"Great work, lots of fun and clear. Just a couple of overall tweaks: - In the first scene, is there a way for the audience to visually see what the problem of the episode is (the cupcake gets squished inside Olive's bookbag)? Right now we only talk about it. Some suggestions below. - Some of Elinor's curiosity reactions feel a little ambiguous. It's ok for her to notice the shells in the turtle and the armadillos early, because the epiphany later (the That's So Interesting! moment) is about her realizing that shells are everywhere. - The ending joke feels a little incomplete, or it could be funnier. Specific notes below. Thanks!" This script is in great shape and very cute. Some tiny notes below including one related to Kevin's suggestion to add some explanation and dialogue near the end around Line 78. Looking forward to seeing where you net out for that. 1. ext . elinor’s school - DAY " This story is very sweet - A general note moving forward to all writers. Can you please spell Ms.Mole as Mz.Mole - our actors are very young and this will help with their pronounciation also - since we've cut a large section, the page count is a bit low - would feel more comfortable with 12 pages. I shared an idea below on where we could use some explanation and add some dialogue " It’s another clear day at Elinor’s school. As we TRUCK IN, we hear Ms. Mole, just wrapping up ‘circle time’. This line feels a little long. Let's not spend that much time trucking in an establishing shot. Consider trimming to: "… and that's the end of the lesson, kids. Which means, it's time for…" and then let the kids finish the sentence inside the classroom with "Snack time!/Yay!/Woo hoo!" MS. MOLE (os) ...and that brings us to the end of circle time. (as we transition) I'm sure this was already discussed/ decided but it struck me again that most children may not know what a chalkboard is. Which means, it’s the beginning of... SNACK TIME! 2. Int. Classroom - continUOUS The kids sit in a semi-circle on the floor. Ms. Mole is stepping away from the chalkboard, dusting off her hands. All kids Yay! / Woo hoo ! / Snack time! Her students get up and happily hurry to get their snacks from their bags. Ms. Mole looks on, as the cloud of chalk dust from her hands builds up. "seems to be two thoughts - the sneeze - then makes her think she could use a snack? - Also feels like the dust cloud of chalk comes a bit late since she already suted her hands before line 2. We watch the kids hurry to their snacks and then there's a dust cloud. I suggest we cut inside for ""Which means, it’s the beginning of... SNACK TIME!"" Line 1 Then Kids react and start to head to their bags as we see Mz.Mole heading to the chalk board to erase whats on it - which we then continue after line 15. (where she'll sneeze) " MS. MOLE Ah... Ahhh ... Ah-CHOO ! (sniffs) Mm. I could use a snack too. ARI and ELINOR have their SNACK BAGS in hand as they settle into side-by-side chairs at a TABLE , saving a spot for Olive. Ari does a jazzy little wiggle as he opens his bag. ARI Snack time, snack time... I loooove snack time! Let’s see what I got... I got... He pulls out CARROT STICKS. He looks mildly disappointed. Ari (CONT’D) Hm . Carrot sticks. 6-9 - very cute - so relatable! eLINOR (EXCITED) Ari, you got c arrot sticks! I LOVE carrot sticks, they’re my favorite! Let’s see what I got... Elinor pulls out a BAG OF RAISINS. She looks mildly disappointed. ELINOR (CONT’D) Hm . Raisins. Ari Elinor, you got raisins! That’s awesome, raisins are MY favorite! They both look at their respective snacks, not too excited. Suddenly, they both realize the obvious solution. ELINOR/ari (unison) <GASP!