"Great script guys - so exciting to be at this stage. Question: We have established that the adults last names are their type of species ie. Mr.Horse is a horse, Ms.Mole is a Mole, Mr.Cat is a cat - therefore our main characters names are Elinor Rabbit, Ari Bat and Hazel Elephant. Are we to make sure we only have one family from each type of mammal they represent? Or for example, if there are two Horse families, they still share the same last name? " Ext. A clearing in the forest - day, day 1 Title Card: “The Town Picnic” It’s the day of the Annual Animal Town Picnic! Everyone is gathered at a clearing in the forest. There are vegetable stands and different activities. ELINOR and her friend HAZEL are walking around the picnic grounds. Lets discuss and add what 'different activities' we'll see at the picnic. So its clear for design and boarding. There are a few suggestions a few beats later but may not want to give them away on the opening shot Elinor I just love the Town Picnic! What should we do first, Hazel? Visual ideas: could be a large Beaver Lumberjack statue or an incredibly detailed birdhouse with birds excitedly flying around Hazel Great opportunity to show expository text. The brochure should be picture heavy so that viewer can be interperting it with Hazel. I don’t know, Elinor. Let’s see... (She unfolds a picnic brochure) Ooh , we can do wood-carving with Mrs. Beaver. We look over to Mrs. Beaver, who is speedily carving an elaborate statue from a stump of wood using her teeth. ELINOR (Excited) Ooh , yeah! Curious - I would assume we still Keep Mr.Horse up on his back two legs and not on all 4's to pull the cart? Visual gag - he's on his back two legs, facing the cart as he pulls with all his might, the cart is buckling under the weight, not moving an inch - Mr.Horse, pulls so hard he's actually sinking into the ground HAZEL Or... Mr. Horse is giving everyone hayrides. We look over to Mr. Horse straining to pull a hay cart with the entire Hippo family on it. ELINOR (Ready to dash in that direction) Awesome! HAZEL Or... We could watch Mr. Cat at the dunking booth. We see Mr. Cat, looking at the water tank nervously as little Suzie Aardvark prepares to throw a ball. Audio: we hear o.s 'Splash' from Dunktank! ELINOR (Still excited) Woo hoo ! Suddenly, their friend ARI calls out to them. Ari Elinor! Hazel! ELINOR Look, it’s Ari! Elinor scampers over to Ari, with Hazel trailing. Ari is in a long line with other animals. He's holding a sandwich. ELINOR (CONT’D) Whatcha doing, Ari? suggest changeing 'I am' to 'I'm waiting in..' - feels more natural especially for kids ARI I am waiting in line for the best part of the picnic: Mrs. Gorilla’s super special, World Famous, awesome ketchup! Hazel Ketchup? ARI Yeah, it’s everyone’s favorite. That’s why you have to get in line early. ELINOR Oooh ... HAZEL Sounds yummy. Can we join you? ARI Of course! Elinor and Hazel join the line with Ari. After a few beats, it becomes clear that the line is not moving. HAZEL Uh... we're not moving. Description after line 18 - 'Nature book out of her backpack' may i suggest she's wearing a shoulder bag or Satchel. It'l be more convenitant in animation for her to reach in to a 'satchel' type bag to retrieve the broshure and put it away and again here with her Nature book. Otherwise she will need to remove the back pack from behind her, place it down, unzip it, grab the prop, zip it closed and put the backpack back on. Also, why does she take it out? She doesn't do anything with it here - I'm assuming she's just passing the time? again, the simple move of reaching into her 'satchel' to do this action works better otherwise it feels like there's a story point since the audience is watching all that action of her removing it from her backpack ARI I know! I’ve been here forever! Even that snail is moving faster than us! We zoom out to see a snail inching its way across a nearby log. Ari puts his hands on his hips and looks down the line. Hazel shrugs and pulls her Nature book out of her backpack. Elinor sighs a deep sigh. ELINOR Sigh... Suddenly, a bee passes by, which catches Elinor's attention. She watches as the bee stops at a flower to drink its nectar and then flies off. Elinor looks interested. Ari’s stomach grumbles. ARI Oh, I hope the line moves soon, I’m getting hungry! (To Hazel) I heard that Mrs. Gorilla has a new recipe this year. It’s supposed to be even better than last year’s! HaZEL (Without looking up from her book) Well, I hope it’s worth all this waiting... Right, Elinor? We pan to reveal Elinor is no longer there. after line 22 - elinor is following the bee and sees something cool - perhaps add a line or even just a 'gasp' as she looks and smiles HAZEL (CONT’D) Elinor? Cut to: Ext. some distance away, near the edge of the clearing -- day, continuous Elinor is curiously following the bee from a distance as it hops from flower to flower. After the bee leaves a flower, Elinor looks closely and sees the watery nectar the bee was drinking. The bee moves on and Elinor follows it over a narrow stream, skipping over some stones to cross. Finally, the bee reaches a tree, where a high branch holds a beehive. Elinor sees something cool. Cut to: Ext. the narrow stream near the edge of the clearing -- day, continuous We see Ari and Hazel cross the stream and walk into the forest looking for Elinor. before they call out to elinor, we're watching them hoping across the stones to get over the stream. Perhaps it could be cute to have Hazel counting as she hops - counting each one '1.. 2..345!!' in a sign-song way HAZEL Elinor! Where are you? Suddenly, Elinor calls out to them. EliNOR Hazel! Ari! Stop!!! Ari and Hazel freeze. ElINOR (CONT’D) Don’t. Move. You are about to get honeyed. Ari and Hazel look up to where Elinor is pointing. High above them is the bee hive, buzzing with a couple of bees. Some of the honey from the hive has dripped down from branch to branch and there's a big glop of it on a branch right over Hazel and Ari's head that's about to drop. Ari Aah ! There’s a dramatic moment. HazEL Aaaah ! Nothing happens. The honey is really gooey and the drop just stretches in slow motion but doesn't droop down just yet. The friends are surprised. Elinor looks puzzled. ElinOR Hmm? She jumps up and down to get a closer look at the glop of honey. "do we not want the same idea as what we did in the test scene of Elinor scampering up the tree, sitting on a branch to get a closer look at the goopy honey? If not, Visual: Honey in the foreground. Each jump, Elinor is seen through the honey, distorting her face slightly" ELINOR (CONT’D) (In between jumps) That’s... SO... Interesting! I've never seen something so goopy before! Ari flies up to see it. Ari It moves so slowly... Hazel stands on her tippy-toes trying to get a look. HAZEL I can’t see! Back on the ground, Elinor looks puzzled. Elinor I wonder why honey is sooo goopy ! Ari Yeah... ELINOR I saw the bee get the juice from the flower, but that juice was really watery! How do the bees turn something so watery into something so goopy ? The reasoning Ari and Elinor give in lines 35 and 36 for the honey becoming more viscous are real possibilities for making something 'thicker'. I wonder if this reasoning is above our target audiences head. Would a 4 year old say "They drink all the water out"? or something about waving a magic wand? or the squeeze the water out? ARI Hmmm ... Maybe they cook it! (He mimics a stirring motion) ELINOR Yeah! Or, maybe they add some kind of powder! Suddenly, Hazel remembers something. HAZEL Wait, I just saw this in my Nature book! She takes out her Nature book again and opens it. We see the book from behind her, and we see the illustrations come to life as Hazel narrates. "Opened Book Illustrations - We will treat this like the Ms.Mole moment in the pilot when she reads them the book. we'll go in closer to the book as it animates - not showing the kids in the shot. We can discuss the visual style. Therefore lines 39,40, and possibly 41 are heard off screen. (o.s) Please mark which lines are (o.s) OR we could possibly use our 'bubble' technique here - Bubble grows as shes reading and eventually fills frame with animated visuals inside. We again hear the dialogue off screen." HAZEL (CONT’D) It says here that bees get the nectar (that’s the juice from the flower) and then they bring it back to the bee hive. The illustrations show a bee collecting nectar, then flying back to the hive, where it spits the nectar out into a honeycomb. Ari Eeww ! HAZEL Then the bees use their wings to fan it, and that takes out some of the water that’s inside of the flower juice. We see the bees flapping their wings at the nectar. Little water droplet icons flutter away from it until the nectar turns into golden honey. EliNOR Ohhh ... so taking the water out makes the honey goopier ! Ari That’s so cool! Ari flaps his wings at Elinor and Hazel, blowing them with a gust of wind. The kids laugh. When the dust settles, Elinor looks up at the bee hive. Elinor Hmm, we need MORE OBSERVATIONS! With that, we hear the beginning of a ditty: "It reads that only Elinor is singing yet the paragrapgh under the lyrics reads 'They sing' - Is it just Elinor or all 3 of them? We could also have them back to the stream as they revisit the flower - gesturing to the water as part of the song" ELINOR (CONT'D) (Singing) Some things are really goopy , And others runny and soupy! The goopy things move very slow, The runny things really go! But something that's really runny, Can turn goopy just like honey. You can make it drip slow or fast, Just change how much water it has! As they sing, the kids revisit the flower and its nectar, and also revisit the beehive and the slow-flowing honey glop. The song ends with the kids in the same spot where the song started and they are laughing again. Suddenly, we pick up the drama again, and we see the honey drop is actually about to drop this time. Elinor notices it. Elinor (CONT’D) Hazel, watch out! It looks like it’s about to fall on Hazel. Hazel (Shielding her head) Oh no! Right as the drop is about to fall on her, Ari jumps up and intercepts the glop. He lands back down and is now covered in honey. Ari - reaction to getting hit by honey "Ahh!" ELINOR Ari! perhaps reverse "You saved me!! Are you ok!?" HAZEL Are you ok !? You saved me! S&P - most likely shouldnt have the honey over his eyes- just on top of his head ARI (Wiping honey off his eyes) My mom always says I’m really (licking the honey) sweet. The kids giggle. "suggest removing the word 'goopy' since Elinor repeats it in the next line (line 51) OR change 'goopy' to 'sticky' in line 50" HAZEL How are we going to get all this goopy honey off you? Elinor pokes at the honey with her finger. ElinoR It’s so gooey. She has an idea. ELINOR (CONT’D) Hmm, if taking the water OUT makes the honey goopy ... then maybe putting water back IN will make it... less goopy ? Hazel catches on. HaZEL We need water! Hazel runs back to the stream and sucks up a trunk-full of water. She runs back and douses Ari. Ari, now soaked, is able to clear his eyes. Elinor watches as the honey turns more liquidy by the water and starts to run off Ari. This is repeating line 52 - Is that intentional? or perhpas "That worked! adding water made it runnier!" ELINOR Taking water OUT made the honey goopy , and adding water back IN made it runnier! Ari beats his wings to dry off, sending water droplets in the direction of Elinor and Hazel. Elinor and hazel Ah! / Hey! Ari Sorry! They giggle. At that moment, Ari’s stomach growls again. Ari (CONT’D) I’m glad we figured that out, but can we go back to my sandwich, please? His stomach growls again. Fade out. Fade in: Ext. The town picnic line for ketchup -- day, shortly after Elinor and her friends come back to the same spot they were before, and one of the kids waiting in line hands Ari back his sandwich. The kid hands Ari back his sandwich - Are we having it in a 'zip-lock' type of bag so the audience can see it but they arent touching it with their hands. OR perhaps hazel takes it out of her 'satchel' and hands it to Ari (we can assume she was holding it for him when they went looking for Elinor earlier in the episode) Hazel The line hasn’t moved! Ari No one has gotten their ketchup?? The animals in line shrug. We hear some of their stomachs grumbling. Elinor looks curious again. Vocab opportunity- Can we use the words "pour" or 'flow' here instead of "get out" EliNOR Hmmm ... I wonder why? We need more observations! Elinor walks towards the head of the line in search of answers. Cut to: Ext. The town picnic, mrs. Gorilla’s ketchup stand -- day, continuous Elinor and her friends arrive at the head of the line. We see there’s a bit of a commotion. RANGER RABBIT (Elinor’s mom) seems to be mediating between an exasperated MRS. GORILLA and some hungry animals in line. Mrs. Gorilla Nobody appreciates quality! Alejandro pig But I’m hungry! ELINOR Mom, what’s going on? Ranger rabbit Oh hi, Elinor. Well... Mrs. Gorilla has made her delicious ketchup, but it's SO goopy it takes a long time to come out of the bottle! Elinor and her friends look closely at the bottle of ketchup that Alejandro Pig is holding over his sandwich. They see that the ketchup barely flows at all. Alejandro pig I’ve been here all day and my arm is getting tired! Mrs. Gorilla It’s worth the wait! Fine eating takes time! If it isn't goopy , it isn't good! The animals in line start to get restless. Ranger rabbit Let’s calm down, everyone... Ari (Whispering to Hazel and Elinor) We have a saucy situation! Ari grabs the bottle of ketchup from Alejandro Pig. He goes through several contortions with the bottle trying to get the sauce to flow faster. He fails. Hazel gives it a try and shakes the bottle with her trunk, but nothing happens. Elinor, who's been watching her friends, sees the ketchup barely moving and seems to have a thought. This is an interesting possible learning moment. Mrs Gorilla has been working on her recipe all year based on the criteria of taste but not on the function of having to pour it onto sandwiches. Maybe her All year comment shows her focus on taste rather then on function. ELINOR Ari, Hazel... I wonder if we can solve the ketchup problem in the same way we solved the honey problem... I like that Mr. Rabbit says "Sometimes to solve a problem..." Maybe Mr. Rabbit reminds her that she might need to 'improve' her recipe so that it tastes good and can pour out too. HAZEL You mean..? ARI Add water to it! ELINOR (To Mrs. Gorilla) May we try changing something in your ketchup, Mrs. Gorilla? Mrs. GORILLA But, I’ve been working on this recipe for a whole year! Ranger rabbit (Gently) Mrs. Gorilla... sometimes to solve a problem, you have to be willing to try something new. Mrs. Gorilla begrudgingly moves aside. Elinor hops up a stool and stands before the ingredients table. She grabs a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of water. Elinor Ok , let's try adding some water... Mrs. Gorilla looks disapproving. Here too can Elinor use the word "mix" and maybe say something about water being so watery or pours so easily. ELINOR (CONT'D) Just a tiny bit of water to start! Elinor adds a few drops of water. She mixes it, but when she turns it over, nothing has changed. It's still super goopy . perhaps she comments on the visual ie "hmmm, still super goopy! So lets try a little bit more.." ELINOR (CONT'D) Ok , now let's try a little bit more... Mrs. Gorilla doesn't look happy but Elinor adds a medium amount of water to the ketchup. She mixes it, and when she turns the bottle over, she sees that it flows at a nice and even speed. HaZEL Yes! action redas that Ari takes the bottle and pours it over A.Pig's sandwich - if so, then what was Elinor holding the ketchup bottle over while doing the experiments? Ari Now the ketchup can drip down faster! Ari takes the bottle and pours some over Alejandro Pig’s sandwich. With all the animals looking anxiously, Alejandro takes a bite. AlEJANDRO PIG (After a pause, and still munching) It’s delicious! All the animals cheer. action of taking sauce with her finger. From where? we wouldnt want her touching A.Pigs sandwich - or from inside the bottle. Maybe there is some on the side of the bottle? Mrs. GORILLA Hmmph , let me try that. Mrs. Gorilla takes a bit of the sauce with her finger and tastes it. Her expression changes from grumpy to surprised. MrS. GORILLA (CONT’D) It... it tastes even better now! The animals cheer again. suggets adding a line from Elinor's Mom - recognizing Elinor's efforts here - she can have her hand around Elinor's Shoulders ie "whew! Well done Elinor!" Ranger RABBIT Phew! Elinor repeats some lines from the ditty. Elinor (Singing) You can make it drip slow or fast, Just change how much water it has! The line starts moving faster now, and everyone is enjoying Mrs. Gorilla’s ketchup on their favorite picnic food. Mrs. Gorilla looks very happy to see everyone’s positive reaction. Ari takes a bite out of his sandwich with the sauce on it. ARI Mmm ! Elinor, I'm glad you used your powers of observation to do goop . His stomach gurgles. It feels like we can button it with the fact that the town picnic is filled with activities as they mentioned at the top of the story. Perhaps they now decide to hit one of the other activities. after they all laugh, one of them says 'Com'on lets go play!!' as we truck out wide and see them run off towards one of the other displays. cheerign and laughing. END ARI (CONT'D) Oops, I mean "good." Everyone has a laugh. END.

.

.

Elinor's town "The Town Picnic" EP 101 Written by Jorge Cham & Daniel Whiteson FIRST DRAFT: 11/27/2018 ARI Ranger rabbit Elinor HAZEL (V.O.) (O.S.) (O.C.) (CONT'D) (SUBTITLE) Int Ext I/E Day Night Afternoon Morning Evening Later Moments Later Continuous The Next Day Cut To: Fade In: Fade Out. Fade To: Dissolve To: Back To: Match Cut To: Jump Cut To: Fade To Black.