"Overall a great draft, lots of lovely dialogue and moments. A few general notes: - Let's add a little bit of dialogue at the end of scene 1 to forewarn Elinor losing her voice - I'm a bit concerned that sad and mad make the song a little bit of a downer. Consider using ""silly"" (or something light) instead of mad to keep the song fun. - Let's end the montage of Elinor singing with her singing in bed, then cut to the next morning - When Ari and Olive arrive at Elinor's house, let's have Elinor already without voice, and make that exchange about Olive and Ari figuring out what happened. - In the end when they sing the song, let's have the classroom kids take a little longer to catch on to what's happening and how to join in. - A few suggestions for ending the episode. Specific notes below. Thanks!" "Really terrific! We think this draft is in excellent shape, and the song is super cute. Personally, we don't think it's a problem to stick with glad/sad/mad, since mad is an emotion kids recognize and identify with readily, whereas we imagine most kids think of it as ""acting silly"" rather than ""feeling silly."" As long as the melody is fun and upbeat, we think glad/sad/mad could work well. That said, we're happy to defer to Jorge and Daniel's notes on this. Rhianon Gutierrez had some fantastic notes, which she embedded in a PDF that we forwarded along by email. We agree with her points and we think they will make this script much stronger. We have one or two notes that we're adding below, but all in all, really nice job by Kate. " 1. EXT. forest - DAY Cute episode - Very clean and clear with some great dialogue between the kids - Ari has some funny moments as well. ESTABLISHING SHOT: The forest near Elinor’s house. Not alot of notes from me...although I agree with alll the others mentioned. Elinor (O.S.) this is a cute set up to perform their song Okay, are you ready? CLOSE: ELINOR’s FOOT as she steps onto a little tree stump. PULL OUT: To ELINOR standing, like a conductor on a podium, in front of ARI and OLIVE, holding a twig like a baton. Ari/olive Ready! Elinor taps the baton/twig on a nearby branch. ElinoR Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first ever performance of a new song by Elinor, Ari and Olive, called “The Glad, Sad, Mad Song.” ( giving them their note) Hummmm . She starts to “conduct” with her baton and Ari and Olive start to sing. They do some little hand gestures that go along with the song. (Elinor’s voice is always loudest ) I love the idea of expressing feelings, both positive and negative, and helping kids deal with them. At the same time, the song feels a bit "down" with one happy feeling and two down feelings (sad and mad). Consider replacing "mad" with something like "silly" to keep the vibe positive and fun. Happy to discuss. Ari/olive/ Elinor (singing) Ari/Olive - If you feel... Elinor (shouted) Glad! Ari/Olive - Let me know you’re glad All - And we’ll be glad together! Ari/Olive - If you feel.. Elinor(shouted) Sad! Ari/Olive - Let me know you’re sad . All: And I’ll try to make it better . Ari/Olive - If you feel.. Elinor (shouted) Mad ! Ari/Olive - Let me know you’re mad . All - And we’ll work it out together . Olive - Always let your feelings out Ari - Smile or frown or jump about Elinor - ‘Cause I can be a friend for real Let's just make sure that Elinor isn't shouting the words in an unpleasant/irritating way :) All - If I know just how you feel! If I know just how you feeeeeeel ! The three of them look very pleased. Olive Wow! Ms. Mole’s going to love our song! Ari’s line feels like it’s info for the audience instead of a conversation with Olive and Elinor. They would know this info already. suggest more conversational ”Ya! I can’t wait to sing it to the whole class tomorrow” After line 6 - it reads that they go down separate paths yet we never established that they started walking after the sang the song. It feels very rushed. We need some motivation to establish a reason for them to get going after they've discussed how great the song is. Ari Agree with Kevin's note! We had the same thought. She said we could sing it to the whole class tomorrow. They get to a fork in the path. Elinor goes one way and Ari and Olive go the other, waving as they head home. "After this line, let's add a few lines of dialogue where Olive warns Elinor. Something like this: ELINOR I want it to be perfect, so I'm going to practice and practice and practice for tomorrow! OLIVE Ok, but remember what Ms. Mole said: Don't practice TOO much or you might lose your voice. ARI <insert Ari joke here> ELINOR But I'm just so excited! (continues singing as she waves goodbye)" ELINOR They should have some dialogue saying goodbye to one another as they part. Elinor can start singing during her line - perhaps she sings the last two times she says practice which also gives reason for her to be talking outloud to herself I want it to be perfect, so I’m going to practice and practice and practice ! As Elinor walks, she sings loudly . ELINOR (CONT’D) (singing) If you feel glad Let me know you’re glad And we’ll be glad together... 2. INT. elinor’s house - montage We see Elinor in a series of snippets, singing very loudly . 1. Elinor at the dinner table, her parents amused; 2. Elinor at her desk colouring ; 3. Elinor in the bathtub surrounded by bubbles; 4. Elinor brushing her teeth (so song is garbled); 5. Elinor poking her head through her pyjama top; 6. Elinor doing sit-ups into camera in her bedroom; 7. Elinor lying in bed at night facing one way; 8. Elinor lying in bed facing the other way; 9. Elinor lying in bed on her stomach, face in her pillow (so song is muffled); 10. Elinor peeking out her window in the morning, seeing the sunrise (she’s yawning as she sings); 11. Elinor at the front door, about to open it and go off to school. She looks a little tired and her voice is croaky. In the description of the montage above this line, let's take out #6, and end the montage at #9, then cut to a wide shot of the house at night as the lights all turn off (but she keeps singing). Then the singing fades and we see the sun rise and it's morning. ELINOR (singing loudly ) The action during the song - a couple of notes. If we want her to be garbled (brushing teeth), Muffled (face in pillow) Yawning (tired) then we'll need our actress to sing the song 4 times in total to cover these versions as we wont know until storyboarding/animatic as to where in the song she'd be singing these different parts. I also suggest we dont have her doing sit-ups as it's not something a young child would do - maybe she's flipping through a book sitting cross legged rocking back and forth as she sings. I also suggest we dont have scenes of her singing in the morning as we’d already give away the fact that her voice is croaky and fading. Should save it for when she first speaks to Ari and Olive If you feel sad ... Let me know you’re sad... And I’ll try to make it better ! If you feel mad ... Let me know you’re mad And we’ll work it out together ! So always let your feelings out Just smile or frown or jump about ‘ Cause I can be a friend for real If I know just how you feel! If I know just how you feel ! 3. EXT. outside elinor’s house - morning Olive and Ari are waiting for her to join them. Add a little to the action: Have Olive and Ari walk up to her house and knock the door. Ari/Olive Hi Elinor! "Lines 11-19: Give line 11 to Ari and add: Hi, Elinor! Are you ready to sing our song in class today? Let's have Elinor already unable to speak when she opens the door and greets them. (i.e. she lost her voice during the night). Make this dialogue exchange about Olive and Ari trying to figure out what happened (I think you can do it in the same number of dialogue lines) and explaining to the audience what it means. Elinor can make a few scratchy throathy sounds and nod in agreement and point to her throat, but not speak." ELINOR ( very croaky) Hi. Are you ready to sing our song? OLIVE What’s wrong with your voice? Ari Do you have a cold? Elinor (croaky and weak) No. Olive Then why is your voice so scratchy? ElinOR ( almost no voice) I don’t know. It sounded okay when I was practicing our song ... all night long. Olive Hmmm . Maybe you practiced a little too much. ari What about our song? We promised Ms. Mole. Elinor, Ari and Olive look concerned. Elinor ( whispered croak) You can do it without me. Olive crosses her arms and stands firm. OLIVE Unh unh . That’s not fair. We made up the song to sing together. Ari steps up beside her, equally resolute. Ari Olive’s right! If you don’t sing, we don’t sing. ELINOR ( hardly any voice) What are we going to do? OLIVE Your voice is probably just tired from all that practicing. Instead of a "ok, let's go." transition, you can add a little ticker: "Guys, it's time to get to school!" Maybe Ari looks at his watch? ari Yeah. Maybe if you give it a rest, it’ll be okay by the time we get to school. olive Good idea. Let’s go. 4. EXT. ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL – A LITTLE LATER As they skip along together, they meet up with MR. DOG. suggest we give Mr.Dog some action which is why the kids come up to him - ie fixing a fence - he can still be facing away from them, turns to continue as they talk which is also why his tail is facing towards the kids and hitting Ari. Ari Look! There’s Mr. Dog! Olive Good morning, Mr. Dog! They group around him, with Olive in front, Elinor on one side and Ari on the other side, nearer his rear end. Mr. Dog Good morning, kids! How nice to see you! A ngle on : Mr. Dog’s tail is wagging so vigorously that he keeps hitting Ari with it (Mr. Dog doesn’t realize it). Ari ( giggles ) Mr. Dog! Your tail is tickling me! Mr. Dog looks at his back end and chuckles. Make this specific to dogs: "Oops (chuckle) Sorry Ari! I can't help it! Wagging our tail is how us dogs say we're happy to see you!" Mr. DOG Happy with J&D's revision to this line, with two notes: should be "we dogs" and "show" instead of "say." Oops! ( chuckle ) Sorry Ari! I can’t help it! Wagging my tail is my way of saying I’m so happy to see you! Olive If Elinor could talk, she’d say, “That’s soooo interesting!” Elinor nods, and Mr. Dog reacts with curiosity. Mr. Dog Elinor? Why can’t you talk? Elinor tries to talk but nothing comes out so Olive steps in. OlivE We made up a new song and Elinor practiced so much, her voice got tired and now she can’t talk. 34-38: We thought Rhiannon's notes on this exchange were particularly insightful. Mr. DOG You lost your voice? Elinor nods sadly. ON: Mr. Dog’s ears go back in sympathy for Elinor. Olive notices and has a “ Hmmm ” expression on her face. In description above, have the ears and the tail go down in sympathy. ArI Yeah, and we’re supposed to sing our song for the whole class, but we can’t unless Elinor finds her voice. MR. DOG Oh! I’m so sorry! Ari notices Mr. Dog’s tail has stopped hitting him. Ari I could tell you felt sorry for Elinor. You know how? Your tail stopped wagging and tickling me. Mr. Dog You’re right, Ari. Olive points to Mr. Dog’s ears. Ears went down (not back?) Olive Do ears back on a dog mean they are mad and you should be worried? Maybe they just droop And is that why your ears went back too, Mr. Dog? Because you were sad for Elinor? Mr. Dog raises and lowers his ears and the kids watch in fascination. Mr. Dog My ears do go up when I’m happy and back when I’m feeling a bit sad. Olive So even if you don’t say anything, everyone knows how you’re feeling. Mr. Dog’s tail wags. If we give Mr.Dog a chore, then we'll need to change this line. either he completes it and continues to say goodbye to leave "It’s true! That’s how we dogs show our feelings! (looking back to the fence) There's thats all fixed! Well, bye kids! I hope you get your voice back in time to sing the song, Elinor." OR we have Olive say that they'd better get going to school and they say goodbye, leaving Mr.Dog to continue working on the fence MR. DOG It’s true! That’s how we dogs show our feelings! Well, bye kids! I hope you get your voice back in time to sing the song, Elinor. Elinor smiles and waves to Mr. Dog. Ari/olive Bye Mr. Dog!/Thanks! As they start to head off, Elinor pauses, clearly thinking. 5. EXT. CLOSER TO SCHOOL – A LITTLE LATER Elinor, Olive and Ari are almost at school when they hear... Oh! Ari has a baby sister!?? Congratulations Mr and Mrs.Bat :) Ari’s mom (o.s.) Ari! Ari! You forgot your lunch! They turn and see ARI’S MOM catching up to them, with his lunchbox . In her other arm she’s got Ari’s baby sister. Ha! Ari Whoa! I forgot my lunch? How does that even happen? Ari’S MOM It happened because you were so excited about singing your song. Are you two as excited about the song as Ari is? Ari, Olive and Elinor look a bit sad and Ari’s Mom reacts. OliVE Elinor lost her voice, so we won’t be able to sing our song today. Elinor shrugs sadly, and Ari’s mom looks sympathetic. perhaps they should say they'll ave her rest it and hopefully it'll be better before the end of the day. This will justify Ari's moms line. otherwise an adult will know her voice wont be better by the time they get to school Ari She’s giving her voice a rest. We hope maybe she’ll get it back by the time we get to school. Ari’s Mom gives Elinor a reassuring pat on the shoulder. Ari’s mom That’s a good plan, Elinor. Just then Ari’s little sister starts fussing, <GURGLING> and waving her hands up and down. Olive reacts. we'll need to come up with a name for his little sister OLIVE Oh! What’s wrong with (Ari’s little sister?)? Ari smiles and waves his arms the same way she just did. Ari She’s just hungry. She always goes like this when she’s hungry. Don’t you, Little Sis ! (He gurgles just like her) The baby <SFX: BABY GIGGLES> Then the baby starts rubbing her eyes. ARI (CONT’D) And when she rubs her eyes, it means she’s tired, right Mom? she should address Ari - "That's right...But I'd better get....." Ari’S MOM Ooh ! I’d better get her home for her snack and a nap! I hope Elinor’s voice gets better in time to sing your song! Bye! Ari’s Mom gives Ari a kiss on the head and then hurries off. Olive turns to Ari. Olive Wow! You sure know a lot about babies, Ari. Ari I just know a lot about my baby sister. I can tell what she wants, even though she can’t talk yet. should it read "kind of like how we could tell...." althought it feels like a bit of a mouthful Olive Kind of like we could tell that Mr. Dog was happy because of his wagging tail. Elinor is watching the conversation between Ari and Olive. Suddenly her eyes pop open. She starts tugging Olive’s arm. I was thinking it would be good for the viewers to "get it" too along with Elinor. Maybe while she is watching the conversations she can be practicing showing different emotions so the viewer might catch on before Ari and Olive. OliVE (CONT’D) What is it Elinor? Did you get your voice back? Elinor shakes her head no, then points to her temple. ari Do you have a headache? She shakes her head no again. Then she holds one finger up, in a kind of “aha!” gesture and has a big smile. after 59 - description - Elinor shakes her head and points to her temple then creates draws a circle above her head.... - need to remove one of those words Ari (CONT’D) Your finger hurts? Elinor shakes her head and points to her temple then creates draws a circle above her head, kind of like a thought bubble. OliVE You have an idea?? Elinor nods her head vigorously. ARI All right! What’s your idea? Elinor points to them, then acts like she’s singing. ARI (CONT’D) What’s she doing? Elinor tries again, this time doing some of the hand gestures that they did earlier when they sang the song. olive Oh! You want us to sing our song? Elinor nods vigorously. Ari But we already said we don’t want to sing the song without you. Elinor points two fingers at Ari and Olive’s eyes then to herself. OLIVE You want us to look at you? Elinor nods then smiles a great big smile, and points at her smiling mouth. OLIVE (CONT’D) You’re happy? Elinor nods, then makes a sad face and points at her mouth. ARI But now you’re sad. I don’t get it. Olive suddenly starts to smile. OliVE I do! We can tell how Elinor is feeling by the look on her face. Ari still isn’t getting it. ARI ... Okay? Elinor smiles mischievously and wags her butt. Olive gets it right away but Ari is still puzzled. suggest we change this to the action of her rubbing her eyes for being tired as thats a more relatible action our audience will recognize OliVE Ah! Just like we could tell Mr. Dog was happy when he wagged his tail! Elinor smiles and nods, and then waves her arms the way NAME did earlier. Ari’s face lights up. ARI And the way (Ari’s sister) let us know she was hungry by waving her arms. Olive Exactly! That’s soooo interesting! Come on! Elinor jumps up and down happily - she knows Olive is on the same track as she is. ARI Okay, what’s so interesting? And where are we going? Olive ushers them toward the school. OLIVE To school! Elinor’s figured out a way to sing our song even if she doesn’t have her voice! I’ll explain on the way! 6. INT. CLASSROOM – MOMENTS LATER ON MS. MOLE: Who looks a little surprised as Elinor, Ari and Olive rush up to her. Ari/olive Ms. Mole! Ms. Mole! Ms. Mole Oh! Good morning, my fine singing students! Are you all ready to sing your new Feelings Song for the class? The kids excitedly tell their story. Ari Well, we thought we weren’t going to be able to sing our song! Olive Because Elinor practiced so much that she lost her voice. Elinor nods and gestures that she can’t talk. ArI And we didn’t want to sing The Glad Sad Mad Song without Elinor! Ms. Mole nods, understanding. Olive But then we made some observations! Ms. MOLE You did? Good for you! What did you observe? Elinor repeats her wagging tail motion, imitating Mr. Dog. Ms. Mole looks confused. Ms. MOLE (CONT’D) Um ... I’m not sure I understand. OliVE We observed that when Mr. Dog was happy, he wagged his tail. All three wag their butts and Ms. Mole <chuckles>. olive (CONT’D) So even if he didn’t talk to us, we could tell he was happy . if we change above to rubbing her eyes action then we should do the same here as well Ari Yeah, and then we observed my little sister and I knew she was hungry because when she’s hungry, she always does this ... The three of them wave their arms and Ms. Mole laughs. OlIVE And that gave Elinor ... All three of them point to their temple. Ari/olive An idea! Might be nice to adjust to “…there are ways to help your friends understand you.” (Instead of “make”) Ari Even if you can’t use your voice, there are ways to make your friends understand you. We liked Rhianon's suggestions here... Olive Yeah! By the way your face looks or your body moves. And so we realized we can sing our song... Ari/OLIVE With Elinor! Elinor smiles and points to her smiling face! 7. INT. classroom - moments LATER Elinor, Ari and Olive in front of the class with Ms. Mole. Ms. Mole And now, Ari, Olive and Elinor are going to present The Glad Sad Mad Song! Olive Ari and I are going to sing, but Elinor lost her voice, so she’s going to show her feelings instead of singing them. ...and here ArI Yeah and if you can tell what she’s feeling, you can sing along too! Elinor conducts as she did earlier. NOTE ON THE SONG: Would be great to have other kids voices shout the emotions (glad, sad, bad) depending on the pairing of this Ep . In this scene, let's have the audience of kids jump in and sing the key words (glad, sad…), but let's have them take a little while to "get it". So the first time, Elinor makes a happy face, and our three kids just wait for the audience to get it. Slowly, the audience pieces it together: "Huh/Wait, she's making a happy face/She's glad!" Then Ari and Olive confirm, "Yes, glad!" then they continue the song: when Elinor makes the sad face, the audience is quicker this time: "She's makind a sad face/Sad!" etc... Ari/olive/ KIDS ( TBD ) (singing) Ari/Olive - If you feel... Elinor shows a big smily face. Ari/Olive/Kids? ( shouted ) Glad! Ari/Olive (singing) Let me know you’re glad And we’ll be glad together! Ari/Olive - If you feel.. Elinor makes a sad face. Ari/Olive/Kids(shouted) Sad! Ari/Olive (Singing)- Let me know you’re sad. And I’ll try to make it better . If you feel.. Elinor makes a mad face. Ari/Olive/ Kids(shouted) Mad ! Ari/Olive - Let me know you’re mad. And we’ll work it out together . Elinor dances as Aru and Olive sing. Olive - Always let your feelings out Ari - Smile or frown or jump about Ari/Olive - ‘ Cause I can be a friend for real If I know just how you feel! If I know just how you feeeeeeel ! The class reacts with great <SF: APPLAUSE> Ms. mole That was wonderful! Olive I think it was even better with Elinor showing the feelings instead of singing them. "Let's give a little indication here that Elinor is going to get her voice back. Something like: ARI Me too. What do you think, Elinor? Elinor makes a little throat-clearing sound, then makes a great big nodding smiley face. OLIVE I think that means she's happy! Everyone laughs and we fade/iris out. -- OR you could make it even more explicit: MS. MOLE That was wonderful! OLIVE I thought that was great! ARI Me too! What do you think, Elinor? ELINOR (with a scratchy voice) Yeah, me too! OLIVE Elinor! You're getting your voice back! ELINOR (still scratchy) I thought that even better than if I sang the words. MS. MOLE Do you kids want to do the song it again? Elinor nods vigorously with a big smiley face. ARI I think that means, YES! Everyone laughs, and we fade out as the kids start singing/miming the song again." Ari perhaps she smiles big as she shakes her bottom (since we've pointed this action out as 'happy') Olive and Ari can giggle Me too. What do you think Elinor? Great to have the "take away message" repeated in a line at the end. We communicate through talking, singing, AND we communicate through actions and body language. Elinor makes a great big smiley face! THE END

EWW114 No Need To Shout D1 February 15, 2019

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ELINOR WONDERS WHY No Need to Shout By Kate Barris Elinor’s Questio n: How can I communicate when I can't talk? Logline : Elinor is supposed to sing a song with her friends but she’s lost her voice. Curriculum Goals : • SEP 1 – Ask and/or identify cause and effect questions that can be answered by an investigation • SEP 4d – Talk about and reflect on what happened during an investigation or when solving a problem and why it might have happened (Elinor and her friends observe how other animals communicate without words and determine how they could use those strategiesS ) ( LS8 ) Begin to understand that there are many different kinds of living things and how they may be the same or different: a. Observe and describe similarities and differences across different types of plants and animals. Elinor and her friends observe there are many different ways to communicate. • ( ND2 ). ( RTL Crosscutting concept ‘Systems’): Begin to understand that systems developed in our world often work in similar ways to systems found in the natural world. Elinor realizes that, just like in the natural world, she and her friends express themselves through actions and expressions, not just sounds/talking. MAIN CHARACTERS: Olive, Ari, Elinor, Mr. Dog SECONDARY: Ms. Mole, Ari's Mother LINE COUNT - 97 FIRST DRAFT: FEB 15, 2019 Elinor Elinor/olive/ari Ari Olive Elion Mr. Dog Ari/olive Ari’s mom Ari’s little sister Air Ms. Mole Mr. Mole Art Olie Ari/olive/ Elinor (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) (thing-ese)_ (thing-ESE) INT EXT I/E 7 1 6 3. EXT TRANSITION CIRCLE TIME SCIENCE STATION ACTIVITY BOARD COMPUTER STATION OPIE MONOLOGUE OPENING TITLES SEQUENCE COLD OPENING OPENING TITLES BLOCK AREA CIRCLE TIME SONG DOORWAY TO KINDERGARTEN COATROOM COATROOM - CUBBIES SENSES TABLE BAHTROOM BATHROOM CIRCLE RUB OPIE FANTASY DRAMA CENTRE CREDITS. PLAYGROUND - CATERPILLAR PLAYGROUND - NEAR THE SLIDES PLAYGROUND - TEEPEE LARGE SHRUB CUBBY AREA CLASSROOM HOLEY WALL CREATIVITY CENTRE CLASS - BETWEEEN MATH AND SCIENCE CIRCLE TIME RUG MATH CENTRE INT. CLASSROOM ICY SNOWY EXPANSE OUTSIDE SALLY'S HOUSE THE THINGAMAJIGGER FRICTIONARIUM FRICTIONARIUM - RAMPS THINGAMAJIGGER THINGAMAJIGGER -HEADING HOME NICK'S BACKYARD NICK'S BACK DOOR SERENDIP PATH SERENDIP FIRST PATH INT. SERENDIP CLOSER TO SCHOOL – A LITTLE LATER DAY NIGHT AFTERNOON MORNING EVENING LATER MOMENTS LATER CONTINUOUS THE NEXT DAY CUBBIES SAME SAME TIME AERIAL ESTABLISHING SHOT CUT TO: FADE IN: FADE OUT. FADE TO: DISSOLVE TO: BACK TO: MATCH CUT TO: JUMP CUT TO: FADE TO BLACK.