Nice first draft. A few notes to clarify and simplify. 1. EXT. RIVER BEHIND SCHOOL - DAY my main concern with this is assets and complexity for a pop-up book style. we need to design each pose of the fish to show it movemnt as its to look like paper cut outs. plus the number of locations and complexity of action and bg/layouts. ie. the river, the mouth of the river, the ocean, going back up the river leaping over log, the large dam and fish ladder. We have already created the locations around the school and in particular, the river behind it and we dont have a large dam - larger than a house. plus the designs elements from the fishes pov. for the visual language, we need to simplify in the next draft "A couple of general observations in addition to the specific notes below: - Looks like the curriculum logline is from Balloon Spiders - Kids might need some more support to understand what going ""up"" or ""down"" the river means. Do we need a beat from MM where she explains that water flows in one direction, and if you swim against that flow, it's called going ""up"" the river? - MM also seems particularly wordy in this interstitial; would be great to simplify her dialog wherever possible." Elinor, Olive and Ari are stooping over the river bank with other kids playing nearby. We look over their shoulders and see a salmon whipping its way over some small rocks in shallow water. "Let's have the upstream dam visible in the background in the opening, so that it's not a surprise when Elinor mentions it later. Maybe ""jumpy"" instead of ""wriggly"" to keep the vocab consistent." ARI yes...I like jumpy to set up the learning We like jumpy, too. Wow that fish is so wriggly! ElINOR It’s sure swimming fast. I wonder where it’s going. We hear MZ. MOLE, who joined the kids unnoticed. "on her way", let's keep the gender consistent. MZ. MOLE (O.S.) That fish is on its way to lay her eggs up the river. Pull out to see Mz. Mole standing over the kids shoulder, the fish already on it’s way, leaping in the background. OLIVE Fish lay eggs..? The kids have already seen it jumping up river, so let's use this line to reinforce the message that eggs should be laid up river. Maybe: "Won't this fast river wash away her eggs?" ARI i dont think ari would understand its against the flow of the water abd be impressed by the comment 'up the river' but only assume it means further from where they are agree with kevin And they can swim UP a river..? Mz. Mole sits down on a rock by the riverbed and brings out a pop-up book. The other children have taken notice and gather around. You're right! She has to find the a safer, slow spot. Let's take a look... MZ. MOLE In lines 6 & 10 Mz. Mole says "that's right"- can we try to focus on what is right about it instead of promoting education being about being right or wrong. Instead "great observation" or "i like your thinking". or even "sometimes that is true" That’s right! Let’s have a look.. Mz. Mole opens the book 2. EXT POOL IN A RIVER (BOOK) -- DAY Top-down view on tiny, slightly luminescent, pinkish pearls of salmon roe, scattered all over and among pebbles at the bottom of a river pool. """like your salmon friend here"", isn't clear because we don't see that fish on screen and didn't previously identify it as ""salmon"". Either cut, or consider showing that fish laying the eggs here for clarity. The point MM should get across here is that the eggs have to be laid up river (ie above the dam). Maybe: ""To keep her tiny eggs safe, the mother fish swims far up river to find a calm pool of water""" MZ. MOLE Good suggestions from J&D -- we found this line confusing. Some fish - like your salmon friend here - start life as tiny eggs scattered at the bottom of pools of water, way up rivers like this one. Close up on one of the eggs, which hatches into a baby salmon: just a giant pair of eyes with a hint of a transparent fish body. It wiggles its tail. <SFX: KIDS AWWWW> Elinor (O.S.) It’s so small! Can that little fish swim up the fast river? OLIVE (o.S.) let's keep the observation this this particular river..more preschool accurate. Like J and D suggestion I don’t think that little fish can swim up any rivers! Not until it gets bigger and stronger! MZ. MOLE (O.S.) That’s right, Olive. Tiny hatchlings drift downstream with the current. Close up on our hero fish. The book flips through a series of background changes as the fish moves further down river, but stays focused on hero fish. She gets larger with each change. Let's not focus on eating prey, maybe we can show her jumping out of the water, to demonstrate later upstream-river-swimming skills? Maybe: "Hero fish swims in the deep ocean. She’s bigger now. She jumps out of the water impressively." MZ. MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D) The baby fish are carried down stream by the river, and eventually go out to sea. Hero fish swims in the deep ocean. She’s bigger now. She lunges at some prey animals with a rapid burst of speed and snaps them up. ARI (o.S.) Woah , nice moves! OLIVE (O.S.) She looks so strong! In the ocean, the fish grows big and strong. Then, when it’s time to lay eggs, they swim up the river they were born in. MZ. MOLE (O.S.) The fish grow up way out in the ocean. Then, when it’s time to lay their eggs, they swim up the very same rivers they were born in. Aerial shot: our big and grown hero fish makes its way up the mouth of a river. "just like you saw that fish doing" MZ. MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D) "Swim," instead of "dash"? They use their powerful bodies to dash up tricky parts of the river, just like you saw your salmon friend doing a moment ago. BACK ON: the river, the kids, and Mz. Mole. A fish powerfully leaps over a log in the background! Elinor looks up stream and sees a dam blocking the fishes’ path. Are they jumping over the dam or up the dam? Also, does Elinor learn the word "dam" in the preceding episode? We can't remember. If not, this seems like sophisticated language for her to know. ELINOR But Mz. Mole! There’s a dam in the way! Can the fish jump over the dam..? MZ. MOLE Well, some fish can jump as high as a house! But not over that dam, I’m afraid, it’s VERY big.. BACK ON: The book, showing a view looking upstream as an imposing dam blocks the river. Step by step, a fish ladder appears as pools going the long way around the dam. MZ. MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D) To help the fish, people build “fish ladders” that go around dams. Fish’s POV as fish looks at the imposing dam, then at the fish ladder, and then back at the dam. She chooses fish ladder. Fish POV: She leaps from pool to pool, progressing up and around the dam. I would have liked to see a meaning making more about how when we 'humans' change the environment (a dam) we need to help animals who live there continue to live and grow so soemtimes we need to design supports (fish ladder). We could stay with life science meaning... MZ. MOLE (O.S.) (CONT’D) 18-19: Could we have the language say "up and over" the dam instead of "around" the dam? Nice choice, fishy friend! Even though fish can’t jump as high as the dam, they can jump as high as each step in the ladder, and, step by step, make it around the dam... to the same pools where they were born. Exhausted hero fish dives into her home pool and relaxes Ms. Mole closes the book. Suddenly <SFX: SPLASH>. The kids get lashed and <SFX: LAUGH> ANGLE ON: The salmon rests in a pool upstream ELINOR Our fish made it too! Welcome home, fishy friend. THE END

EWW119 INTERSTITIAL D1 4July19 .

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY 119 Interstitial: MZ. Mole Story time: FISH LADDERS Written by Robert David Tom Kalinowski Follows " EWW138 Water You Doing?" Curriculum: The kids learn that spiders can travel by releasing silk that catches the wind. LS4 . Understand that all animals and plants have a life cycle, can reproduce, and change and grow over time. ES3 . Understand that things people do to live comfortably can affect the world around them, but they can make choices that reduce their impacts on the land, water, air, and other living things: FIRST DRAFT: 04-July-19 ELINOR ARI OLIVE MZ. MOLE ELINOR, ARI, and OLIVE (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) INT EXT I/E 1 E EXT. RIVER BEHIND SCHOOL DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY MAGIC HOUR DAWN DUSK SAME SAME TIME CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. SMASH CUT TO: CUT TO BLACK. TIME CUT: Order Title Location CHARACTER CHARACTER'S ARC