Overall a fun episode, nicely paced and lots of comedy. Biggest note: a lot of the dialogue needs work to feel more natural. See specific spots below. Thanks! 1. EXT. PARK - various areas - DAY Line Count - 91 Elinor P - 32 Olive P - 21 Ari P - 22 Mr. Antelope P - 12 Fun first draft - the antelope character can be a lot of fun - lets play up that hes twenty and not one of our ‘adult‘ characters. And i question that they once again delay in getting the plants to ranger rabbit at the end - notes below Agree this will be fun to watch! Just a few learning sequence notes below. Walking along a PARK PATH, OLIVE and ARI are with ELINOR as she pulls a WAGON filled with some POTTED FLOWERS. Ari is a bundle of energy, dashing all around as they go, hopping onto a bench off the path before hopping back down, circling the wagon as they walk, etc. Ari I am soooo ready to play tag! Like, really ready! Super ready! Elinor Don’t worry, we will, Ari. Right after I bring these flowers to my Mom. It's a bit odd that the kids have a ticking clock on delivering these plants because they keep putting it off, and we have to come up with all sort of mechanics (the sign, extra dialogue) to work around this fact. Can we come up with a scenario where there isn't a ticking clock or deadline? Maybe they're just taking the flowers home, or maybe Ari's mom is sending the flowers to Elinor's dad or something simpler. olive really nice to get some insight into some of what the park rangers do I didn’t know the Park Rangers were planting new flower-beds at the far end of the park, Elinor. elinOR They are. And they’re going to make the park even more beautiful. Ari But didn’t your Mom say we could bring them over anytime this afternoon?... Elinor stops pulling the wagon, filled with realization. EliNOR She did say that... Olive and Ari both smile, expectantly. Full persuasion mode. OliVE So ‘anytime’ could mean ‘a little bit later’, right?.. Ari After we have a quick game of tag, maybe?... Elinor Maybe... (excited) OKAY! Who’s it? ari I am! Ha ha! Elinor and Olive both scatter, running and <LAUGHING!> SERIES OF SHOTS - showing Ari chasing after Olive and Elinor. The kids dart around some park objects nearby: the PARK BENCH, some ROCKS, and some BUSHES lining the path. Ari comes close to tagging Elinor’s ears, but she retracts them just in time to avoid being tagged, and she dash off. Ari Oh, missed by an ear! Olive crouches stealthily behind the bushes, trying not to be seen by Ari. She shuffles to the side to look for him -- only to hear Ari flutter into view and land right behind her. Ari Gotcha! He reaches to tag Olive, but she leaps backward just in time. But as she lands, she stumbles backward-- Olive Whoaa-oaaa-oaaa... --right into the WAGON, landing bum-first in it amongst the pots of flowers: <WHOMP!> One pot flies upward and lands in her lap. The other pots shift position, but none get knocked over. Before she can get up, Ari swoops over to tag her. Ari Tag! You’re it! Add a giggle to her "Aww.." Olive Awwww. With the potted flower just beneath her trunk, Olive’s trunk suddenly TWITCHES. She builds up to a sneeze, which she trumpets out: <Aaaa-aaaaa-aaaaAAAAAA-CHOOOO!!!> The force of Olive’s sneeze causes the wagon to roll off down the path -- which is on a slight hill leading downward. Elinor rushes up to join Ari a beat after the wagon exits. Chasing/sneezing sequence is really fun. Feels like it might need some dialogue, it's a bit oddly quiet. IRL people would be shouting or exclaiming and the kids might be telling people to stop that elephant, or watch out! elinor Whoa! Stop that wagon! Elinor and Ari both give chase. Olive continues to <AAA-CHOOO!> as the wagon rolls along, startling other park-goers they pass: The GOAT TWINS stop walking as Ari and Elinor race past them after the Olive in the wagon. <AAA-CHOO!> The force of Olive's sneeze slides the twins apart, much to their chagrin! MARTHA COW is doing YOGA beneath a TREE. The kids race past. <AAAA-CHOO!> A BUNCH OF LEAVES shake off and cover Martha. SALLY BEAVER is trying to fly her KITE in the park, but there's zero wind. The kids race past her. <AAA-CHOOO!> The blast from Olive's sneeze billows Sally's kite up into the air, and she happily flies it around. ON THE WAGON - about to roll off the path and into the POND! Ari is the first to reach the wagon. He grabs it with his feet, and extends his wings outward to buffer the wind and slow the wagon down a bit. Elinor then reaches Ari and grabs hold of him to add extra slowing power. Together, they pull the wagon to a stop just before the it lands in the water. Ari lets go of the wagon, falling backwards onto Elinor onto the ground. All three friends are relieved: <whew!> As Ari and Elinor stand, Olive steps out of the wagon, still holding the potted flower. She sneezes again: <AAAA-CHOOO!> Putting the potted flower down on the wagon, she steps out. Ari lets note that ari and elinor should b e out of breath here during the next few lines. and olive should maybe sound a bit stuffed up Are you okay, Olive? It's a bit odd that Olive would apologize in the first place. Why would she apologize? Can we re-direct the dialogue to something else? Maybe they just talk about the experience that just happened. OLIVE Yes. Sorry about that, Elinor. ElinoR It wasn’t your fault you fell in the wagon and it started rolling away. Olive No, but my sneezing didn’t help. At some point, maybe mention how it was fun, especially since nobody got hurt? ElINOR That wasn’t your fault either. Elinor takes the handle, brings the wagon back to the path, and starts leading her friends along it again. ari (to olive) That was some EPIC sneezing! Olive pats her trunk, proudly. 23-25 feel a bit awkward. Can we do a pass to make it more kid-like? Olive (proudly) I’ve always had a strong trunk. Who else’s nose can pick up things and super-sneeze? ElinoR (to olive) What made you sneeze so much now? OlIVE I don’t know. I’m not even sure how it started. How does somebody start sneezing, anyway? Elinor I’m not sure. When I sneeze, right before I go ‘aaa-choo’, my nose gets all tickly. olive So does my trunk! 28-32 feel a bit weird. Can you come up with something better? The fingers in nose joke is not great. ARI And my nose! So something must have tickled your nose, Olive. Like your finger. OLIVE My fingers weren’t on my nose, Ari. Ari What about in your nose? Olive (aghast) Uh, NO! Ari Okay, okay, just checking... Hmm, that's SO INTERESTING. What made Olive sneeze? Elinor should 33 be after 34 ? - elinor stops at crossroads looking from sign to sign. ari says line 33 and elinor explains... We want to know what made Olive sneeze. So let’s find out. PATH JUNCTION - Elinor stops at a part of the path that splits into two directions. The left path is marked with a sign showing a BENCH & A TREE, and the right path is marked with a sign showing THE LIBRARY. Ari points to the left one. Lines 34-35: if we remove the ticking clock, we can redirect this dialogue to something more fun or useful. Maybe have the kids think about how they are going to learn more about sneezing. Does Olive's nature book talk about it? No... How about the library! Ari Um, Elinor? The far end of the park is that way. Elinor Yep, but the library is this way. We’ll deliver the flowers to my Mom AFTER we learn more about sneezing. Elinor resumes pulling the wagon of potted flowers down the right path, followed by Ari and Olive. WIPE TO: 2. EXT. LIBRARY - DAY CLOSE ON THE WAGON coming to a stop at the foot of the library steps. GOING WIDER, we see Elinor, Ari, and Olive racing up the steps. 3. INT. LIBRARY - FRONT DESK - LATER The library door opens, and Elinor, Ari, and Olive enter. FRONT DESK - the trio approach the Librarian, MR. ANTELOPE, a sensitive but joyful twenty-something male antelope. Elinor Hi Mr. Antelope. He’s a twenty year old - we could try to give him a characteristic different from the adults - and maybe project some humour. Ex. ‘Elinor, olive aaanndd....Andrew? Adam?’ Ari says ‘ari!’ Antelope “ nope dont tell me....Austin?’ Ari “its ari!’ Antelope “is it ari?’ Ari”wow, how did you guess?” mr. Antelope Elinor, Ari and Olive! So nice to see you all. What can I help you with? Elinor We need to find a book about something that almost made our wagon roll into the pond: SNEEZING. nice Mr. ANTELOPE Ahh, sneezing! wait, roll into a pond? really?...anyway, A fascinating subject indeed. I can definitely help you aaa-choose the right book." Ahh, sneezing. A fascinating subject indeed. I can definitely help you aaa-choose the right book. The kids all <GIGGLE>. Mr. Antelope types on his computer and reacts happily. I didn't understand the high-stride joke, is he just doing a silly walk? That's fun, though it seemed a bit out of the blue. Let's have an excuse for the funny walk, like part of a joke he has with the kids or something Mr. ANTELOPE after 39 - he uses a computer - do we want technology like this in our world? weve avoided ipads, cell phones, school computers etc. something to discuss Let’s see... Oh, good! The book I’m thinking of hasn’t been checked out... for quite a while in fact. That means it’s on the shelf! Follow me, please - walk this way! He comes out from behind his desk and starts doing an a silly, exaggerated ‘high stride’ walk away from his desk. <GIGGLING>, the kids mimic his fun walk as they follow him. 4. INT. LIBRARY - AISLES / kids area - MOMENTS LATER Mr. Antelope leads them across the library adding in a couple more silly walks as he goes. The kids happily reproduce them. A LIBRARY PATRON gently <SFX: SHUSHES> the kids as they pass. ElinOR Sorry! <quiet giggling> AT THE KIDS AREA - Mr. Antelope leads the kids up to some low bookshelves displaying PICTURE BOOKS, plus a variety of seating options in the READING NOOK, like club chairs and floor pillows for young visitors to kick back with a book. Mr. Antelope stops at one particular LOW BOOKSHELF, were we can see books with covers showing different animal body parts on them: A WING, a PAW, an EYE, etc. (we don’t immediately see one with a cover of a NOSE yet). Mr. ANTELOPE Here we go: kids books about parts of the body. The one you want is called “All About Noses”. ElinOR Thanks, Mr. Antelope. Maybe add another bad joke here: something about mixing "knows" with "nose" Mr. ANTELOPE why does he chuckle here? maybe ari can say a silly joke? like what antelope said about 'a-choose' earlier. <chuckles> Happy to help. Smiling, Mr. Antelope leaves them to be, as Elinor gets up close to the shelf, looking intently. She scans the books, and reacts with a smile at finding the one she wants. after 45 - olive doesnt have fingers - she may stll me able to un her "stump" but to really make it clear, maybe elinor runs her finger on it to reveal how dusty it is ElinOR Here it is: “All About Noses”. Gently, she pulls it off the shelf, and shows it to Ari and Olive. The cover shows a variety of ANIMAL NOSES: A DOG NOSE, RABBIT NOSE, PIG NOSE, etc. The book cover looks a bit hazy, not as sharp as you’d expect with those vibrant images on it. Olive wipes her finger over the cover, wiping that area clean and leaving DUST on her finger. OliVE Ugh, it really hasn’t been checked out in a while. It’s soooo dusty! Ari I’ll fix that! <blows> Ari BLOWS on the cover, causing some DUST to fly off and form a little DUST CLOUD around Olive! Her nose twitches, and she sneezes: <Aaaa-aaaaa-aaAA-CHOOO!!!> Olive sneezes close to the book, blowing some remaining dust off it onto Ari’s face. Suddenly, Ari’s nose gets twitchy, and he sneezes: <Aaaa-aaaaa-aaAA-CHOOO!!!> Ari’s sneeze blows back at the book, sending more dust off it, this time at Elinor, who gets a mini DUST CLOUD around her. Her ears waggle, nose twitches, and then she sneezes: <Aaaa-aaaa-aaAA-CHOOO!!!> Off Elinor’s sneeeze, the mini dust clouds blow around all three of the kids now, causing them all to wave their hands to try and disperse the dust. Now they ALL sneeze: <Aaaa-aaa-aaAAA-CHOOOO!!!> LOW BOOKSHELF - the trio’s sneezing causes the precariously balanced books to TOPPLE onto their sides like dominos. The kids’ hand waving quickly disperses the mini dust clouds and they stop sneezing. Ari pats his nose for reassurance. Ari Whew. Still there. I sneezed so hard I thought my nose blew off! This line feels weird. Just focus on the fact they sneezed, not that the stopped sneezing. ELINOR So all of us sneezed, then all of us stopped suddenly... That is so interesting! What happened? The kids move back to the LOW BOOKSHELF, where Elinor rights the books on the shelf again, and then the kids mime the actions that led up to their sneezing. Olive (good-naturedly) Well, first, some bat we know blew a whole bunch of dust at me. Ari Sorry. Didn’t mean to blow so hard. Olive It got right in my trunk! Elinor And that’s when you sneezed! Elinor makes sweeping ‘dust cloud’ gestures with her arms. correction "which blew some dust at Ari." elinoR Your sneeze caused some dust to blow at me , and then I sneezed, when blew some dust at Ari. Ari And then I sneezed-and-almost-lost-my-nose-but-didn’t! Elinor stops doing the ‘dust cloud’ motions. Also feels a bit weird. I think you can just focuse on the cause-and effect to connect dust to sneezing, no need to focus on when the sneezing started and stopped. ElINOR But now that the dust is gone... we’ve all stopped sneezing. So the dust must have been what made us sneeze! When we get it in our noses- I think we want to break it up into two steps. 