> WANNA TRADE?? The kids happily trade and excitedly start snacking. Elinor looks OFF towards the cloakroom area. ELINOR Olive? Did you find your snack? CLOAKROOM AREA - Olive is still digging deep in her bag. She takes out SEVERAL HARDCOVER BOOKS, a JUMBO BOX OF CRAYONS... In the description below this line, add that the "Olive finally pulls out a mildly crumpled SMALL BROWN BAG and head…" to give us a hint of what happened. OLIVE It’s in here somewhere... aha! Found it. Olive finally pulls out a SMALL BROWN BAG and heads back to join them. On the way, she passes an oversized WALL CALENDAR, with pictograms on special days. She double-takes. ZOOM IN on a BIRTHDAY CAKE pictogram, with Ms. Mole’s face. Olive brightens! She hurries to join her friends. OLIVE (low, urgent) (CONT’D) Elinor! Ari! Did you notice? It’s Ms. Mole’s birthday tomorrow! ARI Teachers have birthdays? Elinor (chuckling) Of course they do. Let’s do something nice for her! We can have a dust cloud here as she's erasing the board. She can sneeze. OLIVE We could make her a picture? CUT TO Ms. Mole , who is busy cleaning the chalkboard, beside a whole wall-full of KID-DRAWN PICTURES of herself. Ari can call out "Bless you!" then to Olive and Elinor "She already has a lot of pictures" ARI (Unsure) S he already has a lot of pictures. ELINOR How about a craft? CUT TO: the teacher’s desk, groaning under a collection of CRAFTS. (PENCIL CUPS, WALNUTS WITH GOOGLY EYES, etc.) OLIVE (part os) She has a lot of those, too. ( beat ) I know! I’ll bring her a cupcake tomorrow! Mom made a whole batch for her book club. In fact... I got one for a snack! With great ceremony, Olive reaches into her snack bag and pulls out - a TOTALLY SQUASHED CUPCAKE. Her face falls. could start with "Ta-Da!!" or a low trunk trumpet sound - (as she excitedly pulls it out for display which may also give reason for Mz.Mole to then ask if everything is ok - Line 22) then "aww!Its squished.How'd that happen?" OLIVE (disappointed) (CONT’D) Re: Kevin's note, she could say, "I wonder how that happened?" (I wonder statements are great for science) Aw ! It squished . How’d that happen? "After this line, let's help the audience connect the squished cupcake to the crowded bag a little more. Some suggestions: - The camera could look over at the bag, still open and visibly full of heavy books and things, then back to Olive holding the crumpled bag and squished cupcake. - More heavy handedly, you could focus on Olive and show a thought bubble next to her with an x-ray view of her bag which shows how she thinks the cupcake snack bag was squished underneath some heavy books and things inside her bag. In either case, add a line after line 20 of Olive realizing what happened: OLIVE Ohhh...." Elinor (EMPATHizes) It must have gotten squished inside your bag. ari (GENTLY) You do carry a lot of stuff in your bag , Olive . Mz.Mole - very funny! Ms. Mole (os) Is everything all right , kids ? CUT TO Ms. Mole as she turns from the chalk-board, her glasses coated in chalk dust. She wipes her glasses while still wearing them. By the time they’re clear again - - Olive, Elinor and Ari have zip ped into an awkward tableau to block her view of the cupcake on the table. could play it that Ari panics - says 'what? Not squished! nope' OLIVE / elinor / ari Yes! / Fine! / Nuthin’ to see! Ms. Mole squints at them for a moment, then nods and goes back to what she was doing. The kids look relieved. then can continue the joke 'Whew! handled that perfectly. I'd hate to spoil the cupcake surprise" (as Olive and Elinor give him a look) ARI Phew! She didn’t notice it. I’d hate to spoil the cupcake surprise. "Add to this line: OLIVE (WORRIED) And I'd hate to spoil her cupcake tomorrow. What if it goes 'squish' inside my bag like this one?" OLIVE (worried) And I’d hate to spoil her cupcake tomorrow. What if it goes ‘squish’ like this one? ELINOR Don’t worry, Olive. We’ll just have to find a way to stop the squish! Off her expression of deep thought, we DISSOLVE TO: 3 . EXT. TOWN - DAY After school, Elinor, Ari and Olive walk home together, brainstorming a solution to their cupcake conundrum. Also add here: "Maybe you could carry the cupcake on a plate, so it doesn't squish?" eLINOR Maybe you could carry the cupcake on a plate? OLIVE these thought bubble gags will be a lot of fun I could... but what if I trip? THOUGHT BUBBLE - Olive imagines herself carrying a plate with a cupcake on it, as she hikes down a path full of exaggerated obstacles. Rocks, tree roots, banana peels... OLIVE (CONT’D) Whoa... whoa... OOF ! Olive slips on a banana peel, and falls forward. <SQUISH!> BACK TO SCENE. Ari nods, agreeing. ARI That would squish it all right. What if I fly it to school? THOUGHT BUBBLE - Ari imagines himself holding the cupcake as he flies. But since Ari’s paw is connected to his wing, the cupcake goes up and down as he flies. Up, down, up, down, UP - ARI (CONT’D) WHOA! - he loses his grip, and the cupcake arcs through the air! IN THE SCHOOLYARD - It lands on Ms. Mole’s head. <SPLAT!> BACK TO SCENE. Elinor cringes, just thinking about it. ELINOR That might squish the cupcake too... By now, they’re passing a PARK. Suddenly, a big soft playground ball comes bouncing across their path. ROLLIE (os) Heads up! The ball misses them, but it does bounce over and <BONK> - - A TURTLE, who was creeping along at the side of the path. He quickly pulls his head and limbs inside his shell. ELINOR (DISMAYED) Oh, no! Poor turtle! Elinor rushes over, with Ari and Olive close behind. At the same time, ROLLIE (an ARMADILLO) enters. RoLLIE Sorry about that! Is the turtle okay? ANGLE ON the turtle - who slowly peek s his head out . T hen his legs pop out , and he looks up at the kids, seemingly unfazed . Ari Yeah, he’s okay. Olive ( chuckle ) He hardly even noticed! The turtle resumes its leisurely walk. Rollie is relieved. seems a bit late for Ari to express 'phew!' - since he already said that the tturtle is ok. and Olive laughed it off as well. maybe add the 'Phew. Yeah. He's okay" to line 36 instead ARI <PHEW> He’s a tough little guy. ON Elinor , relieved but also very curious. "Some of these Elinor reactions feel a little awkward. The ""that's so interesting"" moment later is about her realizing that it isn't just turtles and armadillos that have shells, so here it shouldn't be a mystery how the turtle wasn't hurt. Change this line to just: ""The ball just bounced off his shell.""" ELINOR (to herSELF) But how did the turtle not get hurt? Meanwhile, Rollie retrieves his ball from the bushes . Olive What are you playing, Rollie? ROLLIE (casually) Oh, my sister and I are just bumping the ball back and forth. Rollie tosses the ball in the air and playfully <BOUNCES> it off the shell on his upper back. elINOR (SURPRISED) D oesn’t that hurt? Change this line to: "Nah, us armadillos have a protective shell, see?" ROLLIE Nah . I have protective shell, see? He <TAPS> on his own armour plates. Remove "it's an armadillo thing" ROLLIE (CONT’D) Nice and hard! ( shrugs ) It’s an armadillo thing. Anyway, I gotta roll. See you later! Rollie waves to Elinor, Ari and Olive, then heads OS to rejoin the game. Elinor glances back at the turtle. Delete this line, and delete the last sentence of the description above this line. ELINOR so make the comparison clear, we should have Elinor give a soft knock on the turtles shell as well before they continue to walk Re: Kevin's note - just want to make sure knocking on the turtle shell would feel disrespectful to nature. Maybe it’s a turtle thing, too. Elinor and her friends continue walking. Olive Wow. That’s so cool . Change the description below this line to: "Elinor glances back at the turtle, and absorbs this information." Ari It’s like he has a helmet for his WHOLE BODY! Elinor absorbs this new information. Change this line to just: "Hmmm…" ELINOR A helmet for his whole body. Hmm... CUT TO: 4 . EXT. MRS. GORILLA'S JUICE CART - MOMENTS LATER As the kids continue home, Ari wipes his brow. aRI (Whew!) Speaking of ‘whole body’, my whole body is t hirsty. Mrs. Gorilla (Part os) Well you came to the right place! REVERSE ANGLE - they’re approaching a JUICE STAND run by an effusive MRS. GORILLA. The stand is decorated and stocked with BANANAS, COCONUTS and ORANGES. MRS. gORILLA (CONT’D) Would you like a free sample of coconut water? Smiling brightly, she holds up a coconut in one hand. ELINOR Yes, please! Thanks, Mrs. Gorilla. Make this line a little clearer: "Ooh! Can I squeeze out the juice? I do it all the time with the oranges in my house!" OLIVE Can I squeeze out the juice? I love making orange juice at home. Olive picks up a coconut that’s sitting out on the stand, with an inquiring look. Mrs. Gorilla looks a bit surprised. MRS. GORILLA Oh! But - coconuts are a bit different than oranges... But Olive is already squeezing the hard-shelled coconut over a cup as hard as she can, with her hands, then her trunk. Olive ( strain ) Wow. The outside is hard! Ari (confident) I think you have to peel it first. Like this! Ari takes the coconut, and pries at it - with no luck. aRI (CONT’D) (strains) How’re you supposed to get into this thing?! Mrs. Gorilla smiles. MRS. GORILLA You have to get through the shell. I’ll show you! She takes the coconut back, and pokes a hole on the hard shell with an MALLET and an AWL, then pours out the coconut water into three small CUPS. ELINOR So that’s how you get coconut water out. Olive It’s delicious! Ari Yeah! While Olive and Ari talk to Mrs. Gorilla, Elinor curiously examines the coconut shell. Mrs. goRILLA And what brings you to the park today, kids? Olive Well, Mrs. Gorilla, we’re trying to figure out how to stop the squish! Add a description below this line that goes something like: "Elinor shakes the coconut and taps on it." (just something to track her journey to the realization). MRS. GORILLA The squish? Add a description below this line that puts the camera on Olive's bag, and we see that it's full of stuff and get the sense something soft would get squished if you carried it around inside. Ari Olive wants to bring a cupcake tomorrow for Ms. Mole’s birthday, but everything Olive puts in her bag gets squished ! Olive (smiling) I like to carry a lot of things. Mrs. GORILLA I see! That IS a hard problem. Or... a soft and squishy problem? Just then, Elinor has a realization. ELINOR Hey, that is SO INTERESTING . It isn’t just turtles and armadillos that have shells to protect th eir insides. Coconuts do too! ARI Huh! That IS pretty cool. suggest Mrs.Gorilla says 'Lets take a look around and see' instead of 'Would you like me to show you?' - only because it feels more like they are exploring together and not sure what they may discover Mrs. GORILLA That’s right, Elinor! Lots of things in Nature have shells to protect them. Would you like me to show you? Elinor Yeah! We need MORE OBSERVATIONS! As Elinor and her friends rally around Mrs. Gorilla we hear the beginning of a song… 5. EXT. TOWN - SONG MOMENT - "A Shell" We FOLLOW Mrs. Gorilla, Elinor, Ari and Olive as they step away from the stand and pass through town, encountering a few other creatures with ‘tough outsides’. MRS. Gorilla/elinor/olive/ari (sing) ALL: A shell, a shell Protected by a shell A shell is such a clever way To keep you safe and well Just then, Elinor sees - - A JUNE BUG in flight! Suddenly, it bumps into the side of a building and loses altitude - ELINOR- There’s a beetle, ARI -Look how small! OLIVE - Oops - it bumped into a wall! - but the bug quickly recovers and they watch it fly away. ELINOR -But see? It didn’t hurt at all, It has a kind of shell They walk onward, singing - ALL: A shell, a shell Protected by a shell A shell is such a clever way To keep you safe and well Ari points to a SNAIL, climbing up a sturdy plant stalk. A bird hops closer... ARI: You see that snail? I have a hunch A bird would like him for her lunch ...but when the bird tries to snap up the snail, its beak glances off the hard shell. The bird gives up and moves on. OLIVE: But shells are much too hard to crunch ELINOR: That's why it has a shell! The three friends and Mrs. Gorilla skip onward through town and back to the fruit stand, singing - ALL: A shell, a shell Protected by a shell A shell is such a clever way To keep you safe and well The SONG ENDS. By now, Mrs. Gorilla and the kids have circled back to their original positions at the fruit stand. Change "covers" to "shells" Olive we haven't used the term 'hard covers' to describe this special feature - should we not be consistant and say 'shell' Kevin makes a good point here about language consistency Wow, Mrs. Gorilla, I never knew so many things in Nature had hard covers to protect their insides! Mrs. Gorilla Oh yes, Olive. Shells are very good protection. ON Elinor, as she picks up a coconut and has a brainstorm. add description that we see over the town - Day to Night to Day (to help make it clear that seq6 is the next morning) ELINOR And I just got an idea for how to protect Ms. Mole’s cupcake ! Off Elinor’s excited look, we DISSOLVE TO: 6. EXT. SCHOOL - DAY WIDE on the schoolyard, the next morning. Ms. Mole supervises as her STUDENTS arrive and greet each other. VARIOUS STUDENTS ( school yard walla ) CLOSER - Ari, Olive and Elinor huddle around Olive’s bag . They are wrapping something inside the bag. Olive (low) Hold the ribbon tight, Ari. I’ve never gift-wrapped something like this before. ELINOR (low) Hurry, here comes Ms. Mole! OLIVE (low) Okay, r eady? ANOTHER ANGLE - as they all turn towards their teacher. Ari is holding their gift in his hands: a coconut, with a bow tied around it! Olive / elinor / ari (in unison) Happy birthday Ms. Mole ! Ms. Mole reacts with surprise and delight! But as Ari holds up the gift a little higher - ARI We got you a birthday - (tugging efforts) - gift - - he realizes that something is wrong. H is finger accidentally got tied into the bow ! ARI (CONT’D) Huh? Hey! Surprised, Ari yanks his hand around, with the coconut still tied on. He finally shakes it off - but accidentally throws the coconut! OLIVE / ELINOR In the description below this line, let's put the cupcake in a little more danger, and have it bounce off the floor once before reaching Ms. Mole. Oh no! / Look out! It flies in an arc, right to Ms. Mole - who catches it like an outfielder catching a pop fly. MS. MOLE (chuckling) My goodness! You kids are so thoughtful! What do we have here? Elinor, Olive and Ari come closer, sharing a worried look. ELINOR (nervous) Uh. Better open it, and find out. ANGLE ON Ms. Mole , as she slowly and dramatically opens the split-in-half coconut to reveal - - a perfectly INTACT CUPCAKE! The kids beam with relief. Agree with PBS notes in this line. ELINOR (CONT’D) "She tugs the cupcake from its snug, carved-out coconut ‘meat’ niche to better admire the coconut itself. Since we've cut the pages on how they figured they need to do this to save it from rolling around - do you not think we need to make a comment about it here? - It'll be difficult to show it visually (a niche) under the cupcake holding it in place) and dialogue will certainly help it. Otherwise it may look to the viewer that we disregarded the fact that it would roll around inside and get squisked, especially when it was thrown in the air and caught. The page count is low since we've made those cuts to draft 1 - so we can certainly use a few lines explaining - suggest Mz.Mole can say how clever they are to create a niche for the cupcake to sit in and not roll around. Maybe Ari can say how he loved eating that part. " We agree that this is a good place to include a bit more explanation about what they've done to protect the cupcake. Could they say a little more about the choice of the coconut – because they wanted to protect the cupcake. And maybe they share with Ms. Mole why they made that choice (based on the observations they made about shells). Perhaps Ms. Mole asks them about it? In regards to the niche, she could mention the niche but we don't think you should spend a lot of time on that. Maybe Ms. Mole just comments, “…and you even made a little hole for the cupcake to sit in so it didn’t bounce around inside.” We do like Ms. Mole's little comment about her coconut collection, but it does seem like the kids should and would say a little something about their choice of protective container. This is a great place to make the natural design connection clear. The coconut shell worked! The cupcake didn’t get squish ed ! She tugs the cupcake from its snug, carved-out coconut ‘meat’ niche to better admire the coconut itself. It might not be super clear to the audience why the kids are laughing at Ms. Mole having a coconut collection. Can we find a funnier closer? Ms. Mole Thank you, kids! Why , that’s the nicest cupcake I’ve ever seen. And how in the world did you know about my coconut shell collection? Elinor looks blank. ELINOR Your what? For a moment, Elinor looks in amazement at her friends - then they all crack up <SFX: ELINOR, ARI, OLIVE LAUGHING> As the class <SFX: CLASSROOM LAUGH AND CHEER> we PULL BACK and… FADE OUT.

EWW115 "Stop the Squish D2 27-Feb19

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY EP.115 “Elinor Stops the Squish” By: Karen Moonah Elinor's Question: How do animals and plants protect themselves? Logline: Elinor worries that the cupcake Olive wants to bring to school for Ms. Mole will get squished - so she comes up with a nature-inspired way to protect it. ET 1b ) - Define a problem that can be solved by the design of a new or improved tool or technology. (Elinor and her friends define the problem of the fragile cupcake that needs protection SEP 6a ) - Constructing Explanations. Use background knowledge experience and data to construct reasonable explanations and theories of natural phenomena. Elinor works out that ‘hard outsides’ protect ‘soft insides’. SEP 6d ) - Designing Solutions (Engineering) Use evidence to support a theory or solution to a problem. (Elinor and her friend observe how animals and plants in nature are protected by shells, and decide that a shell will protect their cupcake). LS2 - Understand that animals have different body parts that are used in different ways to meet their needs, and that plants have different parts that help them survive and grow. Elinor observes the tough skin and shells of animals and plants that protect them. ND3 - Understand that structures and materials in the natural world can be used or can inspire the engineering of structures with similar function in the designed world. Elinor and friends make a cupcake carrier out of a coconut. Line Count - 88 Lines Mains - Elinor, Ari, Olive, Mrs. Gorilla Seonday: Rolliw , Mz . Mole Locations: School, Park, Juice Cart Town Props: Pictogram calendar, Cupcake ( squished an unsquished ), ball, turtle, bananas, coconuts, oranges, june bug, snail coconut holder for cupcake OUTLINE: January. 17, 2019 FIRST DRAFT: February 5th, 2019 SECOND DRAFT: February 25, 2019 Ari Ari / Olive / elinor Crowd elinor Elinor / Olive ELINOR / Olive / ari ELINOR / Olive / ARI / farmer bear / lambs Elinor / Olive / ari / others eLINOR / Olive /a FARMER BEAR G L Lamb 1, 2, 3 / beaver LamB 1, 2, 3 / BEAVER / farmer bear / Olive / ari / elinor Mrs. Mrs. Gorilla Ms. Mole Olive Olive / ARI Olive / elinor Olive. Other students ROLLIE ROLLIE’S SISTER Sr Students Tomato mascot VARIOUS STUDENTS All kids ELINOR/ari MRS. Gorilla/elinor/olive/ari (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (to herself) (muffled) (os) (thoughtful) (grins) (sings) INT EXT I/E 6. EXT 1 A SOUVENIR STAND DROP LADDER BEAVERS' PRACTICE AREA SCHOOLYARD CLASSROOM MRS. GORILLA'S JUICE CART INT. CLASSROOM DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY MINUTES LATER CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK. ‘fluff’ wipe to: