Great first draft!For D2, please provide some specific image references to guide the artists (via links) to make sure we get the visuals you have in mind.
1. EXT SCHOOLYARD -- DAY
very cute - just a few notes
Great ending...left me smiling. I was wondering if you would consider modeling better "reading" teaching practices from line 12-16...so that the book and Mz. Mole encouraged the kids to "spot the difference" specific to the diagram arrows. What do you notice is the smae? What do you notice is different? This would encourage the viewers at home to play along and engage in the learning.
It’s recess. MZ MOLE (carrying a cloth bag), ELINOR, ARI and OLIVE are in the schoolyard looking at some beautiful planted flowers. Bees are
nectaring
on the flowers.
Mz MOLE
I’m so glad I planted these flowers here. The bees just love them.
ELINOR
(
amazed
) I’ve never seen so many bees in my whole life.
CUT TO on the bees. One of them is a bee-mimicking flower fly (
eg
.
Mallota
Posticata
). Zoom in on the flower fly.
ELINOR (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Hey. That bee looks different from the others.
MZ MOLE (O.S.)
Great observation, Elinor! That one isn’t a bee at all. It’s...
BACK ON Mz. Mole and the kids.
Would like Sara's opinion on whether "It's PRETENDING" or "it's PRETENDING to be a bee" would be easier to understand than "it's a PRETENDER"
MZ MOLE (CONT’D)
(
with
conspiratorial excitement) ...a PRETENDER.
<SFX:
KID WALLA GASP>
OLIVE
If it’s not a bee, then what is it?
MZ MOLE
I’ve got a book
that’ll
explain everything.
Mz. Mole goes and sits on a stump (or chair, whatever works) and pulls a book out of her bag. The kids sit down in front of her. Mz. Mole opens the book to a page showing a bee perched on a flower and a flower fly perched on another flower.
MZ MOLE (CONT’D)
That insect you spotted is a kind of fly. It’s called a flower fly because it hangs out on flowers.
3. EXT OUTSIDE (BOOK) -- DAY
Close up on the book, with the bee and the flower fly.
MZ MOLE (O.S.)
See, this is a bee.
The bee shimmies.
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
And this is a flower fly.
The fly shimmies.
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
And they look a lot alike. They both have see-through wings.
Two arrows appear that point to the wings. Both insects shake their wings.
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
They both have SPECTACULAR stripes.
Arrows point to the stripes. The bee and fly shimmy to show off their stripes.
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
But look closely and you’ll see some differences. The bee has four wings, but the fly only has two.
Arrows point to the wings as the bee and fly raise them. The bee raises its four wings triumphantly, and the fly droops its two wings.
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
The fly has big, bulging eyes.
Arrows point to the bee and fly eyes. The fly’s big bulging eyes sparkle beautifully.
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
The bee has long antennae sticking off of its head. The fly has short antennae.
Arrows indicate the bee and fly antennae as they wiggle them.
line 16 and 17 and part of 18 - May cut out back to the kids and mz.mole - otherwise we'll be on the book for a long time - therefore not (o.s)
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Even so, that fly looks a lot like the bee. It’s a pretty good pretender!
ELINOR (O.S.)
But Mz. Mole, why pretend to be a bee at all?
cut back in on the book at 18
MZ MOLE (O.S.)
Good question. Most animals know not to bother bees because bees can sting. By pretending to be a bee, this fly won’t get bothered by anyone.
A songbird bird flies up, looks at the bee and fly, then turns around and flies away. The fly does a triumphant little dance.
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
In fact, lots of insects pretend to be bees, like some moths and beetles.
The bee jumps, shocked as a bee-mimic moth (
eg
. Snowberry clearwing moth) and a bee-mimic beetle (
eg
. Hairy flower scarab) fly in for a landing. They high five the fly.
MZ MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D)
So when you’re exploring nature, you need to keep an eye out for pretenders.
3. EXT SCHOOLYARD -- DAY
Mz. Mole is now wearing a striped sweater, a pair of homemade wings, and pipe cleaner antennae.
Shorten, "Huh? Where did Mz. Mole go?"
MZ MOLE
"Mz. Mole is now wearing a striped sweater, a pair of homemade
wings, and pipe cleaner antennae. - instead can you note to reuse Mz.Mole in Bee costume from 121B (reuse) "
And now you’re probably wondering, where did Mz. Mole go? And how did this giant bee get in here?
She puts the book down and buzzes around the kids.
Shorten, "Well, fly, these kids are too smart for us. They just won't BEE-lieve us!"
Mz MOLE (CONT’D)
Bzz
!
Bzz
!
<SFX:
KID GIGGLE>
ELINOR
(
amused
) We know it’s you, Mz. Mole.
The flower fly buzzes up and lands on Mz. Mole’s hand.
MZ MOLE
Sigh. (
to
the fly) Well, fly, we tried our best, but these kids are too smart. They just don’t
bee-lieve
us.
<SFX: KID LAUGHTER>
THE END.
<SFX:
AWWWW>
WHOOOA>
WHOOOOAA>
spiderling
ELINOR WONDERS WHY
125 Interstitial:
MZ
. Mole Story time:
UN-BEE-LIEVABLE
Written by
Rosemary
Mosco
Follows "To Bee Or Not To Bee"
Curriculum: The kids learn that some flies and other insects look like be bees so that other animals won’t bother them.
Learning Goals: Compare how the external body parts of animals and plants are the same and/or different. [The kids compare bee and fly bodies.]
LS2d:
Explore how different external features of an animal help it survive in its environment. [The kids learn why flies and other insects pretend to be bees.]
FIRST DRAFT:
08-NOV-19
POLISH DRAFT:
ELINOR/OLIVE/ARI
MZ MOLE
ELINOR
ARI
OLIVE
(V.O.)
(O.S.)
(O.C.)
(CONT'D)
(SUBTITLE)
INT
EXT
I/E
2
4
THE END.
INT CLASSROOM -- DAY
DAY
NIGHT
AFTERNOON
MORNING
EVENING
LATER
MOMENTS LATER
CONTINUOUS
THE NEXT DAY
CUT TO:
FADE IN:
FADE OUT.
FADE TO:
DISSOLVE TO:
BACK TO:
MATCH CUT TO:
JUMP CUT TO:
FADE TO BLACK.
Order
Title
Location
ELINOR
ELINOR