1) First they figure out that the dust makes then sneeze, then 2) they figure out that what is happening is that the dust is going into their noses. E.g. after they make the dust-sneeze connection, maybe they examine the dust. They run a finger and look at it, but it's not causing them to sneeze. Then maybe Ari smells it to see if it smells funny and some gets in his nose. Aha! it's when it gets in your nose! olive (acting out a fake sneeze) -we go: Aaaaa-choo! Elinor nods. 5. INT. LIBRARY - FRONT DESK - moments later With Elinor carrying the book, the kids return to the front desk where Mr. Antelope awaits them. Mr. ANTELOPE The Sneeze Squad returns! Did you find the answer you were looking for? More natural: "We figured out why we sneeze. We sneeze when we get dust in our noses!" ELINOR Yes! We think that when you get dust in your nose, it makes you sneeze. Mr. Antelope smiles proudly, then opens the book, and flips through the pages, stopping on a specific one. I don't love this line. I'd rather him say something like "Thats a good theory...let's check it out" . or "makes sense" Mr. ANTELOPE Ding-ding-ding! Your theory is correct, Elinor. ON THE PAGE - showing a CROSS SECTION DIAGRAM OF A DOG NOSE. rework"This is a side drawing of a dogs nose and what the inside looks like. " Mr. Antelope (o.s.) This is a side drawing of what the inside of a nose looks like. It’s a dog’s nose. We hear the kids give <INTRIGUED REACTIONS>. BACK ON THE GROUP - Mr. Antelope looks up from the book to point at all three of the kids’ noses, and his own, in turn. Mr. Antelope But rabbit, bat, elephant, and antelope noses all work in pretty much the same way. BACK ON THE PAGE - the cross section starts to ANIMATE, with DUST entering through the nostrils. It lodges in the nasal cavity wall, which RIPPLES slightly (to show it’s irritated). Mr. Antelope (o.s.) When dust gets in your nose, it makes it feel all tickly inside. That’s your body’s way of saying: “I don’t want this dust in here”. We hear a <DOG SNEEZE> accompanied by MOVING AIR LINES entering the cross section image from the far side of the drawing, dislodging the dust from the nasal cavity wall, and blasting it out the nostrils. Mr. ANTELOPE (o.s.) So to get it out, the body blasts it out with a big gush of air. That’s what a sneeze is! BACK ON THE GROUP - Ari and Olive turn to Elinor, elated. OLIVE You were right, Elinor. Ari Yeah. You knew it was dust. Mr. Antelope 67-73 . I would think there would be additional hands-on inquiry after the kids came to the conclusion that dust makes you sneeze they would wonder if there was dust on the wagon...after investigating they discover no dust....but wait is there dust? These small yellow dots on Olive's trunck are small pieces that can float in the air like dust but they are bright yellow and dust isn't. Then they look it up and know to call it pollen. But dust isn’t the only thing that can tickle your nose and make you sneeze. Other things can as well. Elinor looks at the book, then at Mr. Antelope. Elinor Wow! I want to read more about that. I’d like to sign out this book please, Mr. Antelope. Elinor hands him her LIBRARY CARD. Smiling, he takes the book scans its barcode, then Elinor’s card, and <STAMPS> the book. trying to think of a clever line for him here instead of playing it straight. a play on words perhaps - about sneezing or noses mR. ANTELOPE By all means. Happy reading. ElinOR Thanks! The trio head out of the library. 6. EXT. LIBRARY - DAY The kids bound down the library steps to the wagon full of potted flowers, which Ari prepares to cart away. Ari Wagon, it’s time to hit the road. Elinor stops him. 72-76, they should rule out dust as the cause of the earlier sneeze (it's not particularly dusty here) and they should wonder what caused Olive to sneeze if it wasn't dust. elinor this part seems a bit forced - olive was seated in the wagon for it to happen and she isnt about to fall in here. maybe the conversation is more about the fact that they learned about dust and how it makes you sneeze. but that wasnt the issue with olive since there wasnt any dust. then they renenact it as we have it Wait, Ari. We still need to find out what made Olive sneeze. OlIVE Otherwise we might have that same runaway wagon problem. Ari Oh, right! ElinoR Let’s think back to what happened in the park. OlIVE (pondering) When I sneezed that time, I was sitting in your wagon. Like this. She adjusts some potted flowers and sits in the wagon as before. Elinor takes the flower pot Olive was holding earlier out of the cart, and hands it to her to hold in her lap. ElinoR And you were holding this flower. CLOSE ON OLIVE - the flower close to her face. Suddenly, her trunk twitches. She sneezes again: <Aaaaa-aaah-aaAAA-CHOO!!!> Ari and Elinor both grab the wagon handle so when Olive sneezes, the wagon only rolls a tiny bit before Ari and Elinor’s anchoring brakes it to a stop. Curiously, Olive glances down at the flower, sniffs it -- and her trunk twitches again. She’s filled with realization. OLIVE I think the flower is what’s making me sneeze. Olive <SNIFFS> it, and immediately <AAA-CHOOOS!> again. Ari and Elinor anchor the wagon again by its handle so it only rolls a little bit again before stopping. Elinor then leans in to get a closer look at Olive. CLOSE ON OLIVE - she has a bit of YELLOW POWDER (POLLEN) on the end of her trunk. Same color as the flower. Elinor There’s something on your nose! But it isn’t dust, it’s yellow. Same color as the flower... Elinor looks down at the flower now. CLOSE ON THE FLOWER - there’s a bit of POLLEN on its petals. ElINOR (o.s.) Because it’s from the flower - I see some here too. You must have got some in your nose. Ari is looking through the book about noses. They seem to get to pollen too quickly. Have a beat here where they wonder what that is, then have the idea to see if the book says anything about it. Then maybe they read the section that talks about the different things that can make you sneeze: dust, getting a cold, pollen... that's it! Ari That stuff is pollen! The book says pollen from flowers is one of the other things that can make you-- Olive sneezes again: <AAA-CHOOO!!> With Ari holding the book, and only Elinor holding the wagon handle this time, Olive’s sneeze moves the wagon a bit further before Elinor’s able to counterweight it to a stop. Elinor Whooa!... Elinor puts the handle down and takes the potted flower from Olive, who steps out of the wagon and walks a few steps away. Olive Okay, now I know which kind of flower not to get close to. Elinor beams triumphantly. ElinoR We did it! We figured out what made Olive sneeze! Off that, Elinor breaks into SONG! Visually, she gestures to the noses of herself and her friends in turn, and to the potted flowers in the wagon. SONG: "SNEEZE IT OUT" During the song you have 2 lines ‘spoken’ - can they be a part of the song so its ‘sung’ within the song during our record ELINOR, OLIVE, ARI (singing) ELINOR: Your nose is for smelling And also for breathing When something gets in your nose ARI-(spoken) Like dust! OLIVE-(spoken) Or pollen! ELINOR: That gets you sneezing! ALL: A-choo, achoo-hoo-hoo! Blow it out, hooray, woo-hoo! ALL: When something gets in your nose You have to get it out Your body goes a-choo That’s what sneezing’s all about! SONG ENDS. Ari picks up the wagon handle, ready to pull. Olive keeps a short distance from the flowers. ari Now to deliver these flowers. Olive And afterward, play some more tag? are we settling a bad example here - especially from elinor not delivering the plants to her mom and delaying yet again - its been much later since they initally started to head towards the end of the park Elinor My Mom did say we could bring them over anytime this afternoon... one more game and then we go? Ari and Olive <CHEER!> EliNOR I’m it! Giving themselves a little distance from the wagon, Elinor chases Ari and Olive around the area outside the library. The three all <LAUGH> giddily as they dart about. IRIS OUT.

EWW133 "These Sneezes" D1 2July19 .

Aqua-Wing2 COMM Flash-Wing2 Splash-Wing2

.

ELINOR wonders why EP 133 These Sneezes By: Dave Dias Elinor's Question: What made Olive sneeze? Logline: When Olive's sneezing disrupts their game of tag, Elinor tries to figure out what made her sneeze. Curriculum Goals: LS2 - Understand that animals have different body parts that are used in different ways to meet their needs, and that plants have different parts that help them survive and grow. Identify body parts of animals and their function. (Elinor discovers that sneezes help get unwanted things out of your nose.) SEP4 - Analyzing and interpreting data. (d.) Talk about and reflect on what happened during an investigation or when solving a problem, and why it might have happened. (Elinor and her friends deduce that the pollen is causing Olive to sneeze). OUTLINE: June 6, 2019 FIRST DRAFT: July 2, 2019 BETTY BADD SWIFt BADDY EARL BEA INSPECTOR EAGLE-EYE CADETS SPEEDY SPEDDY BRODY PENNY ROD Cheep Rhonda BRODAY BRODY/SWIFT/PENNY/ROD/RHONDA Timmy Rod/swift/penny/brody Swift/penny/rod/brody Brody/timmy All Penny/rod/swift Penny/ROD/SWIFT/BRODY PeNNY/Brody Rob Swift/brody/penny/speedy/bea Wally Ward Speedy/bea Shirley Ari Elinor OLIVE Elinor/ari Elinor/olive Ola OLIE Sally Elinor/ari/olive Air Ari/olive mr. Antelope Library patron ELINOR, OLIVE, ARI (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (ON BADDY’S COM) (ON COMM) (singing) (amused) (calling out) (on screen) (into com) (v.o., over radio) (to Cadets) (choked-up whisper) (v.o., over watch) (hushed) (to ari & olive) INT EXT I/E INT./EXT LEMON SHACK TOP WING HQ SHORELINE OCEAN ADVENTURE TOUR BOAT OCEAN - ICE BERG FIELD RIVER - ADVENTURE BOAT WING COMMAND LEMON SHACK - DOCK BIG SWIRL SKIES OVER JUNGLE JUNGLE NEAR LEMON SHACK HQ SKIES ABOVE BIG SWIRL TRAINING ROOM TW BED ROOM TW HANGAR ELEVATORS TOP WING VEHICLE HANGAR SKIES ABOVE BIG SWIRL JUNGLE TOP WING HQ - GARAGE DOCK INSPECTOR EAGLE'S JET BIG SWIRL JUNGLE BADDY'S JET PENNY'S AQUA-WING2 SWIFT'S FLASH-WING2 BEACH LANDING STRIP EARL THE GADGET SQUIRREL'S JUNK YARD PATH LEMON SHACK - KITCHEN AREA TOP WING HEADQUARTERS – CONTINUOUS CORAL GROTTO LEMON SHACK – MOMENTS LATER TOP WING H HQ FLIER / EXT. BIG SWIRL RIVER AREA SCHOOL - SOCCER FIELD BORDERING FOREST SOCCER FIELD BORDERING FOREST - ACTIVITIES SEQUENCE SONG ENDS. SOCCER FIELD BORDERING FOREST LIBRARY - AISLES AND SEATING AREA LIBRARY PARK - TREE NEXT TO FLOWER PATCH LIBRARY - READING NOOK AREA PARK LIBRARY - FRONT DESK DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY NEAR STEEP CLIFF NEAR SEAL ISLAND CLOSE ON BIG SCREEN SAME TIME LANDING PAD TEST DAY C CO CON SHORTLY AFTER CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. WIPE TO: