert a salute. Elinor (pirate voice) We always have room for more pirates. Welcome aboard Navigator Philbert. Arrr ! PHILBERT Arrr ! Olive pulls a RED SASH out of her SATCHEL and hands it to Philbert who ties it to his waist. Ari and Olive salute him, and he salutes back. Is this the right spot for "We need more observations"? What are they observing? Elinor Now let’s go find our treasure! We need more observations. Olive / ari / philbert Aye aye Captain! The kids run off down the path <HOOTING AND LAUGHING>. Ext. Forest - clearing - continuous The kids run into the clearing from earlier with the yellow shrub surrounded by red ones. Ari excitedly points it out. Ari Yo ho ho ! There it is! The shrub with yellow flowers. I knew I went this way. Olive looks at the shrub, unsure "51-54: This feels like a lot of information and the logic is a little hard to follow. Suggest streamlining this to: 51: Ari - see? It's the only bush with yellow flowers on it. All the other ones have red flowers! That's what made me remember it. 52: Olive (or Elinor): And the yellow flowers are so bright that they're hard to miss! 53: Philbert: What a perfect landmark!..." Olive How can you be sure that’s the right shrub? There are shrubs with yellow flowers all over the forest. ARI Not here . All the other shrubs here have red flowers, see? The kids move in for a closer look. ELINOR He’s right! Every shrub here has red flowers except that one. Olive re-evaluates the scene, looking at the yellow shrub among the red ones. It stands out clearly. Consider instead, "Oh, and that makes the yellow flower shrub easy to see. It's the only one like that." OLIVE That yellow shrub sure is hard to miss. It’s the only one like that. Philbert What a perfect landmark! It’s different and easy to see. I'll put it on the map. Olive I’ll put it in the map! Olive puts her map down on a FLAT ROCK and her friends gather round to look. She draws the YELLOW SHRUB WITH A FEW RED SHRUBS AROUND IT near the Pirate Log. She connects the two landmarks with a DOTTED LINE. She traces the path they’ve taken so far. Olive (CONT’D) Ok ... so we started at the Pirate Log here... and took this path to the Yellow Shrub. Elinor: What happened next, Ari? Elinor Where did you go from here, Ari? Ari thinks about it as they walk towards the yellow shrub. 59-60: This is a lot of information. I know Ari is trying to retrace his steps, but if the goal is to have him identify the landmarks he passed and use those as way-finders, it would be better to get there faster. For example, "Hmm...I remember stopping for a rest on a funny-looking rock. It reminded me of a turtle." Philbert: "Hey, I know that rock! I think it's down this way." The kids bound off down the trail. Ari Hmm... I remember seeing the yellow flowers and wondering if they smell different than the red flowers s o I leaned in for a big sniff... All four friends lean in and take a <BIG SNIFF>. Ari looks beyond the shrub... Ari (CONT’D) And that’s when I saw that path. I went that way. Hmm, on second reading, "full steam ahead" is a nautical reference, but pirate ships don't have steam engines. Not a big deal, but see if you can think of something else fun she can say here? Elinor Great job Ari , we’re getting close to the treasure. Pirate Crew... Full steam ahead! The kids bound off down the trail. Ext. forest - path - conTINUOUS Now deeper in the forest, Ari leads the kids down the path. He scans ahead and to the sides, looking for something. Ari spots something down the trail and perks up. Ari Aha there it is! He runs off and his friends follow. TURTLE ROCK stands out obviously on the side of the path. Ari runs towards it. Cut? Ari (CONT’D) I knew we were on the right path! I remember this rock from before. Give this line to Olive or Elinor? Philbert Woah ! That rock is easy to see . ELinor Yeah it sure is big . Ari I call it Turtle Rock. Doesn’t it look like a turtle ? Olive, Philbert and Elinor share a curious look, unsure. They circle the rock, examining it from different sides. Seems like this line should belong to Philbert if he's the expert on the forest. He knows this rock and has given it a name. Olive Now that you mention it... (pointing) That does look like a turtle’s head. Philbert (noticing) And this part is shaped like a turtle’s shell ... Elinor notices the rock has a small “tail” at the back. Elinor There’s even a little turtle tail! She steps back and looks at the rock again. Elinor (excitedly) (CONT’D) I t really does look like a turtle ! "That's what makes this such a great landmark. It's easy to remember!" Philbert What a great landmark. And it’s easy to remember because you gave it a great name: Turtle Rock. Olive I’ll add it to the map! Olive opens up her map and starts to draw as her friends gather around to watch. She adds TURTLE ROCK to the map and draws a DOTTED LINE from the Yellow Shrub to it. She traces the next leg of their journey. Olive (CONT’D) So, after the yellow shrub we went down the forest path until we got to Turtle Rock. Where to next Ari? Ari considers for a moment, then snaps his fingers as he remembers something. He flies to the top of Turtle Rock and looks down the trail from the head of the Turtle . Ari The trail opened up into a field not far from here... This way! He flutters down from the rock and runs down the trail. Elinor Yes! We’re on the right path. (then, pirate voice) Our treasure must be nearrrr ! The kids run off after Ari. Ext. field - stream - continuous The kids bound out of the forest path into a WIDE FIELD. They run around playing and <LAUGHING>. Elinor (pirate voice) What lies ahead, First Mate Olive? Olive moves her eye-patch from one eye to the other and looks through her spyglass. SPYGLASS POV: She spots a SHALLOW STREAM further in the field. Olive A stream! I see a stream! Not sure kids will get this (and again it's a steam reference). See if you can think of a different joke? Ari Follow me! Full stream ahead! Philbert (to olive) Does he always make jokes like that? Olive <GIGGLES> and nods as Ari runs off and leads his friends to the stream. The stream is too wide for them to cross. The kids (not Ari) look across to the other side and wonder what to do. OLIVE Hmm... we can’t go any further. Elinor Yeah, this stream’s way too wide for us to cross. Are you sure you came this way Ari? Space missing before parenthesis. Ari We use "path" a lot in the story, and this is something a little different. Maybe "So I crossed on those three big stones" Sure I’m sure! I couldn’t fly a cross when I was holding the treasure, so I crossed on(pointing) ... t hat path of stones. Ari and his friends run over to the stone path. Philbert sure likes saying that things are good landmarks. He feels repetitive. philbert This path is another great landmark. It’s the only way to cross the river around here, so it’s easy to see and remember. elinor Let’s add it to the map. Olive opens her map and adds a drawing of the STONE PATH CROSSING A STREAM IN A FIELD. She connects it to Turtle Rock with a DOTTED LINE. She traces the path as her friends watch. "Then what, Ari?" Olive Where did you go next , Ari? Ari I hopped across the stones, then hid our treasure on the other side. Can we connect "We need more observations". to their need to find and describe landmarks? ELinor We’re so close! Eeeee ! I mean... Arrrr ! Ari bounds across the stone path, followed by his friends. Ext. knoll - conTINUOUS The kids run up the knoll and stop at the top to take in the vista. The kids stare in awe, Ari watches them. Ari (proud of himself) Pretty cool, right? Told you I found a great place to hide the treasure. Olive moves her eye-patch to the other eye and looks through her spyglass. OLIVE I can see the whole town from here. Ari reaches down to the base of the tree and hoists up the LUNCH BOX. Ari ( drumroll ) Babababa dum bada dum dum ! Ta da ! Elinor / olive / PHILBERT The treasure! / We found it! / Arr ! OLIVE I’m so excited, we finally get to see what’s inside! Ari puts the lunch box down and the kids drop to their knees in front of it. They share an excited look. They reach out together and open the box to reveal a YUMMY SNACK of APPLE SLICES, GRAPES, AND NUTS! Ari Snacks! Elinor (Giggles) The best treasure is one you can share with your friends. Philbert pulls out some nuts. It's been so long since Philbert referenced his little brothers as the reason why he hides his nuts. I had totally forgotten about this and the joke didn't make sense. Philbert (Laughs) You hid nuts like I did! Wait ... Do you have little brothers too ? The kids help themselves to snacks and chow down. Olive opens up her map and places it on the lunch box. She connects the STONE PATH to the TREE with a DOTTED LINE and traces their entire journey with her finger. Let's reference landmarks again. "Now that we have this map, we know how to get here again. Just follow the landmarks: from the pirate log..." Olive Now that we have this map, we know how to get here again. From the Pirate Log, we go to the Yellow Shrub. Then down the path to Turtle Rock and across the stream on the Stone Path. Ari Maps are awesome! Philbert takes his jar of nuts from his knapsack and places it under the tree. Philbert And now there’s another treasure for us to find next time we come. Elinor hops to her feet. Elinor (pirate voice) Back to our ship , Pirate Crew ! The kids take in the view one last time before running off. Ext. Forest - various LOCATIONS The kids sing a PIRATE SHANTY as they retrace their steps back to the ship. The song is a little confusing because they're singing about each landmark as a stop on the way to finding the treasure, but they're actually going away from the treasure spot at this point in the story. Elinor/olive/ari/philbert? ELINOR: Yo ho me mateys ! REST: A pirate crew are we! ELINOR: Yo ho me mateys , REST: We sail on the high seas! ALL: We search for treasure high and low, We check our map as we go, Landmarks help us chart our way, To find our prize without delay. They cross back over the river on the Stone Path. OLIVE: The Stone Path helps us cross the creek, To find the treasure that we seek! They pass Turtle Rock, Ari climbing it again. ARI: Up and over Turtle Rock, While out on our treasure walk! They cross the clearing and stop to smell the yellow shrub. PHILBERT: Past the yellow flowered shrub, Hiked our treasure-searching club! ALL: We look for things that stick out, So we know we’re on our route, Landmarks that catch our eyes, Will help us find our hidden prize! ELINOR: Yo ho me mateys ! REST: A pirate crew are we! ELINOR: Yo ho me mateys , REST: We sail on the high seas! Ext. Forest - pirate ship log - conTINUOUS The kids arrive back at their pirate ship as they finish their song. They climb aboard and Elinor takes her place at the wheel, Olive scans the horizon with her spyglass and Ari makes adjustments to the sail. Elinor Ready to set sail? Philbert Wait, y ou never told me what your ship is called. Does it have a name? Elinor Yup , it has the best name for this crew of pirates. (then, in Pirate Voice) The Friend-Ship. Arrrr ! OliVE / ARI / PHILBERT Arrrr ! The kids <LAUGH> and resume their pirate play as we IRIS OUT. END.

EWW 144 "Pirate Treasure" D2 .

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EP 144 "Pirate Treasure!" By: Tom Berger Logline : While playing pretend pirates in the forest, Ari forgets the route to their hidden treasure. With the help of Philbert Squirrel, they learn how to use landmarks and make a map to find it. Curriculum Goals: LS1: Record observations about a plant’s physical appearance. (Elinor and her friends illustrate what features make a landmark unique and mark them on a map). ES: Understand that maps show where things are located. Develop a model (drawing, map, diorama, etc.) to represent the shapes and kinds of landforms (hills, valleys, riverbanks, dunes) and bodies of water (streams, lakes, ponds, rivers, oceans) in an area.(Olive draws a map that includes landmarks. NOTE: this is not in our core curriculum but was suggested for inclusion by PBS ) ES1: Explore and describe the characteristics of earth materials such as sand, rocks, soil, water and air (as above). SEP2: Developing and using models, using simple models to support explanations (Olive makes a map to illustrate the locations of the landmarks and treasure). MAIN CHARACTERS: Elinor, Olive, Ari, Philbert PROPS: Pirate hat, eye patch, bedsheet, lunchbox , bandana, pirate sash, spyglass, pirate log, shrub with yellow flowers, shrubs with red flowers, turtle rock, jar of nuts, snacks, Philbert's backpack LOCATIONS: Forest, Forest Clearing, Forest Path, Stream, Hill with Tree FIRST DRAFT: August 8, 2019 SECOND DRAFT: September 9, 2019 Elinor Olive ElinOR / olive Ari Elinro Philbert Philbertg Olive / ari / philbert Elinot Elinor / OLIVE / philbert Philbery ElinOR / OLIVE / PHILBERT / ari Oliuve (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (like a pirate) (proud of himself) (pirate voice) (getting it) (to olive) (to bird) (to ari) INT EXT I/E FOREST - PIRATE SHIP LOG FOREST - VARIOUS LOCATIONS FOREST - KNOLL FOREST - FIELD FOREST - PATH FOREST - RIVER DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY DAYTIME A LITTLE LATER CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK.