Proper punctuation makes it easier to read drafts.Overall, the draft is solid but needs shortening and simplifying. 1. EXt. Dry pond -- DAY I'd like to see some better practices out of Mz. MOle...Asking questions, prompting rather than just telling. Open on MZ. MOLE, ELINOR, OLIVE, ARI and KIDS (as necessary). The kids are spread out, looking for something in different directions. The sun is overhead and it is hot. Elinor I think it was that way ari I’m pretty sure it was over there Olive stands staring at an empty space between a tree and a large rock. Shorten to "Where did it go?" Olive suggest 'no, no..it was right here, where did it go?' - otherwise we have 'i'm pretty sure it was' repeated over two lines I’m pretty sure it was right here, where did it go? Mz. Mole Now just what are you all looking for? The kids gather around Olive. Olive holds up a large picture Shorten to "Last time we were here, there was a neat pond right here" Olive We came here in the springtime and there was a neat pond right between that tree and that rock Olive holds the picture up to Mz. Mole. We are now looking at the picture in the full frame and see the same tree and rock with a pond, surrounded by lush green plants, dragonflies and frogs. In the picture also has the kids sitting by the edge with their feet in the pond. Olive (CONT’D) But now it’s gone! The picture is pulled down to reveal the same scene but with no pond and just some dried plants "That IS a neat pond. But it's also a SPRING pond, so now that its summer, it is all dried up." Mz. MOLE correction sp - ' spring ' maybe add "whenn is rains alot" to give context to only water in the spring Oh, a neat pond indeed! This is a spring pond. It only has water in siring. Now it’s dried up. I remember some little creatures living in the pond. What happened to them? ArI this is a bit tricky as we dont use 'cartoon logic' ex. having characters able to pull objects from behind their backs - we will have Mz.Mole carrying a bag with her - to hold the book and jug of water But what happens to all the little animals that were living in there? Mz. Mole pulls out a book, and opens to a picture of a pond 2. inT. Pond Those critters have some clever ways to survive. Let's read about one of my favorites, called a Daphnia. MZ. MOLE Don’t you worry, those are some very clever little animals. This is one of my favorites, a Daphnia. We see a daphnia bobbing in the water I remember those. They looked like tiny dancers! ElINOR I'd rather see the kids make an observation on the spot then 'remember' something. Using an "I notice" or "i wonder" statement would be good here I remember those, they’re tiny dancers! 11-12 This is super cute, but we need to cut to simplify and shorten. MZ. MOLE Yes! And Daphnia carry their babies on their back. We see little daphnia pop out from the clear carapace of the mother, they then bob alongside her. same as comment 10 OlIVE Even tinier dancers! We pan out and are looking at CROSS SECTION of the pond with a hot sun above. The level of the pond drops down and then down again OlIVE (CONT’D) Oh no, their pond is drying up! We should warn them. Shorten/simplify: "Not to worry! The momma daphnia makeseggs in a special case that keeps them safe as the pond dries up." MZ. MOLE maybe "having" more babies instead of "making" more Not to worry, the momma daphnia can sense when the pond is changing. Instead of making more babies, she makes a couple of eggs and then a hard case to put them in. The Daphnia has two eggs on her back but then her back develops a hard brown case Cut 15-16 perhaps 'Hey, I cant see the eggs!' will be clearer Olive Hey, I can’t see inside! We see the egg case fall off the Daphnia’s back, the daphnia swims away as the case falls to the bottom of the pond. Mz. Mole is very 'telly' throughout could we get her to ask some questions..i.e. That egg case is very special. Can you guess what it does for the babies?" MZ. MOLE That egg case is very special. It keeps the eggs safe as the pond dries up. We see the level of the pond drop until there is just dry dirt with a brown egg case resting on it. Don't they need water? ElINOR But there’s no water! The babies will need water if they hatch from that egg. They do! But in their special egg case, they can wait until rain fills up the pond again. Then, pop!, out they come! MZ. MOLE That’s true. But only when the spring rains fill up the pond again do those little eggs start growing again until, pop! Out they come We see rain fill the water level back up. We zoom in closer to the brown egg case at the bottom. When Mz. Mole says “pop!” Two little daphnia pop out of the case and start bobbing around. OliVE They’re back! Add a brief, kid-friedly summary of the overall lesson, like "Nature has lots of clever tricks." but a touch more specific? MZ. MOLE Indeed they are! 3. EXT. pond -- DAY The kids are sitting around the dried area, looking hot and tired, except for Olive who is next to Mz. Mole … for water to bring it back to life? Olive quietly waiting' sounds too old So there’s a whole pond here just quietly waiting for water so it can come back to life? pulls the jug out of her bag MZ. MOLE That’s right! A little like your friends over there Mz. Mole smiles and winks at Olive and hold up a jug of water. Olive smiles, puts her trunk in the water, sucks it up and then sprays it in the air. The water falls on the other kids and they start <GIGGLING AND LAUGHING> and running around Video of swimming: https: // www.youtube.com / watch?v = 3rOCjjD29SY

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EWW Interstitial 122 Mz . Mole Story Time: Daphnia By Matt Giorgianni Follows: Frozen Fish - When the pond freezes, Elinor and her friends become worried about how the fish who live there can survive the winter. With Farmer Bear's help they learn they're fine, resting in the cold water beneath the ice Curriculum: The kids learn about Daphnia, the cute little water flea, that lives in ponds that dry up. They have special eggs which dry out and wait until the rains and streams fill the pond back up, only then do they hatch. LS4 . Understand that all animals and plants have a life cycle, can reproduce, and change and grow over time: LS5 . Begin to understand that animals and plants depend on other living things and nonliving things in the environment to meet some of their needs:? FIRST DRAFT: September 8, 2019 Ari & ElInor Mz. Mole Elinor Olive Kids (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E 3 EXT. POND -- DAY DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY MAGIC HOUR DAWN DUSK SAME SAME TIME CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. SMASH CUT TO: CUT TO BLACK. TIME CUT: Order Title Location CHARACTER CHARACTER'S ARC